“ Sing me a song

My sweet little bird

Tell me a story with every single word

I’ll listen I’ll listen I’ll listen every night

You never worry about that dark and endless night

For you are my sweet and precious light

I’ll never scream and fight

Because your lovely light

You keep me safe through every single night

So I love you

My precious light 

Hmm~

Hmmm~

Hm~

Hmmm~

Hm~ Hmm~ Hm~”

A lullaby?

Such a nice lullaby.

Who's singing?

The feeling of gentle fingers weaving their way through my hair with tender care to each follicle.

I always wondered what it felt like.

Why do I get this feeling?

What is this?

It's just a dream anyways. I should just let it pass.

But I still reveled in the tender song and touch.

So much so I actually regretted it.

.

.

.

I woke up feeling cozy. 

Cozy. Cozy?

That startled me and I abruptly sat up. 

Pain. Where’s the pain?

I curved my hand behind my back slightly grazing it.

My back, it's healed? I threw my coverings off and saw my ankle back in its correct position.

I experimented a bit. One step off the mattress. I shut my eyes and braced for the pain but my toes simply curled at the icy floor.

My limbs had the fluidity of butter and felt... relaxed.

This disturbs me. Greatly so.

I moved about. I strode. I danced. I shuffled.

I hadn’t felt this physically relaxed in years.

The tension headaches at age eight was where it fell downhill.

It may be a slight warning sign that being something other than stressed till the point of premature baldness and stomach ulcers frightens me.

I haven't felt this... healthy. Yes, let's say healthy. In a long while.

My feet melted along with the mold of the floor and my body truly felt fluid.

I decided to try something I long deemed impossible. I curved my back, head positioned to the floor, and stretched my arms out in a curve as well.

My body was now on all fours and my head was hanging upside down. 

“Pfft!”

Despite being alone I instinctively stifled my laughter.

This is fun!

“ Heh! He he he!”

Why was this so funny anyhow? It just is I suppose.

....

What am I doing? How can I act so foolish? Am I a child? Am I an idiot? Such childishness? Idiot! Shut up! Stop it! What are you doing?

I stood myself as tried to curb my thoughts that made my stomach swirl.

I clenched my shirt until I heard the beginning of it starting to wear away.

Pardon my~ internal struggle if you would be so kind?

I really hate my mind sometimes. Though my mind is me. It's been trained to make me hate myself for having fun outside the designated areas.

I already have a broken sense of humor if not a bit askew, if it hasn't shown already. How am supposed to have fun in what they say I should have ‘fun’ in.

Going to parties being wedged in with the future generation? 

All of the gossiping and smell of freshly burnt flowers dipped in a bleach of pine trees while being glared at.

Or hiring a very voluptuous woman to do who knows what.

Or anything that involves at least one other person.

Haah.

Is it too much to ask that my mind is my own? Is it?

No independent thoughts running rampant? 

Haaah!

I keep on sighing for some reason.

I should just get ready for the day and push this aside. Or else I'll unravel all the work that’s been done onto my body.

And now I can't stop thinking about this. 

Why am I healed?

Mmph.

It’s much, much! To early to be this mentally active.

I already want to go back to bed.

Too many thoughts. Too early in the damn day.

I ended up crashing back onto my bed.

“ Ack!”

A large stab met me at my ribcage.

Causing me to yelp and retreat with a large bounce.

Only to end in more pain as I crashed to the floor.

“ Ah~”

That hurt.

I climbed up and rubbed my sore lower back.

And groped my bed until I found the hidden attacker.

My spirit stone? 

It... cracked?

Threads of contrasting ebony spidered throughout the sleek snowy color.

Shards that protruded from the glassy stone lightly antagonized my hand causing me to rethink my grabbing strategy.

I cautiously pinched it between my two hands and studied it for a quick moment. 

I fell asleep with it?

I thought I had it with everything else.

Well, thanks so much for your service. Yes, I'm thanking an inanimate object. 

The insanity is brewing but hasn't reached its full potential, so stifle yourself until I fully break down.

Maybe I’ll use it as decoration.

Its beauty is really transcendental.

I carefully placed it on a window sill. The sun casting through left me in a slight subliminal state.

I would’ve gazed at it longer but a mixture of confusion and fear drove me back to the hiding place I selected for my things.

I dove back onto my bed crawled to the top edge.

I couldn't even see it. Which Just proves that I actually have something I'm good at.

I carefully unwedged my belongings from the wall and bed frame.

I swore I wrapped it all in my cloak.

Wait a moment. Where on earth did this come from?

Neatly folded with taut corners. An entire suit displayed to my eyes.

It matched the theme of the party quite well. Its pastel pink soothes me immensely though I was not one to be soothed.

I was in a panic, I either had someone here or in that grass.

My stomach wove itself into my bones creating this taut sensation in my throbbing stomach.

Each cell itched. Every follicle stood on edge. 

Hate it. I hate it.

Fear.

It flowed over and strangled me tightly.

As I lowered my body down onto the bed I felt a crumple. I almost fell onto the floor again but managed to restrain myself.

Under my thigh, an unusually crisp piece of paper. It was very white too.

Even the duke can't afford to frivolously use such resources.

‘ Hello, I noticed that you ran out before purchasing anything. I suppose you were nervous.

So I bought the clothes you were eyeing.

I searched for you to give them. But I found you sound asleep in that field.

So I placed them into your cloak.

I hope this note finds you well. And your day grows brighter.

Regards, A Stranger ‘

Stranger? I would prefer a stalker!

Just how long was this person watching me?

I know I ought to be thankful. It's not that there isn't gratitude here.

But how on earth can I be something other than fearful?

What if they saw my face? Well, if they saw my face they probably wouldn't have left the clothes let alone the note.

Or they could just be trying to get on my good side.

Or they're planning to blackmail me later.

Or they don't know who I am...

Haah.

Let's just hope for the last option.

I burnt the beautiful paper with a small flame.

Now the paranoia is going to follow me around for days on end.

But honestly what stranger just looks for that long and follows you for a reason like that?

....

Damn paranoia.

I started checking everywhere for traces of someone.

I know there won't be some stalker hiding in my bedroom.

But if I don't check I'll surely find myself batty in the brain. And it soothes the slimy sting of having my sense of privacy and boundaries violated.

“ How horrendous.”

Just as peeped into my armoire the presence I had seemed to neglect in my panic startled me out of my wits.

I yelped and almost slipped on a loose shirt before being grabbed just at the right moment.

Oh... Alastair.

He pulled me up and stood me straight.

I was debating internally on whether I’d rather hit my head or see him again.

Cold sweat greased the spot he originally sliced and I bit my tongue.

“ Hello, Alastair.”

He narrowed his eyes before looking around and kicking a pile of clothes.

“ I heard there was some commotion... ahem! Last night.”

Noticing him acting strange I instinctively covered the once injured part of my neck.

He looked even more strange.

Oh let my death be a swift one. Please.

“ Yes, a maid visiting my chambers reported someone assaulting her and entering my room.”

I saw his finger flex and I guarded my stomach thinking he would aim his itching fist at me.

“ And?”

“ I assured them I had not seen anyone. But they searched regardless.”

“ That's all?”

“ Yes.”

Can you please stop with the questions? I have my own paranoia to delve into.

He stayed silent staring at me.

I don't like when he does that.

“ Did... Did... tch!”

He rubbed the back of his neck.

“ Father says we’ll be leaving for lady Cain’s ceremony in a short while. Be ready or face the consequences he says.”

I nod.

I have been alive for fourteen years in this house.

At least give me some sort of credit for these types of things.

Haaah.

He turned and walked but thankfully I didn't stop holding my breath.

He quickly threw a glass bottle at me. An expensive one.

It didn't break when slamming into my forehead or when falling to the floor.

I sighed while my head began to throb. And plucked it up almost immediately.

“ It’s useless to me so only useless trash like you could find some use within it.”

Luckily he didn't look back to see my eyes roll. Which only made my eye twitch and pain radiate through my skull.

Ow.

I crunched my teeth together and looked at the transparent fluid that flowed slowly against the walls of its bottle.

I started to wonder if it was some sort of lubricant, or maybe a lotion.

I began rubbing the same place on my neck thinking of what he would have no use for.

I usually rub places that were previously injured even after they heal.

The new shooting pain from my head was a nuisance but it put me in the right state of mind.

I stopped accepting gifts and the sort.

I clenched the shapely piece of glass.

This sort of thing... 

I really hate it.

I slammed the bottle into a drawer somewhere and grabbed my ensemble for the day and what is evidently going to be a lengthy night as well.

.

.

.

....

...

..

It was too much to hope that I rode in a carriage alone.

At least it's with the children.

I used to quite like them actually.

I don't suppose I could ever come to hate these young ones.

Even if I did dislike them I simply couldn't admit it.

My youngest sister is... different.

“ You there! What are stars made of?”

She plopped from seat to seat. Spinning the toes of her gilded heels, romping about happily.

Her petticoat fluffed and protruded out with every swing and hop.

She was energetic for certain.

“ Children's dreams.”

I wheezed a common answer.

But my sister doesn't take common.

“ That's idiotic! If that was true the whole sky would just be one blinding sheet! 

No wonder Daddy calls you a good-for-nothing!”

“Hmm.”

I hummed another simple answer.

My brother chuckled at this.

“ You know what else he said that he only wants Auntie to be his daughter he just sat doesn't want you.”

She stuck her tongue out at me and spittle threw moisture on my jacket.

“ Is that so?”

She's referring to my fiancee’.

Beatrix, my little sister, if I’ve forgotten to mention as such apologies.

Is a bright young girl. But I'm afraid she's been a bit overstuffed by her family.

Lady Cain often spoils her and though we have yet to marry she insists Beatrix refer to her as Auntie.

Little does she know that Lady Cain could honestly care less about her.

It's a dreadful thing to say but it's the truth.

Just wait and see.

“ I wish she could just marry me instead of my yucky brother!”

I was exhausted at this point.

The energy drained from me with an hour of this hellish ride.

I silently debated which hell I should have chosen to be burned by.

And that rocked my mind to sleep.

Each blink became longer.

The last thing I remember was blinking once more and my leg was being shaken.

My eyes laid themselves on two children on the brink of tears.

Like a startled cat my body arched back and against the seat clutching its fine leather.

“ Uhmm... wh- wha-?”

The children whimpered and we're completely out of character.

I don't think I'm so sadistic I'd dream of crying children.

“ Don’t be mad, please! “

Clutching my pant leg and beginning to climb onto me I was still terrified for some strange reason.

“ What?”

Is all I could say.

“ I didn't mean it!”

“ I’m sorry I laughed!”

Tobias, I've been forgetting to give introductions. Once again, forgive me.

Shook my leg really hard.

I think that leg’s going to sting for a while.

“ Both of you, ehm, I'm not mad all. So please-”

“ Yes, you were! You didn't speak to us for a long time!”

“ I was just... resting my eyes.”

“Lies! It's midday who on earth would be sleeping?”

“ Beatrix-”

She gripped at my shirt while Tobias kept jostling my leg.

“ We said we were sorry! So just forgive us already!”

I sighed and this only escalated the situation.

Beatrix had fully climbed onto me and was rattling me along with the carriage.

“ I said I was sorry! You’re supposed to forgive me! You-”

Oh no, tears.

Her voice shook and droplets pooled in her eyes Tobias whimpered all whilst removing the circulation from my leg.

“ Just~ Just stop being angry~ stop it.”

She was shaking and both of the sobbing children confused me.

What do I do?

Do I give them sweets?

I don't think I should touch them. Or mostly I don't want to.

“Grrrr...Rrrrr! Stop being mad right now or I’ll tell Daddy and tell him to punish you so bad you’ll regret it for the rest of your life!”

Despite being a child she already established her ideals. Hopefully, they change.

“ You’re not ever supposed to be mad. You can't get mad. That's how it is.”

I sighed. Inwardly this time.

“ Beatrix, Tobias, I assure you. I am not mad.”

“ Yes, you-”

“ I. Am. Not. Mad.”

They still glared at me in their disbelief.

“ You better stop it! Or else!”

They both humphed and pouted.

It would have been cuter if they weren't the way they are.

But like I clarified before. I don't hate them. Perhaps I would even use ‘that’ word that's so often used.

We’re just not ‘family’. 

‘Family’ as they are with Alastair, older sister, and Mother and Father.

Sure blood is a factor to some.

But I'm not one to base everything off of blood alone.

.

.

.

The rest of the ride carried on as it did in the beginning.

And my weary eyes reacted to the rays of light that bounced through the windows.

Never mind that a curtain covered it.

Then I pulled the braided rope with attached tassel and only what could be described as nobility sliced forward to my unsuspecting gaze.

A mansion that was one turret from being a palace. Drenched in gold. 

The gates had gold poured among their defensive points and the droplets were frozen on their travel down as of 

decorating a cake.

Sapphires edged into the droplets of gold like bright blue teardrops to magnify the gate's splendor.

The mansion itself... well...

The courtyard in which carriages arrive was lushly carpeted. 

Like flames. A mix of pastel flowers protruded from the ground and all surrounding bushes. The petals seemed soft and yet jewel-like.

The colors were calming.

That's all I have to say more about them.

Stepping out, in full view.

The vines of gold and sillia -,this new expensive metal on the market that was supposedly impossible to come across- spider their way on the ivory towers towards which they stop at the family crest. 

The Cain’s choice of a black butterfly for their name is indeed odd in my perspective along with all families who chose snakes, eltons, dragons, shifters, burls, if my point comes across.

But it was elegantly chosen and displayed in its finest.

Black studded wings showing payment of the finest coin. Antennae that curled softly from its large diamond-studded head.

The obsidian monstrosities of nobility were sending a clear message.

And everyone knew it.

I saw mixed faces of envy. Scorn. Inferiority.

But as I carefully lowered Beatrix to the lush carpet.

I could feel the lines of stares stab forth.

Ah yes. I could hear the thoughts. And the hidden but not hidden sneers.

‘Ah yes. The obvious mark on their family name. This would be fun.’

I can assume that singular thought is coursing through their bloodstream.

It's honestly hard to believe this place gets even more lavish each passing moment.

Line by line the color scheme of luxury smeared itself over one's eyes.

I even think they replaced the windows with a more expensive refractive glass.

Oh my.

Beatrix and Tobias ran to their parents while I simply made my way down the carpet.

I quietly peeped around and in the corner of my vision, the shiny tip of a shoe forced me to acknowledge what today would resemble.

I would've let my face hit the ground but I very much like this suit.

So I stepped away and sighed.

And volumed ‘tuts’ made me take a glance back.

They were classmates of mine. 

Haaah. And the best thing about the occasional days off was not having to face them.

Haaahh.

Maybe my sighs will incapacitate me and unable to participate.

I glanced behind me and my would-be saboteurs stood with their arms crossed.

Chests puffed.

The young women doused invaluable garments and accessories.

The young men with so much gel in their lock that a scissor would break simply by tapping its hardened exterior.

I sighed. Oh, so much sighing.

This will be unpleasant. 

And with that, I waited for the rest of the Axel family to step forward.

After all, every noble family has a message to send. Some have multiple.

One of ours? 

This boy, is not ours.

Honestly, I'm fine with it. 

If anyone truly knew what would go on behind those closed doors. 

Being unassociated might be considered a blessing.