Recipe for Disaster
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On September 1st, I launched a Kickstarter for my comic, The Malison Hotel. It's a light horror/mystery story with a trans protagonist. If you enjoy my writing, please consider backing or sharing.

It was good to be home.

Maxine had to admit that she wasn’t the best traveler. She became motion sick on both ships and trains and she found it difficult to sleep in strange beds, she had no survival skills to speak of and had a number of allergies to pollen and animal dander, she had a child who she refused to leave with a caretaker for longer than a day, and she had to lug around a dozen or more glass bottles, often full of volatile chemicals. To an outsider it might appear that she was not cut out to be an adventurer. There was, after all, a reason few alchemists took up careers in adventuring. Even sporadic freelance alchemy tended to be more lucrative than adventuring, and due to small-printed textbooks and frequent exposure to noxious fumes, alchemists were, by-and-large, nearsighted and asthmatic.

Still, Maxine believed that she could be a successful adventurer. After all, the right potion could knock out the strongest warrior in an instant, deflect the arrows of the most hawk-eyed ranger, and leave the most talented mages unable to cast the simplest of spells. An alchemist’s expertise, she believed, should be indispensable to any party.

Or at least she had believed it. Until it had all gone wrong.

Maxine had joined the Guild in hopes of making some extra money she could keep hidden from the ISA, allowing her to fund her research into sex-altering potions. Shortly afterward, she had received an unexpected boon in the form of a noblewoman offering her a bounty in exchange for recreating the Blessing of Sanguis. Despite some delays due to Andra’s party only securing a few drops of the potion, Maxine had successfully brewed her own version of the Blessing. Unfortunately, it had never occurred to Maxine to ask for the payment in advance. It had also never occurred to her to bring any sort of weapon or ally to meet with the noblewoman to make the exchange, at least until the woman was walking away while her guard pointed a crossbow at Maxine. However, the whole misadventure hadn’t been a complete loss. At the very least she was able to fulfill another dream thanks to her research into the Blessing, having a child of her own.

The plan, then, had become publishing a paper about the Blessing. This would make it available to alchemists all over the world, meaning anyone with enough money could purchase it legally without needing permission from the Sanguian Priestesses. It wasn’t perfect, but it would improve the world in a small way and earn Maxine some status with the ISA. But then the war had broken out and she had found herself press-ganged into Andra’s service. To further complicate things, Drake had grown much more quickly than expected.

Now, an average day began with getting up, making breakfast, and getting herself and Drake dressed. They would take a carriage to the castle where Princess Genevieve would relieve her of Drake while Maxine made her way to the morning meetings. Andra, alongside representatives of the various countries and organizations that made up the alliance would plan and strategize. Maxine’s attempts at contributing to these conversations were usually unwelcome. Her job was simply to be a presence. Once those meetings ended, Andra and Maxine would retire to a smaller meeting room where they would eat lunch and work on their various plots to assassinate the Demon King and keep the world from finding out the truth about the heroes. It was usually late afternoon by the time they would finish, after which Maxine would retrieve Drake from the princess, return home, and make dinner. Once dinner was complete there was just enough time to work on some of her freelance jobs before it was time for bed. She was rarely left with any time to research or write, let alone relax.

On this morning, as she struggled to get the way-too-energetic Drake’s shoes on, she heard a knock on the door. She quickly put on her mask—styled after an exotic bird with realistic feathers—and opened it to discover a man in a grey suit wearing an ISA badge.

“Maxim Nobody?” he asked.

“That’s me,” Maxine replied curtly.

“I’m Adam Arsenic, auditor for the ISA. You should have recently received a communication informing you of an upcoming audit.” He spoke with the brisk tone of someone who had said this countless times.

Maxine was stunned. “That was a year ago. That’s still happening?”

Adam continued in his indifferent tone. “Due to the war, ISA resources are stretched thin and certain operations have been delayed.”

What had happened to whatever Andra had done to “take care” of the audit?

“Delayed an entire year? That seems a little strange, doesn’t it?”

Adam shrugged. “Strange or not, that is what happened. Of course, I understand that since a year has elapsed, your paperwork may no longer be in order, so this is just a preliminary visit to let you know that the process will begin tomorrow and give you time to prepare.”

“Tomorrow? You’re only giving me one day to get ready?”

“I’ll need your banking records, receipts from any alchemy-related purchases, a complete inventory of all potions and ingredients that you currently—”

“Hold on, is this really necessary?” Maxine interrupted. “I’m the ISA’s representative to the alliance. Shouldn’t some considerations be made for that?”

Adam raised an eyebrow. “You do understand that all members of the ISA may be subjected to audits at any time? No one is exempt, not even the board of directors.”

Maxine was beginning to get annoyed. “Oh, please, you know as well as I do that members of the board are only ever audited if someone is making a move against them. What is this really about?”

“It’s about ensuring that members of the ISA are conducting their business in a manner consistent with our policies,” Adam replied dryly.

Maxine sighed. She wasn’t going to get anywhere by arguing with Adam. It would take at least a week to sort through all of her records and inventory and remove any signs of her research into transformation and her treatment of trans clients. Her only hope now would be to either pack up and flee town or ask Andra to “take care” of it as she had before.

After Adam left, Maxine took a few minutes to stifle an anxiety attack—it wouldn’t do any good to fall apart in front of Drake—then continued to get ready to go to the castle. Drake seemed to sense her tension, and became much more cooperative.

When the pair arrived at the castle, they first met with Genevieve at her old playroom.  It was a room full of slightly dated but well-crafted toys. As usual, Drake went straight for a set of blocks carved and painted with alchemical symbols. Although they didn’t understand what any of the symbols meant, Drake recognized them from their mother’s books and would use them to pretend to come up with new potions.

“Do you have a minute?” Genevieve asked as Drake went running straight for the blocks.

“I am running a little late,” Maxine replied.

“I think you have a minute,” Genevieve said. This time Maxine realized that it wasn’t a request.

“What do you need?”

“You know that I love little Drake,” the princess began, “and I love taking care of them. But I agreed to act as their babysitter with the assumption that my fiancée would keep me apprised of her plans.”

Maxine wasn’t sure what Genevieve was talking about. She wasn’t aware of any such arrangement. “Has she not done so?”

Genevieve shook her head. “No, she has not.”

Maxine wasn’t sure what to say. “Oh. That sounds like something you should talk with her about.”

“For example,” Genevieve continued, ignoring Maxine, “I had to find out on my own that you two have trained a nightingale to fly to the Demon King.”

“Actually, Nightingale’s the name of a person. She’s not a bird.”

“I know that,” Geneieve replied, exasperated. “I was trying to sound sinister.”

“Oh,” Maxine replied. She still wasn’t sure what to say. Was the princess just venting or was she trying to threaten her? “Why?”

“Because your little nightingale’s flown the coop,” Genieve said.

Maxine felt like she wasn’t following this conversation at all. “I don’t think nightingales live in coops.”

The princess huffed with frustration. “I mean she ran away. Stole a gun and disappeared from the ISA campus.”

That was weird, but it was nothing to panic about. “Oh. That wasn’t the plan, but she probably just felt like she had enough training and was eager to put an end to the war.”

Genevieve stared at her. “Really? Think about Nightingale. Do you actually believe that?”

“Yeah. I mean, I know Nightingale’s not the most reliable. She lives based on whims and fancies and she gets distracted easily, but she recognizes the importance of this situation. Her running away could cost lives. She’s not that selfish.”

“Are you sure about that? Absolutely sure?”

Maxine thought about it. The truth was, when Nightingale became bored or got excited about something new, she didn’t usually think about the consequences of her actions.

“Okay, you’re right,” she admitted. “Even when it comes to saving the world, I can’t be completely sure that she wouldn’t get distracted and wander off.”

Genevieve nodded. “That’s what I thought. So here’s what’s going to happen. I’m determined to support Andra no matter how bad she is at keeping promises. She’s working herself to the bone keeping a dozen different factions cooperating, and she doesn’t need your idiot friend distracting her. So here’s what’s going to happen. She isn’t going to find out. You’re going to find Nightingale, or find someone to replace her, and this assassination is going to be carried out as planned. Andra is never going to find out that anything went wrong.”

“Okay, that sounds good,” Maxine agreed. “How’s that going to happen?”

Genevieve sighed. “You’re going to make it happen.”

“Wait, what?” Maxine asked. “I can’t replace Nightingale on short notice. There aren’t any other spellswords trained in rifles, and certainly none I can trust.”

“Then you’ll have to find her.”

“But I have to be here to help Andra. And I have a child to take care of. Anyway, we have no idea where she went.”

“Don’t worry about Drake,” Genevieve said. “You have me to take care of them.”

She was being sinister again, Maxine realized. With a sudden feeling of terror, Maxine looked into the playroom where Drake was lining up blocks in rows to create “recipes.”

“And you know Nightingale better than most people,” the princess continued. “You must have some idea of where she might have gone.”

“Listen,” Maxine said quietly. “It’s important for you to understand that Nightingale can’t be predicted. There’s no way of knowing what’ll capture her interest yet. She could have run off to join the circus or learn glass blowing or become a priestess. The only things she’s ever been consistent about are being an adventurer and…” she trailed off.

“And?” Genevieve asked.

“And for a while she had a crush on Andra’s friend, Kaylen,” Maxine finished. “But she disappeared back when the war started. Usually if you take Nightingale away from her latest whimsy, she forgets about it, but she kept talking about Kaylen for a while.”

Genevieve nodded. “So if she had heard some rumor about Kaylen…”

“...she may have gone in search of her,” Maxine admitted. “It’s a long shot, but it’s possible. But I have no idea how to find Kaylen, either.”

Genevieve sighed. “For someone who is smart enough to become an alchemist, you certainly are bad at solving problems. Think about it. I wanted to find Nightingale, so I asked someone who knew her and discovered a huge clue to her where she may be. So if you talk to someone who knows Kaylen…”

“So I should go to her parents? Or the church?” Maxine asked. “The only other person around here who knows her well is Andra.”

“Both Kaylen and Andra were at the castle on the day Kaylen disappeared.”

“But you said I couldn’t tell Andra about any of this.”

The princess sighed again. “How are you this bad at this? Do I have to spell out everything for you? Be subtle and don’t mention why you’re asking. Now, you’d better get to your meeting.”

After a last lingering look at Drake, Maxine hurried to the meeting room, her mind awash in anxiety. That had been a threat, hadn’t it? And against a child? What kind of a monster was Genevieve? Fleeing was looking more and more appealing. She could get a job as a physician in a small village somewhere. She would never see her family or friends again, but at least Drake would be safe.

Andra greeted Maxine with a “You’re late,” and the two made their way into the meeting room. Maxine wouldn’t be able to talk to her now, in front of the gathered leaders of the alliance, so she spent a stress-filled morning listening to an argument over how many resources the alliance should take from the lands they controlled. She didn’t pay any attention. It wouldn’t have mattered if she had.

After the meeting, Andra led the way to the smaller meeting room where she sat down and covered her face with her hands.

“I’m not a bad person, Maxine,” she said.

“What do you mean?” Maxine asked as she took her seat.

Andra peeked out from between her fingers. “Are you kidding me? You heard those people. They want to ransack the southern continent, let the people there starve. They want to kill demon civilians and harvest their horns for weapons and alchemy.”

Had that been proposed at the meeting? Maxine really must have been spacing off.

“It’s a good thing you actually care about people’s lives,” Maxine replied.

“But that’s the thing. They keep saying that if I listen to them, that it’ll end the war sooner. Wouldn’t that save even more lives?”

Maxine remained silent. She didn’t know what to say. There was something wrong about seeing Andra struggle. She was supposed to be the one who was always confident, always in control, always sure of herself even when everything was going wrong.

“I’m not a bad person. I know I’m selfish. I take what I want and I don’t worry too much if a few people get hurt along the way. I use and manipulate people. I’m not afraid to kill. But I am nothing,” she pointed to the door, “compared to those people. I know I have a reputation for being a narcissist, but if I think I’m better than everybody it’s only because that usually turns out to be the case.” She sighed. “But I’m starting to think that leadership isn’t for good people.”

Maxine opened her mouth to respond but Andra interrupted her, suddenly cheerful. “Anyway, this nightmare should be over soon enough. How are you doing?”

“Well, this morning I was visited by an auditor,” Maxine began.

“Seriously? I took care of that ages ago.” Andra waved a hand dismissively. “Whatever. I’ll send another letter. You don’t have to worry about it.”

“The only problem with that is the audit is scheduled to begin tomorrow.”

“So?” Andra asked. “Tell him you’re busy with war stuff.”

“It doesn’t work that way. When the ISA says an audit is going to begin, they don’t accept excuses,” Maxine explained.

Andra groaned. “This whole war would be so much easier if people just did as I said. Fine, I guess you’d better start cooking your books. Keep him distracted for a few days and I’ll get this sorted out.”

Maxine thought for a moment, deciding whether or not to say what she was thinking. Eventually she decided Andra deserved to hear it. “Actually, I think I might go into hiding.”

Andra frowned. “Why? You don’t need to worry about this audit thing. You’re not going to get arrested on my watch.”

Maxine shook her head. “That’s easy for you to say. You’re not the one facing prison.”

Andra stared at Maxine’s mask for a long time. “Is there something else going on?”

“What are you talking about?” Maxine asked. Obviously her expression wasn’t betraying her. Was there something in her voice?

“You know that when I want something done, it gets done. So what really has you ready to run away?”

Maxine hesitated. If she told Andra the truth, Genevieve would be furious. On the other hand, all of her experiences with Andra over the last year had taught her that being direct with her was always the best choice. Anyway, if she told Andra and things went badly, she could still skip town before the princess could follow through on her threats. Maxine told Andra about her encounter with Genevieve.

Andra rolled her eyes. “Of course. Genevieve. She wants to be part of my plans, and I understand that, but she isn’t willing to just trust me with certain things. I go to her if I need her help, but that’s not enough for her. She has to be involved in everything.

She leaned back. “Don’t worry about Drake. She would never hurt a child. The more important thing is to figure out what’s going on with Nightingale. Where do you think she went?”

“Honestly?” Maxine replied. “Like I told Genevieve, I think she most likely went to kill the Demon King. It’s possible that she really did hear something about Kaylen, though, and went after her. Or maybe something else caught her interest. It’s impossible to be sure with Nightingale.”

“Okay, okay,” Andra said, nodding. “Kaylen has a Magi-net book. Now that we know why it was having problems, we can send her a message through one of the other libraries. That way, you’ll be able to report to Genevieve that you’re making progress.”

“That’ll buy us a few days, at least,” Maxine agreed.

“Right? It’ll be fine. See? Everything’s still okay,” Andra said unconvincingly. “But just in case, do we have a backup plan?”

“I believe our next best plan was ‘guy with a slingshot and explosive potions,’” Maxine replied.

Andra made a disgusted noise. “Okay, that’s no good. Let’s brainstorm some more ideas. Maybe ones that are a little faster than training a spellsword to use a rifle. I honestly couldn’t believe that you of all people suggested using magic.”

Maxine shrugged. “That’s what magic is good for. Unlike alchemy, it’s an art that has spent centuries focused on the best ways to kill people. It doesn’t have much use when employed for, well, any other aspect of life, but it is really good at killing.”

“In that case, why don’t we start with that. Like, say we found five or six mages we could trust. If they all, like, combined their magic could they just blow up the whole castle or something?”

It would prove to be a long afternoon.

9