In truth, Nolan sought to be alone. He needed to collect his thoughts. He went to a tavern in the Rafflesia Street; where screw top bottled beers were available and refreshed himself with a macaroni dish. He spent the rest of the morning drowning on his thoughts. He looked like a common drunkard, wheezing, back hunched, slumped on the table, holding his beer on hand.
Done with his mumbling, he walked to the nearest beach, white sands, lined-up benches, and a vast open sea dyed with the afternoon glow. He raised the bottle of beer up, his eyes pointed at the cloudless sky.

"Dear mother, " he thought. I’ve become a strange man who doesn’t know the time. Remember when you told me that you would support me? I still do, and it is because of your memory that I continued, but along the way, I forgot that memory—I have no memory in regards to whatever has happened in the past years. Hell, I doubt that there are memories inside it too. Mother, do you know? I’ve spent many years chasing after this girl, she’s lovely, but she had a heart of ice, cold it was, so cold it took me thirty years to be with her, and in a few years I lost her. Along with my child, who died stillborn, I buried her the next day. I spent time wandering the wastelands of a past world, afraid, heartbroken, and despaired. It was because of a hopeless group that I became someone that followed the bleak path."

"I’ve explored lands with darkness covering, it was like closing your eyes, there was no speck of any light unless you call forth the unnatural laws that gathered, I journeyed with a lamp, and followed the banner of the bleak, I fought, and I died watching the sun come back, shining light upon my face. I thought that was it; that was the end of my suffering. Alas, I was wrong, I found myself in a strange environment again, it is an era of steam, it resembled that of an old world, and I was standing, alone, confused, and no purpose. I thought it was world different from the world I died, but, no, it wasn’t. It was the world where the darkness was defeated, the Overlord of the Demons, beaten. It was a world of hope, or so until I heard there was war. I thought of searching for purpose, hoping, that my life, that I would have something to believe.

"When I thought I was going to die, I was strangely happy. My ideals, my beliefs, and those that I have cemented in my heart vanished, crumbled, and torn apart by the realization that I was still alive, in a world different from what I knew.

"He took a sip of his beer, his eyes longing.

"I tried proceeding with my beliefs, no matter how irrational and powerless I was. I thought that was my purpose, but it was not. I was simply playing hero, and I never was a hero. I was a fool, a fool who had loved a woman. She...she was my shining light in the darkness when I lost her, that light vanished, my mind turned to whatever place that leads me to bleakness. I was wrong, and I failed, I was too weak, too ignorant of my own abilities.

"Then, she came, she was a clap of thunder that I didn’t expect, a lightning bolt that came to shock me. I didn’t know her first. Only when she spoke my name that I understood who she was. In this timeline, she had gained power. She loved me and spoke of words that I hardly could believe.

"She became who she was because of me. I couldn’t believe it, it was incredulous, absurd, that the woman that I spent thirty years chasing after me would be so stricken. She spoke of memories that I could not recall. She says that I lost my memories, that because I went mad for many years that I have the Eternal Hawk that symbolizes rebirth and memory. If that what truly happens, then it can only be true, but I have no memories of the past she recalls, all I know, was that I died marching on the desert, and I died satisfied.

"She’s a fairy, a beautiful woman, different from the scarred and burnt Ciara I knew. She’s stern, and she had a presence on her that made her astonishing. I admit, she could truly marry a prince charming, a beautiful emperor, and it would be a match made under the heavens.

"I am not used to such overwhelming love. The Ciara I know held duty truly to her heart, and she’s the same as well. But...no matter how I try to trick myself, I cannot believe her love. What did I do to have her so fallen? She explained once, but I could never understand why and how. I don’t get it, and I wished that I truly just lost my memories.

"What if I didn’t? What if the Nolan she fell in love with was not me? No, I could say the same to her. Is she even the Ciara I know? This was a world different that I know, and if anything, I had spent years compressing the pain that I got from losing her, and now to be given such love, I cannot understand. I understood that she was gone and now I found myself seeing a version her, a version that was alive, and she had the power to last, and not to be taken away again from me.

"If only my Ciara was as powerful as her.

"If only she had lived long enough to witness the sun after fighting so much.

"If I was stronger.

"If she only had let me died during that time. But, I cannot think that, for it would shame to her sacrifice

"If the current me, was in that place, then I would have strived to carry the burden of the world with her.

"But I am not as naïve to think that. I cannot turn back time, and if I could, please let me go back to that time, let me save her, and in turn, save my soul.

"Yet...here I am in this happy world. She exists, but she was not the Ciara I loved, and in truth, all the power she had, and her beauty had me unable to understand even further. I already felt that I was not enough for her in that world, and here she didn’t need me, she had granddaughters, and she had saved the world.

"My Ciara didn’t, and she’s dead.

"I am lost, Mother. I have lived long enough not call for your name, no, what was your name, Mother? What was your name, brother? Who was my father? Where was the home I was born? I don’t remember. Are my memories of that world even true? If so, then do I want to go home? Ah, I want to eat that pie they sell, where was it? I just don’t know anymore? Mother, she makes those sweet cakes sprinkled with coconut shavings, what was that dish?

"Ah, I truly am lost. I don’t know if this was the first return. I fear that I have died more than this. That I have failed more than I could count and I kept on being sent again and again to fail. Please, let it be true that I have only lost my memories, and this was the only time I got sent back here. I don’t want to know that I failed more than this.

"I cannot fathom the thought of it. I had been sent from my original world to this, and now I fear that I have been repeating. I find comfort, knowing, that I might only just lost my memories. Please let it be so, my God.

"Mother, I am in the town of Memoria, a great town, far from the war happening, and far from the troubles. The waters here are unable to be described. I shouldn’t be talking, but at times when I am true, I like to think that you are listening, somehow. You were my ally, and I regret not fulfilling my promise of taking care of you. I wish that you forgive this wayward son of yours, and please give me strength. Ah, I use to remember that quote, it was Sunday, and I was asking you some words of comfort, yet you grin at me, opened up your bible. What was it? ‘Blessed be the Lord my strength which teacheth my hands to war, and my fingers to fight - my goodness, and my fortress - my high tower, and my deliverer; my shield, and he in whom I trust.’ Those words had saved me, maybe you just wanted to tell me something cool, and yet you gave me the strength to fight for her with those words.

"I really am sorry, Mother. I have forgotten your name, something a son should not forget. Ah, sorry that I am drinking on public, drinking down my misery. Really, I have a lot to say sorry for, but I am tired, my body is tired, and my soul is worn.

"The sun feels warm, and stars will come up next. The feeling of the sun’s warmth, many of my friends died to save that world. I hoped that they have lived fuller lives than the world that I knew. That they had seen better days. Fez, I hope that you ended up with Sheen, and Ton, I hoped that you found what you were looking for. Sir Gil, I wished that you did buy that farm and Alcina...I wish you lived happily as well.

"I have Ciara, she’s probably somewhere, but...I feel truly alone. Oh, brother, you would have smacked me in the head if you see moping here, and father, you would tell me to man up, and take your problems head-on, stare at it, deal with it, break it up, and tackle each layer to solve the problems.

"I had no goal to speak off at this moment. I have nothing grand to offer this world or do I plan to do so at the moment. I am tired, and I felt foolish for what I did in Alician city, and I wish not to speak of it. It makes me blush how self-righteous I felt doing those things, still, I don’t regret freeing those kids, giving them a choice.

"There’s a war somewhere around the world. Ciara must be tired, she’s here in this town as well, and she must be running away. She made me as an excuse to get away from the troubles of the world, the politics, the bickering, and the choices she had to make. She has the world to burden, for that is her fate as a War Maiden. I am not that pretentious to think that my worries are as valuable as hers.

"Until I can figure out where I stand in this current world, let me have this rest, let me think, let me collect all my thoughts and worries.

"For now, let me have this, and mother, forgive me, I am going to laze, and father, I want to run away, for now, I want to run away and only return when I can stand up, and brother...let me have this. Steel is meant to be sharpened, and right now I am a dulled blade that had been swung with no purpose. So let me sharpen myself, and so that I wouldn’t rust. That I wouldn’t point it recklessly."

And so Nolan let go of his worries, his beliefs, and all that troubles him for, until he could think, he would bury them here in the sands, and think of the lost time. The bleak path was long, dreary, and filled with worries. But even so, a bleak walker would rest by the fire, and rest his weary legs, so he may continue with his journey, ready, and willing to trudge on the bleakness that would surround him.

karsev

End of Arc, new Arc coming...