We ate our dinner in complete silence as the darkness of night covered the world around us. The flame in the air above us would generally have me feeling cozy, but right now, I was feeling nothing but doubt as I very slowly worked my way through my apple. Cellestra, in the meantime, had already finished her dinner and emptied the last bit of water from her canteen out onto the grass.
“You mind refilling this?”
I wasn’t even sure what she asked. I was too lost in thought.
“Kealyna?” Cellestra asked with a frown while showing the canteen before her.
“Huh? Oh, sorry.”
I reached out for the container and filled it with water, as cold as I could make it, before handing it back to Cellestra. She drank a bit before her eyes were redirected to my elven head. I was looking down at the grass with mine while still working on the same apple so I would not have noticed it if it wasn’t for my other eyes.
“Are you worried again?” Cellestra asked. “You should really stop doing that, you know?”
I tossed the remainder of the apple away. I was never hungry in the first place, but I just couldn’t finish it.
“Cellestra,” I said the elf’s name quietly before taking a deep breath to let out the heaviest sigh of my life.
“Hmm?” The purple-eyed elf let out. “What’s up?”
I raised my head to look into her eyes. It had never been so difficult before, but I had resolved I would do it like this.
“I don’t know how to say it. This has bothered me for quite some time as it is.”
Cellestra remained quiet. I imagined it was of my dead-serious expression and the effort it took for me to talk. I thought I saw worry appear in her eyes, so I decided to speed up things as much as I could.
“I don’t know how to say it. I never had to say anything like this before. The truth is… I think I like you… as something more than a friend.”
There. I’d said it, albeit barely. My voice was shaking, and awfully soft, like never before. Immediately after, I lowered my head to look at the grass before my chelicerae. I didn’t want her to see the confusion, the fear, the anxiety, and everything else on my face, that I was sure was evident.
The silence that followed only made things worse. In the sea of emotions currently racing through my head, I could feel a glimmer of hope somewhere tucked in the back. I was praying that Cellestra wouldn’t be appalled by this confession coming from what some would consider a monster.
“Kealyna...” Cellestra’s soft voice pulled my attention from my own mind.
In the following moments, she stood up, walked over to me, and took me into a hug, confusing me even further.
“I can see that was hard for you,” She said softly.
I didn’t know what was going on. Her actions took me completely by surprise. I couldn’t control my emotions much longer as I already felt a tear run down my face.
Cellestra patted my back with her hands softly while hugging me. “I don’t know how to react to that. It just seemed you needed that hug.”
“Thanks...” I let out meekly while I allowed the warmth of the hug to battle against everything else I was feeling at the moment.
We remained like that for a good while, in which I eventually managed to get control back and stop my eyes from shedding a tear every now and then. I still had no idea why that happened, but I wasn’t going to hypothesize on that.
“I don’t know what to say,” Cellestra whispered. “I think I’m as confused as you are.”
I nodded slowly while hugging the elf back.
“More than a friend...” She murmured. “You mean like love?”
I nodded before speaking with a mere whisper again. “Yes.”
“By the goddess, Kealyna. How did that happen? I’m sorry for asking, I just… I don’t know anything about love myself.”
From her voice, I could tell that the question was genuine.
“I don’t know, and I don’t know either,” I replied to her question and statement. “I just know that when I’m with you, I’m… I don’t know. I feel happy. I like talking to you, and I never liked talking before. Does that even make sense?”
I had a hard time finding the words I wanted to say, to express what I was feeling, but I told her what I thought to be the truth.
“It does,” Cellestra replied.
“I know little about love,” I continued. “The only time I felt anything that came close to this was what feels like ages ago. Anything else that I know is from books, and that is only very, very little.”
“I understand.” She paused for a few seconds. “Are you okay?”
“I… I don’t know. Are you?”
“I’m okay,” Cellestra assured me. “I still don’t know what to say, though...”
I couldn’t blame her for that. Of all the scenarios that could happen, this was probably one of the better ones. At the very least, she didn’t run away or start crying, or anything else like that.
“I don’t know if I feel the same,” The elf admitted. “I don’t know. I mean, I like you. We’re good friends, but love? I don’t know how that works.”
I still hugged her and ran my hands over her back while my nose was in her hair.
“Could you explain what you feel?” Cellestra asked softly.
“I don’t know. I just know that I’ve wanted to hug you like this for a long time. I know that I want to see you smile as often as possible. Whenever I look at you when you smile, I can feel my heart melt.”
“That’s… I don’t know. I never realized. I guess I should be… flattered? Honored?”
I felt my face flush red and warm at her words. I didn’t know what to say for a good minute before I found words again.
“I don’t know. I just wanted to be honest and tell you about this. I finally got the courage to tell you just now,” I said again, quietly. “I’ve been worried sick over how you’d react.”
“Is it anything like you’ve been expecting?” Cellestra asked, patting my back again.
“I don’t know. I wasn’t expecting the hug.” For the first time after telling her, I managed to smile slightly in the form of a suppressed chuckle.
“That’s okay. It’s the least I can do.”
“How do you feel?” I asked.
“Surprised, to be honest. I had no idea you felt that way about me. I don’t know what to do or say...”
“Are you not… how to put this…” I started.
“Disgusted?” Cellestra suggested, causing me to nod weakly. “No, I’m not. I just don’t know how any of this works. I don’t know if I can say I love you, but I certainly like doing things and talking with you,” She continued. “Is that an answer you’re okay with? I mean, I haven’t known you for long. I mean… the way you are now.”
“That’s okay,” I said softly. “I understand. I can imagine it’s hard to feel anything for a spider.”
“How long have you felt this way?” Cellestra asked immediately after.
“I don’t even know. I was confused about it at first, but I think I’ve felt love for you for a long time now, certainly long before I was... This. When I woke up with this body, I… I couldn’t be happier...”
“By the goddess. I cannot imagine how you must have felt. Feeling like that…” Cellestra shook her head. “That must have been hell.”
I nodded, my head still on her shoulder. “It was...”
I kept holding on to the elf, my hands holding her back as I felt my heart beating rapidly in my chest.
“I'm enjoying this hug, but beyond that, I don't know what I want. I don't know how we go from here, do you?”
“You think I have the slightest idea?” I said, half-jokingly, shaking my head.
“I don’t think you do,” Cellestra replied, a hint of a suppressed laugh in her voice. “We both suck at this, don’t we?”
I chuckled lightly. “We sure do.”
Silence then fell over us once more as we remained in a hug. Slowly but surely, I felt a sense of quiet returning to my head… both heads. Time passed by, and eventually, I was the first one to speak again.
“I think maybe it’s a good idea to go to sleep for now. We can talk about this more tomorrow if you’d like.”
Cellestra slowly nodded. “I think that’s a good idea. My mind is a mess right now.”
“Same here,” I said with a slight chuckle. “And I have two.”
Cellestra grinned softly before finally breaking the hug. “As much as I’d like to hug you, I am afraid I need to be excused for a few minutes.”
I smiled as Cellestra took her backpack and walked off, her flame leading the way.
At least I could be happy with myself. This didn’t go nearly as bad as I had expected. Maybe the elf was right in that I did worry too much.
Now she got that off her chest so she can focus on weaving a web to ensnare her target... or building a love nest. Whichever comes first. And figuring out kids... can't really make that happen the way things are now. Where are the pervert ropers to eat when you need them?
@vister1
Well, for kids she could just make spiderlings, arachne spiderlings to raise together. Raise an army to take over the world and then kill the goddes. Later they will make a interdimensional spider web to invade other universes and thus create the spider-verse... and meet peter parker.
@Maverick234 Kill the goddess!?! What the hell?! Why?!
@Dr.Steel If you really think gods with the power to summon souls from other realities don't have an agenda of their own then you need to use your head more.
The only god that is "Perfect" and "Above petty emotions and needs" is the god in Jewish god (and of course the catholic and protestant one since it's the same god but different aproaches of faith).
Most gods in mythologies are selfish in their own ways and none is purely dedicated to satisfying human desires. Gods give us tribulations so that we in turn give them prayers for salvation, riches and other selfish things.
I'm atheist by the way, but I love to learn mythology and fiction.
@Maverick234 I think the god that cursed Kealyna should definitely go, but it is in no way reasonable to kill a nice person (Elysa) just because she happens to be powerful? And everyone has an "agenda". We have no idea the role the god's play in this setting either, their existence could be necessary, they could be literally holding the world together, or defending from foreign invaders/gods, so if her agenda is merely to do that, then that's a far cry from being evil. And if Kealyna kills Elysa, what does that accomplish? All that would occur is replacing one goddess with another, one that inherently is willing to kill, just to be in control, which isn't guaranteed with Elysa as far as we know. Also, we have nothing indicating this story will go anywhere near world domination, let alone god slaying. The story is treading a more wholesome path altogether. And that's even assuming Kealyna COULD even get that strong. There's no way that Kealyna would be able to kill Elysa, because all her power ORIGINATES from her, her power comes from Elysa's blessing, so any level of strength she can get, Elysa will clearly be much stronger. Especially if she's the world-creating type of god. Because then, even if you argued that she can get the power of the creatures living on the world, and that that doesn't count as Elysa's power, and therefore she'll be able to surpass her, if Elysa created the world and the creatures in it (or a world, somewhere), she's more powerful than the sum of all the creatures in that world. And even if Kealyna somehow COULD manage to get that powerful, what's to say Elysa can't just, take back her blessing? "What's given can be taken away" and all that, so even if Elysa were some dark manipulator, and Kealyna discovered that and decided to try and fight her, what's there to stop Elysa from taking the blessing back before Kealyna gets anywhere NEAR her level of power. If she were a dark manipulater, she could have rigged the blessing to brainwash Kealyna, or to kill her if she ever got too powerful, so she wouldn't even have to watch over her. The blessing can already fundamentally alter her being, even grant her an additional mind, so what's to say it can't enslave said mind (in the hypothetical scenario where Elysa is evil, which again, we have ABSOLUTELY ZERO evidence for).
@Maverick234 (Sorry for the rant), basically I just wanted to say, that not ALL gods in fiction are that petty/self serving. Regardless of how it would turn out in real life, the the book, the author can do whatever they want, and in this case, I feel the author is giving the goddess a supporting role (for the plot, she's basically just a plot device, to give an excuse for the story to happen), and painting her to be a good person, with powers beyond the normal mortal, but with their own strict limitations.