She floated inside the crystal in a fetal position.
There was a warm light inside this crystal. Warm light and cold liquid that cooled her body. It didn’t matter that the liquid-cooled her. She was being used as a battery for a world. The others had intended to drain her of her powers. Which is the same as waiting for eternity? Not like it mattered. He was gone. Not even a fragment left of the person that had been with her since the moment she merged with a cursed woman.
How did it start in the first place? Ah, that’s right, it always ended up like this. Salvatore, he had the same name, and yet they always leave me behind. They appear in front of me, they hurt men, and then they go away. They always arrive, hate me, curse me for what I am.
She recalled the time she was in her hut happily experimenting. She recalled a mob who dragged her to a stake, to be burnt, only to be saved by a Knight. Don’t die for me, she said to that knight. But that Knight died protecting her from those who did not understand what she was doing.
Every reincarnation she would find herself thrown into the pits of chaos or burn for her deeds. The War Maiden, a title given to her by the people, and to make herself stronger, she invented the merging and retained her memories. They all believed it was from God, or a being, but it was her power alone, and a way to cheat death.
I could have done anything, but I refuse to become what I am not. I want to save the world and help those who can help, no matter what the cost. Never become evil, and never be drunk. I failed.
An eternity of lifetimes she had seen all the evil that people could conjure. Whether human or not, she had seen all the evil, and mourn that evil. She had looked down on those who followed her. And she awoke as Ciara Alician, the War Maiden who wanted to save the world. The first she did was replay the memories of the War Maiden and saw a man who had abandoned her. The man broke her heart and she became stone to cope. She hated the man. And when found herself into a loop. She had done her best to make sure that the man would give up. She didn’t put her eyes on the man who was desperate for Ciara’s love.
She couldn’t forgive those who break the War Maiden’s heart. Yet, in the end, she had realized that the man kept coming back, and his choices all lead to the same answer. To test the man she had allowed herself to succumb to the evils of murder.
I had to kill you. I had to. Whether to see whether you’ll fail or give up. How many lives can a man give before he gives in to despair? How many lives will he offer to the same woman? I had given you all the death that anyone could give. Yet you always find yourself back to Ciara, back to her and me. I had become here, and I didn’t even know that, or was I mistaking myself? Am I her? Or is this simply what I thought after acting like her?
However, there was one thing she didn’t expect. The man came rushing to her without a thought of his life. It was never about lust. It always the man’s desire to find a home to share with. A person to be with in his lonely life. She had discovered the secret that he did. The lonely man who wanted to give her heart to the woman he loved.
When she realized that it was too late. His heart had grown weary and the eternity of waiting had made his soul fragile and tired. Her heart broke when he saw the man’s rage. Her heart broke further seeing him fight desperately to be freed from the loop he had found himself in.
What a fool I am. To fall in love with the person who I spat for an eternity. I was happy to live those moments with you. I was glad to give birth to them, oh what a foolish woman, and I thought had grown better. Oh, Ciara, I understand why you would fall in love with a fool. I understand it so well. Oh, I am sorry, and I am so sorry, please forgive me, oh what a foolish woman I am!
Still, she couldn’t decide if she was Ciara or not. Somewhere along the line, she had forgotten who she was, and she had relived Ciara’s life that she started that she was hers. Yet, here she was, stuck inside a crystal, recalling the woman who refused the merge. That woman died, that Ciara died, weeping over her husband’s grave, the iron woman, who survived the abyss, falling into despair, knowing that the husband she loved with her heart and soul, dead, gone, and never coming back to life.
How many moments had she shared with that man?
But deep inside she knew that she was never going to be truly Ciara. She might have lived so many lives as Ciara, but she never truly was Ciara, and that was going to be stuck inside this crystal, replaying the lives that she had spent with him.
Sad and happy. Cruel or kind - she replayed them all within her mind’s eye.
Body shaking sobs escaped her, and tears formed into the crystal, her body shivered, the cold, it was so cold and lonely, and she found herself begging, weeping, and wishing. She had spent an eternity living yet when she realized that he was no longer in this world. Not even a single fragment that she could detect. She began to know fear, and she felt it until all of her limbs trembled.
Please save me, oh Nolan, where are you? I don’t want to be here, I don’t want to be inside here any longer, please save me, you always do, please, please, save me.
And the lonely Goddess muttered.
So was the man who abandoned her some other guy that isn't Nolan? Or was it a fragment of Nolan that abandoned her hence she was testing him? On one hand I feel pity for her for what she went through but that doesn't really justify what she put him through. I feel for Nolan. It would be peaceful bliss if he can forget but that means he's just gonna make the same choices as his other fragments did. If he remembers I fear his poor sanity can't take it and even then he might still choose Ciara. Never has a more toxic relationship been made.
Hm... So there is someone else inside Ciara and this person is not merging with her and is also confused about her identity since she had spent so much time as Ciara?
Ok. So from reading Book 3 my assumptions so far is that a fragment of Nolan is with this Aria person ( not sure whether she is a fragment of Ciara or the Pale Shine person ). And we don't know what happened to the world that had that tower of Nimrod so have to wait for more chapters on that ( but from this chapter since Ciara said that she couldn't feel Nolan's presence, it could be that he died and a fragment is with Aria in another world that Ciara can't reach.. This could mean that a lot of time has passed, more like several years ). Although I am curious about that kid that lived in that tower world, I guess we won't be seeing him much since the story is mainly about Nolan and Ciara.
Now there are some stuff I am confused/unsure about . Let's see :
* is the Pale Shine woman the woman/demon that Nolan had sealed in his sword ? Or is it that Childhood friend he had, who had helped to seal Ciara in a crystal ; after all, she had worked in a shop called Pale Shine and Nolan's kid also said she was there ? ( although I feel the Pale Shine woman is the demon, that last part kind of confused me )
* who is this Burnt Woman? Is it Ciara or a completely different person?
* since there were two souls with Nolan when he fought with Ciara and sent to the tower world ; that bleak walker soul and the co-worker demon's soul, does this mean that co-worker really died? And does this have any significance on the plot or were they just mob?
* I thought the Pale Shine woman's story was related to the original Bleak Walker ( i forgot his name ) but her story is related to Nolan (right?) so does he have any part in the story ( he does appear before Nolan and Ciara's fight and when that person in the war turns to a Bleak Walker, if that is him ).
So regarding the pale shine, as far as I know, the pale shine lady specifically refers to a version of Ciara, who I believe is a life who the burnt lady lived. The lady of the pale shine pass I think it refers specifically to Tania. And Alcina Cheery, the god who sealed Ciara, is kinda shady, her motives don’t exactly line up with Nolan’s and I think she wants to basically imprison Nolan and keep him to herself. And for the old revanent, the original bleak walker, apparently Nolan ate him in that chapter and now has his powers.
Not realy 100% sure on this cuz my memory can be inaccurate but I’m pretty sure this is it. Hope it helped.
@Arcblight so basically, the pale shine lady and the lady of the pale shine pass are different..ok thanks what you said kind of makes sense..