• The clock was striking 1 in the night. The moonlight which could be seen outside of the window was mesmerising. Little rays of the moon were slowly entering from the open window replenishing the darkroom in which I laid. Looking at the restless clouds I couldn't stop but feel that I was similar to them. As they didn't move an inch just like me, even though the surroundings were beautiful they didn't demonstrate any movement. For me, who had been bedridden for the last 28 years it felt relatable gazing at the clouds.

• Since childhood, I was paralyzed from both arms and limbs. Only my neck was moveable. Walking, running living a normal life was a faraway dream for me. I grew up looking at kids of my age playing, making friends, going to school, making memories, entering their youth living a normal and happy life. It made my heart ache to look at people doing things that I could only dream about.

• Then suddenly I heard a knock on the door. I already knew who was it because at this time only she can come to check on me. I replied,

• "You may enter."

• The door opened and what stood before was a woman in her late 50's holding a book crate.

• She was my mom. My only family. My father had become a martyr in the war when I was little. My mother raised me all by herself.

 
• "What made you come here so late in the night?"

• To which she paused and replied,

• "A mother doesn't need a reason to come visit her son. Or do you not want to take the book you ordered."

• "You could have waited for the sun to rise at least."

• "Ok, guess I am going back then."

• "N- no. I was just fooling around."

• I started giggling. But she stood silent and came to sit on the couch next to my bed.

• After some time she said,

• "Here's the book that you wanted."

• I eagerly told her to open it and put it on my lap. Since I was paralysed I was unable to do any movements.

• "101 tactics used by greatest generals of all time"

• It was a book which I always wanted.

• "You love reading books about wars, just what's so interesting about them?"

• To which I replied, "it's because of my dad."

• I only had a few memories of me and my dad. The memories I retained were in which my dad used to talk about famous generals of the past.

• When dad died in the war, it was only this thing that I remembered about him and after his death, the interest-only grew.

• Despite being a foot soldier in the army and a die-hard patriot my dad hated the concept of wars.

• "Sons should bury their fathers, but in war, fathers bury their sons." That is what he used to say. Despite that, he died.

 
• Suddenly I heard the sound that someone was sobbing. I looked around to see that it was my mother, her both eyes were red and after our eyes met her crying turned hysterical. I was shocked to see my mother in that state, tears were flowing down from her eyes nonstop. I said, "Mother what happened?"

• But she didn't answer the question and started to say "sorry". Looking at her I felt nervous about what my mother was crying too.

• "I am sorry--sorry, ahh huh I am sorry sorry"

• She was grabbing my shirt with unimaginable strength. I started to feel nervous looking at her hysterical crying. I was going to ask her what happened again just then,

• "You are going to leave me just like your father."

• Those words.

• I was not stupid enough to don't know what they meant.

 
• "The doctor said that tonight you will pass away."

• It felt like my whole was shattered. I felt numb for a moment. Like it didn't felt like real.

 
• "I am sorry Karna, I wasn't able to give birth to a healthy you. Forgive me. Forgive me"

• She kept on crying with her eyes red.

• I felt heartbroken not because that I was going to die I did know that it was inevitable, I was just lucky for the past 28 years. But the thing that broke me the most was to see the only person I truly cared for, the only person who provided me with unconditional love was crying because of me. I felt worthless not being able to stop her from crying, I wanted to hold her and tell her not to cry but my paralysis made it impossible. I wanted to wipe the tears she was shedding for me while agonizing in pain. It felt like my heart was broken into a million pieces. I was sitting beside her but couldn't hold her. It felt like was miles apart from her mother to which I realized that tears were also pouring down from my face too.

 
• "I am sorry Karna I am sorry, forgive your mother for not being able to provide you with a healthy body."
• I felt an intense churn inside my stomach. I wanted to open my mouth to stop her from apologising but couldn't do so, it felt like my jaw just wouldn't open up. I remained silent, not because I wanted to but because of the shock and regret, I was keeping. It felt like I was already dead.

• She slowly and slowly fell asleep and the room was dead silent again.

 
• "Looks like I will be going away once I sleep too."

• I saw her hand which was holding mine. I couldn't feel it, long before I had accepted that as a fact but right now I felt the most regret in my entire lifetime. I wasn't able to feel the hand of my only family as I leave this world. Tears flowed down my face non-stop.

• "At least she is asleep now."

• I didn't want to see her crying face as left this world. The calm face as she was sleeping brought me a little joy.

• Slowly and slowly my vision too started to fade away. It felt like I was floating in the air, I had been paralyzed since birth so I couldn't feel my bodyweight even though it felt like I was the lightest I ever had been.

• "I am sorry mother for leaving you all alone. I am sorry."

• Slowly and slowly my consciousness started to fade away and I fell asleep with tears on my face.

~~~~~~~~~ I PASSED AWAY ~~~~~~~~

• I wasn't able to do anything worthwhile in my life just provided miseries to both of my parents. It felt bad. I felt pathetic. Not able to provide them with joy and smiling faces. They only cared about me without worrying about their health.

• I don't know if there is an afterlife but if there is any, I wish I would live it to my fullest.

• Just then I opened my eyes and felt a hot sun over my head. I looked around to see greenery all around, it was a big field with lots of giant trees. But the thing which amazed me the most was that there were two suns in the sky.

• And the first question i had was,

~~~~~~~~~ where am i ? ~~~~~~~~~