A knock at the door. "Are you okay?" Holly asked. 

"Yeah, I'm fine." I said, getting up and rinsing my mouth off before opening the door. 

"What was all that about?"

"Nothing. I said I'm fine."

 

I think it's time we called Emma to come pick us up.

 

I leaned out the door to look down the hall to see her dad going into the kitchen.

"Can I talk to you in your room?" I asked.

"Yeah." She led me into her room and the moment the door closed-

"Okay Holly I know this is going to sound really weird, but are you positive your dad is safe? You can tell me if he's not."

"Safe in what way?"

"Just. In any way. Is he safe?"

"Of course he's safe. Does this have something to do with what you said earlier?"

"And he never did anything bad to you?" I asked.

"Why would he do something bad to me…?"

"Just please answer."

"No he hasn't. But you're acting really strange. Are you sure you're fine?"

 

See!? I fucking told you. Holly says he's not bad!

 

You also said father never did anything to multiple people multiple times.

Look where that got us.

 

Well then how the fuck am I supposed to find out if he's safe or not?

 

That's a good question.

 

…

 

…

 

So you have no fucking clue?

 

Not one.

 

+++

You're going to spend your whole life like this. Not knowing if most people are safe or not. And it's going to constantly drive you away from so many people. All because you're too fucking terrified to talk to them.

+++

 

What are you talking about? I tried to talk to him in the garage but someone decided I shouldn't.

 

+++

I know, but that doesn't mean I'm not going to point out the fact that in the end you failed. Even if it was because of Esmer.

You're going to be like this for the rest of your life.

+++

 

"I know you said you don't want to talk about it, but are you afraid of my dad?"

 

I would say she's perceptive, but anyone should have been able to pick up on that.

 

"I'm not afraid of him. I just- There's a lot of stuff that I'm dealing with and I just need to know if he's safe." I paced around the room trying to keep myself calm.

"Yeah he's safe. I don't really know what you mean by anything bad, but he's never hurt me if that's what you're worried about."

I turned to look at her. She's keeping eye contact. Not fidgeting. No unusual body language.

 

She could just be a good liar like we are.

She's already like us in a lot of other ways, so her being a good liar isn't a stretch.

 

"Is he making you lie about that?"

"Why would I lie about something like that? Mom and Dad are gone a lot of the time, but I do love them. And I'd really appreciate it if you stopped implying he's a bad person…"

"I'm not trying to imply he's a bad person I'm just-" I rubbed my face as I tried to think of what to say. "I'm just trying to make sure it's safe." I sat down on my pillow. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to say he's bad. If you say he's safe, then he's safe."

 

No he's not!

If I knew getting close to Holly would mean you ignoring huge threats like this, then I never would have allowed it.

 

Holly sat down next to me.

 

Well it's too late to stop me now.

 

No, it's not.

 

Yes it is. You wouldn't do something as fucked up as that memory stuff when we're here because that'd put us in even more danger. I'm calling your bluff, so just drop it.

 

…Fine.

If that's not enough to get you to listen.

Tarmon.

 

Tarmon put his hand on my head and made me turn to look at Holly.

 

I'm sorry about this.

 

—

Holly pushing me down and-

—

 

No!

 

I backed away from Holly as far as I could.

 

Don't you fucking dare try and do that! Not with the one person I actually enjoy spending time with.

 

I told you.

I will do whatever I need to do in order to protect you.

 

This isn't protecting me! I thought you wanted me to actually get out and talk with people. Why the fuck aren't you happy about that!?

 

I'm incredibly happy about that, but that changes nothing.

You're in very real danger, and even if you don't realize you are, I still need to protect you.

 

Then why the fuck didn't you just tell me to go for a walk with her or something!?

 

Because you already tried to ignore the threat.

What happens when you get closer to her?

You're going to want to keep pushing to spend more time with her, and that means more time with her Dad. 

 

"What's wrong?" Holly asked as stepped closer.

 

Tell her you need to go home.

 

No hold on. This is getting stupid. Let's talk about this before-

 

Holly took another step forward and-

 

—

Holly rushing to tackle me to the ground to-

—

 

I rushed to the other end of the room and dug my face into my hands.

 

I said to fucking stop that shit! Why are you acting like this? Let's just talk about it.

 

Not until you tell her it's time for us to go home.

 

+++

Esmer, you haven't changed at all. You're still a terrible anima that's freaking out over nothing and causing more harm than good.

+++

 

This isn't nothing!

He's dangerous and we can't let him near us or else he might hurt us!

 

"I don't know what's going on, but can I help?"

 

Shut up for a second! Let me talk because I'm sick of this fighting and I-

 

+++

Just like I was dangerous? Every little thing that scares us you push away. At least Kendall's trying to grow. Even if she is doing a piss poor job of that as well. She doesn't need someone like you to hold her back. 

+++

 

What?

No, I'm not holding her back.

I'm just trying to make sure she doesn't get hurt again…

 

Let me talk and stop fucking interup-

 

+++

This is a waste of time talking to her, Kendall. Once Esmer gets into her full on overprotective helicopter bitch parent mode, then nothing short of a meltdown will snap her out of it.

+++

 

Shut the fuck up! Stop fucking talking for one god damn minute and let me talk for a-!

 

"You're really scaring me now…"

"Shut up!"

 

…

 

A moment later I looked at Holly and wanted to die inside. "No I'm sorry I didn't mean that and-" My face burned up from how stupid that outburst was. "I wasn't talking to you I was- I mean I didn't mean to…"

"If I did something wrong I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you…"

"No you didn't I just- A lot of things are-" Stuttering, I pulled out my phone and turned away from her.

 

To Holly:

10:34 AM: I'm sorry about yelling. I am going through a lot of stuff and you didn't do anything wrong. I wasn't telling you to shut up. Your dad seems nice but I'm scared of him. 

 

And hit send and turned back to face her, but I kept my eyes away from hers. Her phone dinged and she checked it. "...Do you want to talk about it?"

A knock on the door. "Is everything okay? I heard yelling."

Holly opened the door and stuck her head out. "Everything's fine."

"Alright. I'll leave you two alone then and I'll be out in the garage if you need me."

"Okay. Love you."

"Love you too, Sweetie. Is your friend doing okay?"

"Uhh yeah."

"Alright. Have fun you two."

 

There! He's leaving the fucking house. Is that good enough for you, asshole?

 

I don't know why you're getting upset with me.

You're the one that ignored my warnings.

But yes, this does make me feel better.

 

I tried to talk to you about it, but you completely ignored me! And your warnings were bullshit.

 

+++

So much for any of that progress you may have made together. Even when Esmer tries her best, you guys still fight. Because her best is wanting to put you in a little protective bubble where you won't ever get a scratch again. Even if it means fucking up what you two wanted to happen with Holly.

Meanwhile you are so obsessed over a stupid fucking table that you'd throw away a lifetime of protective measures in order to learn something you can learn just as easily online. Even with the danger being overblown, it's still beyond stupid.

It's been what, a week since Esmer woke up? And you still can't even get basic conversation down.

You guys are both pathetic. 

+++

 

…

 

…

 

Holly looked back at me and just sorta fidgeted around. "I don't really know what to say or do to help. Do you need to go home or something?"

"...Sorry, but can I have some time to myself?" I asked as I walked over to her door.

"Yeah. Do whatever you need to."

I walked out of her room, down the hall and through the living room into the kitchen to sit down at the table.

 

…

 

…

 

+++

My god. I'm not your fucking therapist. One of you start talking.

+++

 

…I may have gotten lost in the moment.

 

May have? You threatened to do that crystal shit with Holly right fucking there and you gave me those kind of fucked up thoughts!

 

…Yeah.

But you have to understand.

We've spent our entire life being very careful of people we didn't know.

When you tried to talk to him, I got scared out of my mind.

And when you tried to stay despite me warning you of how dangerous it is.

That was scarier than being near him...

 

With a deep sigh and resting my head on my hands, I let her words sink in.

 

I know it's not how I normally act, but aren't you tired of being terrified of everything?

 

I am, but please don't jump into the deep end like that out of the blue.

I don't show it a lot, and I'm trying to work at getting better with not holding stuff back.

But it's really hard on me to go from zero to one hundred.

And all become of some table.

I just don't see how that's worth the risk.

 

Well then what about staying for the table and Holly? School's going to get really bad once Robbie's back. He's not going to let me sit at his table, and I'm not going to have any distraction at all probably.

 

That's still too fast.

It's not like we have to become best friends with her today or we lose out on her.

She'll still be there.

 

I know, but I'm still anxious about Robbie making her pick between us.

 

That's normal for situations like this.

Besides, Sophie seems like she was coming around to us last time we talked.

Same for Robbie's other friend.

 

She's probably not going to want to have anything to do with me after everything's done. Why would she? And I barely remembered Ben's name.

 

Even so.

Can we please take things slow?

I know you want to get better, but it can't work that way.

What you were feeling in the garage was what I was feeling.

I know my reactions can get overblown a lot of the time, but I'm feeling them for a reason.

 

…I guess we can take things slow. But still. I feel like if Holly and I aren't good friends when he finds out that she'll ditch me.

 

If she does, then we were wrong about her being special.

 

+++

Any sane person would pick the friend over the bully.

+++

 

…It's true that she has every reason to pick him over us if she had to choose.

But she's the first person we actually wanted to get closer to.

And she seems to want to get close to us as well.

And to what you said earlier, Tarmon.

I am not someone that wants to put Kendall in a bubble.

If I was, then I never would have let her spend time with her in the first place.

I could have made Kendall think Holly was a threat.

 

I didn't even know you could do those bullshit images. I mean it though. Don't you ever do that shit again with anyone else.

 

I promise I won't use it for people like Holly ever again.

 

…I'm too tired to argue that right now.

 

The three of us sat there with Esmer's head on the table. My body finally settled down with one more heavy sigh.

 

This entire thing was kind of a mess.

 

It was a big fucking mess.

 

Again, I'm sorry about all of it.

 

I'm sorry too. I know you have your reasons. I just thought if I forced it that I'd make progress. Guess that was a bad move.

 

+++

Great. Now we have some time before you two get into another fight over something else that's just as stupid.

+++

 

We might, but that's fine.

What matters is that we learn to work together better than before.

I feel this fight helped us with understanding what does and doesn't work.

 

That's a weird way to look at it, but I guess you're not wrong.

 

…

 

…

 

So do you want to go back to hanging out with Holly?

 

As long as her dad's out there, then sure.

 

Stretching out in my seat, I stood up, but the doorbell rang before I even left the room.

 

Fucking great. Who else is coming out of nowhere?

 

Holly walked out of her room and saw me as she went to answer the door.

 

"Holly!" A familiar voice shouted. "I present to you, Robbie!"

 

Oh-

 

+++

-for fucks-

+++

 

-sake.