No way…

No fucking way.

That…

I'm sorry, but I need to step back for a while.

 

I stepped back into the tree house I built in Kendall's head. It was as big as her house, but all the wood was mismatched because I had to build it from scrap I could pull together. Normally, it was a nice little hide away from the horrors outside that was one big room with doors scattered around, along with the open entrance to the house. Right now though the floor was covered in a black tar like substance that ate away at the wood, and it all came from under a door much bigger than the others with intricate carvings that led further down into the house. A door that needed to stay locked no matter what.

I reached the bottom and walked across the tar to the exit of the house. There was a small glowing crystal trying to get in, and it was the reason I came down here. It was being pushed back by a barrier I set up. Only things I wanted in here got inside, or at least I thought. I looked back to the tar as more leaked out in the time I walked down the stairs. That stuff came out from the door when Kendall was running in gym without warning.

As bad as it was, it wasn't the most important thing right now.

I turned my attention back to the crystal. It kept trying to push its way in like it was desperately trying to escape the endless sea of purple swamp out there that reached the very top of the towers below, and vines that endlessly crept towards the tree house. There were a ton of sea creatures out there. Each of them only wanted to hurt us, but never in my life have I seen something like this. I had no idea if this thing wanted to hurt us or not. The light from it was maybe one of the most terrifying things out there, but there was something in it. A small spark for Holly. Just imagine if Kendall had someone she could trust that much. It would be amazing. At the same time, it wouldn't solve her problems. Not by a long shot. That's not even considering if things ended poorly. That could break things far more than they already are.

There were so many risks of this gem hurting her in the end. I had to protect Kendall, but I needed to make her better, too. I had no clue what I should do with this little thing.

"That's because you're a failure of a subconscious." A deep, male voice said from behind me. I spun around to see a blob rising up from the tar. Long, thin arms with a thick body, no legs and bright purple eyes.

"No one's supposed to get in here. Who are you?" I demanded as I prepared myself to fight this thing off.

"You can't even figure that out? Have you really fallen so far as a subconscious that you're no longer aware of everything in here?"

"I take it you're the one that's been making me act terribly towards her. There are things that can't be shown to her yet, so I suggest you go back where you came from."

It charged me with blinding speed and almost grabbed me, but I caught its hands and pushed it back easily as it was only half my size.

"You don't even realize that I came from you! You broke one of the most important rules. Kendall suppresses and it goes to you. That should be the end of the line. It should be you and her, but it wasn't. Instead you, a subconscious, decided to repress. Did you think it just goes away? No! It makes someone like me. What you did was decide you wanted to keep all the good shit, and you dumped everything onto me!" The more I pushed this thing back, the bigger it got. "This is your one warning. Stop repressing everything and do your fucking job."

"Don't tell me how to do my job." My hands bent and wrapped around its arms. "I'm protecting Kendall the best I can!" I spun it around once and tossed it back at the door where it slammed into it, but that didn't stop it from blabbering on.

"That's not your job! You're supposed to be a reflection of everything she is and everything she represses!"

 I ran to it and lifted it up. "She's not ready to face that yet."

"You think that matters!?" It shouted as it grabbed my head and tried to pull and twist. "I don't give a shit if she's ready or not! That won't make me or everything else go away!"

"Anyone or anything that threatens Kendall's safety isn't welcome here." I pushed it up back towards the door.

"What!? No! You're seriously going to keep repressing!?"

Without another word, a black portal opened up just long enough to push it through to the other side. Banging on the door echoed through the room. "You stupid selfish bitch! You think this will stop me!? I'm going to get bigger, and when I do I'll get out of here and turn you into fucking wood chips you useless doll!"

I backed up to the wall across from it and slid down it, all while staring at the door as Kendall's voice echoed in my head.

 

What's going on? I'm feeling sick out of nowhere.

 

...Just excitement from today is all.

It'll pass.

 

No, this isn't excitement. It's a panic attack kind of sick.

 

It's nothing you need to worry about.

 

I'm getting tired of you not telling me what's going on. And why did you act that way when Holly said that stuff?

 

I looked over at the gem still trying to get in.

 

I'm sorry I'm not telling you everything, but there are things I can't let you know yet.

You're not ready.

Just please trust me on this.

 

More banging on the door. "I'm going to take your fucking place soon you manipulative cunt!"

 

There it is again. If you can handle it then so can I, and I think I deserve to know what's going on in my own head.

 

I looked up and a small portal opened that showed Kendall's vision of her walking home.

 

...I'm sorry, but I can't say.

I need to protect you.

 

Protect me from what though? I have all this stuff going on in my head and I don't know anything about it. That isn't fair at all.

 

No, it's not fair.

You know what kind of stuff is in here though.

Please stop asking questions...

 

...Fine, I guess you got a point.

 

---

"Someone strong that's got my back."

"That was really sweet."

---

 

Her mind immediately went back to what Holly said, and that gem's determination to get in at least doubled, but it was still far too small to have a chance to break through. It didn't take much to feel Kendall's cheeks turn red again, either. If I was going to stop this, then I had to do it now.

 

Don't think too much about what Holly said.

Someone complimenting you is rare.

That makes it feel a lot more special than it is.

 

What the hell are you even talking about?

 

Of course she didn't realize she was fawning over Holly's words in that way. If I knew that it would help her then I'd push for it like nothing else, but relationships were going to be too much for her right now.

 

You're playing what she said in your head over and over.

 

Well yeah because it feels really fucking good. Why wouldn't I?

 

I don't want you getting too attached to her.

 

Attached? All I'm doing is enjoying being complimented after all that bullshit I had to go through. And having someone to watch out for and protect is actually really fucking cool. Besides, you're the one that told me it'd be good to have friends. Are you backing out on that now?

 

I let out a deep sight and should have expected that. Trying to get her to drop it without saying why was going to be hard, but if I told her there were feelings for Holly in here, then she'd probably freak out all over again.

 

Not at all.

We should be friends with them.

Best friends if possible, even, but nothing more.

 

Yeah, sure, whatever you say.

 

She still had no clue what I was getting at and just decided to brush it off. I loved her but she was so incredibly clueless about this stuff.

Yet more banging echoed out as tar seeped under the door. Was it seriously already coming back? I knew I was the one that stuffed everything in there. All the terrible memories. Many that Kendall didn't have access to, and some even I didn't remember. It wasn't going to end well, but it was the only way I was able to build this place. The one place in her mind that could act as a safe spot. If she didn't have this, then I didn't even want to think about where she'd be right now.

I stood up and moved to the side so I could see all the tar in the room. Focusing on it, I imagined it all creeping back under the door, which cleaned up the place nicely. With that done, it should be alright to head out to Kendall again. That gem wasn't getting in anytime soon, and I can hopefully keep that tar back until Kendall's ready

 There was only one more matter to deal with now. I walked up to one of the normal doors and opened it up to get a big gust of guilt right in my face.

 

---

Holding Holly down and pushing her far further than Robbie. 

---

 

Kendall's stride home slowed to a crawl.

 

Oh come on. She was asking for it! It wasn't like I did that for nothing. And it's not my fault that I had to get her to actually apologize and stop before Robbie got out.

 

I know, but that doesn't mean you don't feel guilty.

 

---

Malisa trying the same thing Robbie did.

---

 

Frustration and anger at both Malisa and herself flared up inside Kendall. 

 

I tried talking to her and being nice, but she threw it back in my face! So what, now I need to try and make it up to Malisa of all people? No. She called me a rapist way too many times.

 

It took years for you to push Robbie that far.

I doubt she'd try anything like he did.

 

Well I just hope you're right. 

 

Give it some time and you'll see that she'll be fine most likely.

 

Kendall walked into her house and went straight through to her bedroom to lay down.

With everything in here done, I walked back up the stairs and through the door at the top, where I appeared next to Kendall as she laid on her bed.

 

I'm back.

I had to do some cleaning.

The place became a mess with all that Malisa stuff.

 

Well it's good to see you again at least. What's 'this place' you keep bringing up though? It sounds like there's an actual house or something in my head.

 

I built a tree house in there a long time ago.

It's about the size of your house.

Mismatched wood everywhere, but I like how it came out.

 

Seriously? That actually sounds pretty cool. What else is inside my head?

 

It's built on a giant tree that overlooks the ocean and parts of a city.

There isn't much else other than that.

 

An entire city? Wow. Did you make that too?

 

The city and ocean were not made by me.

I did grow the tree the house was built on though.

It's far higher than any skyscraper.

One day when we get better.

Whatever getting better entails.

I want to see if I could bring you here one day.

It really could be a beautiful place.

 

That sounds like it'd be really weird going inside my own head like that.

 

Maybe, but I'd still like to bring you if at all possible.

 

If you want me to visit that much, then sure. If I can. But for right now I just want to do nothing. I want to lay here and just be proud of what I managed to do today.

 

I knelt down by her side.

 

Then get some rest.

You deserve it, because you did do a very good job today.

I'm proud of you.

 

She smiled and closed her eyes, and I decided to lay down on the floor next to her to maybe get some rest as well.