MrSmee

This chapter was brought to you by many rewrites, many delays, and Ricky Martin. Fuck it, it's a big one.

“….AAAAAAAAAND THAT ABOUT SUMS IT UP.” THE BUSTY HUMAN GODDESS CLAPPED. “ANY, AH, QUESTIONS?”

A nervous tick developed in Wald’s left eye. “Uh, yeah. What was that nonsense?”

“That wasn’t really a question.”

“That wasn’t a plan.”

Caelista looked offended. “I’m sorry? That was but a flawless presentation of what you should do, Willy. It’s not my fault your itty-bitty mortal brain cannot follow my divine genius!” She snorted, pressing a hand haughtily between her immense breasts.

“Let me get this straight.” Wald rubbed the bridge of his nose. “You’re telling me… that a doomsday cult with OP ancient magical knowledge captured your chosen one, Angelica—”

“Se.ra.phi.na!”

“Right, her. And they plan using the divine energy you put inside her to open a wormhole to the anti-space between dimensions, where we currently are, using a modified version of the hero summoning ritual you came up with.”

Cali laughed self-consciously, rubbing her bottom lip. “Hahaha… When you put it like that…”

“Which will then allow an OP anti-creation demon spirit to invade your world, to possess the body of an already OP monster to be a new even more OP… Demon King kind of thing, hell-bent on destroying all sapient life on the planet.”

“Yes, yes.” Cali nodded. “Well, first the intelligent creatures and then… well, everything in general.”

“Right.” The nervous tick spread to the corner of Wald’s mouth. “And you want me—ME, Wald the Mighty Burger Flipper from the faraway land of Big Buck’s Burger—to hop into that portal, ahead of the OP evil ghost thing, and stop the OP doomsday cult on the other end… somehow?!”

“Yes!” The goddess beamed at him, clapping quickly with just her fingertips. “And then protect my Sera forever and ever afterwards and live happily ever after! Maybe have kids! Yes, that’s exactly it! It’d be like a fairy tale! –But, wait, can I be a fairy godmother?!” Her eyes widened with visions of endless possibilities.

“Excuse me to say so, but…  ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR GODDAMN MIND?!?!” Wald’s arms shoot up, flailing like drunk skydancers. “How am I supposed to accomplish any of that?! Any of that?” He was really getting angry now.

The sexy goddess’s smile turned to a pout. “You’re being very disagreeable all of a sudden… Well, I guess it’s good that you’re developing some resistance to divine aura– I mean, uhuhuhu, it is all part of my plan! Mwahahahaha!!”

Wald stared at her blandly then turned to the second goddess, whose expression was one of tightly controlled restraint. She met his gaze briefly and closed her eyes.

“It is!” Cali spun as if she’d seen the other goddess’ reaction.

Syluvana shook her head. “I never can tell with you.”

“And that’s why I come up with the genius plans, sweetie, and you are my adorable tsundere sidekick keeping me out of trouble! Teehee~” She reached over as if to pinch Syluvana’s cheek.

The elf batted her grabby hand away and took a shallow breath. “Mother, give me strength.”

“Aw~ I love you too, Sylvie. Any-hoo…” Cali spun back to Wald, inertia causing some traumatising tectonic shifts to her assets. “The main point in all this is, our influence on Solstica is being tampered with at the moment. Has been for a few thousand years. That’s long, you know! So we wouldn’t normally be able to intervene. But in this case, the enemy is opening a wormhole past ⼝̵̙̯͂Ⲹ̵̯̝͐⪀̸̙̘̂₴̶̪̌⚻̶̺̒͝⡾̵̭̆ⷕ̷̤̗̄̈́⋾̸̗̍̾͜⥏̷̯̜́⻗̷̳͐̔∀̷̢͂̎⁄̶͚͎͑͘⧋̶̞̇͂↷̷̙̓͝⺽̸̀⬷̴̜͊͜⊙̸̥͇͌  ’s dampening fiel–”

“ARGH!!” Wald missed the end of her sentence, top busy holding his head and swallowing back a scream as white noise clawed at his brain.

Quickly, a cool hand landed on his head, soothing the sharp pain away. “Caelista,” the elf goddess reprimanded, already stepping back. “No true names with the mortals.”

“Oh! Right.” Cali giggled. “My baddie~ Remembering this stuff is, like, really hard sometimes! You know, I’m not all–” A disturbing static glitch suddenly ran over her body. Her goofy smile slipped off, and her expression grew distant. “The deorcdæg started. We don’t have much more time.”

When she turned back to Wald, he was the one to shiver disturbingly.

If before he’d felt like a mouse in front of a big, hungry, horny cat, now a massive tiger stared back at him, still horny, but also somehow malevolent. Caelista’s wings shone with renewed heat. Her silly grin had softened to a faint seductive, knowing smirk, and her eyes were once again two balls of flames.

Suddenly, she looked less like an erotic angel cosplayer at Comic Con, and more like an actual goddess risen straight from tales of antique greek mythologies.

Caelista crouched in front of Wald and propped his chin up with a single long finger, forcing him to meet her burning gaze. “This wormhole represents the best opportunity we’ve had in 4658 of your Earth years, Willy Wald. We need your help to best utilise it, but don’t misunderstand. You are not indispensable.”

Her hand dragged down to his throat, sharp nails tracing the path of Wald’s veins and arteries, leaving trails for fire upon his skin. Her eyes, despite their fiery appearances, seemed somewhat vacant, as if staring elsewhere entirely. “Tarjun… and its people… They took something very important from me, Willy. Very important. And I will have my vengeance, may the earth scorch and world burn in my path. You can refuse me, of course. I have other plans, and, believe me, I don’t care one bit how many millions of lives will be sacrificed to get my way.”

Wald swallowed tightly. He believed her.

“You are only my best option at keeping the casualties to a minimum.” She released his throat with a last meaningful squeeze of her sharp nails. “So, do we have a deal? Become my champion, and I don’t throw you into the void, plus you get to save the day, keep me from doing a genocide, and get some pretty girls in the bargain.”

“I mean, that’s kind of sexist, but…” Wald sometimes hated that he couldn’t help running his mouth under pressure.

The new predatory sun goddess raised an eyebrow. “Pretty boys too, if you want? Or big burly men for you to call daddy while they pound your ass. Milfs and grannies too, if that’s your kink. Or all of the above. I really don’t care, whatever my followers may say.”

“No, well, I mean that’s not the point. I…” Wald still hesitated. He was just an average guy from the city. These stakes were difficult for him to conceptualise. He didn’t have any exceptional talent. What if he messed up and made everything worse? “Will I… Will I ever be able to go back… to my world, I mean?”

Caelista smiled darkly. “Sweetie, I think you missed the part about being thrown into the void if you refused.”

“Ah, right… But… I guess I’m curious…”

Neither expected a third voice to join in.

“No.”

Human and blond goddess both turned to the stoic elf who’d just intervened. “What?” Syluvana frowned back at them. “It’s true, as far as he’s concerned.” She met Wald’s interrogative stare. “Going back would be fruitless, human. Time is relative, but mortal souls are subjected to various constraints. Should you perchance find a way back to your universe’s Stream of Samsara, an entire century at least will have passed before you can be reborn. Everyone you know will be long dead.” She stopped—then added awkwardly, “...I’m sorry.”

As Wald was processing, Caelista pouted reproachfully at the other goddess.

The horned elf returned the look flatly. “Should I have said that? My apologies,” she said without an ounce of repentance. “I’m not used to being selective with the truth like you are.”

The human goddess looked like someone had driven her brand new car into a telephone pole.

“Are you calling me a liar, Syluvana?”

The elf tilted her head, big diagonal eyes blinking. “I don’t think I did?”

The blond angel glared at the elf some more before abruptly pulling Wald into a hug, burying his face into her chesty landscape. A long tingling finger traced his jawline.

“Don’t worry, Waldy baby. Do this favour for me, and dear Cali will figure something out. I’m not going to abandon you out there. To start with, let me give you a blessing or two. A Gift of Tongues and some purifying energy should smoothen your ordeals considerably. What do you say? The mean elf lady will help too.”

“My boon has already been arranged,” the said elf retorted frostily. “It is up to him to find.”

“You and your cryptic ways…” Caelista rolled her eyes. “Yeah, yeah, I know why. Stop glaring at me. You’re scary. But I’m sure you can throw in a little extra blessing. He’s helping save our butts, here… Which is quite a lot of saving… In my case, anyway.” Her sun eyes derisively ran over her colleague’s slender rump.

Syluvana’s expression was carved out of stone. “I don’t bless humans. No blessing unless you strip his soul of karma. That is just how it is.”

“Well, that’d make this whole endeavour utterly pointless, wouldn’t it?” Caelista smile had a touch of condescension before turning serious. “…What about what we discussed before?”

The elf looked conflicted and frowned reluctantly before relenting. “If I must.”

“Terrific!” The Sun Goddess turned to Wald, who was still stuck in her cleavage and not quite able to think properly—though not quite as overwhelmed as he’d been a few minutes earlier. “So, cutie pie, your final answer?”

“Right… Well.” Regardless of what the goddess might have implied, Wald didn’t have much of a choice, did he? Whatever his decision, he was fucked either way. So the man did what he always did when faced with a shitty situation he had no control over. He smiled and put on his most convincing happy face. “I’m going to die, ain’t I?” he chuckled.

In a way, this was fucking hilarious.

He was killed, only to not die and be told to go die for some people he didn’t know.

Comedy gold.

“That’s a distinct possibility~” Caelista singsonged.

“Do I have any chance to succeed?”

“Maybe? A small one certainly.”

“Hah!” Drawing up all his reserves of denial, Wald shrugged helplessly and let out a slightly hysterical laugh. “Distinct possibility of death? Small chance of success? …What are we waiting for?”

Caelista grinned down at him like a child at Christmas… or, maybe, like the Grinch who’d just stolen all the presents.

“Let’s get you blessed then!” Her smile was so wide it seemed to break out from the confines of her face. Also, her teeth looked a little sharp. Suddenly, Wald wasn’t so sure about his decision anymore, his pop-culture-supported bravado starting to wane. “Aw~ Don’t be like that, shnookums. You won’t regret it, I swear… eventually.”

Before Wald could ask what she meant, full lips were hungrily on his, breathing hot hair into his mouth. Caelista held his head close, refusing to let go. In seconds, Wald felt light-headed, but his dick was rock hard. The goddess chuckled into the kiss and sucked on his lower lip. Sharp teeth grazed against it and then… bit down?!

Wald’s shock was shoved away by a shot of pure pleasure to his brain. It bounced around inside his skull then bolted for his crotch, and he would have creamed himself right there had a firm grip not immediately choked his dick.

The goddess leaned away. She ran a thumb over his wounded lip, then over hers, painting them red, and smiled devilishly. Her other hand was still strangling Wald’s confused erection. It vaguely came to his notice he was naked—and probably had been this entire time. But embarrassment was low on his priority list right now.

“Wa-Was that it?” he squeezed out. “I don’t feel any different.”

Except maybe hornier. That felt unnecessary to specify.

“Oh, no. No, no, no.” Caelista smacked her bright red lips together. “That was just the foreplay, sweetheart. Hold on now, this might… prick a bit.”

“What wi–” Then her hand gripping his hard dick started heating up. Soon, it was burning. Yet his erection only seemed to grow with the pain. The contradictory feelings had Wald’s eyes crossing. “Wha– What are you doing?! Oh, God.”

“Relaaax. It’s all part of the blessing process,” Cali shushed him, now pumping her scorching hot fist up and down his iron-hard, roasting pole. “It’ll feel good soon. Also, you might want to start saying gods, plural, if you don’t want to stand out. Or just goddess.” She breathed flickering flames against his face and whispered seductively, “I’d like that.”

But Wald wasn’t very receptive to her flirting at the moment.

“Oh, fuck. It burns! IT BURNS!! AAAAAH!!”

But as she said, though the pain wasn’t going away, his pleasure was fast rising. Caelista was jerking him off faster and faster, and only her intense, white-hot grip forbad him from erupting. Meanwhile, the heat was radiating from his crotch, spreading through his flesh.

It hurt. It hurt so much! But it also felt so good.

Too good…

Wald wondered if this is what masochists experienced. Or he would have wondered that… if he was able to construct a single thought over the loud roar of flames spreading through his mind and soul. His skin had turned translucent, lit up from within out by a power his mortal existence struggled to contain.

Light spilt through his grinding teeth. He clenched his eyes and opened them back as two burning orange stars—no white, no iris, no pupil, only churning superheated gas and plasma storms flaring from his orbits, matching those of the crazy goddess.

“Oh, yes, yesss! That’s it, Wald baby.” The insanely grinning sun goddess seemed to be getting off on this. “Take me in. Take all of it!” She slipped to her knees, trailing burning kisses along Wald’s chest that he barely felt. Her sweltering grip never stopped squeezing and jerking his steel-hard cock… which was now glowing.

She brought the shining erection against her bright red lips and landed a wet, sloppy, sizzling kiss on his swollen head. “Good boy,” she spoke against his pulsing flesh, and then she swallowed his length whole. Wald slipped into her in one swoop. She released her grip, but the walls of her throat were so constricting that his orgasm was denied still, even as his pleasure spiked.

If his dick had felt hot before, now it was as if plunged straight into a rolling sea of magma. But the heat only fuelled the furnace of his lust.  The magma churned and twisted, massaging the entire surface of his member, sending back sensations almost too overwhelming for his brain.

Wald was going insane. He roared like a beast, like a raging fire. His hands lurched on their own, grabbing onto the goddess’ flaming golden hair. He started fucking her face, desperate for release, showing no care for the hole he plundered.

Cali didn’t seem to mind. Her eyes rolled back in ecstasy, and she gagged with each of Wald’s thrusts. Her chin was coated in sizzling drool that dribbled on the floor, each drop evaporating with a hiss as it landed. Her nails were digging into his buttocks like a bear trap, once again harpooning Wald and refusing to let him go.

All the while, the pressure kept building within Wald’s throttled dick, building, and building. He started to fear he might just explode—literally—when that release finally came. But he couldn’t seem to care, locked as he was in a single-purpose bestial rut.

Yet his mind was starting to fracture from the strain. Mortals souls weren’t meant to commune so intimately with divine energies, and cracks were opening in Wald’s, light and solar flares gushing out of them.

He was on the very edge of bursting when inhumanly long and slender fingers, as freezing as the deepest winter, ripped his hands off the Sun Goddess’ scalp and then dragged the sputtering blonde away from him. His throbbing member slithered out of her wet throat as she was pulled away—for an oddly long time—until the mushrooming head snagged onto the narrow opening of her swollen lips, only to finally burst free with an audible wet *Pop*.

For better and worst, he didn’t erupt nor explode.

Despite its freedom, Wald’s cock was frozen in time halfway through an impending orgasm.

He gasped, dropping to his knees, his legs failing him. His sanity still tottered on the verge of a bottomless chasm. Then his burning solar eyes bulged out at the sight of the absurdly massive slab of glowing meat springing between his thighs. It stood to attention like some kind of fat yellow lightsaber, rising up to his chin and bulkier than his arm, and so bright it almost hurt to look at.

In drunk disbelief, he tried to grab it—but instantly pulled his hands back, hissing at the burning heat.

What the–? What? What? What? What? What? What?

Wald’s thoughts were hitched in a loop.

“Are you trying to break him, Caelista?” Syluvana harshly reproached the other goddess, who was fighting against her grip, like a beast on a leash, trying to crawl back to Wald’s cock. Her eyes were back to their regular amber, and her dangerous femme fatal demeanour had evaporated, replaced by that of an addict suffering extreme withdrawal.

“Please! Sylvie! Just a little more! He can take it! I know he can! Let me go!”

“He couldn’t take it even if he turned into a god right there,” the elf retorted frostily.

The winged human goddess glared hatefully at her peer, teeth bared and a mad light in her amber eyes. Her hair flared with flames. For a moment, it looked like she was about to leap up and take a bite out of the elf’s throat.

Then the madness seemed to pull back behind a veil of bubbly cheer. Cali’s vicious grimace turned to a childish pout. “Ugh. Fiiiine… Be a party pooper. Your turn then!”

“That’s…” Suddenly uncertain, Syluvana glanced at Wald’s enormously expanded shining weapon. “Do I have to?”

Cali grinned maliciously. “Do you want to help you people?”

“You–” The elf sneered disdainfully. “That’s low, even for you.”

“Too late for compliments, sweetie pie~. Hop Hop! Time’s running out.”

“…Fine.” Syluvana released her grip on the other goddess’ collar, letting her drop face-first into the floor.

“Ow!” Cali gasped. “…so harsh…”

On his end, Wald was only now breaking out of his mental loop. What… What… What… “–the fuck is wrong with my dick?!”

“Nothing is wrong with your penis, human,” Syluvana spoke coolly as she approached, long legs slowly parting the slit of her translucent robe. “Your current body is a manifestation of your soul. Caelista infused you with a reckless amount of her divine purifying energy right now, and it reflects upon your spiritual appearance.”

Wald blinked. “Purifying energy… in my dick?” It sounded even more stupid out loud.

Syluvana’s lips pressed stiffly together. “It will make more sense once you get to our world. Now lay on your back.”

“Wha–”

“On. your. back. Human, I will not repeat myself again.”

Her tone told Wald he had better not argue. He laid down on the cool floor, the fresh stone-like material somehow doing nothing to combat the painful fire churning inside him. His monstrous glowing dick stuck out straight up, like an obscene light-up parody of the Washington Monument, towering above him and swaying in place. Each wobble sent a tongue of pleasure-pain bolting under his skin, making his toe curl, his eyelids flutter, and ripping small moans from his throat.

“Hands flat on the floor. Do not even think about touching me. This is humiliating enough as it is.”

Syluvana’s words probably should have hurt Wald, at least a little, but in his current state, even the disdain in the elf’s alien eyes seemed… kind of hot. Mixed with her tall, slender frame and her cold, aloof air, he had half a mind to ask her to step on him and call her Mistress.

Though if he did, she probably would stomp him like a bug rather than do anything remotely erotic.

Syluvana took a deep breath and closed her oblique eyes. A static glitch ran up her body, making her appearance stutter for a second. Unlike Caelista, there was no sudden radical change to her personality, but when her brown eyes opened again, they held a heat that hadn’t been there before. For the first time, Wald felt like she was genuinely looking at him... and still not quite liking what she saw.

For an instant, their gazes locked, then she averted hers.

“Ugh. Let’s get this over with.”

Not exactly something anyone wanted to hear in this situation. But Wald was past caring—especially when she walked over him. Her slender, toned legs parted on each side of his waist, offering him a soaring upwards view of her tall, waifish, barely covered body, with the tip of his pulsating spear pointing right up at her bushy slit.

Her long vegetal hair dragged over his feet, and that felt kind of hot—somehow. Even the brambles tangled inside, scratching his toes… That was hot too.

Wald was just in a very hot state of mind.

Burning hot, in fact.

Then the goddess crouched down on his dick, and any weird thought of hair tangled with feet vanished in an instant as his scorching cock head encountered her cold slit. At first, it felt as if he was pressing against an impassable icy wall. But at his contact, the ice quickly melted and granted him entrance. Wald moaned loudly in relief, the juicy coolness of her insides like a soothing balm against the searing heat burning him from within.

“S-Stop making those weird noises!” Syluvana complained as she rotated her hips to better slide down his enormous neon light. “This is serious– Ahn~!”

Her hands jumped to her mouth as her fair cheek reddened like blooming roses. At the same time, colour was spreading from her pussy, converting snow-white skin to spring green. Soon, she had entirely turned to shades of emerald, and her thin body looked fuller for it. Faint sounds of birdsongs twittered in the air.

The goddess still wasn’t looking at Wald, even as soft mewling noises kept trickling past her fingers with each inch she laboriously progressed down his fat pole.

A smirk hooked up the human lips. “Sounds to me like you’re the one making weird noises, ma’am.” He was feeling hot-headed, which really wasn’t in his nature.

“Be silent! –Ahh!” She continued to sheathe his interminable length inside her. Already, a visible bulge deformed her slim belly, and she rubbed it distractedly, an expression of disbelief fleeting on her stoic face. “She really went too far with this… this…”

Wald suddenly couldn’t stand to hear another derogatory word from this goddess’ mouth. Baring his teeth in a mean grin, he grabbed her soft thighs. Syluvana’s eyes snapped to him. “What are you–” He cut her off by ramming the last inches in. “RAAAAAAWR!!”  

Within her lusty roar, several animals’ mating calls seemed to echo. It spurred Wald on. Fuelled by the divine fire raging in his soul, he worked his hips and pistoned in and out of the now gasping nature goddess.

“Ah! S-Stop right now! Ah, ahhhn! I won’t stand– Oh, Mother!” Despite Syluvana’s protests, her deliciously cool pussy milked Wald’s throbbing hot cock, and her waist worked to meet his assault. “I’ve never! Ahh! And from– Ahn! A human! This– This is so– so humiliati­-EEEEEEEEEH!!” She squealed in surprise when two pink-nailed hands reached around her and under her diaphanous dress to cup her small green breasts.

A grinning blond face appeared over the elf goddess’ shoulder. “Oh, I’ve wanted to do this for so long!” Caelista giggled as she pinched Syluvana’s hard nipples, eliciting another moaning squeal. “You’ve been keeping yourself frigid cold for so long, Silvie. I was starting to wonder if you could still change back.”

“Ca-Cali! Ah, ah, Hah! This isn’t the time for your games!”

“Mooo~” The angel pouted. “It’s never time with you.”

“This– This is seri-Ahhh!” she gasped as Cali’s tong ran up her neck, and then she couldn’t find her breath back as Wald kept pounding into her like a relentless sex machine, fucking a series of wheezy whines out of her.

“Of course, it’s serious!” Cali replied. “All the more reasons to be cheerful! You don’t want your, like, maybe last days to be all gloomy, do you? Do you?” The blond goddess pinched Syluvana’s nipples and nuzzled her green neck, taking a long sniff of the elf’s heady forested scent. “Ahhh… I’ve missed this…”

“Cali! Oh, Mother! You­– You’re not in your right mind!”

“When am I ever, these days?” Cali giggled darkly, then she slipped behind Syluvana’s back and under her arm, capturing a hard nipple between her lips. “Nom!”

“AHHH!”

“Urghllu!” Wald gargled incoherently as the nature goddess’ pussy tightened like a flytrap around his magically engorged soul-cock.

“Your nipples are still your weak point, eh?” The human goddess licked her lips like the cat who got the cream then flicked her tongue across Syluvana’s nubs. “You know, I’ve never agreed with this whole theory that small boobs were more sensitive than big boobies, but you’ve always made a good case for it.”

“Please… Cali… don’t…” Syluvana pleaded, her eyes misting up.

“Don’t what?” The other grinned evilly.

“Don’t… or I’ll… Oooh!”

“Well, if you don’t want to cum all over some fat human cock, you’d better get our sweetie Waldie off before you do! Mwahahahahaha!”

Syluvana glared at her, face flushed and eyes teary. “You… Ahh… evil…”

“Awww… But you used to love it, though. It’s the cliché, no? The nerd and the pure-hearted maiden both falling for the big bad girl?”

“That was… ahh… a long… ahhh… long time ago… AHHHn!”

“Wouldn’t it be nice to go back, though?” Caelista whispered into her ear, coiling around her like a snake in an apple tree.

“We… We can’t…” Syluvana refused, even as her pussy twitched and gushed clear spring water with every word from the human goddess. Of course, that didn’t help Wald’s situation—at all. The maddening pleasure was once again burning through his mind, and he would have fainted long ago had his spirit body allowed such a thing.

The angel grabbed the elf by the horn and twisted her neck to make their gaze meet. “Don’t tell me what I can’t do,” she growled and then pulled ther other into an aggressive deep kiss.

Syluvana then seemed to lose all control. She pawned at Caelista’s body, returning the kiss with the thirst of parched earth. As the two goddesses embraced each other, the lock on Wald’s orgasm finally broke.

He didn’t explode, but it certainly felt like he did.

All his sensations had converged into a single point, and it rocketed up his impossibly long shaft for a singular eternity before erupting like a geyser inside the nature goddess with the strength of a universe being born.

It didn’t stop there, as he came, and came, and came. Tethered in place by his dick, Wald convulsed uncontrollably on the floor and clawed at his face, unable to cope with the overwhelming feedback.

His blowup triggered Syluvana’s own climax. The elf’s eyes widened in shock, while Caelista smirked mischievously into their kiss, before they rolled back as her expression went slack. Her stomach bulged out from the flood of Wald’s semen, swelling until she looked to be expecting a whole litter.

Right when Wald felt his very soul might get sucked down his shaft, a sudden wrenching pain stabbed into his crotch, instantly blowing away all horniness.

Frankly, it felt like someone had ripped his balls off with rusty pliers.

“SHIIIIIT!! That hurt! Oh, fuck… fuck…”

Mercifully, the pain was rapidly fading to a dull ache. Wald’s dick had had enough, though, and was deflating at the speed of a pierced balloon. It fell out of the nature goddess’ flower cave like a big wet noodle, followed by a small waterfall of glowing cum.

Even flaccid, his member still out-girthed his wrist and snaked all the way to his feet. It was also still lit up like a firefly’s butt.

Wald could only hope this indeed was strictly a soul thing.

Coming back to her senses, Syluvana stumbled away from him and fell on her bum a distance away, where she remained staring at her enormous cum-filled belly in a mix of disbelief and consternation.

Wald gaped at the pregnant-looking goddess for a moment, in a daze, until an aftershock of pain in his groin snapped him out of it.

“Jeeesus fuck!”

“Ah, yeah, curses hurt, as a rule.” Caelista was nonchalantly inspecting her nails as if none of this had anything to do with her.

Wald gaped at her. “Wha-What? Curse? What did she–”

“Infertility.”

“Infer– WHAT?!”

“Well–”

But as if cued by Wald’s exclamation, a light suddenly flared in the darkness outside the barrier. The tentacular abominations, which Wald had almost forgotten about, hurriedly dispersed like cats from splashing water, revealing a pulsating white crack in the void.

“Ah-uh. No time! They’ve started!” Caelista immediately jumped to attention. She grabbed Wald off the floor and held him up by the shoulders, his stupid long dong dangling like a third leg against his thighs. “So, err, did I forget anything? Sylvie, ideas?” Still dazedly rubbing her round belly, the elf only shot her a reproachful glare before turning away. “Ugh, whatever. Be like that. –Okay. Here’s something, Waldie. The Enemy has allies and eyes everywhere. Be very careful whom you trust, and act the part if you’re with strangers. That’s sensible advice, right?”

“W-What part?”

“Ahrrr! No time! You’ll figure it out. Next– Next– Right! Monster bodies have urges. Don’t try to deny them too much, or bad things will happen.”

“Why would I need–”

“Also, don’t trust my followers. Especially my clergy. Most of them are nuts. Don’t let a shaman of the Father touch you. And find Sylvie’s boon! Ah, and don’t mention Willie! That could be bad. Or maybe not. I don’t know. Probably bad. I wouldn’t tempt it.”

“Who’s Wi–”

“And visit Prisma’s magic academy! If you can. That’s maybe important. Also, also! Don’t enter the temples of other gods than Sylvie and I– In fact, avoid their Chosen too. I mean, this little operation? Not exactly council-sanctioned, if you catch my drift. So you’ll want to avoid them catching your sent, okay, bro? Buddy? Cool! Especially Dragundala. That PMSing bitch would spit roast you alive with an apple in your mouth. And not the fun kind of spitroast. Or apple.”

“Wha– I don’t get–”

“Tutututu! No time! Gaaaaah! Why do I always leave those things for the last minute! Err, Err… What else… Ah. I wouldn’t worry too much about that tattoo if I were you. Then, err… Eat your vegetables? Pack spare clear underwear? I’m running out… –oh! OH!! Make sure you put the necklace on yourself! Don’t let someone else do it! That’s, like, the most important!”

“What neck–”

The crack flared brightly and gaped open in a gush of Northern Lights—honestly looking disturbingly like a glowing space vagina.

“Bi-bu! Too bad! Too late! Have fun! Bye~!” Grinning cheerfully, she lifted Wald up and then tossed him out of the barrier. The absolute cold of the void stabbed at him, but Wald only had time to gasp in shock before the portal swallowed him and immediately started to close. Through the narrowing gap, he stared flabbergasted at the blond madangel waving him goodbye as he fell through a rainbow tunnel, his shiny soul schlong flapping dumbly in his wake.

“OH, AND DON’T WORRY!! IT WON’T EAT YOU IF YOU EAT IT FIRST!!”

“………whut?”

“SSsssSSsSSsssAAaAaaAAaaaAaaaAaaAaAaAaaaAAaaaH!!!!!!”

A shriek like a hundred chainsaws made of shards of broken glass clawing across a blackboard ripped through the air and caused the very space around him to shudder, then a creature of shadows, purple smoke, and mind-melting nightmares dove through the dimensional hole just before it sealed shut and immediately lurched after the falling Wald.

The getting-real-tired-of-this-shit-already human could only stare flatly at the incoming horror.

“Oh… bollocks.”

. . .

MrSmee

Still not 100% happy with it, and this could have been two chapters, but I couldn't find a good point to split it, and mostly, I didn't want to add another chapter of them just talking in the void. So here it is. Protagonist in portal. Isekai underway.