CAELISTA, SELF-PROCLAIMED MIGHTY GODDESS OF THE SHINY, SHINY SUN AND GREAT PROTECTOR OF HUMANITY, released Wald’s painful shoulders to drape her forearm over her face dramatically.
“Seraphina Ascent! My poor, poor Chosen One! Oh, Willy Wald, isn’t this horri-epilating?! She’s been abducted by evil, evil men! She’s a damsel in distress holding out for a hero to save her tonight! Oh, but where have all the good men gone? And where are all the gods?! Where’s the streetwise Hercules to fight these rising odds?!”
She fell to the immaculate floor, holding her face in her hands and sobbing loudly in the fakest, most badly overacted way imaginable.
Wald could only stare. “…are you high?”
“I’m obviously on the floor.”
The young man’s blank gaze drifted to the elven goddess, who stood off the side, her impassive face looking like she was holding in deep emotional suffering. Her interminable vegetal mane was quivering ominously.
“Oh, my lovely little Sera!” Meanwhile, Caelista swooned theatrically, her reality-defying breasts bouncing hypnotically. Wald briefly lost his train of thoughts. “Who knows what torment she’s being subjected to as we speak?! If only someone would agree to save here! Boo-hoo-hoo…”
Wald slowly cringed away from the insane divine sexpot. His mind seemed much clearer all of a sudden. Delusion, perhaps, or survival instinct. Why? Why? Of all the infinite number of possibilities across the multiverse, why did he have to be the one whose isekai goddess was fucking mental?
He didn’t even want to be reincarnated! He’d gladly leave that nightmare to some misanthropic emo adrenaline-junkie suicidal weeaboo. All he wanted was to have a boring, low-responsibility, mildly fun, mundane life with his potentially bedicked girlfriend. Maybe adopt a kid or two down the line. Become a dotting grandpa. Die before becoming horribly crippled by old age.
The End.
And his epitaph would read: “Willy Wald. He was… Err… He was fine.”
Now, that sounded lovely.
Syluvana seemed to recover from her bout of silent despair. Her large oblique eyes nailed Wald in place. “The situation is actually worse than she makes it sound.”
“O-Okay?” He shook his head, dread clutching his insides, and tried to be reasonable. Someone had to. “But look, I… I’m no hero. I mean, I tried to save one person, and I died. As far as track records go–”
“You did save her, human,” the elf countered.
“So you say, but–”
“We’re not asking anything you didn’t do before. Save one woman.”
“Then die?”
Syluvana tilted her head—at ninety degrees. The motion was too much like a bird to make it even cute. Juxtaposed with her essentially naked, inhumanly slim body, it left Wald sexually confused. She blinked with vertical eyelids. It didn’t help.
She spoke deliberately, “Preferably do avoid repeating that outcome, human. But it’s is fine if you wish to perish after fulfilling your purpose, of course.”
Wald wasn’t too sure how to respond to that. All he could think was, Oh, so she’s insane too. Great.
The elf blinked again. “Oh, or was that supposed to be humorous?”
“…sorry,” Wald apologised. “I have a habit of making bad jokes when I’m nervous.” Her icy brown stare riddled his soul with rocky icicles. Rockcicles? Am I going crazy too?
“This is serious, human. Our world needs–”
“OooOoOoOOOH!!! MY LITTLE SERA!! BOOO-HOOO-HOOOOO!!!”
“……”
“……”
Either Wald was becoming better at reading the impassive Nature Goddess’s expressions, or Syluvana was progressively losing her cool. Because he was fairly sure he could spot a faint nervous twitch in her left eye.
This is all a big mistake. Wald scratched the back of his head self-consciously. “Serious talk then, Miss… Ma’am… Your Holiness?”
“Syluvana is fine. It is my name.”
“Right, Syluvana… ma’am. Look, I’m not your guy. I’m just an average—below average even—college dropout with no–”
“EEEEEEEEEEENOUGH!!” Caelista forcefully reinserted herself in the conversation by jumping in between the other two, pointing aggressively at both of them. Then, she spun to face Wald. A perfectly manicured, pink-vanished fingernail poked at his forehead—hard—shoving his head back.
“Now, listen here, boyo! First, you’re not listening to my tragic performance—which is, like, super rude. Second! I have to hear you yapping about how you can’t do it, and it’s a mistake, and—boo-hoo—I’m such a useless nobody and my mother never hugged me!”
“Hey.” Wald’s brows crinkled with annoyance.
She mimicked crying with her fists before her eyes. “Boo-hoo! I’m Willy Wald and I can’t do anything!”
“I never said–”
“Third!” the goddess interrupted, again, pushing up narrow rectangular glasses that had suddenly materialised on her nose. “I could try explaining to you the intricacies of multiversal quantum kismetic predictive probability models and henicosametric star alignment mapping applied to metaphysical gateway networking, or the theories of multi-transcendental soul compatibility matrixes… B-B-BUUUTT!!!” She turned around and shook her planet-sized rear into Wald’s face. “And it’s a nice butt, right?”
“I… ye-yes?” His eyes crossed, trying to apprehend the warping of space that allowed Caelista’s toga-shrink-wrapped ass cheeks to appear without physical limits, yet also fit entirely within his sight, as she lustily twerked it against his crotch. He felt as if he could experience his neurones firing in different directions all at once while most his blood gravitated towards his dick.
His hands unconsciously reached to grip that endless expanse of inviting flesh. They made contact and sank in, solar heat flaring through his arms and melting his brain even faster. “I…”
“AHHHNNNNN~!! Oh, yes, Willy! Play with my big slutty divine ass!” She threw him a smouldering glance over her shoulder. Literally. Her eyes were like miniature suns. Horny suns. “What do you say? Do this for us, and you’ll be able to play with this fat juicy ass all you want for all of eternity!” Her lip ran along her lips. “And the rest of me too.”
“I…” Wald could hardly think beyond the sensation of pliable smoothness squishing between his fingers and the ass-sandwich wrapping up his cock. “I…”
“CAELISTA!!”
Syluvana’s shout was like a cold hurricane, blowing Wald arousal away. He stumbled back, holding his head in his palm. “Wha– What was that abutt? About?”
Syluvana glared at her counterpart. “Stop it. You’re going to break him.”
“But Sylvie, it’s been sooo, soo, soooooo long!!” Caelista rolled petulantly on the floor.
The other goddess remained silent, but lightning seemed to abruptly flash under her skin, making her skeleton appear like in an x-ray, while her aura swelled, making Wald feel as if he were about to be trampled by an animal stampede, during a hurricane, within a deadly inescapable jungle.
The effect was terrifying beyond understanding.
It must have worked on the human goddess too, to an extent, because suddenly, Caelista was holding a dizzy Wald by the shoulders again. “Any-hooooo… My point is, even if this wouldn’t be like trying to teach advanced music theory to a deaf porcupine, it would still be insanely BOOOOoooOOORING!!
“So be a good little mortal, and don’t question the hot goddess who tells you your destiny kicks fucking ass, baby! CAPISCE?!” Caelista’s bright grin suddenly looked somewhat threatening and briefly expanded too wide for her face. She leaned forwards, her voice dropping to a low whisper. “Just say yes, Willy Wald. We don’t want to piss Sylvie off any more than she already is. Even I am not that loco.” Her eyes spun in opposite directions. “Probably.”
The human was suddenly very uncomfortable despite the impossibly soft tits squashed against his torso. Part of him wanted to melt into them. A smaller part voted for motorboating. A larger was actively pushing for a full retreat, potentially while screaming and pissing himself.
He swallowed. “…Do I have a choice?”
“Why, of course you do.” The angelic goddess’ warm honeyed tone somehow failed to be in any way reassuring. She nibbled on his ear, whispering, “Trust me a little here, lover. I would never take your free will away from you.” She rubbed her face into his hair, taking a long sniff. “That’s the whole premise of this entire mess, you see, since the very Beginning, when the daughter of the First Being made…yadi yadi yada destroy the multiverse!”
Wald blinked. “…I’m sorry. What?”
Cali abruptly pulled away and bopped him on the nose. “But that’s neither here nor there, shnookums. My Sera’s safety, that’s what’s there. What’s here, and now, is that you can either choose to help me, freely, all on your own, like a big strong wittle boyo!” She pinched his cheek teasingly. “Ooooor…”
Her hand then clasped onto Wald’s head and forced it to pivot, straining his neck.
He had almost forgotten about the creepy black void and the monsters held at bay by the goddesses’ barrier. However, now he found himself staring at the section of the invisible dome closest to them.
And it was crawling with them.
So many nightmarish faces, so many tentacles, insectoid creatures, impossible chimaeras, and all sorts of indescribable… eldritch… things… that they’d started merging into a sloppy soup of indistinct nauseating interlocking shapes that caused Wald’s eyes to start bleeding.
“Help me, or…” Caelista’s full lips brushed against Wald’s ear, her words echoing over the existential horror wailing like a submarine alarm horn inside his skull. “Or you can go swim with the Echoes in the Abyss of All’s End… Your choice.” She cranked his face back towards her grinning face before his eyes could rot and fall off. “What do you say, little darling? Fell motivated yet.”
“W-What can I do for you, Ma’am?”
“Awesome!” Caelista’s threatening aura vanished in a blink. She spun like a ballerina, leaving Wald to drop on his rump, mind reeling. “See, Sylvie, I told you he’d help!”
“That right there was exactly why I can’t stand you.”
“Harsh!! You’re so harsh, Sylvie! So harsh!”
The horned elven goddess looked decidedly unimpressed. She glanced around and sighed. “...Let’s get this over with. The dimensional pocket won’t hold much longer.”
Wald shivered, hugging his knees and not daring to glance towards the intra-cosmic horrors outside. “I thought you said they couldn’t get in.”
“Ah, well.” Cali tapped her lip pensively. “Technically not a lie. Individually, the echoes can’t get it. But that’s quite a lot of them, I must say… It’s like ants on a house, you see? One ant on the roof is fine. But pile enough ants on top of the house, and the house will eventually go SQUASH!! And us with it! Yes? Makes sense? Makes sense to me. Plus, these are, like, a little bigger than ants, right? So you see—”
Syluvana’s eye twitched. The rustling winds in a harsh gale buzzed around them.
Cali’s smile cramped. “Any-hoooo. Since we’re in something of a hurry, I’ll stick to the essentials. So basically, the bad guys’ plan is…”
. . .
DRRRAMA! It's fun, enjoyable nonsense.
Next chapter will be more sombre. This novel is also an excuse for me to try sh*t out.
On the one hand I think this might be one of the best novels I've ever read, first time I've wanted to see more stuff on Earth, or some sort of back and forth...on the other hand I ran out of chapters ;_;. Is there a discord/substar/other novel to dig into MrSmee? (I hope it's not rude to ask about socials)
While I do believe you are overpraising my writing...
Thank you very much! Comments like this always make my day. In fact, I wasn't planning on getting any more writing done today, but now I'm pumped! 
No social media of any kind so far. But it's never rude to ask nicely!
I've got another idea for a more urban fantasy story in the same vein as this one (silly-ish harem smut), but nothing postable for the moment.
In the meantime, if you're looking for good stories with harem and/or smutty elements, but also down-to-earth interactions between characters, I'd recommend checking these out, they're some of my favourites:
"Three Square Meals" by Tefler. VERY long harem smut space opera. Still ongoing. Excellent in my opinion. Come for the titties, stay for the story and worldbuilding.
https://storiesonline.net/s/14679/three-square-meals
"The Millionaire Next Door" by Lazlo Zalezac. The story of a guy looking for and finding his place in the world. Not actual smut, but polyamorous relationships. Can't remember if there were any actual s*x scenes. Set in the present day of 2007.
https://storiesonline.net/s/54088/the-millionaire-next-door
"Oil of Roses" by Jim Reader. Modern-day BDSM secret society, anyone? Reads like a freaky urban fantasy... minus the fantasy. It'll make more sense reading it. It has secret nobility. Secret underground s*x shops. Mafia. An unsubtle dig at Scientology...
https://storiesonline.net/s/45580/oil-of-roses
@MrSmee Thank you for the suggestions, I've never even heard of the site! As for the overpraise, I think when more people find this novel, vindication will be mine ;p (I lucked out in finding the newest chapter in recently updated).