NOTE: Thank you all for reading up to this point! This has been both an emotional and amazing roller coaster for us to write, and we're looking forward to all the stuff that's yet to come. These last few chapters have been some of the hardest we've had to write up until this point, but we think it's been well worth it.
There's nothing you haven't already come to expect in terms of content warnings in this chapter. At least nothing that needs a special mention.
Regarding Robbie's chapters. We've been thinking on how to best go about implementing them, because the thought of going back and writing them in as much detail up through the last few chapters sounds like a nightmare for us. Robbie will be getting his chapters, but we're going to try and learn how to cut out repeated content. We're hoping to get from where Robbie left off in his chapter all caught up in 4 or so chapters. That's going to take some experimentation on our part.
Because of that extra work load in improving Robbie's chapters, and because of us wanting a proper break, we're going to be taking that week and a half week break. That means we will be returning on the 11th of next month. We would also like to remind you all however, that content will still be put out at random periods during that time. We're going to post them when we're done with them more or less, so they will be scattered.
With that, we hope you enjoy the read!
Link to the Discord for updates! https://discord.gg/Gbh2t4UpAt
…
Can you hear me?
...
We’re almost out of it.
It’s going to be alright.
You’re not alone.
I'm here.
Wha…
Take it easy.
We’re okay now.
I woke up on the cold, hard ground. My back, chest, sides and face all hurt like mad, but the burning was mostly gone. My head moved side to side in a daze, and the first person that came into view was Sophie.
Zach!
Where's Zach!?
What did they do to us while we were out!?
I jolted back on my hands the best I could, but with how fucked my body was, I only made it a few feet back.
"Where's Zach?" I muttered.
"I told them to leave. I don't know what happened between you two, but if it was enough to make someone like you scared, then I didn't want them around."
Looking around, I saw Robbie behind her, and immediately crawled back to the wall. Our eyes met. He was staring at me. That anger was still there, but it wasn't like before. Soon after, something happened to my vision. It was like I was looking through a lens. My body tensed up, and it felt like it moved on its own as it slowly worked its way to its knees.
What's going on?
I don't know, but it seems I can move our body.
I had no idea what was going on. I tried moving my hands, but nothing. What's more, was that I rapidly became so tired I wanted to fall asleep on the spot.
I'm tired. Let me just…shut my eyes…for a bit…
That's fine.
I'll handle this.
You get some rest.
"Are you okay?" Sophie asked.
I looked up at Sophie. "I believe so." My throat was still sore, but I could talk better at least. Using the wall, I brought myself to my feet. The pain in my back made getting up difficult, but not so much to make it impossible. My legs visibly shook from nothing more than standing. Even as I leaned on the wall.
Sophie went to help me up, but stopped herself. Guess she figured touching us was a bad idea. "You shouldn't try to stand. I called my dad and he's waiting out by the car. He said something about how you seeing someone new when you snapped out of it might make things worse…What was that, anyway?"
I took one step forward, and only kept from falling on my face by grabbing Sophie's shoulders out of reflex. For a moment, I was worried that'd be a problem, but she seemed fine. "Thank you," I said as I locked eyes with her. "I know we didn't deserve you protecting us like that. But you did anyway."
"Us?"
I focused on Robbie, who narrowed his eyes at me. "Ask him." I braced myself and let go of Sophie to take a few forward. It took every muscle in my body to keep my balance, and by the time I took three steps, Sophie walked in front of me.
"No. I don't want any more shit going on. My dad will give you a ride home and we'll be done with this."
I didn't stop looking Robbie in the eyes. Even when I almost collapsed again. Grabbing hold of Sophie's shoulders to hold myself up, I spoke. "You want to know why Kendall did everything?"
Robbie walked up to meet me with his arms crossed. "I do," he said without a hint of confusion to how I worded it. We still didn't know much about anima, but he apparently knew enough to know what was going on. Or he didn't care.
"Robbie I swear to god. Back off." She said as she looked back and forth between us, holding her arms out towards to keep us apart.
+++
So you're actually going to tell him about what happened.
+++
I wasn't sure you'd be around for this.
I don't know what's going on, but I need to take advantage of this.
Kendall isn't ready to tell anyone, but I am.
Maybe if someone knows, then it'll make it easier for her to talk about.
And Robbie does deserve to know why we did everything to him.
+++
If it means getting out repressed feelings, then you have my full support.
+++
With one big breath, I broke out into a sprint and pushed Sophie aside. I only had to go five feet at most, and even then, I only brought him to the ground with me because I grabbed onto him mid fall.
Sophie ran up to get me off him.
Robbie got a couple punches off on my head.
But I climbed up to his eye level, grabbed his shoulder, covered his mouth, and let my emotions out in one yell. "He held us down like this almost every night!"
Everything, and everyone went still.
“I'm not an idiot," I said as tears already built up, "I know everything we did to you was terrible. I know we were assholes. But we went easy on you. We didn't want to hurt you. You can believe it or not, but we thought you would be just fine. Take your lumps and go on with your life like it never happened. But we were wrong. Kendall told you at lunch. Just because you don't do stuff as bad as what others do to you, doesn't mean you're not bullying them. Think of all the terrible things we did to you. I bet it seems like hell, doesn't it?"
Tears rolled down our cheeks and onto Robbie he stared up at me. His eyes just as intense as he nodded.
"You have no idea what we would give up to be in your shoes. If you want to know what actual hell is like, then Imagine laying on your bed. Each and every night. Staring at the door. Trembling as you hear your fathers footsteps. Your door opens, and he comes in. He walks up to you and pulls the blanket off of you. Sits on your bed. Whispers into your ear.
'Get undressed.'"
Robbie still glared at me, but his narrow eyes widened as I went on.
"You obey, because he'd-" Every emotion bubbled up and made us fight just to talk. "He'd give you to his friends. for free. Just to teach you a lesson."
I leaned forward and pressed our mouth to his ear. "And even during the day. He'd make sure we were alone. He'd pressed his lips to our ear just like this. And whispered. 'Say you're a mistake...Say it again…Keep saying it. Until I tell you to stop.' Just…just like we did to you…"
My chest pounded hard enough I thought I'd die on the spot.
"And he wasn't the only one. That guy? Zach?" Sweat soon covered my face. "Our father brought him to our house. Because he needed practice. So he did exactly what father did to us. He didn't tell you he did something like that, did he?"
Robbie shook his head slowly.
We took our hands off his shoulder and mouth so I could grip his collar and pull him up towards me, but we were too weak. All we did was pull myself down to him instead. I stared into his eyes, and let loose as much emotion we could.
"It's because of people like them we can't sleep! We lay in bed for hours. Playing those same images in our head!" Our voice cracked. "We can't even sleep on a normal bed! We sleep on a fucking cot, because laying down on a soft bed brings back too many memories! And when we finally get to sleep? We wake up maybe three or four hours later." We let go of him and used our shirt to dry our face, smudging the hell out of our makeup, and probably showing off the eye bags. Grabbing his collar again, we lowered our head over him. "Can you see them? The eye bags. We know you saw them before. We're tired…"
Our grip on the body was slipping, but we struggled to keep Kendall in the back for a bit longer.
"We want one night. Just one. Where we sleep all night. Where we don't lay there for hours thinking about what happened. Or what we did to you. We're sorry, but you can’t imagine the rush we got every time we upset you. We felt in control for once in our life. We felt powerful and happy. Then ten minutes later we'd feel like shit. We’d run everything we did to you in our head, but those moments made it worth it, because they distracted us from everything. Our entire fucking life.
‘What can I do to Robbie today?’ ‘This morning is terrible. I need to think up something fun to do to Robbie.’ ‘Robbie’s not here? Guess today’s gonna fucking suck.'”
Our hands trembled, and we were sure Robbie picked up on it. He stared back at us, not saying a word the entire time, but that anger changed into something we couldn't pick up on.
We struggled desperately to force ourselves to talk.
“We don’t remember how long ago it started. As far back as we could remember, he snuck…" The words were there, but didn't want to come out. Still, I pushed forward "He snuck into our room every other night. He pinned us down and he...and he made us...”
With the last of our energy, we said it.
"...He made us have sex with him…"
Getting tired.
Need to sleep.
We're sorry, but we need to switch back.
What? No! I don’t-
-want to!
I snapped back into my body. Every feeling and thought I’ve hidden from pressed down on me as I stared down at Robbie
You can stay out longer. I know you can!
My hands went from his collar to his shoulders as I dug my face into his shirt to break down and bawl my heart out in an ugly cry.
Don’t leave me here!
+++
She's sleeping.
She won't answer you now.
+++
My crying and screams were the only sound in the alleyway as I cried onto Robbie's shoulder.
I’ll do whatever you want! I won’t argue with you! I won’t question you! I won’t do anything you don't want me to anymore. So switch back! PLEASE!
+++
Begging won't do any good.
Don't throw away the chance Esmer gave you.
Now's the time to apologize to Robbie.
+++
My shaking hands grabbed onto Robbie's shirt and tugged on it as I cried out.
“I’m sorry!" I laid there, crying into Robbie’s shirt as he didn't move a muscle. "I'm sorry I sent you to the hospital! I'm sorry for bullying you! I'm sorry for everything I ever did to you!" That last shout of emotion drained all the emotion from me. My voice lowered as I continued. "You never deserved any of that. You were just trying to be nice. I've been trying to find a way to make it up to you, but everything I did just made it worse. I'm sorry…I'm sorry…”
With that last bit of emotion gone, I rolled off of Robbie and laid there, staring up at the night sky and doing my best to keep my body from falling apart.
It was nothing but complete silence as Robbie and I stared off at nothing, but Sophie's eyes have been on me this entire time.
"Please don't look at me right now…" I said in a monotone voice.
She looked away from me. "Do you need help getting up?"
"No." I went to get up, but stinging pain in my back and sides made me fall back down. "...I can't get up."
"Here." Sophie walked over and held out her hand. I grabbed it to help me to my feet, using the wall to hold me up. Robbie sat up and just looked at Sophie with a blank face.
"Thanks…" I reached into my pocket to see what time it was, aaaand my phone was dead. A bad sign since it was half full when I last texted Emma. I'd be freaking out normally, but I was dead on my feet physically, mentally and emotionally. Hell, I barely even felt anything from Robbie and Sophie knowing about everything. "My phone's dead. What time is it?"
Sophie took out her phone, "Eight-o-two. You were out for a long time…"
"Are you fucking serious?" I ran my hand through my hair. "Can I please use your phone to call my family."
She gave me her phone, and I called up Emma. The moment she answered. "Hello?" she said.
I turned away from Sophie and Robbie. "It's me. I'm sorry…I…" I froze when I tried to mention the episode.
"Where the hell have you been? Do you have any idea what time it is!?" Her voice boomed out. "Mom and I tried calling and texting you this entire time."
"I'm sorry. I had an episode and I just got out of it now and please don't be mad…”
“That- You don’t-" Followed by a sigh. "Okay. Are you alright now? Where are you?”
“I’m fine. And I’m safe, but can you please pick me up? I'm at 29 Birchwood St. Near the pet store."
"I'll be right there. Just stay put."
"I will. Thank you…"
The call ended, and I gave the phone back to Sophie. "Thanks. My sister's coming to pick me up…Would it be alright if you wait here with me until she gets here?"
"No problem." She played with her phone in her hands as she looked at me.
"What do you want?" I asked.
"Nothing. It's just…I guess I didn't really think you had a real reason for everything. And I wasn't expecting…I don't know what I was expecting, but not that."
"Please don't tell anyone else." I sat down against the wall, opposite of Robbie. "The last thing I need is people talking."
"Yeah, sure…" she said as she went to sit next to me.
"What are you doing?"
"My dad said you're supposed to comfort people after whatever you were going through."
+++
She's going to be all friendly now that she knows what we went through.
She isn't being nice because she wants to.
She's being nice because she feels she has to.
It's fake.
+++
"Don't do that," I said as I looked forward.
"Do what?"
"Don't act like we're all of a sudden going to be friends just because you heard all that. You said yourself that we're not back in gym."
"Oh, I wasn't meaning to. Sorry…I don't really know what to do..."
"If you want to help, then give me space. Go sit next to Robbie or something."
They looked at each other for a split second, before Sophie got up and walked around on her phone. She didn't even pay attention to him other than that one look. A couple seconds later, Robbie got up without a word and walked past her. Right out towards the way we came in.
—
"If you keep this up then you and I are through!"
—
…
Tarmon appeared next to me.
+++
If they did break up, then it was because of you.
You took Sophie away from him.
+++
Fuck that. I refuse to let any more shit happen to him. Especially because of me.
"Is everything alright between you two?" I asked Sophie when Robbie was out of sight. She didn't say anything at first, so I kept pushing. "I heard what you said to him. That if he kept going it was over. Is it actually over?"
"...I let him pick, and he made his choice."
+++
You made them break up.
+++
"Hold on. You're going to end it like that after being together for years?"
"We only started dating a couple weeks ago," Sophie said.
"Seriously? I thought you two have been dating this entire time." I adjusted myself against the wall. "Whatever. Look, just let me rest a bit and I'll explain it. It isn't Robbie's fault. I pushed him and I deserved it."
"It's not about you deserving it or not. It's about him choosing to beat you up over being with me."
I rubbed my face and shut down. Even if I wanted to help, which I did. I was in no position to even try. So I leaned my head against the wall and just waited for Emma to get here.
