We'll be getting back to our two chapters a week schedule soon enough, and we hope you enjoy this chapter!
Content Warning: Slight self harm.
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The sun began to set and it started to get dark out as I snuck through some backyards. I didn't have any idea where to go, so I just kept walking.
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So is this your plan? To just wander around until we're picked up by someone?
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Tarmon has a point.
We need to think of what to do.
And what are we going to do about Robbie?
He's still at the house.
I'll say sorry for ditching him after asking him to stay like that, but he can also take care of himself. As for what to do, it's not like there's a ton of places I can go. So I guess I'll try and stay with Holly or something.
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They're not going to let you stay there for any real length of time.
At least not for free.
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Tarmon whispered into my ear as we turned a corner.
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And you know what I mean by that.
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I dug my nails into my palm way harder than I should have, and did my best to try and remember what Tarmon said back in my room. He was saying this shit because he had to. Even if that was hard to believe fully.
Okay fine. I said we'd talk about it, so what do I need to do to get it so that you don't have to say that stuff?
He held up his hands in a shrug.
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If there is a way, then I don't know. Maybe saying it yourself, but that'd be just the same as me saying it.
Anyway, do you really think her parents are going to be alright with you staying there? They're going to be sick of you by the end of the night.
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Then we'll need to figure something else out.
But right now that's the only option we have.
What about her father?
Between staying at home, staying outside and being near him.
He's the least worst option.
I took out my phone, but froze on the spot as a van slowed down as it passed me. Esmer stood in between the van and me as we both went on full alert. My eyes locked onto it all the way down the road. In ten seconds, it turned the corner and I smashed the phone with my finger to send a text to Holly while Esmer kept watch.
To Holly:
7:06 PM: Holly I really need a place to stay right now a lot of shit just happened and I can't stay in my house is it alright with you and your parents if I stayed at your house for a bit?
I looked up the route to get to her house on my phone and sped walked towards her house. When I got to where the van turned off, I peeked down the road and it wasn't there. So I kept going forward.
Holy fucking shit why did that van slow down?
We don't know, but we need to hurry.
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You're not going to make it there without someone trying something.
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I took a deep breath in through my nose as Tarmon slid up next to me-
Okay, then do you wanna bet on it again? Double or nothing.
-And breathed out through my mouth.
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No. As annoying as it is, you-
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Tarmon stopped and started to gag. Loudly.
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Oh God.
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His gagging turned into dry heaving.
Wow, you really weren't kidding about getting sick by complimenting us.
Did he actually try to say something nice?
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Yeah, and never again.
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That's actually amazing. And kinda scary.
My phone went off as Tarmon did his best to keep from throwing up. I looked at it and my heart stood still.
Incoming call from Emma
After a few deep breaths, I answered the call and immediately said, "No I'm not coming back until I know it's safe."
"You can't just run away because I'm moving out. Listen, Mom told me what happened with you and her. It's fucked up, but me being there isn't going to make it any more or less safe. Besides, where are you even going to stay?"
"I still have that $50 from selling my desk."
"You're fifteen, how do you expect to rent a place? And even if you could rent a place, that won't even be enough for one night. And what about food? Just come home and don't make me have to go out looking for you all night."
"Don't bother looking for me then."
A sigh came through from the other end as I kept marching towards Holly's house. "I need to because you're my sister. Even if I'm pissed at you."
"Telling me you're mad won't make me want to come home any sooner."
"Sorry, but I'm not as good of a liar as you are."
"Don't fucking talk like that, I'm honest with you about a lot of stuff."
"Sure. Just tell me where you are and let me pick you up."
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Tell her to fuck off already!
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What's gotten into you?
We're aware you like to mock people, but you've been targeting Emma for a while.
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She acts all high and mighty and perfect when she has her own problems. Yeah, Kendall was a complete and utter bitch and she deserves to be abandoned, but Emma should at least stick with abandoning her and stop acting like she cares when she doesn't. She just feels guilty, and that's the only thing that's kept her around all these years. What pisses me off just as much is the two of you know that, but you make up bullshit to make yourselves feel better.
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Pressing the phone against my mouth. "I said I'm not going back there without someone to keep an eye on mom so just leave me the fuck alone if you're not going to stay." I hung up before she could respond and kept walking down the sidewalk.
We can't deny we do feel that way, Tarmon.
But guilt or not, we still need her.
I know, but that thought's been in my head for way too long and I can't fucking pretend it's not anymore. If she wants to leave then fine. I guess I deserve that after doing that shit to Robbie, but if she's going to leave then she should just fucking do it. Don't try and drag me back to the house and leave anyway.
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God damn right!
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We know we're angry, but remember that we do want to find a way to get her to stay.
Hanging up on her like that might have been a bad move.
I'll figure something out.
We kept watching as my phone went off again.
From Holly:
7:13 PM: I know you were telling your family about what you did. Did they kick you out?
To Holly:
7:14 PM: Can I tell you when I get there? I don't want to be out with it getting dark out so I'm kind of rushing right now.
I kept walking towards Holly's house as we went back and forth.
From Holly:
7:16 PM: You can come over. My dad's home though. Are you okay with that? I know you didn't like being near him before for some reason.
Esmer leaned over the phone and a spike of nervousness came from her.
Are you going to be okay?
We promise we'll do our best to not overreact.
Alright.
To Holly:
7:18 PM: That's fine. I'll see you soon then.
From Holly:
7:19 PM: I'll be waiting.
Continuing on, it was longer than I remember, and the sun was just about to set as I walked up to her house. The lights were on and there were shadows moving across the curtains.
You ready for this?
As ready as we can be.
With a deep breath, I walked up and rang the doorbell. Moments later, her dad opened the door. "Ah, Kendall." He stuck his head out of the door and looked around. "Did you walk here?"
"I was already out walking, so I just came here."
"Ah, as long as it's okay with your parents to stay on a weekday, then you're welcome to stay here. But I do want to call them so I can be sure."
I know why he's wanting to do it but fucking hell it's annoying.
Can't be helped.
Tell him our Mom's busy at work.
"My Mom's busy at work and she can't answer the phone."
"What about your dad?"
Digging my nails into my palm, "He's not around anymore."
Clearly caught off guard, "I'm sorry to hear that." He gave me a look like he was studying me and it was every bit as fucking creepy as that sounded. "So you're all by yourself when she's at work?"
"I have a big sister."
In the background I saw Holly rush around the hallway and stopped when she saw me. "Hey…"
He stepped aside to let me in, and I held my breath as I sped up up to and around Holly to put her between her dad and myself.
"Sorry to hear that about your dad."
"Yeah…"
He closed the door and walked to the kitchen entrance. "Anyway, I won't keep you two. Go off and have fun. Dinner's almost done, and Holly's Mom is going to be home soon." Without responding, I grabbed Holly and guided her to her room. When we got in there, I shut the door and let go of my breath. This was probably one of the only places left where I could actually relax like this now. A bit after, my phone went off. Checking it:
From Robbie:
7:32 PM: I didn't think you'd run away. I'm with your sister and we're driving around looking for you. I'm trying to talk her out of moving out. I think she's getting a little less angry but I don't think she's going to change her mind. I'm sorry about making you tell them.
That's surprisingly kind of him.
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That's far more than you deserve.
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I know.
To Robbie:
7:33 PM: Thank you but unless she's going to stay with me then don't bother. Sorry for ditching you when I made you promise to stay and you don't need to be sorry for anything because I would do it again if I had to. You don't need to look for me so tell her to drive you home
This is something to be proud of.
Knowing we'd do this for him again.
Even if it did mess everything up.
"What's going on?" Holly said as she stood next to me
Turning around, I walked to the side of her bed and sat on the floor, resting my back against her bed. My body began to finally catch up to what was happening. Nauseous, low energy and a strong need to hide under my blanket for the rest of the week.
Holly sat next to me and we just stayed there, not saying a word as she gave me time to get ready to talk. Esmer sat down on the other side of me, while Tarmon moved around the room and looked around the place.
Breathe and take your time.
One deep breath in through the nose-
It's going to be okay. I'm going to find a way out of this. I'm going to be okay.
And out through the mouth. And repeat for minutes on end in silence. Partly because I couldn't think of what to say, and part because the thought of telling Holly what happened and why I can't stay with Mom sounded like a nightmare. Thankfully my phone went off again, so I used that as another distraction.
From Robbie:
7:37 PM: She says she isn't going to stay. And it's fine, but it's getting late. Are you going to be okay?
To Robbie:
7:38 PM: I'm going to be fine. Staying with a friend and no it's not Holly
'I need to tell you something' would be a good start.
Are you sure?
No.
But we got to start somewhere.
—
"Go to your room," Father said, "We'll be up there in a bit."
—
Tapping my thumb against my knee, "I need to tell you something. But not about why I ran away. I mean- At least not exactly. And it's why I bullied Robbie."
She got comfortable and gave me her full attention. "You can tell me anything."
"...You know how I asked you all those questions about your parents and if they were safe or not?"
"Yeah, I remember."
—
Sitting on my bed as the door opened.
—
"I'm not going to get into details about it but-" I grabbed onto my knees. "My father's in jail because he did stuff to me, and I'm worried that my Mom is going to do the same thing."
"Oh…Is it okay if I asked what he did?"
"No. I mean- Not now. Maybe in the future. Or just ask Robbie or Sophie. They know."
"Okay. That's fine…" After another stretch of silence, she got on her knees and turned around to face me. "Whatever it is. I know someone as strong as you is going to be alright."
Esmer leaned forward to look at her, and Tarmon slid up and settled down next to Holly. Our eyes locked onto each other, and even though she was as quiet as me, it seemed like she could take on anyone with that look on her right now. "I know what it's like not having a lot of people around you." She turned to the side and scooted up to me so our legs and shoulders almost touched. She rubbed her hand against her knee as she kept going. "I don't know if you noticed, but I've been trying to speak up more. I'm not good at it yet, but when I think of you standing up to Malisa, it gets easier. So I want to help you like you helped me. If I can."
Being near her like this got my thumping heart working overtime. In the next moment, completely out of nowhere, she grabbed my hand and squeezed it. The entire world froze as panic, anxiety and fear all pushed their way into not only me, but Esmer as well as she grabbed my arm and tried to pull me up and away from Holly.
We need to get to the bathroom right now.
I let go of her hand and rushed out the door and to the bathroom while Esmer planted her hands on both sides of the sink and hung over it. I turned on the water and splashed my face with cold water.
We're sorry, but wow
This is hitting us in ways we never expected.
I don't even know what that hand grab meant! Does she like like me?
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Why would she have feelings for you?
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I don't fucking know, but why would she grab my hand like that?
Everyone shut up for a minute.
We're nauseous.
Not in a bad way, but not in a good way either.
We want this but we have no idea if it's safe.
She could do anything and yeah we can easily fight her off, but still.
We can't be on guard constantly around her.
That goes many times over when we're sleeping in the same room.
And she had to pull something like this when I'm already dealing with Emma. Couldn't she have waited until after all this shit was done with?
Esmer also splashed herself with water.
We need to ask her if she has those kinds of feelings for us.
You say that like it's easy.
It's not easy, but we'll take this one thing at a time.
Even if this is terrifying.
I'm getting really tired of it always needing to be one thing at a time. For once I'd like nothing to happen…
Esmer and I kept splashing our faces with water, while Tarmon snickered to himself behind us. He was going to try and throw all kinds of shit at me when we talked about Emma and these feelings with Holly, but I could make it through this. I just had to not let him get to me and it would hopefully be fine.
My phone went off again.
From Robbie:
7:58 PM: I know you well enough where Holly's the only person you're friends with.
From: Robbie:
7:59 PM: And Holly texted me asking if I was okay. So I know you're over there.
Rushing, I sent a text back to him.
To Robbie:
7:59 PM: Please don't tell her where i am!
From Robbie:
8:00 PM: I didn't even need to tell her. She listed off the places you could be and she already said Holly's place.
It's not a surprise, but maybe we can have enough time to come up with something.
Fuuuuck! That's the last thing I needed to hear, but I hope you're right.
