Thankfully, Jen didn’t press any issues further once we were back to her place. She asked me if I needed anything, but I declined. All I need right now is privacy. It’s sorta funny to think that I have my own room I could go be alone in. I hadn’t had that in years. I closed the door on my way in and clicked the lock on the knob. Another luxury… a door. A door that locks. I really was spoiled here. So why am I so afraid? Why am I ruining it?

I flopped down in bed, burying my face in the pillow. Drowning in thoughts of how soon this would all come to an end, how quickly I would be whisked away to a new ‘home’ and some uncaring foster system, my emotions got away from me again. I was crying, again. I clutched the pillow as my body trembled, wracked by great heaving sobs. It hurt. Everything hurts. My body, my feelings, my thoughts. Life was so much easier on the streets. I didn’t have to feel things, or think about things. I just had to keep living.

I’m not sure when I stopped crying, or when I had lapsed into silence, staring at the city outside my window. A series of soft knocks came at the door to my room. “Kit… Can I come in?” It was Jen. I took a deep breath and trudged over to the door, still shrouded in my blanket. I flipped the switch on the knob and began the long trek back to bed. 

Hearing the door unlock, Jen must have taken it as an invitation, and she gingerly opened it. “Hey…” She sounded almost timid as she approached the bed slowly. 

“Hey…” I mumbled from within my blanket wrap.

“Can I sit down?” She motioned to the bed beside me. I nodded. She took a seat, her eyes flicking over me in my blanket burrito. “Tonight was… a lot, huh?”

I met her gaze briefly, then looked away again. “Yeah. I… I understand if you don’t want to keep me anymore.”

She was hugging me. Why? I couldn’t even move my arms to try to squirm free, or even return the gesture. It was like being caught in a vice. “You silly boy,” she said, sending a ripple of unease through me for some reason, “of course I want to keep you, if you still want to stay.”

If I could have cried again, I would have, but my body was cried out. Instead I just leaned into her hug. I didn’t even have words at the moment. She wasn’t getting rid of me? She didn’t hate me?

Eventually what became a comforting hug turned into the warm embrace of sleep, and I drifted away on the subtle vanilla scent of her shampoo. It smelled nice. I wonder if she’d let me use some…

==========

Tuesday morning arrived in an entirely different fashion to Monday before it. There was no smell of coffee, no TV newscasters. There was a lot of warmth though. I opened my eyes slowly, blinking the sleep away. Jen was laying in bed with me, her arms still around me. Had she fallen asleep comforting me? I felt my face heat. I had to wriggle free from her grasp, but as I tried, she pulled me closer.

“Mmm…. it’s okay Kat…” she mumbled in her sleep, “I’m here…” 

Crap. I couldn’t deal with this right now. I wanted to stay there, but I wanted to run away. I need to pee, but even beyond that physical need, there’s something else. It didn’t feel as weird when she called me Kat. I mean… Kat had a nice place to stay. Kat had someone that cared about her. What did Kit have?

A history of abandonment and a harsh struggle to survive.

Despite the protests of my bladder, I stayed nestled in Jen’s arms for a while longer. Maybe if it meant moments like this, I could be okay with being Kat... 

A dizzy sensation passed through me, and I was glad I had been laying down. That was familiar. Oh crap. I wriggled my arm free and checked the watch. Sure enough.

‘Particle Saturation - 65%’

Oh. Oh no, I— I could worry about that in a minute. I have to go. I forced myself free of Jen’s grasp and hurried to the bathroom. I just barely hit the seat before I felt the rush of relief, and let out a long, involuntary sigh.

What the…? I looked around quickly as if someone else could possibly have been in here. Nope. Just me. Oh no. That means...

“Uh… Testing?” Ohhh crap. Yep. That’s me. Oh crap. Well I guess I know what that dizziness this morning was. I finish up quickly and make myself decent. I’m drying my hands when I realize my voice isn’t the only thing that changed. I gasp and stare at the girl in the mirror. She’s cute. Like really cute. Even with her messily chopped hair. 

I lean in a bit, staring at the girl up close. Slightly upturned nose, full lips, big golden-amber eyes, slitted pupils - wait a second. I look at the eyes again. Yep. Definitely slitted pupils. And that amber coloration… That’s not my eye color.

“What the heck?” I take a step back from the mirror, and hear a knock at the door.

“Kit, are you in there hon? I need to use the bathroom when you’re done.”

Oh crap. Oh crap, okay, okay, oh crap, how do I explain this to Jen? I mean, maybe I just won’t say anything. Maybe she won’t notice my face and eyes. Yeah. That’s plausible, right? I mean how closely do people look at each other in the morning anyway. Okay. I’ll just hurry past her and go hide in bed. Perfect. 

With a deep breath I turn the latch on the door and pull it inwards.

“Hey there, good morning!” Jen says warmly.

“Ah, Morning!” Crap! She surprised me! I had to say something back! The warmth from her smile had quickly evaporated into stunned neutrality. Now she’s just standing there, staring at me. What should I do?!

After a moment, Jen seemed to recover and re-affixed her smile. “Um, Excuse me hon.”

Oh right. I’m still standing in the doorway. “S-sorry.” I move aside and let her in. She closes the door behind her and I am free to run back to my room and hide. I bury myself in the covers, wrapping them tightly around me.

Okay. Think about this logically. I woke up this morning and I look and sound like a girl. Well… mostly. My body is still mostly boyish. I mean, as boyish as it could be, I think. My proportions are still about as scrawny as before, so I don’t think too much has changed? I’m not exactly in a hurry to find out though. I wonder if Jen will let me stay bundled up in bed for the rest of the week? Yeah, that sounds nice.

A soft knock came at the door frame as Jen leaned in. Crap. “Kit, are you okay?” she did stay by the door, at least. So she wasn’t just approaching me without an invitation.

“Yeah…” I mumbled, pulling the covers off my head. This new voice is definitely going to take some getting used to.

“Well… If you get hungry, I’m going to make a late breakfast.” She smiled at me, and I knew I’d feel bad turning that invite down. I nodded in reply.

“Okay… Be out in a minute…” I shuffled around under the blanket for a bit, trying to disentangle myself.

“Ok, hon.” Jen pulls the door shut and I hear her walk down the hall.

Free of the bed trappings, I stare at my full reflection in the mirror. No matter how I look at me, all I can see is some scrawny girl in way too big guy clothes. I sigh and drop the shorts, tossing them into the basket near my closet that Jen designated for dirty clothes. Standing there in just the shirt it does in fact look like a short dress on me. I peel that off too and toss it into the basket. I change quickly into a pair of jeans and a long sleeve t-shirt from the Bureau’s wardrobe box. It’s just loose enough on me that I can’t tell if my body looks any different under it.

Jen smiles when she sees me take a seat at the breakfast bar. She’s working at the stove, with something sizzling away. It smells good. “Sleep well?”

“Uh… Yeah…” I can feel my face heating at the memory of waking up in her embrace. “H-how about you?”

“Very,” she smiles and chuckles. “You feeling better this morning?”

“Yeah… kinda,” I sigh, motioning to myself. “More changes… though it’s not like you don’t know that already…”

Jen nods. “Yeah. Kind of hard to miss that cute face and that sweet voice, hon.”

My face somehow manages to get even warmer, eliciting more laughter from Jen. “Uh- I… I’m not sure how to feel about that kind of compliment…” I mean, I don’t want to be cute. Do I? I want to be… what do I even want to be? Normal? Yeah. Normal sounds good.

“Your eyes are so pretty, too! They remind me of Gigs’ eyes.”

Oh god. I cover my face with my hands. Nope. I can’t even face her right now. I need to hold this blood in my face before it explodes out or something. She’s laughing again, but it’s not malicious or anything. I stay this way until I hear the plate being slid in front of me. I peek through my fingers - Bacon, diced potatoes, and eggs. It smells amazing. My stomach grumbles. Why is it always grumbling now? I used to go way longer without eating. Stupid spoiled stomach making cute rumbly noises. Ugh. No. No! It's not cute! 

I dig into my breakfast out of a desire to have anything else to do but sit here blushing while Jen compliments me.

“Well, with that aside, there is something I wanted to talk to you about. I know it’s probably going to be stressful though. We can wait until after breakfast, if you want.” Jen takes a seat next to me with her own plate.

“No,” I sigh, shaking my head. “Might as well get it over with now while there’s still bacon to make it better.”

“Alright, hon…” She produces a letter from the pocket of her pyjama pants. Why do pyjamas get pockets but not normal girl pants? That makes no sense. Who needs to carry stuff in their sleep? Weird.

“This is that letter that was in the box with your other new items from the Bureau.” She slid it towards me, and continued. “Since you’re still legally a child you’re required to attend school. Because of that, the Bureau enrolled you at a local public school. You were technically supposed to start today, but with how yesterday went, I thought maybe it was best to wait a day. They sent a few sets of uniforms for your new school along as well, but I left those in the box the other night. I didn’t want to overwhelm you. I think it’s probably for the best if we make sure they fit, though.”

I just stared and took in everything she said. Wait, so I have to go back to school? And I have to wear a uniform? Oh I don’t like the sound of that. I doubt I’m so lucky as to go to one of those schools where the girls get to wear pants. Not if the Bureau picked it, especially.

Jen’s hand finds my shoulder and gives it a little squeeze. “Don’t worry, Kit… You’ll do fine.” I appreciate that she’s calling me by my real name… but somehow it doesn’t seem to fit anymore. I sigh heavily, and push my plate away. My appetite is gone. Jen frowns. 

“Sorry… The food is great, I just… I don’t want to go to school as a girl.”

Jen nods. “I know, hon. I wish you didn’t have to, but you know what they’d do if I let you stay home and avoid the issue. At least it’s only for the rest of this week - three days, really. Then once the ‘event’ is over, you can either go as a guy, or… I mean... If you don’t plan to stay, you could just drop out again I suppose.” That latter option seems to make her sad. She wants me to stay in school? Stay here with her? Was she being honest before? Ugh...

Jen continues on with the minor details of the letter, including the information about my forms of ID, student ID, a class schedule, etc. etc… I’m not really listening anymore at that point. 

“Are you ok, hon?” She asks me for what feels like the millionth time since this started. I just nod. The last thing I need is Dobbs coming and punishing Jen for not following his stupid rules. They might not notice me wearing boy clothes around the apartment or out with Jen, but they’d definitely notice if I didn’t go to the classes they signed me up for, or showed up in the boys uniform.

“I guess… I’d better try the uniforms on.”