PLEASE READ: This chapter contains events that relate to PTSD flashbacks in the second half. We ideally would like to avoid including situations such as this as much as possible, and it will be a very rare occurrence that these happen as we want to focus on the recovery aspect. It is, however, a very real part of what Kendall goes through that can't be skipped over.
Content warning for what happens in said scene: Implied sexual abuse and implied overdosing.
If you need to step back, or skip the second half of this chapter entirely for your own health and safety, then please do so.
I've waited here for at least five hours or something and had that scan thing. I also ate lunch with Emma and Mom before they headed back off to work. Now I sat here as it came up on visiting hours, so I could finally maybe get a chance to talk to Robbie.
A thin balding guy who looked like the 'nice dad' and a woman I could only describe as normal went up to the nurses desk with a small kid in between.
"Excuse me. We're here to see Robbie Reynolds," the guy said.
I pushed myself up with the arm rests and sat on the edge of my seat.
"There's still five minutes before it's visiting time, so if you want to take a seat over there, " she said as she pointed over to the seats, "I'll call you when it's time."
"Thank you," he said as they all walked over and sat a few seats down from me. I kept glancing over at them and did my best to work up the nerve to say something. Instead, the little girl noticed me first, which got her parents also looking at me. It completely screwed up my plan to ready myself.
"Can we help you?" he asked.
I breathed in deep, "You said you're here to see Robbie."
"Yeah, and who are you?"
"My name's Emma. I'm a friend of Robbie's."
He stared at me like I was a liar. I mean, I was, but there was no way in hell he would know.
"What happened to your face?" he asked and caught me off guard with how damn blunt he was.
"I got into a fight trying to defend someone."
"Wow, that's really nice of you," he said in a calm voice. We stared at each other with deadpan faces. "I ask because I was told the person that's been going after my son was sent to the hospital with a beat up face."
"I know. Robbie's had a bully for a long time. She's crazy and I'm sorry he needs to deal with her."
"I was also told she had blonde hair."
"Yeah, I'm glad someone finally taught her a lesson."
"And her name's Kendall."
"That's her. Who names their kid Kendall anyway? That's a name only assholes have."
Neither of our faces broke from that deadpan look.
"So where do you think this Kendall is now?"
"Somewhere in the emergency room probably."
"So you're not Kendall?" he asked.
"I'm pretty sure I'd know if I had a stupid name like that."
He leaned back in his seat and finally broke eye contact. "Yeah," he said as he rubbed his mouth, "Sorry. This entire thing has me freaking out."
Him saying sorry to me was wrong on so many levels. "He's going to be fine," I said, "I'm going to do whatever I can to help him."
"Thank you. But why haven't I heard your name come up before? Robbie usually tells us about his friends."
"He's not super close with me, but he's really the only person I talk to. So when I heard he tried to- well..." I shifted in my seat. "I got scared."
"Well it means a lot for you to come and support him."
"You can go see him now," the lady behind the desk said to his family.
"Can I go in and see him too?" I asked.
"I'll ask him, but I don't want any surprise visitors." They got up and were guided in.
I'm going to laugh my head off when Robbie tells them who we are.
I sat there and ignored her return as I waited.
It didn't take nearly as long as I thought before his dad walked out with one of the aids. His intense eyes locked onto mine as he marched up to me. I stood up before he got to me and my eyes darted to the two exits in the room. One in the front and one to the back.
"Kendall." He puffed out his chest. "You're the one who did all that messed up stuff to my son."
I was positive I could take him in a fight, but I stepped back a bit. "Alright, I'm sorry. I never wanted to put him in there, but I really am here to support him."
"Don't give me that crap. Do you have any idea what Robbie went through because of you?" He put his hands on his hips. "If I had it my way you'd be shipped somewhere far away, but for some god knows what reason, Robbie wants to talk to you."
Oh you've got to be kidding me.
Ha! See? It worked. Also welcome back.
He turned and walked off as I followed him through the doors without a word.
---
Walking through this same hall to visit Emma and Mom.
---
We made it to the visiting room, and inside was Robbie with his mom, and I guessed his sister. All of who also stared right at me.
"Can I talk with Kendall alone?" Robbie asked.
His dad crossed his arms, "This is supposed to be a place where you don't have to deal with her, and we're already pushing what's acceptable."
"It'll be fine," Robbie said, "She can't do anything here, and if she tries then I'll just end it. I just really need to say this to her. Alone. It'll only take a minute or two. That's all."
They all looked at each other, before his dad walked in front of me.
"Two minutes, then I'm cutting it off there myself, but if I think you're trying anything, then I'll come in here and stop it."
"I promise I'm only here to try and help, Sir."
He didn't respond, but they all walked out of the room together.
With just the two of us, I sat down across Robbie with Esmer leaning on the table to the side.
"Hey, I just wanted to say I'm sorry about what happened. I took things way too far and you shouldn't need to be here because-"
"Shut up. I don't care and I'm not buying it. My dad said you were really beaten up." A smile crept up on him. "I wanted to see you like that. So Sophie did that to you?"
"Yeah…"
"She shouldn't have stopped at your face."
That look in his eyes as he said that.
Be careful.
"There's something else. You said that Mr. Roland talked to me about anima. Tell me why."
"Because he said he got you one. Something about them making it so you wouldn't care if I bullied you. I don't know why, but he tried to get me to go through with it and get one myself."
His mouth hung open for a split second before twisting back to that grin. "So you have an anima?"
"Yeah, but she's kinda going through some stuff right now. Look Robbie, I didn't mean to make you do this-"
"How much do you know about them?"
"I didn't even know what an anima was before he told me, but I just- just wanted to find out what you were doing with it. I kinda lost my cool when you didn't tell me."
"Kinda lost your cool." His smile vanished. "Is that what you call almost bashing my head against the ground and breaking all my stuff?"
"I didn't almost bash your head. You landed on your back."
His face turned red as he glared at me. "The only reason it didn't hit the ground was because I put my arm behind my head.”
I deflated as I peeked at Esmer.
I told you you could seriously hurt him.
"...I'm sorry, I know I went too far, but I'll do whatever you want me to if it'll help make up for it."
This has been a terrible apology by the way.
No emotion.
Even I can't hear remorse in your voice.
I'm fucking trying, alright? This isn't as easy as it looks.
"Whatever I want? Anything at all?" He planted his hands on the desk.
"Whatever you need me to do, I'll do my best. As long as it's not really creepy."
"So...you're going to leave me alone?"
"I won't lay a finger on you from now on."
He leaned back and looked done with me. "Just like that, huh?"
With a nervous laugh, "Just like that."
He stared at me with a blank face. "Buy my lunch for the rest of high school."
"I might need to talk to my Mom and sister, but if that'll help you, then alright."
"And when I get out of here, you're going to show me where you live, and I'm taking my backpack and chair."
"Umm. About that. I brought in your chair to school this morning after I fixed it up, but I don't know what happened to it after Sophie attacked me."
"Fix it up? Do you think I'm that fucking stupid that I'd believe you'd fix something of mine? After you took broke everything and took it all?"
Wait. Did he think I took them to be an asshole?
Seems that way.
Fuuuck! I didn't mean it like that.
"Okay, um, I know it doesn't look good, but I didn't try to steal your stuff. You left them there and I didn't want them getting thrown out, so I brought everything you left home with me. I was going to bring them to you today after I spent the weekend fixing the chair."
He started laughing, "Again. I don't care and I don't believe you. The only way I'm going to see them again is if I take them. So that's what I'm gonna do."
"Robbie I'm giving them to you. Your chair is at school and your backpack is-" I paused and got way too fucking red when it hit me that his bag was still at my house.
Why the hell didn't you remind me about bringing his bag?
It's not my job to remember anything.
Besides, I don't remember stuff if you don't.
All I do is organize our thoughts and tell you the most important bits first.
"Safe at my house. I can bring it to you when you're out of here."
He laughed even harder, "So you were going to bring them today, but it's still at your house. Of course it is. It doesn't matter. Even if you did bring them, you're still going to show me where you live."
I froze, "Why do you need to know that?"
"Because I know your parents probably think of you as a golden child." He leaned forward. "So from now on you're going to do whatever I say. If you don't, then I'm gonna tell your parents everything you did to me. However many hours it takes." He leaned forward even more. "And I might remember some things being a lot worse than they actually were."
Holy fuck.
He's actually blackmailing me.
And it's going to work.
"I'm not going to say I don't deserve it, but you're getting a little creepy here…"
"And you're going to wake up my anima. Right here and now."
Ignoring my response, he continued on like I didn't say anything.
"Hold on, can we please talk about that whole blackmail thing?"
"No, now wake up my anima. I already have everything picked."
"How would I know how that stuff works? I didn't even believe in it until Mr. Roland got me mine."
"All you do is have your anima put their hand on a person's head and pour energy into the person."
I scrunch my eyes at him. "The fuck you mean energy?"
"I don't know. Just picture energy coming from your anima. I don't care how it's done. Just do it. I want this over with so I can spend time with my family."
What do you think?
He's blackmailing us.
And he's threatening to make it sound worse than it was.
Both Mom and Emma would believe it, too.
That's what you get for being an asshole.
"Fine, okay." I motioned Esmer to do whatever the hell this was.
Esmer walked up to him and placed her hand on Robbie's head. A wave of purple energy flowed from her arm and into Robbie's head. It actually made his eyes clench, and after a few seconds, he opened them back up. The look and smile he gave me was the second evilest I've ever seen on a person.
"I knew you were a stupid bitch, but I didn't think you wouldn't know how bad it is to wake up an anima."
"Uhhh, what do you mean? Sure it's kind of freaky at first, but it hasn't been too bad."
He stood up and walked around the table. "You really think that's what I mean?" Planting a hand on the desk as he looked down at me, "It's really fucking illegal to wake up someone's anima." He leaned closer. "So don't worry about doing what I say if you go to jail." With a wink, he walked back over to the door and opened it.
Did he just…
In what world would this be illegal?
Don't be stupid.
He's trying to mess with you.
He said jail. Why the fuck would I go to jail?
Stop freaking out.
It doesn't make sense for this to be illegal.
Let alone something to go to jail over.
How the fuck can you tell me to not freak out when you know he's-
My chest pounded like I just ran ten miles in a minute as I shot up and rushed out the room.
"Robbie," I said, cutting between him and his family, "You're kidding about all that stuff with the anima and jail stuff right and it's not actually that bad and I don't-"
For fucks sake.
Breath already.
"-Nothing's really going to happen, right?"
"I'm done talking to you," he said with a straight face. "Leave me alone."
"Hold on just a minute," I said as I grabbed his shoulders, "I just need to hear that you're kidding about-"
His dad cut in between us, "Get your filthy hands off of my son."
"Sir I'm not trying to hurt him I just-"
"Is there a problem here?"A couple of big guys in white walked up as I got cut off again.
"This person won't leave me alone," Robbie said.
"I'll leave you alone just please tell me you were-"
"Alright, that's enough," the two guys in white walked closer, but I backed up and raised my hands. "Okay okay. Just. I'll leave."
I turned around and they brought me outside the doors and back into the waiting room before going back.
Immediately, I took out my phone and typed 'Is giving a person an anima illegal?'
'Anima are manifestations of the subconscious that grant powers to-' Don't care.
My eyes speed through the text.
'Highly emotional entities that focus on desires over morals-' Don't fucking care.
'Due to their possible unstable and dangerous nature, and their blatant disregard for the law, it is a federal crime to wake up an anima without going through proper channels and assessment. Punishment for waking a person's anima can range from heavy fines to jail time.'
Esmer and myself froze for a moment as my hands began to shake.
A federal crime.
That means a federal jail.
That's the same place father is in.
Burning anger from my chest made it even harder to breathe.
This is all because of you.
That anger burned until my legs wobbled and forced me to sit down on the closest chair.
Why did you have to be stupid and try to see him!?
Esmer stood in front, bent down and grabbed my arms.
I am not going anywhere near father.
If you get us thrown into the same place, then I promise you.
My heart was on its way to exploding as something came from Esmer that put me on the edge of throwing up.
I'll do whatever I have to to stay away from him.
I opened up my phone again.
630-46-
Fucking-
638-49-
My screw ups almost made me yell in frustration, but I stopped myself and focused only on the numbers. Even with the shaking I dialed Emma's work number and held the phone to my ear.
Please pick up...please pick up...please pick up...
"Hey, wh-"
"Please come pick me up. I want to go home. Please I- I need a ride right now."
"What's going on? They said you should stay overnight."
"Big panic attack," was all I could say as Esmer kept fucking looking at me.
What do you want!? I didn't know that would happen!
"Oh fu- Okay, I'm just wrapping up here. I'll be there as soon as I can."
I want you to fucking listen to me when I tell you not to do something.
It's this kind of stuff that gets you in trouble.
If you just waited then maybe this wouldn't have happened.
"Okay," I said, hanging up and putting the phone away to focus on calming myself down. I ran both hands through my hair and rested my forehead on my hands.
I'll listen to you. Just stop whatever you're doing.
How can I trust that?
We both know how much you lie to get what you want.
I leaned back in my seat and pressed my hand against my mouth. Even when I avoided looking at her, she didn't let up for a moment.
I know you won't believe me but I mean it. So please stop whatever it is you're doing. I'm seriously going to be sick.
She waited way too long to decide, but she eventually sat next to me and started shaking.
We need to tell Emma about what happened.
If there's anyone that can help with this it's her.
I can't tell her any of this happened. What if she found out everything I did? She'd fucking kill me.
I know.
But killing you is better than getting thrown in jail with him.
And we need to deal with this fast.
That little shit added so much junk in here.
All I can do is hold it back.
I did a double take at Esmer.
Why the hell are you holding anything back!? That's what got you like this.
She rubbed her forehead and shifted around.
Because it's the only thing stopping us from having a full on episode.
I froze on the spot.
Forget about Emma.
You need to get somewhere quiet right now.
Someplace we can be alone.
Without a word I stood up and walked towards the back of the waiting room.
Not good enough.
People looking at us will make it too hard to hold back.
Need to be completely alone.
I kept walking down the room and headed into a hallway.
Just tell me what you want to do and I'll do it.
The gift shop downstairs.
Nobody's ever in gift shops.
You can hide in the back.
As calmly as I could, I walked to the elevator.
Not the elevator.
Can be stuck with someone.
Take the stairs.
Walking past it, I headed to the stairs and pushed open the door to start going down.
How are you doing?
Don't ask.
Just get us there.
I picked up my pace.
Can't we hide here?
Risk of someone walking into us is too high.
Again just get us there.
Okay. Whatever you want.
I walked down the stairs until we got to the first floor. I opened the door just as a couple of people walked passed, which made me jump back. My hands started to numb up.
Look before you go out next time.
Sorry. Just- really having a hard time here. I'll be more careful.
I peeked out the door, and it was clear down the hall. We just had to make it there and turn the corner.
Are you sure the gift shop is safe?
I stepped out and made my way down the hall.
Don't start doubting me.
I'm not. Just getting hard to see straight and I'm worried…
It's getting harder to hold back.
Stop talking and just go.
I shut up and turned the corner to see a group of people walk into the gift shop. I stopped there and looked around for another place.
Go outside.
I turned towards the front door as my breath slowly disappeared.
I'm sorry Kendall.
I screwed up.
Shut up and just- keep helping me. Please.
There are bushes out front.
Hide behind them.
I walked outside and turned the corner.
Text Emma.
I barely kept my grip on my phone as I took it out.
Tell her we're outside behind the bushes.
I typed and walked. 'Haing epispde outside behind bushes hury' as I made it to the bushes and collapsed down while Esmer sat down in front of me.
Listen to me.
---
"I told you to never try to tell anyone."
---
I can't hold this much back.
I'm sorry I told you to go to the shop.
---
"Since I love you so much,"
---
Esmer's head started to twitch.
Not your fault.
I leaned against the building as my limbs and almost entire body tingled.
Couldn't talk. Couldn't think.
Esmers entire body twitched.
She arched her back and screamed out in pain.
I sat there. Eyes glued open. Even as sweat dripped into them.
Esmer flailed around on the ground. Screaming for help.
Everything melted away into my old room.
My father dragged me into my room by my hair and pushed me into the corner. As I stared up at him I wanted nothing more than to curl up, but he gripped my neck and pushed my head back.
"I told you to never try to tell anyone," he whispered in my ear, "I said no one would believe you. Now things are going to get so much worse." His other hand ran up my leg. "Or is that what you wanted? I always knew you liked our alone time."
I shut my eyes.
This wasn't happening. This wasn't-
My body tensed up in an instant as I flinched away from him, but he pulled me upright by my neck. "I know that's why you tried to tell your mother. Don't worry. I'll give you exactly what you want tonight."
"Please don't…"
"You say you don't want it, but you keep doing things that make me do this." I squirmed as he kissed my neck. "This is all your fault you know. None of this would have happened if you were never born. Stay here."
The moment he let go of me and walked out of the room, I slid my back down to the ground and covered my face.
She didn't fucking believe me!?
I grabbed my hair with both hands and pulled.
Not only that but she fucking defends him!?
I covered my mouth and screamed into my hands.
Fuck that stupid bitch! She doesn't give a shit about me!
My hands fell to the side as I stared into space.
He was actually right. They don't love me at all...
He marched back into the room. "Stand up," he commanded.
Flinching, I stood up as fast as I could, but I wasn't even halfway up before he grabbed my neck again.
"Since I love you so much," he whispered as he inched closer to my ear. "I'll let you pick what your punishment will be. Either I take you to visit some of my friends again, or I talk your mother and Emma into going on a weekend trip. Leaving just the two of us alone for the entire weekend. All day and all night."
My eyes shot open wide. All weekend without anyone but him.
"Please no, sir…"
He pressed his mouth to my ear. "There's a third option." His smile, breath and not being able to do anything made me fight with everything I had not to cry. "You can stop this from ever happening again," His grip on my neck tightened as he held a bottle of aspirin in front of my face. "All you have to do is swallow this entire bottle. That's all. Then I can't ever do anything like this to you again. I've liked our time together, but I'm getting real sick of you now."
I tried to squirm my way out, but he slammed me against the wall and squeezed my neck to choke me. Grabbing his hands to pry them off was all I could do to get any air, but he was too strong and the burning in my lungs hurt too much as it spread across my chest.
Please stop! I don't care anymore. Leave me alone. Kill me. I don't care. Just please. Make it stop...
"Don't fucking move unless I tell you to." He finally let up on my neck, but the only thing I could do was cough and gasp for air. "We have another few hours before they get back. Pick now or I'm picking for you."
Everything was dizzy. Was this really happening? I didn't feel right. Everything was floaty and I didn't feel like my body was my body.
I didn't even realize I grabbed the bottle.
He's always saying I'm a slut.
I pressed down on the lid and twisted.
And a mistake.
I stared into the bottle.
I always thought Mom and Emma loved me at least a little.
What a bunch of bullshit.
Father was right. I was a mistake and no one loved me.
I hate this.
I hate this family this house my school I hate my life I…
I pressed the bottle to my lips.
Moments later, my father dragged me into my room by my hair and pushed me into the corner...
Note: Thank you for reading! If you have any thoughts, comments or criticisms, then let us know because we'd love to hear them.
