CW:

Penny’s eyes trace every inch of my face judgingly. It takes every bit of strength not to turn my head away, my face feeling hot from the effort. Or maybe that’s just embarrassment. The corner of her lips turns up very carefully, a genuine smile sneaking its way onto her face. “You’re looking very cute today, Callie.” My stomach flutters lightly in nervousness at her words.

I shuffle my feet slightly under her gaze, “Um, yeah, I guess. I dunno, I wanted to look nice for our outing. None of my clothes look nice though, so I asked Erin to do just a bit of makeup again.”

I stumble forward from Erin slapping her hand across my back. “I told him that he didn’t need to get dolled up, but he insisted.”

Sputtering slightly I turn on my sister, gesturing to her outfit. “Of course I have to look nice, look at how nice you two look!” I turn to get acceptance from Penny, still gesturing at Erin’s outfit.

Penny nods in acknowledgement, “Callie’s got a point, you are looking pretty hot babe.”

I turn to Erin to say ‘I told you so’, but I choke slightly on my own words as I run what Penny just said through my head once more. Erin is cackling as my face turns a very deep shade of red. I turn to shoot a glare at Penny. “That was not my point,” I huff.

Penny shrugs, “Wasn’t it?” Her smile is smug and as coy as a fox. “Anyways, come on, we’ve got a mall to go to. I’m driving.”

Erin is quick to the draw, claiming shotgun as her own the moment we step out of our apartment. I roll my eyes at her antics and slip myself into the back seat behind Penny. After years of riding in cars with Erin, I know better than to sit behind her. Sure enough, as soon as she gets in she pushes her seat back as far as it can go.

The ride to the mall is far from silent, but there’s no talking nonetheless. Erin commandeers the stereo, playing her own band's music just loud enough to discourage any conversation. Not that either me or Penny mind, her band makes good music. It’s a surprisingly comfortable experience.

We pull into a parking spot a short walk from the main entrance of the mall. I hop out of the car, following Penny and Erin towards the entrance to the mall. Penny grabs my hand and pulls me forward to be in line with her and Erin. She keeps hold of it and I try to keep pace with her.

“So, where to?” I ask.

Erin shrugs, looking around at the shops. “I don’t care where we start. I need to stop by the music store when we get there. Need new guitar strings.”

“And I want to buy some new clothes,” Penny adds with a squeeze of my hand. She glances at me from the corner of her vision before asking, “what about you?”

I tilt my head in confusion. “Me? I’m just along for the trip I guess.”

“You don’t want to go anywhere?” Penny probes.

“Um… clothes maybe? I’m not sure, I’ve never really enjoyed clothes shopping. I don’t know what I’d look at other than that.”

Erin pipes up from the other side of Penny “What about books?” she adds with a snicker.

I roll my eyes. “That would be a good suggestion, except I work at a bookstore.” I squeeze Penny’s hand back to get her attention before telling her, “I’ll just follow you two. If I see anything worth looking at, I’ll do so. So long as that’s okay, of course.” I can see the hesitation in her eyes, but it seems to be an acceptable answer because she nods anyway.

“Of course it’s okay. I invited you out here after all.” She chuckles. As we enter the mall through the sliding glass doors, I look around. It’s been a while since I’ve been in this mall for any reason that isn’t the movie theater, and even then it’s been a couple of months. Penny’s eyes scan the shops around us, but she drags us in one direction regardless of wherever her eyes are pointing. She’s walking with intention towards the first shop on our left, a women's clothing store.

As we enter the store, Penny pulls her hand out from mine and Erin’s, immediately wandering her way towards one of the sections of clothing. Erin drifts after her, looking at the displays around us and idly thumbing her way through the racks on her own. Looking between the two and then around at the store around us, I feel suddenly out of my depth.

I keep a close proximity to the two of them, but I keep my distance from any of the clothes around us. I let my eyes wander, but I try not to act too interested in any of the clothes around us. I don’t want to be labeled as some sort of creep or something. It’s sort of hard not to look though, clothes are made to be nice to look at.

Penny is thumbing through a rack of shirts, looking at each one individually before moving to the next. Her eyes have the same calculated scrutiny she affords everything that catches her eye. Under her breath I can hear her humming her approval at a few shirts that she lingers on for a second or two longer than the others. Eventually, she comes across a shirt that she pulls off the rack to look at closer.

She turns to me, holding the shirt up. “What do you think Callie?” she asks, her eyes scanning my face intently. I glance between her and the shirt a few times, trying to find the proper words.

The shirt is a pink top, with frills at the hem and the sleeves. “It’s… cute? It doesn’t really strike me as something you’d wear though…” I admit, reaching out and feeling the fabric. It’s a rougher fabric too, it doesn’t strike me as particularly comfortable.

Penny is paying a lot of attention to my opinion for some reason, and I worry for a moment that I may have said the wrong thing. Instead though, she puts the shirt back and gestures to the other racks around us. “Can you show me an outfit you think is my style?” My eyes widen, looking at the racks around us. Penny rests a hand on my shoulder, pulling my eyes back to her. “No pressure, Callie. I just want some help choosing.”

I nod gently, glancing between the various tops, bottoms, and everything in between. I try to change my thinking, trying to look at the clothes and try to find clothes it seems like Penny would wear. I glance at Penny, looking her over and trying to decipher anything I can about how she dresses.

Looking at Erin, I could easily make an outfit for her. Not from this store necessarily, it’s a bit too… bright? But Erin has a very defined style. She wears a lot of cargo pants, tank tops, and band tees. Lots of blacks, reds, and greys. The occasional purple or blue, but all darker colors. Not that she couldn’t or hasn’t pulled off other outfits, but for a casual day she would always go back to what works for her.

Penny though has a much wider eye for fashion. I recall the concert, when she had a very simple, but nonetheless stunning sundress. Then for our first date, she was wearing some slightly torn blue jeans with a white tee shirt and a flannel. Of course on our date she had a beautifully crafted blue dress with silver trim. It was gorgeous, and she pulled it off gracefully. Looking at her current outfit, booty shorts, a tank top, and a cardigan, she really can pull off anything. What did I mean by it not being something she’d wear then?

I shift my thinking slightly, trying to think of Penny like she’s a customer at the bookstore I work at. I glance at her, seeing her watch me carefully as I think. My eyes catch hers. Her eyes. Her eyes are an intense blue, and her stare is carefully intense. Knowing that she’s a journalist, I watch her eyes pick me apart as she digests every detail carefully. If she were looking for a book, I’d probably offer her a mystery.

My eyes turn back to the racks around us, focused on entirely different things from before. I walk between a couple of racks, reaching out and feeling various tops and filing that information into my brain. Eventually, I come across a shirt that seems good enough and I take it off the rack, turning my attention to further in the store where the bottoms are. Looking at the racks as I pass, I make several mental notes of the viability of clothes that we pass by.

My eyes land on the perfect skirt though, lighting up as I pull it off the wall for a closer inspection. I turn around and hold it up to Penny, trying to envision her wearing it. Together, the shirt is a softer blue that fades upwards to white that compliments her eyes. The skirt is a similar blue, but with white stripes instead. The white stripes of the skirt, and fade of the shirt match the white flats she’s wearing too, which is a plus. Satisfied with my choices, I hand the outfit to her.

She looks over the articles of clothing for a couple of seconds before switching out the skirt for a different size and absconding to the fitting rooms. Erin wanders over with a couple tops of her own once she realizes that Penny is trying something on. The next moment, the fitting room door opens and she’s wearing the outfit. Looking at it on her, I know that it was a good pick. She poses, doing a small spin to show off the outfit.

Erin whistles as she watches, leaning against a display. “Like it?” Penny asks, looking over her shoulder as she continues to spin slowly. “Callie picked it out for me.”

“Good choice.” Erin winks at me with a thumbs up and I blush.

“Err, Penny looks good in anything really. I just chose some things that I thought she would like.” I admit, glancing towards Penny’s face, searching for any sign of her approval. She’s looking down at the skirt and shirt, a pensive look on her face. After a moment, she nods her head once and looks up, her eyes meeting mine.

“Erin’s right, this was a good choice.” Penny says. I smile at the sentiment, nodding excitedly at the approval. I was glad that I got it right, I would have felt a little silly if I had gotten it wrong. “Alright, I gotta get changed back.” Penny dips back into the fitting rooms to take off the outfit. Erin steps into her own fitting room with three or four tops to try on. Penny steps out with the outfit I’d chosen for her and Erin steps out with her tops in hand. She places two on a return rack outside the dressing room, and the last one she holds onto.

I tilt my head at Erin as she glances at me. She shrugs, “Other ones didn’t fit.”

Penny nudges me in the shoulder to get my attention. “Anything for you, Callie?” she asks.

I look around the store to see if there’s even a mens section. My eyes almost entirely skip over it because it’s so forgettable, but there is one. I stare at a distance for a couple seconds before just shaking my head. “Um, no, I think I’m good. I don’t think I’d find anything, um… my style here?”

Penny eye’s me curiously. “And what’s your style again?” she asks.

Erin beats me to the punch, “Sweatpants and a hoodie.”

I glare at her, but I can’t really fault that response. It is something I wear often when I’m not working. “Um… when I work I wear Sweaters? It gets kinda cold in the store sometimes I guess.” I shuffle, not knowing what else I could add to that.

“Just sweaters? There’s nothing else you enjoy wearing?” Penny’s words prod at me gently, probing additional answers out of me. I try to dig deeper, wishing I wasn’t as boring as I am.

“I don’t know if anyone enjoys wearing men’s clothing, I guess that sweaters are comfy? Sorry, I think Mens fashion is a lot more… boring than womens.” I shrug, feeling weird about that situation. It has always distinctly felt like mens fashion is intentionally stifling to me.

Penny’s eyes bore deep into my soul and I shuffle under her scrutiny. I half expect her to call me out and tell me I’m wrong. That I’ve been doing it wrong this whole time and then tell me how to do it right. But she doesn’t. “Hmm… okay,” she says, turning to head to the registers.

She pays for her outfit and then Erin pays for her shirt, and then they both lead the way out of the store. Penny turns to me once we’re fully out of the store. “Thank you for the outfit choice, Callie.” I start to say that it’s nothing, but she cuts me off. “In exchange though, can I suggest one outfit to you in the next store that catches your eye? Any outfit.” Her eyes are searching mine as she says this, but more than that her eyes are full of caution. Her words are measured, more so than they normally are. “You don’t have to get it, just try it on, okay?”

I nod, “Um, I can try?” I turn to look towards Erin to see what she makes of this interaction, but her eyes have a tinge of worry to them. I furrow my brow at that, looking down in thought. Why are they so concerned about my fashion choices? Before I can think on it too closely though, I can feel a gentle tugging on my arm from Penny. I turn my head towards her, and find myself being kissed on the lips.

It’s just a quick peck, but my brain short circuits slightly at the action. I sputter a bit, the mall suddenly feeling twenty degrees warmer. Penny giggles, intertwining her hand in mine, bag from the previous store hanging off her wrist. I allow myself to get pulled along towards the next shop, not quite recovered yet.

“Damn, Penny. I think you broke him.” I can hear Erin comment from the other side of Penny. I shake my head gently to clear it of fog, feeling sufficiently embarrassed to have my sister see me being so useless around a girl.

“Um… Where to next?” I ask absently.

“Here.” Erin says as we come to a stop. I look towards the shop and immediately recognize the front as a store where Erin gets a lot of her clothes. Lots black clothes, band tees, and very punk rock clothes in general.

“Of course,” I snicker.

“Penny, if I asked you to smack my brother for me, would you?” Erin asks.

“Sorry sweetheart, I’m with Callie on this one. This store is very you.” She smiles.

“Traitor.” She smiles before pulling us into the shop.

I allow my eyes to wander across the familiar displays, looking at the outfits around the store. The clothes in here aren’t very me at all, but I can’t deny that they fit Erin really well. Erin moves through the aisles with intent, weaving her way towards one specific display on the wall. She starts thumbing her way through the pants on this display, looking through the sizes for the one that will fit her.

While she searches that rack though, I allow my eyes to wander a bit more in this store. With the darker colors and harsher styles, this store feels a lot less like I’m intruding on someone else’s space. The clothes are still largely not things I would wear, but they’re still familiar to me.

Looking around at the various clothes around us, I flick through the racks idly, thumbing past several pairs of pants dismissively. I pause my thumbing for a second longer as I come across a red and black skirt, admiring the style of skirt. Way more short than I could ever fathom wearing, though. Not that I think about wearing skirts! I just… never really wear shorts or anything. Not a big fan of my legs. Whereas Penny or Erin can wear shorts easily, my legs are just ugly and hairy. Even tee shirts are stretching it in terms of my comfort with showing my body.

I run my thumb across the fabric, wondering if there’s anything I could do to make me feel better about my legs. At least with my face there’s makeup, which has proven to be surprisingly really helpful in making me feel better about my face. It feels a little… girly? I feel like I shouldn’t be allowed to enjoy it, but Penny and Erin help a lot in making that feel a lot less important. I sigh, dropping the skirt, suddenly feeling self conscious about what I’m looking at.

I continue looking my way through the clothes, thumbing past the skirts a bit more quickly. Eventually though, I pull a pair off pants off the rack. The material is jean-like and tough, and the outside of the pants are dotted with zippered pockets. I check the tag to see the size and drag it over towards Erin. I can see Penny watching me with a raised eyebrow as I approach and I wonder if she was watching me the whole time.

I clear my throat gently to get Erin’s attention as she’s fussing with the pants she’s looking at. She turns to look at me, still holding a pair of black jeans in her hand, “I think you’d like this, Erin,” I say, displaying the cargo pants to her.

Erin sets the pants she’s looking at down, taking the cargo pants from me and flipping them over. Her eyes light up as she holds them in her hand, testing the zippers. “Oh fuck yes. These rock so hard, thanks Callie.” She ruffles my hair slightly and I let out a small squeak of indignation as she drags the cargo pants away to the fitting rooms, along with the pants she was looking at before and another pair that I didn’t see Penny holding for her.

Erin emerges from the dressing rooms donning her new Cargo pants, showing them off from every direction. Penny nods approvingly, and I notice that Erin shows off her backside for a few more seconds. I avert my eyes, my face flushing scarlet at that. Her eyes meet mine as I turn back and I give her a thumbs up, “Looking good, sis.”

“You’re damn right I look good. Thanks for the find.” She reaches back into the fitting room and pulls out her other pants, and the tags for the cargo pants. She takes it all to the counter, wearing her new cargo pants out of the store.

“I definitely like what I see,” Penny teases. Erin smirks, pulling Penny in for a kiss. I turn my head away slightly, not wanting to intrude on the intimate moment. Penny doesn’t give me a choice though, pulling me closer to her and wrapping her arm around my waist. “I love you too, you know.”

I sputter slightly, not knowing what to say to that. I shut my mouth and opt to just nod. Erin finishes checking out and we head to the next store. Of course, the store right next to the punk store is the music store, so we dip in so Erin can pick up her guitar strings. I stay by Penny’s side, Penny’s arm wrapped around my waist securely. In this position I feel surprisingly demure.

“Well if it isn’t my favorite rockstar.” Erin approaches the front of the store with her guitar strings in hand, smiling widely at the cashier. A woman every bit as punky as Erin and who I recognize as Marissa, one of Erin’s music friends. She’s not in Erin’s band, but plays guitar in her own smaller band.

“Hey, Mars! Picking up part time shifts here again?” Erin responds casually, tossing her guitar strings on the counter.

“Yeah. A little extra cash never hurts.” Marissa scans Erins one item, looking it over. “This it?”

“Yeah, just need some replacements. Mine are nearing the end of their lifecycle.” Erin sighs. “How’s the girlfriend?”

Marissa smiles wider at that, “She’s good. Says she’s gonna be taking a year off of school to figure some shit out. Told her I’d try to hook her up at my other job with some work for the year off.”

“Oh, nice, hope that goes well for her.” Marissa nods, her eyes wandering over to me and Penny. My face warms, but I manage to offer a meek wave to her. Marissa’s always been nice to me.

“I see you brought your brother again.” Marissa waves back to me. “And his girlfriend.”

Erin puts her card in the card reader and rubs the back of her neck, looking at me and Penny. “Ahh, yeah. Our girlfriend.”

Marissa stares blankly at her. She appears to take a moment to reboot before she asks, “come again?”

“Our girlfriend. Marissa, this is Penny. Penny, Marissa.” I step forward, extricating myself from Penny’s arms so she can shake Marissa’s hand. “We’re on a double date I guess? A very unconventional double date.”

“Pleasure to meet you,” her smile is equal parts smugness and sincerity.

Marissa shakes Penny’s hand slowly before turning back to Erin. “You know the crazy love life part of the rock star title isn’t mandatory, right?” She shakes her head, offering the guitar strings back to Erin, the transaction complete. Now addressing all three of us, she adds “good luck with that, you three.” Turning to me afterwards, she adds, “Love the makeup, Cal. I couldn’t tell from a distance, but it really makes your eyes pop. Good choice.” She offers a thumbs up and I feel my face heating once more.

I mumble my thanks as best I can, and then we leave the shop. Penny wraps her arm around my waist once more, her voice going low as she whispers to me. “Hey, you okay?”

I nod slowly, “Yeah… just feel kinda… fuzzy? I dunno, it’s weird. I guess I’m just not used to compliments?”

Erin shows up on my other side, ruffling my hair once more. “It’s cause you’re so tiny and cute,” she teases. Normally I’d be annoyed at her messing up my hair, but all I feel now is small. Butterflies crawl up from my stomach and into my throat, causing my intended noise of annoyance at her to die into a small flustered squeak.

Erin smooths out my hair, her teasing chuckles smoothing into a softer and more comforting tone. “I uh, think he’s overheating. Maybe we should get some ice cream?”

I nod quickly, still unable to speak. Penny does the speaking for me, “Sounds like a yes. That sounds like a great idea.” Erin goes back to the other side of Penny, taking her hand and the three of us walking side by side through the mall. My brain can’t focus on any of the stores we pass for very long as I try to sort out the messy feelings in my brain, but occasionally a pretty dress will catch my eye for a second or two. Then we continue forward, leaving the store behind.

By the time we reach the food court, my mind is feeling significantly clearer than before. There’s still a bit of fuzzy feelings flittering through my gut, but it’s a pleasant feeling. Penny gets mint chocolate chip, Erin gets cookie dough, and I eventually settle on a scoop of Neapolitan. The ice cream does actually calm some of the emotions warring inside me, the fluttering smoothing out into more understandable emotions.

“So, where to next?” I ask, looking around me for a trashcan to put my empty ice cream bowl into. Erin takes both mine and Penny’s bowls, jogging back towards a trashcan we passed and dumping them in.

“Thanks babe.” Penny says as Erin gets back. “And, how about here?” Penny slows her walking, gesturing at a store to our side. It’s another store I’ve never been in before. This one doesn’t even look like it has a mens section. I shrug, I don’t mind wherever she wants to go. Except maybe a lingerie store… I’d probably sit outside of that one.

Erin looks over the displays in the windows as we walk into the store. “Cute.” I nod, following her eyes. The outfits in here are incredibly cute. More bright colors and frills. I follow loosely behind Penny, my eyes tracing the racks and shelves like every other clothing store we’ve been in today.

My eyes catch a lovely olive green skirt paired with a grey blouse on a display. I reach out gently to feel the fabric and I’m surprised by how soft the skirt is. “Wow…” I get so caught up in how soft it is that I let out a small exclamation of surprise.

Arms wrap around me from behind, a head resting on my shoulder. I go cold, turning slightly to look at Penny with the corner of my eye. Guilt flows through me as I realize that I was caught being creepy about the womens clothes. It’s not my fault that the clothes are so soft!

“I-I was just-” I stutter, trying to explain myself. Penny pulls away just enough so she can shush me and kiss the top of my head. I stop talking, tensing in the silence.

“It’s pretty.” She comments, standing to my side now. She slips her fingers between my own and squeezes gently. I only relax slightly at the assurance.

“I-... Yeah. It is.” I comment lamely, looking at the outfit again. It really is nice. Penny looks through the racks carefully and finds the shirt and skirt used in the display, checking the sizes and then holding them up towards me.

“This is the one.” Penny says after a few moments, holding the outfit out for me to hold. I take the outfit, feeling how soft it is.

“Yeah, It’s really nice. I’m sure it will look good on you.” I nod.

“Not me. This is the outfit I want you to try on.” Penny’s voice is so even and confident that for a moment I don’t process what it is exactly that she’s said. Eventually, my mind catches up to her words and my mouth drops open to protest it, but all that comes out is a small squeak.

I sputter slightly for a few moments and not once do Penny’s eyes waver as she looks at me. My mouth snaps shut and I stare at her for a couple more minutes. “You’re serious?” I ask quietly.

“Deathly so I’m afraid.” She smiles encouragingly. Her smile is so sweet that for a moment I believe her, and then I remember what she’s asking of me.

“This is… These are girls clothes!” I hiss in a whisper, keeping my voice down in case anyone hears me. “I can’t wear these.”

“It’ll be fine. There’s not even anyone else in the store.” she assures, reaching out and squeezing my shoulder gently. “They’re just clothes Callie. Nothing will happen.” Her look turns concerned as she looks at me and I feel her grab my other shoulder. “Remember to breathe, please.” I let out a breath I didn’t realize I was holding in, my head feeling light as I take another couple gulps of air in.

“But…” I search for any more explanations about why this is a bad idea, but… I can’t find anymore. She’s right, they’re just clothes.

“Just let me know what you think, and then you can take them back off?” I search Penny’s face for any sign of insincerity, but I don’t find any. Slowly, I relax a little, clutching the outfit closer to my chest.

“I… Okay. I’ll try.” My voice quivers slightly and Penny offers me a small reassuring smile. Together, she follows me over to the fitting rooms, and I slip into one carefully. There’s a full body mirror in the fitting room. I turn away from the mirror, not wanting to focus more on myself at the moment.

Carefully, I pull myself out of my normal clothes and slip into the skirt first. The first thing I realize when I slip on the skirt is that it feels really nice to wear. The feel of the fabric against my legs along with the open air is a nice feeling. I slip on the top next, enjoying the different feel of the fabric against my body. Normally my shirts are rough and slightly scratchy, but this top is soft and light, draping off of my body in a way that I don’t entirely hate.

I do a little spin in the skirt and it floats upward lightly, sending a little thrill through me at the action. I check to make sure that I haven’t forgotten anything and step out of the fitting room. It’s strange to think, but wearing this outfit actually makes me feel more confident instead of less. I know somewhere internally that these are women’s clothes and that I shouldn’t enjoy them, but I can’t bring myself to think anything other than that I love this outfit.

I look up to see Erin whistling, sitting next to Penny. I blush, giving a twirl just like the one I did in the fitting room. The feeling of wearing a skirt is exhilarating. My body goes warm when I stop twirling and look at the two of them looking at me with wide smiles. “Damn, br- uh, Callie. You look good in that.” Erin says. I feel warm at the compliment. For once, I think I have to agree with her.

“Yeah, it definitely suits you.” Penny comments.

I nod, looking down at the outfit. “This really does suit me doesn’t it?” I frown slightly, a churning feeling in my stomach. I step back towards the fitting room, my anxiety climbing quickly as my mind races. Why does this suit me so well? What does that mean?

Before I can get back into the fitting room though, I hear something that chills my blood. “I guess you won that bet,” Erin says with a sigh. I turn to look at her, several thoughts fighting to get to the forefront of my warring mind. Penny elbows Erin harshly, but she realizes I heard already. I stumble back into the fitting room, my breathing quickening.

My thoughts are rushing and thinking gets hard as I realize that they weren’t being supportive. They were just humoring me for a bet. I really am a freak and now they know. I choke back sobs as I try to take off the clothes carefully. I don’t want to ruin these clothes just because I’m disgusting.

“Callie? Callie, are you okay?” I can hear Penny’s voice on the other side of the fitting room door, both her and Erin’s voices filled with worry. My breathing speeds up, my breathes getting short as panic sets in. I stumble my way out of the outfit, feeling disgusted with myself and my body. I can barely tell that I manage to strip myself of those clothes, slipping on my outfit I came here with. Once I’m sure I have my old outfit on, I stumble out of the fitting room and run. I can’t let them see me like this. No one should have to look at the freak that I am.

“Callie? Callie!” Penny’s voice calls after me as I run past her. “Go after her, I’ll stay here and deal with this…” Penny’s voice fades as I make my way away from the store, slightly obscured by the hiccupy sobs I make as I run. Tears blur my vision and I do my best to get outside of the mall.

Once I get outside and to the sidewalk, I choose a direction and I just keep running.

Wistful-Shiver

Long chapter. I feel like part of this is probably better written than other parts, but I hope that you enjoy the chapter nonetheless. We're reaching a peak I think, and next chapter will probably be very feelings heavy. Hope you all are enjoying so far. Got a couple other ideas floating around, so I might tap away at them slowly at some point.