It wasn't long until the bus pulled up. I climbed on and my eyes immediately went to Holly, who locked eyes with me and a small smile popped up on her face. When I made my way over there, she scooted to the middle and I plopped down next to her. While Esmer sat on the other side of Holly.

"How you doing?" Holly asked as she put her hands in her lap.

"Better. I don't hurt as much, and I think Robbie's not going to be pissed at me for long. At least I hope he isn't."

"Is that the special thing you told me about that you had planned? Robbie said that he was going to go home with you and you're going to tell your family what you did to him."

"That'd be it, yeah. I want to hope that things will be fine after that, but that's probably going to cause a whole other set of problems I'm going to have to deal with." 

"Robbie told me. But…uhh…There's something else I want to ask. If you don't want to talk about it it's okay. I just- Yeah."

"Ask away."

She leaned close to me and whispered. "Do you really have an anima?"

I stared at her as my mouth hung open for a moment. "Did Robbie tell you?"

"I…kinda got it out of him. Sorry…"

God, just the way she said that made me smile. "You don't need to be sorry. Yeah." I whispered back to her. "Her name's Esmer, and she's sitting right next to you." 

Holly looked to her side for a moment before turning back to me. "What's she like?"

 

Take out a pen and paper.

We want to say thank you for being nice to us.

 

"Hold on." I put my bag on my lap to get out one of my notebooks and a pen. "She's really nice and helps me a lot. Think of this big wooden doll. The poseable ones without a face."

"Oh. So how does she talk then?"

"She talks by- Huh…"

 

We need to get you a mouth.

 

Maybe we can change that?

 

I'm sure we can.

 

"I don't know. She just kinda talks. But she wants to say something to you." I opened the notebook and got ready to write.

 

Tell her 'thank you for being kind to Kendall. She was wondering if you wanted to spend more time together with us.'

 

After writing down what Esmer said, I handed the notebook to her. "She wanted me to tell you that."

It made her smile just a bit bigger. "I'd love to. Just let me know when you want to come over. Or I can go over to your house."

 

+++

Yeah! Let her see your room so she can find out what you're like.

+++

 

Holly of all people would probably understand.

At least in due time.

 

Glancing over as Esmer for a moment, "Your house is a lot better. And I'll let you know when."

"Okay. And I'd like to work more on our castle again."

 

+++

Mom and Emma aren't going to let you go anywhere for months.

+++

 

"Me too." Folding my arms, I slid down in my seat. "But in case we can't because of getting grounded, then maybe we could just talk more?"

She folded her arms and slid down with me. "I'm fine with that too."

…

…

"Hey Esmer?" Holly asked.

 

Yes?

 

She took me looking at her as her sign to ask. "Do you have anyone you guys like?"

Taking out my notebook again, I got ready to write. "Like as in friend?"

She fidgeted in her seat. "Like as in like like."

Staying as calm as I could, I looked at the notepad.

 

Why would she ever fucking ask that? Holy shit what do I say what to I say what do I say-

 

Calm down.

Write down that there's someone we like, but we're not comfortable sharing right now. 

 

That's exactly what I wrote and handed it to her. Where she stared at it for what felt like a full minute. "You okay?" I asked and snapped her out of it.

"Yeah. Perfect. Uhh I mean good. Yeah, I'm good. Thanks." and we both ended up staring at random things in an awkward silence.

 

After this thing with Robbie is over.

Maybe we should tell her how we feel about her.

 

+++

She's not going to be interested in girls.

If anything she'd probably think you're weird and wouldn't want to hang out with you if you ask her out.

+++

 

Can you guys please shut up about that right now? I have enough on my mind. And after she asked that I have so many fucking questions. Does that mean she likes me back? Why would she ask something like that if she didn't? What the fuck do I even say to that!?

 

It could just be her awkwardness as well, so it might not be good to get our hopes up.

Ask her why she wanted to know.

 

"Did you have any reason to ask?" I said, almost fumbling over myself.

She stared straight forward. "No."

She said no, but my heart was still pounding and something about it made me smile. Not a big grin kind, but still a smile that lasted the rest of the ride to school.

 

Okay okay okay I just need to calm down and breathe.

 

In through the nose-

 

I have nothing to be afraid of. I have nothing to be afraid of. I have nothing to be afraid of.

 

-And out through the mouth.

 

We didn't say another word to each other, but It was that special awkward kind of not talking that made Holly one of the best people to hang out with. She didn't pry much at all, she knew when I didn't want to talk, and she seemed to feel the same way I do about talking. I could spend hours just sitting here with her with only the sounds of the bus and everyone around us.

Soon enough, the bus pulled up to the school. I gave Holly one more look and smile before standing up. "Anyway…I take it Robbie won't let me sit at your table during lunch?"

"I don't know. But maybe I can get him to be fine with it? I do wanna sit next to you."

 

—

"I wanna sit next to you."

—

 

"Cool yes okay thanks I'm gonna go so I can beat the crowd so I'll talk to you later."

I turned around and sped walked off the bus and inside as my hands shook, doing my usual routine of walking next to the walls to stay away from everyone for the morning.

 

Holy fuck I think she actually likes me!

 

+++

God damn you're easy. All she did was say she wanted to sit next to you.

+++

 

Why would she say all that stuff if she wasn't!? Holy shit what do I do- What do I say?

 

It's going to be alright.

We just need to take it slow.

If she does have feelings for us, then great.

If not, then we've managed this far without her.

We'll be fine.

 

+++

If she does like you, then it'd only be because she knows she can use you.

+++

 

Shut the fuck up.

 

+++

You know it's possible.

+++

 

I don't care, I'm not going to let you make me think she's got something fucked up planned.

 

+++

I'm not making you think anything.

You're already thinking about it. That's why I'm saying it.

+++

 

…

 

I do agree with Tarmon to a point.

She is a good person.

But we need to be certain she's not going to do anything.

 

+++

See? Even Esmer's on my side.

+++

 

Okay okay. Fine. Just don't try and ruin this for me.

 

+++

I was only ever going to do what I needed to do. Which is to tell you everything wrong about yourself and how much you suck. 

+++

 

…Fine.

 

I made it into my first period and sat down with my heart still out of control.