---

 

With the first heartbeat in this body, a searing pain burned from inside my skin. It reached every inch of me. Both inside and out. And every heartbeat that followed brought that explosion of pain right back. Leading to an endless cycle of immense physical pain. No different than normal, but I pushed on like always as Emma moved past Holly and opened the car door. Like I was actually going to get in. "Come on, it's getting late."

I held up my hands and moved them around, and I was indeed in full control. Once I was satisfied with that, I let my hands fall to my side as I looked up at her. "Your stupid ass doesn't understand what's going on at all."

There was a twinge in her cheek as she walked up to me. "You wanna repeat that?"

"You heard what I said, so I'm not going to waste my time repeating it. But I guess I should introduce myself. Tarmon. You know, the one that let you all know how much of a useless slut Kendall is at that meeting."

 

Don't say shit like that! Robbie and Holly's right there…

 

Despite the searing pain, I let out a laugh as I turned to Holly and Robbie, with Holly's dad standing in the doorway. "Kendall just told me to hold back on calling her a slut in front of you two. Like you guys don't already know!" Didn't care about Holly's dad, but Robbie and Holly could hardly look more lost as to what's going on, and when I turned back to Emma with a smile, it looked like it came as a surprise to her.

 

Watch it or I'm making us switch back!

 

+++

Esmer, keep Kendall quiet so I can focus on this.

+++

 

Esmer pulled Kendall back and started talking to her while everything continued.

"Send Kendall back out right now," Emma said.

"What's wrong? Does it make you uncomfortable hearing your sister think she's a fucking mistake?" I walked up to Robbie, threw an arm around his shoulder and looked down at him. "At least I know you understand what I'm talking about. So go on, I'm sure Pern wants to insult her as much as possible. Now's your chance. Throw everything you got at her. Though I doubt it'd be anything worse than what I tell her every single chance I get."

"I'm trying to help because I know about your mom-" Robbie tried to step away, but I pulled him back in. "-but this is freaking me out a little. And it's not going to help with Emma."

Looking up at Emma, I squeezed Robbie's shoulder. "Of course it's going to help. How else is Emma going to know how fucked Kendall's mind is?" Looking back down at him, "Like when Kendall was walking to Holly's house today, a car drove past her. There was nothing stopping a group of people getting out to kidnap her and chain her up in some basement where she'd never see the like of day again. Free to be passed around for the rest of her life. I'm going to assume you're smart enough to get my meaning."

He rubbed his face with both hands. "Jesus fuck. Why are you even telling me this?"

"Didn't you want to know why Kendall did all that stuff to you? It was to distract herself from thoughts like that and it worked way better than you think. You and wood working were the best she had." I slapped his back and walked past him to Holly. "And what about you? Kendall and her anima thought you'd be safe because you weren't a guy, but between her Mom and how things are going with you, we're seriously doubting that."

She looked completely out of place as she mumbled, "I haven't done anything."

"You haven't done anything yet. Give it time and you will."

Biting her lip, she looked me dead in the eyes. "Then-" she stuttered, but started standing tall, "Then I'll show you I won't."

That was absurd enough to make me burst out into a laugh. "Show me how?"

"I don't know. What do you want me to do to show it?"

I furrowed my brow and looked her up and down. I was expecting some big talk about how she'll respect Kendall or some generic shit that. "I want you to leave her alone."

 

What kind of thing is that to say to her? I don't want her to leave me alone.

 

"If that's what I need to do, then fine."

Again, she threw something at me I didn't expect. "You say that like it's nothing. You're probably just telling me what I want to hear. Why would you care about a slut like Kendall?"

"Because she's helped me a lot and I don't know what happened, and she's not a slut."

I leaned down to look her in her eyes. "Do you know how many times she's had sex?"

"No." Her eyes dropped for a moment every few seconds, but she didn't back down. "But from what you said, it's not her fault."

"Of course it's her fault."

"How?" she shot back immediately.

"Because she was born and fucked up everything."

"But that's not your guy's fault either. You or Kendall couldn't control any of that."

"That-" A near crippling pressure flared up on the side of my head, making me recoil for a second. "Who the fuck are you to tell me what isn't her fault?" I stepped in her direction and backed her up. "You have no clue what's going on so shut your mouth."

"You're right that I don't really know what's going on, but I'm not stupid. I get that your dad-

"Father. Not dad."

'That your father did a lot of creepy stuff. But all that happened because of him. So I don't know why you're blaming yourself when you did nothing wrong. If you want space, then I'll give you space. And if you need someone to remind you that it's not your fault, then I'll remind you. But that's not going to stop me from wanting to get to know her better. And I want to get to know you better too."

My body tensed up as we stood there. The pain of the burning kept tugging at me to shout out, but my mind was blank for how to respond to that. The pressure kept growing as Kendall and Esmer walked closer.

 

Holy shit. Are you crying?

 

Snapping out of the staring contest, I blinked and I turned away from her and back to Emma. "And you, Emma. Even if you think you know everything that happened. You don't."

 

—

"If you want space, then I'll give you space."

—

 

"You know what Kendall told you." I walked up in front of her. "But you don't know half of it, and you're a terrible judge of character."

 

—

 "And if you need someone to remind you that it's not your fault, then I'll remind you."

—

 

I slapped my palm against my head as the pain and pressure radiating through my body brought out a sneer. "There isn't a single person that hasn't fucked over Kendall one way or another, and all her stupid friends she's made will do the same thing given the chance."

"Not everyone," Emma said softly.

"Name one person in her life back then that was nice to her. And don't say yourself."

"What about Mr. Stevens or Mr. Hart? They seemed nice, and you used to do a lot of work around the house for them."

"Those two? Not long ago, I unrepressed Mr. Stevens. And yes," I said as the desire to beat the shit out of someone skyrocketed.

 

No! You don't need to tell her anything about them!

 

"She did plenty of work with him. I often even tell Kendall that selling her body would be her best way to make a living. Father had to have made thousands just handing her around to everyone. Though you never knew any of that because Kendall never told you."

"He…Wha-"

Kendall clawed at me desperately trying to get back into her body.

 

God damn it Tarmon you fucking asshole! Why are you telling her that stuff!?

 

Ignoring her, Emma looked as mortified as the day she walked in on Kendall and Father. It also left her as speechless.

"The bitch deserved to be passed around anyway. She ruined everyone's lives and shouldn't have been born in the first place."

 

—

"But that's not your guys fault either. You or Kendall couldn't control any of that."

—

 

I slammed my palm on the side of my head multiple times as I struggled to hold back tears. "Shut up!"

"I didn't say anything," Emma said, "What's going on?" Any anger she had at this point disappeared.

I grabbed Emma's collar and slammed her back into the car. She grabbed my hands, but didn't fight back. "What's going on is that nobody actually gives a shit about Kendall! It's nothing but lies. Even you. You only watch out for her because you feel guilty about missing all the signs. You were right there at the dinner table every single time father touched her for sometimes up to ten minutes. You and Mom did nothing to stop it."

Kendall stopped trying to get back into her body and instead covered her ears and shut her eyes. Meanwhile, Emma stared blankly down at me. "I'm sorry, I didn't know that was going on at the time…"

I pulled her forward and slammed her back against the car again. "You never wondered why she hated to be touched!? Why she always tried to get away from Father? Why she begged you or mom to go with her on the hundreds of those 'Father daughter car trips' around town? Why she was pissed off beyond belief for seemingly no reason at all? Why she started fights so many times? It wasn't even enough for her to tell Mom directly! She tried to get you and Mom to notice something was wrong, but you both failed at every chance. Fifteen people. That's how many people Father whored Kendall out to." I leaned in and whispered in her ear. "You knew all of them by name, and you never suspected a thing. So you think we're going to trust you when you say that Mom is safe? She isn't, and Kendall remembers that now."

It was dark, but I saw the color draining from her face.

 

Please can we stop now…

 

I couldn't hold back any longer, and I broke down in tears as I glared at Emma. "Not one person did their job of protecting Kendall! Even her own anima failed her." Between the physical and emotional pain, my vision became nothing but a blurry mess as the tears kept flowing. "Except me. I'm the only person that's done their job from the start for Kendall. Do you realize how much it pisses me off that my job is nothing more than to insult her, and I'm still more useful than everyone around her was back then?

Emma looked down at me and let go of my hands. "I'm sorry…" Her voice was empty and drained. "I don't know what it's like for you, Tarmon, but you're right that I fucked up. I should have done a better job of looking out for her. And you're partly right that a reason I stayed was to try and make it up to her, but that's not the only reason." She wrapped her arms around me and held me tight. Making me let go of her. "I wanted to stay all those years because Kendall's my sister. Both of you are, or however many there are in there with you. And I love you guys."

Hearing all that was the last straw. I latched onto her tight and shoved my face into her shoulder to cry on. "Everything you heard Kendall do to Robbie was true, but she's not like that anymore. She's been working hard to make it up to Robbie, and she's been trying to help people. She even stopped a bully from going after Holly. If you still want to move out then I won't blame you for being done with that bitch. She needs you though. Because without you then she's fucked. So if you really need to move out, then-" I clenched onto the back of her shirt. "-Please take Kendall with you and don't leave her with Mom."

"...Tarmon," Emma said as she grabbed my arms to bring me back away from her and broke the hug. Looking down at me, "How about this. You and I go talk about this to Mom together. If after that you guys don't feel safe around her, then you guys and I can talk about what would be safest for you. But I won't let anything happen to you guys. Is that okay with all of you?"

 

Ask her if that means there's a chance she'll stay.

 

+++

I don't need your help.

+++

 

"Does that mean there's a chance you'll stay?"

"Yeah, I'll stay with you. But nothing like what you did to Robbie can ever happen again. No more lies, no more bullying and no more starting fights. And if something big happens, then you tell me and we can handle it together."

 

+++

Is that good enough for you two?

+++

 

Kendall looked like she just finished sprinting a mile as she stared at Emma.

 

Holy shit. You actually did it. You got her to stay…

 

Indeed.

We greatly appreciate this.

Thank you.

Let Kendall back out and you get some rest.

 

Yeah. Thank you so much, Tarmon…

 

+++

I'm not done here yet.

+++

 

"Good." I let go of her and turned around to Holly and Robbie. "I'm getting tired being out this long, but I want to say some stuff to these two before I switch."

I walked up to Robbie. "I told Kendall this, and I'm telling you. She might be able to break you in half with one hand, but you're far stronger than her."

"What am I even supposed to say to that? It's good that your sister's staying, but I still don't even know how to feel about you- about Kendall."

"You don't need to say anything. Just treat Kendall how you want." I was sure his mind was bouncing everywhere with this. So I moved on to Holly. Looking down at her, I could only think of one thing to say to her. "You better keep your word, or I'm going to kick your-" I paused and peeked over at Emma for a moment before finishing my sentence. "Or we're not going to spend a second more with you."

I turned away before she could respond, and started to flood from Kendall's skin until I reformed completely out of her body.

 

You did a really good job, Tarmon.

 

I made my way from Kendall and sank down into the ground.

 

+++

I need time alone to think.

+++

 

I disappeared from there, and went right into that old tree house in Kendall's head. There was a lot less tar scattered about. Still needed some work, but it was getting there. That wasn't what made me speechless though. What did was when I looked out the door and took in the sight of that purple sea of anxiety, fear, and hate that once reached up to the very top of the skyscrapers below. Yet now, a few windows of the taller buildings were visible. It was draining. Very slowly, but I never expected this.

 

It's a beautiful view, isn't it?

 

Esmer walked up to my side as we both looked out at the sea.

 

+++

I said I wanted time alone. What are you even doing here? Go back with Kendall.

+++

 

We both wanted to check on you after that.

You put a lot on everyone there, but it feels good confiding in people like that at the same time.

 

+++

…What Emma and Holly said. Do you believe them?

+++

 

It's best we don't let our guard down, but we do.

 

+++

I guess. Now go away. I said I want some time alone.

+++

 

Before we go, are you okay?

 

+++

No. Now leave me.

+++

 

there was a pause before she spoke up again.

 

If you insist.

Get some rest, you earned it.

 

I didn't acknowledge her as she walked back out to Kendall, leaving me staring out and lost in thought.

What was different about the sea now that made it lower so much? I didn't have an actual answer and that was bugging the hell out of me, so I may as well use this time away to find out. I stood next to the edge, took a deep breath and jumped. Falling almost a mile down before I splashed into the purple water below.