Aisla

At the moment I saw my brother, I knew something was up.

Damn. I’d completely blacked out last night.

I had been helping with the preparations for the next moonlight festivity, and they were shorter of help this time. Both the Lark brothers got hurt in the last hunting, and three girls from the village have been suffering with a fever. I ended up stocking logs, collecting weeds, mixing leaves, painting rocks, and doing a dozen of other small tasks during the whole day, knowing that I would have to go back to it again this morning. When I finally got to my bed last night, I could only think about how much I wanted to sleep. My nosey brother was the last thing on my mind.

And apparently, he took advantage of it.

“Speak up, Corlin.” - I said, while sitting in front of him.

“I have no idea what you are talking about.” - He said, sounding confused.

I stared at him, and he stared back at me. He tried to look relaxed, but the signs were there. He had dark circles around his eyes and was holding his cup a little too tight. He looked tired, even a little afraid. There was guilt in his eyes and he seemed lost, above it all.

“You went to see Gair and the others fighting, didn’t you?” - I asked, already knowing the answer.

He gave a small reaction to that. He stared at me for a few more seconds, and then finally said:

“Why didn’t you tell me about those creatures before?”

I sighed. I knew he would have found out about it sooner or later, but another thing to worry about is the last thing I needed. This shouldn’t have been her issue. A few more weeks and he would have been told about everything, anyway.

-“Damnit, Corlin. You know the rules.”

“What are they, Aiai? They looked like beasts but they were running like men do.”

I tried to think about the best way to talk about it, to not scare him. How did the Chief usually do it? I couldn’t remember.

What are the right words to say when telling a boy that some of his nightmares are true?

But I knew that Corlin was braver than most boys his age, and what was done was done. No pointing in hiding the truth anymore. It’s better to just explain it, than to let him get to his own conclusions.

“They…are demons, Corlin.” – I said, and he changed immediately. His posture got a little more rigid, his breath a little more ragged. I continued, anyway.

“They only come at night, and although they don’t attack the village every day, it happens often enough that people are always on edge. No one is sure what exactly they are or from where do they come from, but there’s no doubt that they are demons.” – I kept explaining, and Corlin kept listening.

“They are stronger, faster and more ferocious than any animal. They can break your bones with their hands, cut your flesh with their claws, tear you apart with their teeth. They don’t seem to get tired or care when they get hurt. They hunt, they eat, they kill, and we’ve been fighting them for our survival for generations.”

Was I getting away from the last innocence that he had? Killing the boy, welcoming the man? It was too soon. I knew he was growing up, but he was still so young, in many ways. He tried to hide it, but that was too much information for a 12 years old boy to handle.

We stayed in silence again, me giving my brother some time to organize his thoughts, and getting ready for the questions that are sure to come.

“So… that’s what Gair and the others have been doing all this time? Keeping us safe from those…demons?”

“That’s correct.”

“And that’s why everyone goes back to their homes before nightfall? I mean, besides the Warriors.”

“Also correct"

“And that’s why they train so much? And are always resting during the beginning of the day?”

“Yes.”

“But.. How could you keep this a secret for me? Something this big. Does everyone else know?

“You… still weren’t ready. But soon you would have been” - I offered no further explanation, but he got my meaning either way.

“The moonlight festival. The initiation”. - He then looked straight at me. “You need to tell me about it, Aiai”.

“Absolutely not, Corlin. You already shouldn’t be knowing about this, I’m not revealing anymore secrets until you are ready. Be patient, the festival is near.”

He frowned at that, but didn't press it further. Should I tell him more? I wasn’t sure. Would I just be making the situation worse? I definitely can’t just end this conversation like this.

“But our Warriors are strong, Corlin. If you saw them fighting, I’m sure that you know that. We may never be able to let our guards down, but we’ve survived this far. We know how to defend ourselves.” – I said, and forced a smile into my face. “Don’t let this affect you too much. I wasn’t able to sleep at all the first nights after they told me. But now, as you could see last night, sometimes I’m able to forget about it. I trust Gair and the other Warriors. They will protect us. You should trust them too."

“Yeah” - Corlin said again, still concentrating on his thoughts. Then he added “Thanks, Aiai. I trust them. And I trust you.”

I smiled, and this time, I didn’t need to force it. – “Thanks, Corlin. Now let’s finish eating and leave."

Corlin was quiet during the rest of the meal, but there wasn’t much more that I could do. We finished it and we parted our separate ways.

I reunited with the other helpers from the tribe, and began with my duties. Today, they had paired me with Lia, who was a mute. I was glad for that.

She occasionally smiled at me or made some gestures to indicate what she wanted, but mostly, she left me to my own thoughts during the most part of the afternoon.

I knew what Corlin was feeling. I remember what I felt, when I found out about everything. The confusion. The fear. The despair. The angriness.

And above it all, the desire to do something about it.

Well, I was denied it. My path had been sealed even before I could start it.

No fighting demons for me. No protecting lives, no saving my people.

I’d come in terms with that, after all this time. I’m still useful, still vital for the function of the village. We all are.

But I sure as hell don’t feel that vital carrying logs around, while others were spilling their blood for our survival.

Why was I thinking about this again? Did Corlin somehow wake up old thoughts, old insecurities that were sleeping inside my mind? Damn, I didn’t need it.

When we finished, Lia gave me a nod with her head and we each went to the direction of our homes. Another busy day, covering for the other’s that couldn’t come. Running around, carrying, fixing and collecting things, helping wherever we were needed.

I’d been useful. I knew the importance of what I did. Without my help, we wouldn’t be able to finish the preparations for the festival on time. Without my help, the village would be a mess, food wouldn’t have been delivered, equipment wouldn’t be ready. I still was important. I was still needed.

I went home repeating that to myself, but I couldn't believe it.