Lady von Ekko’s Glorious Adventurer Brigade met up at the Guild common room. However, as the common room was busy today, Andra ushered the group away to where they could converse without being overheard. Since Fiona was the only member of the group who lived in the dorms, Andra chose her small, surprisingly dainty quarters for their talk.

“Wow, so you really have four cats,” said Kaylen, stroking a calico who grabbed at her arm and started kicking.

“I wouldn’t have expected porcelain dolls,” Riven added, examining one on a shelf. “I’m not sure why, they definitely seem very you.”

“Ooh, yeah, maybe Fiona can tell us all of their names,” Andra said cheerfully.

Fiona perked up, excitedly. “Well, the cats are named Guardian, Rogue, Samurai and—”

“That was sarcasm,” Andra snapped.

Fiona’s ears folded down as she cringed. “Sorry, boss.”

“We have to figure out what the hell happened to us,” Andra reminded everyone.

“Did you have a weird vision, too?” Fiona asked. “I was worried it was just me.”

“Oh, that was just the curse,” said Riven. “I’d give it about a seven out of ten so far. I mean, that was basically my teenage personality which is good for a bit of humiliation, especially when I woke up and realized how embarrassing I had been acting, but I still feel like the payoff could have been a little better. Maybe next time will be more fun.”

“Uh, you lost me,” said Kaylen who was trying to extract her arm from Guardian. “What curse?”

Riven blinked. “The curse from the fairy.”

“What fairy?” asked Andra, struggling to understand what Riven was talking about. “Bookworm?”

“No, of course not. Bookworm’s boss, Lady Osier,” Riven explained.

“Why would Bookworm’s boss want to curse us?” asked Fiona.

Riven looked over the group incredulously. “Did you all really not know about this? I thought it was strange that you wanted to let her go, but I wasn’t about to object. We weren’t hired by a humanitarian, we were hired by Lady Osier, or more likely someone working for her. In other words, we made a deal with a fairy and then reneged, so she cursed us.”

Andra’s eye twitched as she glared at Riven. “Why didn’t you tell us this earlier?”

Riven grinned. “Because this is the best possible outcome. We’ve been cursed by a fairy!”

The room was silent for a moment while Andra decided how hard to hit Riven.

“So was that it?” Kaylen asked, finally escaping Guardian. “Is the curse over now?”

Maybe she would have to hit Kaylen instead.

“Oh, no, no,” Riven replied, shaking her head. “If I understand what’s happening correctly, we’ve been disconnected from reality. We’ll continue to flit between our reality and alternate realities more often, faster and faster, until we can no longer tell who we are or what world we come from and we go completely mad.”

While the rest of the group sat in stunned silence, she touched a finger to her chin thoughtfully. “While I wouldn’t say I look forward to that part the most, I am very curious to see what it’ll be like.”

“Boss?” Fiona asked, her voice quivering slightly.

“Uh, Raven? How would someone remove a curse like this?” Andra asked.

“Well, this seems to be a pretty unique curse. I’ve certainly never seen one like it. Because of its nature, traditional methods of removing fairy curses, seeing stones and the like, probably aren’t going to work. One way would be to convince Lady Osier to remove it. But the only way she would ever do that is if you went back and caught Bookworm, and she’ll be ready for us this time. Another way would be to find a fairy powerful enough to remove the curse, but,” she paused to chuckle for a moment, “I’ve spent my whole life looking for a way to the Fae Realms and I haven’t found one yet.”

Andra was starting to feel cornered. She wanted to scream and panic and Riven’s cheerful glee wasn’t helping. “What about mages? Would one of them be able to help us?”

Riven grinned again. It was an unsettling sight under the circumstances. “Not likely. Fairy magic sticks to living things better than human magic does. As a result, removing a fairy curse is basically impossible for a human mage.”

Fiona grabbed the front of Riven’s dress near the shoulders and started shaking her frantically. “Come on, please, there’s got to be someone who can help us.”

Riven’s smile faded at the sight of Fiona’s frightened face. “Well, I guess you could always try Maxim. I’m sure he’d love a chance to demonstrate alchemy fixing a problem that magic can’t.”

Kaylen snickered. “At this point, we should just ask him to join the team.”

 

---

 

Today Maxim was wearing an unsettling all-white mask with no apparent eye or mouth holes, raising the question of how he could see or breathe. He reluctantly permitted the party into his living room, which looked exactly as it had the last time Riven and Fiona had been here save for the addition of a potted mandrake near the window, with the promise that he would be keeping a close watch on Riven. Andra prodded Riven into explaining their predicament.

“I have to admit, that’s a bit of a puzzle,” said Maxim when their explanation was concluded.

“Can’t you give us, like, an antimagic potion or something?” Kaylen asked.

Maxim’s mask stared blankly at Kaylen. “There’s no such thing as an antimagic potion. Potions can’t undo spells.”

“Then there’s nothing you can do?” Fiona asked frantically.

“I didn’t say that. When dealing with curses, the standard alchemic approach is to create a potion with the opposite effect of the spell. In other words, since the curse is disconnecting you from reality, we need a potion that will anchor you to reality. Of course, reality is a difficult quality to measure, making it hard to find ingredients that have an effect on how strongly someone is connected to reality.”

“So you’re saying it’s going to take a while to find the right ingredients?” asked Andra. “We don’t exactly have a lot of time.”

Maxim shook his head. “Thankfully, alchemists have already researched this exact subject. Even if the usefulness of a piece of knowledge is unclear, it may yield value after study. That is an important belief amongst alchemists. I have access to records of exactly which ingredients can connect or disconnect someone from reality. With a bit of research, I can easily create a potion that will solve your problem.”

“Excellent. Get started,” said Andra.

Maxim held up a finger. “I will require one thing from you all. To ensure you land in this reality and not any others, I’ll require a sample of blood from a parent or sibling of each of you.”

Andra felt something catch in her chest. “Is there no other way?”

“Not that I can think of. If your family is dead, a sample of bone might work.”

Andra sighed. “No. I just really don’t want to deal with them.”

“Um, I’m adopted,” Kaylen said.

Riven raised her eyebrows in surprise. “Really? I thought you were a Blessing kid.”

Kaylen shook her head. “No. I came from an orphanage.”

“That’s… not good,” Maxim admitted. “The sample has to be from a blood relative.”

Kaylen blanched, her face turning nearly as white as Maxim’s. “Wait, there’s gotta be something you can do. What if I got a blood transfusion again? So that my blood matches someone else’s.”

“That wouldn’t⁠—” Maxim paused. “Wait, do you mean that you’ve gotten a blood transfusion before?”

“Yeah, from Mum. When I got hurt once and Mama wasn’t around to heal me. I was kind of an accident-prone kid.”

“Somehow that doesn’t surprise me,” said Andra.

Maxim breathed a relieved-sounding sigh. Was he actually worried about the party? “In that case, a sample from your mother should work.”

Fiona made a quiet, uncertain sound.

“I’ve already considered your situation, Fiona,” Maxim said. “Thankfully, your father is famously meticulous. He keeps samples of all of the subjects he works with and should be able to provide a sample of the one that created you.”

Andra looked back and forth between Maxim and Fiona. That was weird, but she couldn’t really worry about it now. She had bigger things on her mind. Like how to lure her parents to Rampart City.

“A dinner party,” she said aloud.

“Pardon?” asked Maxim.

“We’ll lure them over with a dinner party. Say it’s a Guild-required team-building exercise or some bullshit like that. My parents won’t pass up an opportunity to look down on how I’m living now.”

“You can’t just tell them you need their help?” Kaylen asked.

Andra huffed, mustering up an indignant attitude to hide how much her parents’ indifference hurt. “They’d refuse. Or they’d agree on the condition that I go back to living with them. And there’s no way I’m going to grovel to them. I’d sooner go insane.”

The rest of the party looked at each other. “Alright, whatever you need,” Kaylen said. “It’s been a while since I’ve seen my moms anyway. You’ll all love them.”

“Good. I’ll get the invites arranged and sent out. We’ll set the date for next week,” Andra said.

“Are you certain?” Maxim asked. “I’ve heard that fairy curses are quite⁠—”

 

---

 

Andra von Ekko, Princess of the Red Giant Nidavellir, Heiress to the Arvakr Corporation, Eleventh of the Twelve Keepers of the Ragnarok Code, awoke in her chamber to a cacophony of alarms. She groaned and rolled out of bed. Almost every day had been like this since her capture. If it wasn’t an emergency then it was yet another drill. She knew that life in the Jormungandr Nebula was supposed to be full of danger, but this was really going too far. How did anyone get any sleep?

Her carpet was still stained from the attack two nights ago when a neutron missile had destroyed the ship’s navigation systems and spilled her wine glass. She would have to have a word with the captain about this. Honestly, how lazy could this crew be? They still hadn’t done her laundry either.

She got dressed and made herself as presentable as possible. There was no time for makeup, especially since this ship had none of the modern auto-applicators and she had to do it all manually, so she thanked the Investors that she had naturally beautiful skin and stepped out of her chamber and into the corridor.

Crewmembers darted back and forth, rushing to some place or another. They were always in a rush. Why was it that none of them ever rushed to take care of her? She caught sight of Fiona Atalan, the ship’s security officer, heading towards the bridge at a jog.

Fiona was a Felinus, a genetically modified organism bred for combat. Felinus were huge and muscular humanoids with ears that resembled a cat’s, an odd quirk given to them by the scientist who invented them. They were fierce warriors who could take several blaster shots before being incapacitated and would stop at nothing to complete their missions. Fiona was a defective unit, however, likely rented at a discount. For some reason, the aggressive instincts programmed into the brains of all Felinus had failed in Fiona’s case and she was as timid and mild-mannered as a Limus servant. How she had come into the possession of a group of pirates, Andra couldn’t guess.

“Fiona,” Andra called out.

Fiona froze. All genetically modified organisms were considered the property of the Arvakr Corporation, so Fiona naturally recognized that Andra’s authority trumped even her captain’s, and always did as Andra told her.

“Escort me to the bridge,” she commanded.

“Right away, boss,” Fiona said, with a cringing bow. It was amazing how much she behaved like a Limus. It made sense, Andra supposed; the basic obedience programming was the same. Take away the aggression and there really wasn’t much difference between the programming the two products received. Apparently Fiona had never received proper etiquette training, and the poor thing kept referring to Andra as “boss.”

Fiona guided Andra through the curving corridors until the pair reached the bridge. As the door opened, Andra was hit with a barrage of sirens. How many did they really need? Bright lights flashed on computer displays all around her as crew members worked furiously. Captain Kaylen Arac stood at the bridge’s center, fully dressed in her flamboyant pirate attire, complete with a cape and skull-and-crossbones hat. She was staring at the main view screen, which displayed an Arvakr Contract Enforcement Warship.

“Well, if they aren’t military, then who the hell are they?” she bellowed.

The ship’s science officer swiveled around in her chair, displaying her robotic body, designed in the vague shape of a humanoid woman complete with bright blue megachrome hair and dressed in a French maid’s uniform. She sat cross legged in her chair, posing as though ready for a photo shoot rather than a space battle. Her eyes flashed as she spoke. “The ship is heavily modified. Could be from one of the syndicates, but my guess is it’s a rival pirate or a bounty hunter. Here to either capture the princess or rescue her.”

Captain Arac had variously described this officer, Riven, as “a relic of happier times” and “a walking ethical dilemma.” Two hundred years ago, long before the corporate wars, Riven had originally been a human woman who had had herself converted to a gynoid in order to give herself a programmable brain as part of a love game between her and her wives. All robots and cyborgs were now considered the property of Arvakr’s one-time rival company, the Alsvidr Corporation, but somehow Riven had escaped the post-war Reconciliation and remained free. Unfortunately, she proved to be a constant source of frustration for Captain Arac, often refusing to follow orders and demanding to be reprogrammed and forced to obey. Captain Arac had apparently made as few alterations as possible to Riven’s programming in order to convince the girl to cooperate, and had even altered her body by installing weapons, but apparently felt troubled by the decision. Andra just wondered why Riven didn’t turn herself in to Alsvidr and allow them to reprogram her as they did all converted humans from the pre-war era.

“Well, try to figure out which one they are,” said the captain. “And let me know as soon as our engines are working.”

“Not a fucking chance, Captain,” Riven said mischievously.

Captain Arac sighed. “We don’t have time for this, Riven.”

With a “Hmph,” Riven turned back around to face her console.

Captain Arac caught sight of Fiona. “Glad you could make it. Get me a report on their weapon systems and try to figure out why they haven’t killed us, boarded us, or opened comm⁠—did you let the princess in here?”

“Sorry, Captain,” Fiona said, slinking to her console.

Riven snickered. “The princess fucking ruined her.”

“Now then,” said Andra, “would you please explain to me why I have once again been yanked from my sleep by your banshee-like sirens?”

Captain Arac threw her hands into the air in frustration. “Oh, excuse me. I’m so sorry that my attempts to keep my crew alive during yet another attack from yet another faction trying to capture you has awoken you from your all-important slumber.”

“I say we fucking hand her over to them,” said Riven, still staring at her console.

Andra glared at the back of Riven’s head. “Why does she keep swearing?”

“Because she’s trying to get me to program her not to swear, because apparently I’m the only one who realizes how dire our situation is,” Captain Arac explained.

“Then why not simply do it?” Andra asked.

Captain Arac groaned. “Because if I do, she’ll be a worthless giggling mess for the next week.”

“Captain! They’ve opened communications,” Fiona squeaked.

The view screen shifted to show a bridge not unlike the one on Captain Arac’s ship, with a captain who looked not unlike Captain Arac. She had the same style of frilly clothes and cape, though with a wide-brimmed feathered hat instead. Her crew worked furiously all around her.

“Nightingale,” Captain Arac said, her voice dripping with disdain.

Nightingale clapped her hands together and grinned. “I’ve done it! I’ve finally captured you, Kaylen, and now I’m going to make you my bride.” She drew out the last word in a sing-song voice.

Captain Arac pinched the bridge of her nose. “Seriously, Nightingale? When are you going to get it through your head that I don’t want to marry you?”

Nightingale’s eyes had a wide, crazed look to them. “But don’t you see?” she said, her voice dripping with sweetness. “You need me now. Your ship is disabled and you’re trapped here adrift with a tempting prize for any cutthroat or enforcer who might happen along it. You have no choice but to do whatever I say.”

“Not going to lie, she is kind of amazing,” Riven muttered.

“But, Nightingale,” Captain Arac began in an appeasing voice, “if I marry the Princess, I can take control of her company and gain control of half the galaxy. I’ll be able to make things better for everyone, maybe even return things to a pre-war state.”

Andra stomped over to the captain’s side and pulled her close to whisper. “I told you it doesn’t work that way. Neither my parents nor the Board will recognize my marriage to a pirate.”

Nightingale’s grin turned vicious beneath her crazed eyes. “Why that’s a wonderful idea, Kaylen. Only I think I have an even better partner for our dear Heiress. Atworth, how would you like to marry a princess?”

One of the crewmembers turned in their chair. Andra recognized them instantly as Doctor Atworth, former head scientist of the biotech division of the Arvakr Corporation. They had disappeared some years ago in the Jormungandr Nebula.

“Doctor Atworth?” Andra said in surprise. “Why are you working with pirates?”

“Because, Princess,” Atworth explained, “I couldn’t bear to see my creations treated as property. They’re living things, they should have rights, but no matter how many times I tried to explain it, your family and your Board refused to listen. So I chose to disappear.”

“But,” said Nightingale, holding up a finger, “as far as Arvakr knows, anything could have happened to poor Atworth. Why, they could even have been kidnapped by pirates and forced to work for them for years until that same pirate crew kidnapped their company’s beloved heiress and the two hatched a daring plot to escape and finally return home. If the two happened to fall in love during their ordeal, why, the Princess’ family would have to be heartless to deny the two of them marriage.”

“That could actually work,” Andra muttered.

“Face it, Kaylen,” Nightingale continued, “the best thing for both yourself and the galaxy is to give yourself up and become mine.”

Captain Arac looked back and forth at the crewmembers surrounding her, clearly desperate for some sort of escape. The seconds began to stretch as Nightingale waited for her response.

“Oh, fuck,” said Riven suddenly. “The engines are fixed.”

“C-captain. Sorry,” Fiona added. “I’m looking at their weapons systems and it turns out most are inoperative. They look intimidating, but we’ve got them outgunned.”

“Oh, too bad, looks like you missed your shot again, Nightingale,” the captain said with a wink. “Fiona, disable them.”

Captain Arac laughed triumphantly as Nightingale smiled on the view screen. After several seconds, the captain’s laughter trailed off awkwardly.

“Uh, shouldn’t her bridge be shaking and her consoles exploding into showers of sparks?” she asked.

“Th-the weapons won’t fire,” Fiona stammered frantically.

“Engines are down again. We’re fucked,” Riven added.

“What the hell is going on?” Captain Arac shouted.

“Maxim, care to explain to my beloved what the hell is going on?” Nightingale asked.

One of Nightingale’s crewmembers spun in his seat. He wore an Alsvidr brand analysis helmet, a popular device among hackers.

“Hmm? Oh, I just used the commlink to access the ship’s systems and took control of their weapons, engines, and sensors,” he explained. “Whoever is in charge of their computer systems is terrible at security.”

“Hey,” said Riven indignantly.

“Why did you think it was a good idea to put a gynoid who is obsessed with being hacked in charge of your computers?” Andra asked.

“I… I…” Captain Arac stammered.

“Bessen, do you care to explain what’s going to happen next?” Nightingale asked.

A small window appeared on the corner of the view screen displaying a huge woman with a gun strapped to her back.

“Our shuttle has reached their hull and we should have it breached in a minute or two,” she explained.

“Captain, our boarding team is unmatched in the Nebula; if we converge on the breach point, we should be able to fight them off,” Fiona said.

“Doctor, want to explain why that won’t work?” Nightingale asked, her voice dripping with glee.

“Because we’ll only need a needle-sized hole to disperse my latest creation, a virus that alters the brain, making the affected completely loyal to Captain Nightingale. A bit ethically questionable, I know, but it’s for the sake of the galaxy.”

“This is the greatest moment of the last century,” Riven said breathlessly.

“Of course, the only problem is that it will be entirely ineffective against the gynoid,” Atworth added.

“What? No fair,” Riven shouted, frantically.

“But I’m sure Maxim would be happy to reprogram her to be loyal to the Captain,” they finished.

“Okay, good,” Riven said, relieved.

Andra looked to the frightened Captain Arac and began to shout. “Captain, do something. I will not have my brain infected by a virus. You will prevent that. Do something now!”

An automated voice played from all around the bridge, stating “Hull breach detected on Deck 4.”

 

---

 

“⁠—potent,” Maxim finished.

Andra sat in Maxim’s living room, trying to remember where she was, who she was. Looking around she could see frightened expressions on the faces of Kaylen and Fiona. Riven let out a quivering sigh of pleasure.

“Wonderful,” Riven said. “It was like living out one of my books.”

Maxim looked around the room. “Uh, did something happen?”

“So we could probably get everyone here by the day after tomorrow, right?” Andra squeaked.