I Did The Right Thing
“Kindly stop in that corner.”
I pay the driver and then take my change from him to put it into my pocket. Afterwards, I step down from the tricycle.
On the road are several students going home with their friends. Some of them see me but act as if they don't see me at all.
I'm already used to this attitude. And I understand why.
In my neighborhood, kids play street games, being loud and sweaty. There are also men and women gossiping with each other.
I ignore all the gazes I receive from all the men around me. Some of them are drinking alcohol at the corner, talking with each other. They look at me as they chat with each other.
But I'll act like as if I didn't notice their gazes at all. I'll feel embarrass and self-conscious otherwise.
I rush my steps towards my apartment trying to escape as fast as I can.
“Good afternoon miss Iris. You look tired. Are you okay?”
It's my landlord. He's with his wife who's carrying some of their groceries with her. I nod at the two of them as a light greeting. Then I continue walking towards my apartment room.
“You're cold as usual. That's not good for you, you know.”
“..........”
I.... I'm not cold.
I am not.
*Click*
I open my door. The dim room is looking rather desolated. It's so lonely. I turn the light on and the room brightens up. But that sense of loneliness is still there.
In fact, because the light is illuminating the room, the whole place could be seen. And it looks more empty with all the negative spaces.
Is this apartment room too big for me? Should I find a smaller one?
No. This place is the closest to the school. It will just cause me inconvenience.
I take off my shoes arranging it properly on the shoe rack.
My feet feels free and cold. I can feel the chilly air and cold tile floor through the fabric of my white socks.
I go towards the kitchen sink to wash my hands and face after putting my bag down on the dining table.
Feeling the cold water running through my face, I remember what my landlord said: You're cold as usual.
“I'm not cold.”
I wipe my wet face using a dry towel.
My bag is lying on the table. My lunchbox is still in there. I should take it out because my uneaten lunch is probably spoiled.
I take it out and open the lid. The spoiled stench of rice wafts in the air. I sure made a lot of extra though.
What was I expecting?
‘You don't have your own lunch? Didn't you know how to cook? I was expecting to have a taste of your dish’
*BAM!*
I slap the table and I feel a sting on my palm.
I should take a bath because I feel sticky all of over my body. It's probably why I feel like this.
I walk towards the bathroom and run the faucet to fill the empty bucket.
Oh. I no longer have shampoo. I should buy some first.
I wipe my wet hands then take my outdoor sleeper to wear it. I close my door then walk towards the nearest mini store.
*Knock!*Knock!*
“What is it po?”
A grade 7 girl asked while wiping the sweat off her neck.
“Please give me one sachet of shampoo. The green one.”
“Okay po. Please wait.”
I put ten peso coin on the counter then wait for her.
“Hello there miss beautiful. Want to have some fun?”
There's suddenly a man who looks like he's in his mid twenties standing behind me.
He seems like he's the type to party all night.
“I'm sorry but no.”
“Come on beauty. It's just some drink.”
“No.”
I turn my head away ignoring him.
“You won't get a boyfriend like this you know. You're too cold.”
“!”
I—
“I'm not!”
“Okay okay. Come with me then. Show me some passion.”
He's persistent. But I don't have any interest in him. Besides, I don't feel too good today.
I'm kind of irritated.
I pick my phone up and start dialing.
『Beep! Beep! Beep!』
“Eh? What are you doing? Want to exchange numbers? Alright alright,” he takes out his phone.
“I'm calling the police.”
“What???”
“I'm reporting you.”
“What the fuck? You're too stiff, damn girl. Forget it! You're just a single fish in the vast ocean anyway. You're not a loss for me. I hope you remain single forever.”
He turns around immediately trying to leave as fast as he can.
Hahh~
I cancel the call.
“Ate, here's your shampoo and change po.”
“Thank you.”
I take the shampoo and coins then walk back to my apartment room.
Because I turn the faucet off before leaving, there's no noise in my apartment.
I can even hear the mild laughter of the family one room away from mine.
It's really silent here.
I should really take a bath. I'm irritated perhaps because of the hot weather.
I take off my blouse, my pants, my undershirt, then my undergarments. Afterwards, I hang them on the hanger.
I then take the dipper which is overflowing with water and pour it on the top of my head.
The water runs down from my crown down to my feet. I feel the water all over my body.
It's really cold.
‘You know that I know you're not cold. That's just your front. So why are you acting cold to me now? Weren't you happy when I proposed us to be friends?’
I am aware that you know I'm only pretending. And I am happy mister Reverren.
‘I wasn't happy. It was just your misperception. I never agreed to your proposal. You decided it one-sidedly without asking me for my opinion.’
‘Really?’
Of course not.
‘Yes.’
‘Then answer me ma'am: would you like to be friends with me?’
Of course.
‘...... No.’
I was naturally lying. And I couldn't even bear to look you in the eye.
‘Hmm...’
‘It's because it's inappropriate Mr. Reverren. You coming here is inappropriate. We can't be friends. You're my student and I'm your teacher. Besides, we're both the opposite sex to one another so friendship between man and woman is really hard to say that it will just remain as friendship. And that's not something we can have. It's indecent.’
That's just an excuse.
‘Is this really what you desire ma'am Iris?’
No of course!
I'd want to be friends with you as well. I want to eat lunch with you as well. I want to talk with school unrelated subjects too...
I don't want to be alone too.
‘Let's end it here. Please leave and don't come back if it's not about your education. You're nothing but just merely my student Mr. Reverren.’
But it's just not possible isn't it?
You're not just nothing to me mister Reverren. But...
I can't afford to be close with others. I'll just hurt them in the end.
I probably hurt him though. Right? I was too cold after all— No! I did what's right. It's for his sake and mine as well.
I should stop thinking about it.
I then continue pouring my head with cold water.
「19:01」
So I was in the bathroom for almost an hour. I still need to prepare the lessons for tomorrow. Plus the worksheets.
I'll eat dinner— Uhh.. no. I don't feel like it. I should just start working now.
Wearing my pajama, I open my laptop and run the word processor software.
「.........」
I watch the cursor appear and disappear. I for some reason don't know what to write.
I don't really feel like working as well. I just wanted to sleep.
No. I need to finish this first.
*Pa!*
I slap my cheeks and I feel awaken.
I then start typing.
I should remind the class about the operations on functions. Some of them probably forgot it already.
Mister Reverren probably still remembers something that's so easy. I remember him asking for help but I wonder if he really needed it.
Mister Reverren huh.
I clench my fist.
I'm so sorry for being cold to you but it's necessary. It is...
But was it really necessary? Did I really do the right thing?
I'm probably not a horrible person anymore right? I can try to connect with others again right?
Am I too late though? Can I still be friends with him?
But I hurt him. Should I apologize tomorrow?
I feel suffocated.
*CRASH!!*
The flower vase on my table crashed onto the wall and it breaks apart.
I...
“Hahahahahaha.”
‘Not a horrible person’ you say?
Really now. Who am I fooling?
It looks like I still made the right decision.
It would be for the best if he just forget about me.
“.....Hahh.........hAhaHAHaHahahA....”
It hurts though.
“Hahh... hic... ugh...! It hurts... Sniff... But it's fine... I did the right thing... I did the right thing... It's for our sake... I don't want to hurt anybody anymore... So I did the right thing... I did the right thing... Sniff...”
I did the right thing.
