Struggling Is More Painful Than Giving Up
I feel so angry... but I cannot afford to waste time. I need to go...
I need to leave. I need to hide.. The police are coming.
I pack my things. I can't bring everything so I only took some clothes, some of my jewelries and cash. I left behind my phone and credit cards.
I need to go now. I don't have much time. I observed that some people have been wandering around my house. Aren't they too quick to come here? Or am I just paranoid?
I can't even afford to take a rest. I need to leave now.
I rush towards the garage. After putting my things inside the trunk of the car, I started the engine and begin driving away.
It's already in the middle of the night. But I don't feel drowsy at all.
I'm scared. What the fuck will happen now..?
I don't know. But I need to leave.
I have a safehouse ready. I guess I'll go there.
I feel a bit better thinking about that. I speed up a bit and drive as fast as I can.
Soon, I reach the place. It's a little bit deep in the woods.
But I'm still pretty sure I'll get tracked down immediately. I haven't really covered my tracks. But I just need to buy some time.
Maybe my group will come to the rescue. But I doubt that! I messed up bad. They'd rather not associate themselves with me! But... fuck.. No! Be positive! I don't think they will just leave me alone to rot here. I did a lot for them! Maybe I'll get punished but it's just flesh wounds! I will live...
I come down from the car. The house in front of me looks very shabby and it's obviously not well maintained. But it's better than having nothing.
As soon as I open the door, a thick smell of dust greet me. I cough a bit and sneeze a lot.
Fuck..
But I'm too tired to get angry. I take some of my things from the trunk of my car. I come inside the I turn on the emergency light I brought and prepare my bedding.
I really need to sleep. I'm also hungry but I'll just sleep for now.
I need to be able to think clearly...
And so I fall asleep.
The memories of Abel's beating me up resurface. In my mind, he is a humongous evil demon with bloody mouth. He is grinning as he repeatedly beat me up.
My vision is blurry and it's covered in blood. Behind Abel is another demon. He is a lot bigger and darker. His sadistic smile sends chilling air down into my spine. He seems to be enjoying this.
But... at the corner of my vision, there seems to be another one. It is a small demon. He is very small compared to the two. Yet weirdly enough, I'm a lot more afraid of him.
He seems to be waiting for something.
*BAM!*
“Gasp!” I am woken up from the nightmare. I feel my whole body drench in cold sweat. I am also shivering, maybe from cold.
But I don't think I can be happy that I wake up from that nightmare. Because...
Reality seems to be a lot worse.
“Who...?”
“Hello Ian.. My brother wants you dead,” a teenage boy comes out of the shadow. It takes me sometime to recognize him but this guy is..
“B-Boss Screw...?”
“.............” he didn't say anything but shrugs his shoulders down.
“Are you here to save me? I will pay you!”
“Hahahahaha,” he simply laugh. “Are you insulting me?”
*Smack!*
He kicks me in the stomach all of sudden. I haven't even recovered from my injuries yet.
“W—gasp—w-ait.. I have money... and jewelries.”
“So?”
*Slap!*Slap!*
He slaps my face repeatedly without giving me a break.
This son of a bitch is also a sadist.
“I... I am an official from Tribu—”
*Whack!*
“Gasp!!”
He.. this... he hit my diaphragm. I can't breathe..
“Hahh.. hahh... please... hahh...”
“Hahahaha!”
*Poke!*
This time, he hits my liver with a metal bat. The excruciating pain immediately crawled all over my body.
“AAAARGH!!!” I scream as loud as I could.
“Keep screaming. No one will hear you anyway.”
“Aargg... argh..ah. what do you... W-What do you need anyway?!”
“Me? Hahaha. I told you.. my older brother wants you dead. But he didn't specify that I need to do it quickly, hahaha.”
“?!” Fuck... “You... I'll make you... gasp... I am an official. I'll make you pay for this. Our syndicate won't let you o—”
*Slap!*
“Mr. Doccia, don't you still understand? Oh wait.. you must not have heard of the news. Hahaha. Let me summarize it for you— Your syndicate is a goner. All members of that group in the Philippines will fucking die.. the Sebastien Family, and our lady boss.. they are all really mad at you and your stupid “club” hahahaha!”
What?
“Hahahahaha.. good. I like that look.”
*Smack!*
*Crack!*
He hit my face with his bat.
“Ooohh.. I knocked off 3 teeth. You should be thankful. There's no need to pay for a dentist, hahaha.”
Boss Screw laughs. His underlings also laugh. The humiliation, the pain that I feel, and the bleak future... This powerlessness... They all hit me at once.
I can't help but cry..
“Wuuuuu... uuuuhh... please... please stop... please don't... I have nothing... I have nothing anymore... please let me go... wuuuhuhuhu...”
“Look at this crybaby... Aren't you supposed to be a proud man? Hahaha. Why the fuck are you acting like a bitch?” he lifts my head by grabbing a fistful of my hair.
“P-please..”
I want to live.. I don't want to die.. I don't have any idea how I can live through this night.
Everything is over for me.. I have nothing to return to. I doubt my group will save me... No! They will also try to kill me. My reputation is ruined... All of my properties and assets will be taken from me.
Even if I survive here, I will most likely just rot in jail.
There seems to be no reason to live...but...
“I.. don't want to die... wuhuuhuhuhu..”
I don't want to die... mother... argh... mother... save me... I don't want to die...
“Hahahahahaha,” Boss Screw laughs again. “Yeah sure. But that's no longer up to you.. hahahahahahaha. Fucking bitch...”
That reality hurts more than I thought.
I am reminded of my childhood. It feels the same... I am as weak and powerless as then. I didn't have a choice but to obey... And now... it is happening again..
No! I'm unwilling! Maybe there's still a chance... But no... I have fallen.. I don't have a choice once more. I am once again the weakest.
“Ah,” Boss Screw's expression changed. His smile disappeared and he seems irritated. “Whoah, what the fuck.. This guy is no good. Are you fucking serious? Are you really just going to give up like that?”
*Slap!*
Kill me... whatever you want... I don't have a choice anymore anyway. Without power, one have no right to even speak.
“What the fuck...” he lets me go and I fall down onto the ground. “Tch. Uh-huh. What a buzzkill. Go bury him alive. I'm going home. I still have school tomorrow. Why do I still even need to go to that shitty place? My older brother just wants all the fun for himself... tsk tsk tsk.”
“Yes sir.” The lackeys begin moving. They all seem organize and efficient. It looks like they're very familiar with this act.
As I get slowly covered by damp soil, the rain begins to fall down from the sky. I can't help but cry but there's no more tears that is coming out.
Maybe I can still fight back... No. I have fallen from power. I am not physically strong. Against this people, I am nothing. I won't be able to win against them. Whatever they want to do with me, they can do it. It's pointless to resist.
I will just resign to my fate. I'm tired anyway. Maybe I should have died back then.
I don't even know why I struggled until now. My mother have died... I should have followed her.
But because I was given a taste of power, and as my power grew I didn't even think about dying anymore. I stopped having the desire to survive. I began to seek for more power.
I'm just actually afraid to go back to the same powerless and weak boy as I used to. Because the moment I fall back down, I will have to bow down to others again. My fate will no longer be in my hands again.
I have seen people weaker than I was struggle against me. But in the end, I win. In the end, I did whatever I want with their lives.
It made me see that struggling when you're weak is pointless. It is unnecessary. It is a waste of time. You will just be more miserable than if you just gave up. You should just resign to your fate— the fate that the strong will give you.
Oh my beloved mother... please come and take me.
My consciousness begin to fade away. I guess I'm beginning to suffocate. That's fine... that's fine... I am weak anyway. This is my fate.
Hmm?
I'm hearing something.... It's the sound of shovel digging into dirt. Are those people still here?
“Fufufufufu.”
This laugh... it sounds familiar.
“Phew, this is a good early morning exercise.”
“?!”
M—Mark?!
Someone pulls me up from the ground.
The heavy rain hits my face and washes down the dirt sticking into my skin. Curious, I open my eyes.
And then I see him. This boy again...
*Crack!*
A bright lightning spread around the dark rainy sky. It illuminated this boy's face. His skin is fair but it is so pale. His consistent smiley face greets me, “Hello there... welcome back to life fufu.”
“What?”
“I know you're confuse but you need to rest. The rain is also getting stronger. I heard there's a storm forming in the Pacific ocean. It's a destructive one they said,” he pulls me up and help me walk. I'm too confuse and tired to resist. “Cyanía, please drive to that place. My arms are numb from shoveling those dirt. They sure buried you deep underground, Mr. Douche...”
He giggles and the last thing I see with my fuzzy vision is the door closing.
