The sun rose above the bamboo forest, leaving Nolan in the shadows. He looked back at the rocking chair, the woman, who was wearing a poncho around her shoulder, was sleeping, with a thin veil of energy surrounding her. His face was stern, while hers was that of calmness. Nolan thought how different she was back then.

“Leaving yourself in the open, wearing a thin veil of protection. Not even the strongest spell of a wizard could shatter this,” he said to himself. “You are a too strong, Ciara.”

Nolan passed his hand through the thin veil of light. He adjusted the bangs of her hair and made sure that it wouldn’t bother her. His hands stiffened, and his eyes became bloodshot for a moment. Nolan took a step back and sat on the ground gritting his teeth. Nolan was divided in his opinion, there was a seething confusion that has formed inside his mind.

The guilt of what he had done to Einar, and the guilt of being able to live like this. Nolan stole the body of Einar after Ciara murdered him. How could he live a life knowing that? He had done this boy wrong. The boy who was like a son to him. That boy’s future was gone so that he could live. And Nolan felt a sort of calmness despite it all.

“I’m sorry,” he said to himself. “I know that I should avenge you, Einar. I know that what she did wasn’t right. It wasn’t right at all. But, you are dead, and that sooner or later I may have a child with her now. Einar, do you know how many times I’ve dreamt of this? This dream of being with her, I spent many years thinking that one day we would have a chance like this. Einar, I was a fool who walked through many dangers for a single woman. Not because of her beauty, not because she was kind to me, no, it took me thirty years and many more than that for her to be nice to me. I fell for her because of hard she strived in the face of danger. How she never faltered on her beliefs, and always striving forward. I saw her get thrown away like a ragdoll, and yet no matter how battered she was, she would stand again, pointing her sword against those who faced her. She’s a woman who was turned into a savior, and she was chosen because she had that heart of steel to forge on forward. Do you know much I’ve admired that back of hers? No matter how painful it was, I would force my body so that I may burden the weight of her duties with her. I was just a rank-and-file soldier who could do nothing but join the ranks and hold the line. Somewhere along the line, I got better at fighting and became a veteran who manned the shield wall with my comrades. Just so that she and the heroes could defeat her enemies.”

“Einar,” he said with a bitter voice. “I should avenge you, but, do you know how many lives I owe her? She’s a woman who would sacrifice our stillborn child, and yet she would save me despite her duties as well. Indeed, she had wronged me in many timelines, and yet she would save my life as well. She saved me a thousand times more than she executed me and had me killed. It was either the world or me, and she couldn’t allow one life against the life of many. I saw how many times how her teary eyes turned cold. I saw how she got used to it. The thought of it unsettled me but what can I do? I was only a fool who had no power other than walking the bleak path. What I have is the culmination of blood, sweat, and tears. I worked hard for it, but no matter how man timelines, and how many paths I walked. I would never reach the mountain she has climbed. She was called a demigod back in her homeworld, and I know she suffered to reach that height.”

“Forgive me for being so weak, and you could even hate me. After all, no person in this world hates Nolan Salvatore than me,” he said, “I am coward who couldn’t decide firmly. What a joke, hate? Love? What the hell am I? I am just some bastard who go thrown away into this kind of fucked-up shit! I am lost! I don’t know if I am young or old! I don’t know how to act or what should I do! All of these memories and yet I cannot forget it all!

“How can I forget a thousand years of memories of love and pain? How can I just come into a conclusion after working so hard for it? All the pain and suffering, and I am expected to just decide that? God, I hate how I always keep feeling pity for myself, and I hate how no matter what I can’t seem to find some fucking peace! What did I do to deserve this? All I wanted from the start was to find a home I can belong to. I have nothing here, and now I want the only person that had been with me the longest to go away? How can I stand that? We’ve been together for long.”

His eyes became lifeless, and he started to look at the swaying bamboo leaves. He felt incredibly empty at the thought of her disappearing. It was the same as living without a heart. Why did he want to die in the first place?

“Nolan?” A timid voice jolted him awake. “Are you okay?”

“I am not, just feeling sorry for myself again,” Nolan smiled timidly. “Can’t help doing it, it must be the long life affecting me. I mean, when you expected yourself to die, only to become a human that consumed the soul of a half-dragon, time wraith, and an obsidian demon, then have a life that seems to be perpetual unless your soul gets destroyed, you’d started to think about these kinds of things.”

“You really did consume Kaiser’s soul, and a time wraith…you’ve become a Revenant.”

“Am I?” Nolan said. “I feel like my soul has been weakened. I probably won’t last long.”

“No, your soul is firm and sturdy. Not to mention, your flesh and body are made of your own soul. It only looks weak because you manifested your physical form. Nolan, why did you give that boy this power. If you didn’t have this then…”

“It’s too late for that,” Nolan said. “I gave him all I had because I know what it’s like not to be blessed. Have you seen this world? It’s a world different from what we know. The magic here is absurd and the only way to survive is that he could have a bit of power. Einar’s talented, unlike me, I have the things that I experienced. I wanted to make him live long enough and protect him from that.”

Ciara lowered her gaze down, “I have no more words to speak other than what I have said for many times already.”

“I know, I know,” he nodded, “I’ve lived long enough to know what hatred does to you. It’s useless, it’s beyond my control, I couldn’t kill you, I couldn’t even think of doing that knowing your condition. I’m done lashing out against you, and doing so is meaningless. You can only repeat what you can do until you can’t do it any longer. Ciara, in honestly, I don’t know what to think about you. Do I hate you? Do I love you? I can’t do it and I’m done doing this. But I know that it wouldn’t be the same without you. I’ve been with you for so many years that it’s hard to imagine what my life would be without you. If I don’t see Ciara Alician once in a lifetime, then I’d go mad.”

Ciara smiled bitterly, “I can say the same. You know, I was prepared to offer my life to you. I’ve done you wrong and if you would choose to end my life yourself then I would have been happy. Nolan, you know that the reason why I wanted to leave that world. I want to save the family that I built up. The shadow of the world tree was unstable, and I wish that I could have told you that. I just don’t want you to involve you again. When you pointed your blade at me, and I know that it would take a long before we could see. I wish we would meet normally, without any hostility, and without us fighting. But, it seems that we can’t have that and I have sinned you again. I won’t ask for forgiveness for I know that I did you wrong. Still, you were always the one who would tell me about how one should move forward. Nolan, this is cheating, and I know that it was my desperate act to make you understand. Still, I am willing to do everything now…”

Without another word, she threw a spell at Nolan.

Nolan lost the sight of the bamboo forest. He found himself on the side of a strange landscape. It was a vista of a dried rock, and above Nolan was a dwarf star, and a figure of men and women wearing robes. Their weapons were magically intense that the space around them was twisting.

Looking at the side, he saw Ciara standing up to these monsters. Behind Ciara was a couple who stood with their weapons stabbed on the ground, their hands shaking as they faced the monsters.

“Empress, Emperor, you should escape now, there is no need to look out for me.”

“How can we do that?” The Emperor brandished his weapon out. “To leave a friend behind is no better than being a dog!”

The Empress smiled, “That’s right, Sister Ciara, and do you think that we could abandon our dearest friend?”

“Emperor, Empress, you don’t have to abandon the fate of home for this invader!” An elder with long white hair stood glaring at Ciara. “That woman is cursed by the realm of gods, and before long the entities of the higher realm will come for us!”

“No,” the Emperor and Empress said. There was no need for words.

Nolan stood dumbfounded at the chaos that happened. Ciara, the Emperor, and the Empress fought until the imposing figures fell. Nolan could only standstill at the vision of the scene. The dwarf star was cut in half, and among the bodies, Ciara stood. The Emperor and Empress were nowhere to be seen after she sent them away using her own powers.

However, despite all that, there was no despair on the maiden’s face. She took her sword and scurried on to the gateway out of this world. Leaving many corpses behind, the War Maiden, took a step out, and before her was a legion of beings that seems to have skin that resembled space. Ciara took her sword, and fought them again.

When the illusion ended Nolan could only look at the bamboo forest that was still swaying in the background. Ciara stared at the river, quietly contemplating the illusion that he had seen. After that, it was only a vision of fighting and fighting, and nothing else. The robe that she wore was turned into rags, and creatures that distorted space itself fought Ciara, and they didn’t win.

“I really had no chance of beating you.”

It was a clear message to what Ciara could do. Nolan knew that she wouldn’t show the visions if she wasn’t warning him. That’s why he could only look at Ciara with a casual glance.

“You really are hopelessly strong…”

“I am. That’s why I am asking you to kindly give up.”

“You were fighting for a long time and yet you were able to drag yourself out of that tower. Does that mean you are rested and can fight again?”

“I can, but I will leave the choice to you now. You saw it, and you know what a journey it was to find you. I am tired as well, and I would love nothing more than to give birth to this child, nothing more, nothing else.”

“Is that the truth, Ciara?” Nolan asked. “Knowing you, once you’re done going labor. You’ll find yourself somehow get involved in a situation that requires you taking up the sword again. That vision of yours showed me how helpless I am when faced with someone like you. You, you weren’t even willing to raise a hand, and even then, I was only able to damage you because you were weakened. And even your weakened state is enough to ravage the tower, and defeat the army and the favored children.”

“Favored children?” Ciara asked.

Nolan narrowed his eyes, and grabbed hold of her hand, “Ciara, the favored children, you didn’t break them. Lady Rubina, the one who has the power among this world, would never break, no, the favored children would recover soon, but they would never forget your astral dress. Ciara, I won’t allow you, and if you truly wanted to rest, then calm your heart, take a breath, and forget about it.”

Nolan stood in front of her rocking chair and stared her right in the eye. “Promise me, that you won’t act as a savior. Just this once in a lifetime, and do not do anything that might harm the child on your belly. You, you are a stubborn woman, Ciara. You don’t give up, you don’t falter, and not once you hesitated in taking a stand against the injustice you see. You would do anything to help everyone, and when you couldn’t save everyone, you save the people that you could, and that leads you into a path of acting as the world’s biggest fool. Why can’t you just rest? Are the worlds you walked so weak that no hero would rise upon such occasion? How many times have you seen fools who would rise up against despair?”

“Too many.”

“That’s right, if you wanted me to understand, then don’t try anything. Ciara, I’ve died for you, and I’ve lived for you, and I’ve dedicated lives for you, because I don’t wish to see you fighting for too long. You aren’t weak, no, you are strong that you feel so obligated to help. You help others but you barely help yourself, why not be selfish for once?”

Ciara shook her head, “No, you should know this better than everyone, Nolan, I am a selfish woman who wanted to grasp everything. You know that I did in my homeworld, and you know that I am not that wholly good. I betrayed you, and made you as an excuse to why I wanted to do those things. I raised orphans to develop weapons and create an army that would be loyal to me, in hopes that one day we would take the gate away from those dragons, and also leave the world. I had seen things no one would believe, and I’ve lost things that no one would understand, that’s why I share my vision with you, because I know you would. You’ve lost your memories, and fought, but no matter what timeline, you would end with this fool of a woman. Why? Because I wanted you to be with me.”

Nolan’s eyes widened.

“Did you really forget?” She smiled as if remembering. “If I wasn’t the War Maiden at that time, and if I didn’t have my duties. I would have said yes, I would have run away with you, but I cannot do that. That’s why, I told myself that if you loved me, then you would wait, and you actually did. Do, do, you know many women I have to drive away? How they wouldn’t stop talking about the tall stoic warrior whose devotion was enough to attract younger women? Did you even know that?”

“How would I know?” Nolan shook his shoulders. “I was busy surviving that I know some of the people feel.”

“Women, they always like it when men listen to them, and you just steered their conversations, and they liked you for that! Even though they should know that you were devoted to me! How could they?”

“That’s,” Nolan felt like words were stuck on the tip of his tongue. “You really did that?”

“Yes, and you were getting close to Alcina, that woman, who was sweet as candy, and if I didn’t stop you two, I bet you would have married her! I just don’t want to see you with other, and even Tania, I warned her, and she was probably one of the toughest fights. Even here, she’s bound to you, and it makes me jealous.”

“Bound to me? But that shouldn’t be.”

“Is that so?” Ciara stared blandly as if Nolan didn’t exist. “You really are still hiding, huh…”

“Ciara?”

“Nothing, so, do you understand now?”

“No, that isn’t as selfish as you think it is.”

“Maybe,” she looked away, “but I always wanted you, and that’s that. All that I did was partly because of you, and I won’t lie to you now. I killed you because I know that the loop would start again. You wanted to kill me because you knew that doing so would let you escape. That’s why instead of killing you, I threw you in that gate to be led here.”

Nolan closed his eyes in thought for a second, “Very well, I’ll believe you in that, but, promise me now, no more off-topics, promise, no heroics, and no impulse to save others. Promise me, Ciara. Please, just don’t go on saving the world again. I beg you, please don’t.”

Ciara gave him a look, turned at the quaint village, and said, “Very well, I will accept that. I will. But know this, I won’t hold back when I hear a child’s cry. You should know better that-“

Nolan pressed his lips on hers. He locked his eyes with her, “I know, that’s why I will be taking care of you, hero, and I will make sure that you would not be doing anything that might endanger the child you are holding on your stomach.

Ciara nodded, with her cheeks flushed red, and said, “Very well, I leave everything you, then, so please, take care of me until the day I die. I’m counting on you on that, Nolan.”

***

This was a story of two old souls who had been fighting for ages. Facing dangers, they’ve grown, they became young, and grown old so many times that they didn’t know how they should act.

How can two who had been going through being young and old over and over again know what they truly are? They had been going at this for years that every love and hate, every betrayal and pain and execution has been normal for them. Indeed, Nolan couldn’t forgive her, however, he understood what she had seen, and he had no choice but forgive her. But he promised himself that he would not do, but he couldn’t do it.

The man who waited for years and years couldn’t resist the temptation of being with the woman who he had been seeking for. All the pain and suffering, he convinced himself that there was something worth it in the end. He was human and still thinks that he is. He was a flawed human that became young and old that he simply didn’t know what to do anymore. He would lie, cheat, complain, and kick a fuss. He would despair, scream, and became murderous, for he knew.

He was a lonely traveler walking the bleak path. For what reason did he walked this bleak path in the first place? He walked because he wanted to help, he walked because he wanted to win a war that he thought impossible! Yet, in those walks, he dreamed only of a warm home and a place where he could be at peace.
Nolan Salvatore truly wanted to end Ciara Alician’s life. That was a desire that stems from the murder of a boy he thought of as a son. He had been able to calm down, rationalize, and thought. The worst part of the life that he had lived, was that he was used to the death of others. He has used to the sight of death that a few weeks of mourning allowed him to conclude. He hated himself that he was used to such tragedy. He weighted how many times he had been saved, and how many times he had been killed. Just as Nolan Salvatore would offer his life to Ciara, she would do the same if the heart couldn’t take it. She held duty more than anything else, but the times she faltered was when she shielded Nolan from harm.
Nolan couldn’t do it, Nolan couldn’t allow himself to take the life of a woman he had been with for years. It was the same as living without a heart, and he would find himself empty at the thought of losing her. He couldn’t imagine being lost in a world that he doesn’t know. He feared at the thought of being all alone, fighting in worlds that wanted him dead for simply trying to save it.

Nolan saw how lonesome the road that Ciara walked. From the powerless maiden who had to sacrifice the life of her child to continue fighting against the impossible odds, to the woman who had reached the peak of strength, in hopes that she could save the world.

She simply wanted to help those who she saw and along the way she helped so many that it became an act of saving the world itself. To change the world that it would actually mean anything, she had to do it slow, and careful, it was utterly exhausting for Nolan to comprehend. She was a woman without rest, and despite that, the woman who was treated unkindly, who then turned her heart into steel, became a beacon of hope simply because it was the kind thing to do.

But along the way, the woman wanted a family, so she made one, for she couldn’t do so with her lover. She adopted orphans and turned them into her family and weapons, and in hopes that she wouldn’t be all alone. She lost friends, and even those who were powerful took what she wanted. She fought through time and space, and yet deep inside that steeled heart of her, she simply wanted to spend a life with the fool who chased after her.

She outlived so many stars yet the hope of wanting to see the fool again made her keep going. She found him, and yet she sinned him. She wanted to die by his hand, and yet she realized that she was so strong that he couldn’t scratch the side of her neck. And even if he could, Nolan Salvatore couldn’t point his blade at her.
The woman who walked through many worlds had laid her weapons down. The woman who had been fighting for too long, simply just wanted to rest, stay still until she could give birth to her little happiness. Why?

Simply, because she looks up at the sky, she could see an enormous crack that spreads around space. Every tree was part of a greater tree, and she knows that her Nolan might not last.

“If this is an illusion,” she said quietly, “please don’t wake me up. Please, I don’t want to believe that the man who I had been with for years is mainly a product of my illusion. Please, don’t let it be so. I don’t want to think that I’ve been all alone ever since from the start.”

Ever since she saw Nolan fixed up that car back in their homeworld, she had been anxious. Then, she saw all the records of the humans that existed in her universe, and she saw that he didn’t exist in this world. He was an anomaly that was not recorded. That’s why, even though she sat with the sun basking her face, she was worried, afraid, that all of this happiness was a lie. That from the very beginning she had fooled herself thinking that Nolan Salvatore existed. She didn’t want to believe that she was truly all alone, and have nothing from the start.

Still, how could she know that he came from a parallel world? How could she know that he didn’t belong to this universe and that he was only a stray that was thrown into walking the bleak path.