=== Chapter 7 [Remorse]

 

This happened before we went back to Schuld with the [Harp], but after all this nonsense with the robots. How this was all fitting me, the black knight, being the one chosen by that worm to become their leader. And here I was, against his plan for it was wicked, but at the same time everything was falling to place.

 

I told to myself, there is no one else that would stand and rise for citizens like us, since from the start I knew that Schuld made no mistake when he selected us four. Weak and without care, our seeds sprout rotten flowers that no one will accept, but I will.

 

Standing before a colourful building, in the town of dreams and hope that was swimming in the sea of imagination, our hero arrived at his destination with only one purpose, to cleanse his own demons and find the answer he seeks. It is here where our story will continue, whenever he desires it or not. With his hand he opens the door and the bell rings.

 

[For whom the bell rings? It is I, Juger, the dark knight of heavy steel resolve.

I do reckon that you are the lady of this shop, Avaria, hence it was easy to find you.]

 

[Oh my, I don't get many guests dressed like that I'm afraid. My speciality is cloth not metal,

but I do find your fashion sense quite interesting my dear Juger. Say, maybe you would be so kind,

and flatter this lady with your selection? ohoho~ After all, I say that people should pick their own apparel.]

 

[How nice of you to show appreciation for my tastes, entrepreneur, but that is not the goal of my visit.

Say you, haven't you been wondering lately what we should do next? This dark knight know very little,

and does not desire for his doubts go to waste. Saying this, I do push this question of conviction onto you.]

 

[Oh I see, so you basically desire to have a nice talk with a cup of tea? Most certainly,

this gentle lady would not say no if she was invited. Let us proceed then, if you please.]

 

With a hand gesture belonging in the age of knights, she reached her palm towards me nonchalantly. For this armour has little interaction, I did not take my gauntlets off when I took her hand, though I don't think she was bothered by my slip. Then we took to the outside, looking for the perfect place.

 

This silent wind had me feel a little chilly, although the lady quite enjoyed it, sliming at me kindly. With her parasol, her dress and hair was gently carried by the current, but I was still on the ground. We eventually found something suitable—it was a bridge over a ravine with a good view and benches.

 

[We shall sit here, if you don't mind my little crow. This place is perfect to feel the wind,

don't you think? I do say, on days like these I just wish I had more time to play with Pina.]

 

More precisely, the view that was in sight had the colourful city and the fuming sea. You could see signboards and articles of drying clothes that were dancing in the wind. Nevertheless, below us there was an endless space and I was not able to measure how high the fall was.

 

[I did not come to play here, frolic lady of the jester court, I do have a purpose that I want to state.

Listen well and picture your answer before you speak, why is that you want to end the world? Is it that,

you had your precious goods stolen from you, thus you choose to punish those who deserve to be judged?]

 

[Well Juger, if you take things as that serious, I allow this charming lady to speak freely.

You see, there is no gain in that plan, don't you think? Naturally my logic is different.

I simply take my steps very slowly, as you could see today, and have no attachments.]

 

[No feelings for others you say? And yet I can see how you take care of that one girl.

Her name is Pina and you have become her owner. Isn't that the very evidence of your attachment?]

 

[Things and people are different, although I don't know how I would explain that...]

 

Today was the very first time in my life I have witnessed this specific expression of doubt. Her eyes empty, and mouth a little pouting. She was telling a lie to herself, although it was one that was hard to believe. She must have gathered her thoughts and planned her next words very carefully, as we stayed in silence until...

 

[You see Juger, perhaps you should know about the people who stole from me before anything.

Saying so might leave a mark on my delicate heart, so a man like you must understand.]

 

[The people who stole and caused you a loss… I see, for I also had things like that happened.]

 

[Then, as the gentleman you are, perhaps I shall let you speak first, if that is fine, yes?]

 

With a little smirk that was partially hidden by her scheming palm, she pleaded me to speak before her. The topic at hand was of course my parents that I lost. Even today, I think I have done everything I could for them. Still, it is hard for me to say that I truly loved them, but that is the guilt I must always carry.

 

[So you see, my parents died a while ago, I do miss them even if they were not the best I could have.

My dad was into gambling and I couldn't stop him. My mother had a sickness but I couldn't cure her.

So what I only could do was to give them money, but that also was not enough. I feel for them however,

for I also learned how hard it is to connect with people from normal families when yours was blemished.]

 

It is as if the children who are baptised are forgiven their original sin, but the sin of the parents stays. They do say that pathological families are bound to inherit their faults throughout generations. Is that true? If so, then I am too doomed to this fate and whatever I do, I won't be able to escape. I find that dangerous to agree.

 

[I see... well then I can understand that kind of loss since I was too a victim of unfortunate fate.

My mother, who betrayed my father and called him a monster that destroys innocent people's lives,

has caused them to separate. I do miss my father, but moreover I can't forgive my mother for that.]

 

[And how that even compares? My parents are dead, while yours are still alive.

You can forgive them for their sins even now, but for me it's unfortunately too late.]

 

[Forgive for sins... that's quite silly if you ask me. My mother might not the perfect example of a proper woman,

but so is my father who has his own faults. I comprehended them more with age, knowing they both tried to raise me in their own ways,

 though in reality they begged for my attention, and I for theirs, because I was their own child. How pitiful...]

 

With some words still being left unsaid, the girl before me had both of her hands to her face. I did not saw, but only heard her bitter tears and her sobbing. Is this her true self, the one that she hides so vaguely behind with her glamours shiny jewellery I wonder?

 

[All in all, it is I who also deserve to be punished. How can a lady from such parents not be broken herself?

I searched wide for a person to tell me that, but I know how that will never happen, not with Pina or others...]

 

As she said those sentimental words, she stood up from the bench and took for the railing. Before her was the vast space, but she chose instead to look downwards, into the abyss.

 

[I ask them to fight me and to see who is right, but no matter what, I don't get an answer.

I know what I do is wrong, but at least, I thought, doing things right for others was okay.

Do you accept such a person Juger, the person who cares not about the world in monochrome,

but rather uses her own golden light to illuminate the darkness with prismatic colours?]

 

[You don't care about the world, you say? Is that why did you agreed to his plan then?]

 

[Yes, I simply want someone to see me as someone terrible, someone who deserves to be punished.

Whatever I do, I'm the lighthouse of brilliance, and people come to me knowing I have what they want.

It is as if I sold their dreams, and by the gravity of my star, I am also sucked inside of that fallacy.]

 

[If that is all you think, then I got my answer. Farewell.

 

We are different people, me and Avaria, and so I don't think I can help her and wake her from that dream. I got what I came here for, and I can only imagine how others are. Ending the world was an option for me, but even if I had a reason I wanted to be sure, that there is nothing else that I could do to reform society.

 

[Are you leaving so soon? Perhaps we could meet on another occasion then,

I must say I do enjoy the time we did spend together, my darling leader.]

 

[We shall meet again when I gather our party for our next quest.]

 

I waved at her from the distance and left the scene, disappearing from her sight.

 

===

 

This is cold... I feel a lot worse than before. I'm quite chilly, ever since I met with those people. It's freezing here... and even I should be used to this temperature but now, this it feels different.

 

All this happened after I met with the party and got the word [Harp]. To put it very brief, the party had two men and two girls, but before Pina and Avaria joined, I was only with the guys. Obviously I couldn't stand my ground for too long and ran away before I would start to feel sick.

 

All this time I was cold and shivering, I just couldn't help it. That is because I haven't met with anyone, for a very long time now. With each day my longing was only growing worse and worse. I couldn't stop, and what made this worst was that they were actually quite nice looking and all... so cold...

 

[Brr! I better look for more blankets or for replacement for Penkun. He was quite nice and all,

but G1 said it was time to go and join others, just like the penguin did. Thanks to his idea,

I have met Pina, who looks quite a fine replacement, but she seems to have her owner already.

What a pity... ihihi~ of course I'm joking, there is no way I would keep someone a hostage or something.]

 

I laughed to myself a little, even though I felt a little bad after saying all that. In truth, I returned to the tundra because I didn't want to do all those bad things. I'm a terrible person, and Schuld knew that, so there was no way I could return to them.

 

Furthermore, Pina said that some things are okay to keep quiet about, or rather not worth thinking about. Being alone is definitely something I dislike but at the same time I can't convince myself otherwise. How can I accept others if I know I will hurt them in the end? In a way I also... end up hurting myself.

 

[Ah finally...so this is where you were hiding. I have been searching for a very long time.

You sure know how to hide, huh? Also it's kinda cold here, why do you live here?]

 

[Wait! What the hell! You wanna die? I'm going to shot!]

 

[No I just came to visit. I felt like it would be a good time and all,

because Juger said he needs the time to think things over.]

 

By some miracle, Havah, the one I was in a party with, has discovered where I lived. This tundra was as large as an entire continent, so he must have had some kind of help. Seriously what was he doing here? I honestly just wanted to shot him but I couldn't.

 

[So what are you doing here? It's not good to stay out in the cold for long.]

 

[You say that, but you even barely wear anything! What are you, an exhibitionist?]

 

[Quite the opposite, I perform the beauty that is the art of dancing.

Even in this cold winter snow, I feel invigorated to move and slide on the ice.]

 

[Whatever you say you freak! Do what you want, I'm leaving.

Don’t think you can invite me back to the party either you stalker!]

 

I was done with talking to him already. He felt like bother honestly, but I knew he was just happy to see me. Anyone that ever comes dares to put their foot in this snow already knows that they are into some deep trouble. Without direction it's easy to get lost and freeze, although you can't literally die just due your stamina loss.

 

So after all those days of searching, when a person meets another human they are always exploding with joy. This is what happened with Havah here, although I could care less what was his deal really. Saying hello huh? Why didn’t he write a letter or something? Maybe if I scare him really bad he will run away and never come back?

 

But, before I noticed, I was already leaving anyway. My destination was the lake, for I wanted to fish. It was my usual deal, just a little bit of stamina regenerating items for my everyday use, simple stuff. Still, there was one other reason why I did it, and today was especially cold, so I wanted to deal with it quick.

 

[Okay, here my axe and harpoon. This would be easy enough, since recently I found that the number of fish increased.

If only the holes didn't disappear after a while, this would have been easier, right? But oh well, let's get to...]

 

[And today I thought I have done something terribly wrong.

I want to say sorry, perhaps I was a little to forward the first time.

But now I shall speak no longer, let us commence in our act.]

 

And just like that, before my mouth could move even a little bit, the dancer started his thing around me. Of course, there was no way I would be interested but at the same time he was getting in the way of the axe. I wanted to move, to escape his moves and get away, but the bastard was persistent and kept on catching up.

 

[What are those moves, those spins in the air and ground?

Are you trying to get me dizzy or something? Could you...]

 

At the same time as I was annoyed, the ice beneath me started resonating with the movement of the dancer. Though he didn't have ice skates, it was as if he was skating. His moves were perfectly spaced and performed. There was something special about them, something that also made my legs a little bit wonky and frail.

 

[Hey if you don't stop dancing I will... damn he's fast.

I can't aim if he moves this quick, but then again maybe...

just maybe I could watch his dance for a while. It can't hurt right?]

 

I have decided for the worst that my fishing trip could wait and watched his performance. It was marvellous, just as if he was a beautiful swan dancing in the middle of the lake. I don't think I ever saw something that entrancing. It filled me with warmth in my chest, causing me to almost melt from blushing.

 

[Well, you aren't that bad I can agree to that but really...

can you please stop? I feel a little weird that you do this okay?]

 

[Stop my dear ducking? No, for act two is about to start. Your hand please, mademoiselle.]

 

With a swirl, he landed on knees with a stretched out hand. I gently accepted his and gave mine, though I didn't know what I was doing. It was a strange sensation which caused my body to move on its own.

 

[Hey this is... not that hard isn't it? You are a good dancer if you know how to tread a lady...

but I'm a bit embarrassed okay? Could you slow down a little so I could catch my breath?]

 

Though I said that, my voice was weak just like my hands, which were fruitlessly trying to struggle. His warm grip was strong, and my heated up body was not able to resist his lead. We did little steps, as he had my hand stretched out in the distance, while the other was close to our hearts. This was tango, and although it was gentle, it also made me want to move even more, and without end. But I had to stop.

 

[Okay this is enough. I know you wanted this but...

But can we at least... I don't know how to say this to you...]

 

Yes I was struggling because I knew this would not end well. I was doing the best I could, but my body didn't listen. It moved on its own, despite my mind telling it stop. And so did Havah, like in a trance, he was also just heating up. With his legs around mine, he made me lean down, before pulling me back up, and our moves grew more dynamic and lively. His hands crossed together with mine, twisted me faster and faster, and we spun and swirled around the icy lake.

 

[Please... my head is making me dizzy... I feel like...]

 

Still, the truth was I was enjoying this, at least one part of me. When I looked at his face I saw the reflection of mine, a gentle little girl who uses a mask to hide her face and who wears a lousy makeup. Something ugly and repulsing, was that really me? On the other side, his beautiful face, gorgeous long wavy hair and his charming expression. We were like from different worlds, he was a prince and I was an ugly duckling. I couldn't stand looking any more so I closed my eyes, wishing it was a dream.

 

[You feel like it, my precious Yuki? Like a change of seasons,

I bring to you spring, to melt your ice away. Will you accept?]

 

[...Yes]

 

No! I said no but my lips released a different sound! What was happening with me? I knew very well, that I couldn't escape this fate any longer. My will was absent and my mind was released from its chains. My vision began to turn blurry, I saw as if I was entranced in a dream by his words. His hands enveloped around me and kept on pushing my body towards him. For every single panting that escaped, one of my belts got undone, until nothing was holding me back anymore.

 

I could feel like my body exploding with heat, an indigent feeling I could no longer contain inside of me. My hair started to melt and curved up a little, my cheeks, my gloves' and my shoes' tips turned deep red. The prince was close, his warm and gentle breath entered me, and as I opened my lips, he gifted me with a kiss.

 

===

 

We both were in a different world now, but we were still in the area with endless snow. I felt like my body almost completely submerged into something warm and caressing. It was a hot spring, and somehow I was only wearing my short thermal undergarments.

 

It was a little strange, but what surprised me was that my body wasn't cold any more. With the thin body I had, I tried to move but I realised I was being held by something. I tried to struggle, to kick my legs, but all I did was to splash some water around.

 

On top of me, there was a person that gently held my body between his massive thighs. He was muscular, strong, most of all handsome and delicate. He was a man of my dreams, but wouldn't it be strange that I was not able to see his face clearly in the steam?

 

[Wait are you... Havah? What is happening here?]

 

Back in reality, this was a whole different situation. I was on my bed again, and as I feared, it happened. I tried to stop it as best as I could, but the desire won over me and shut down the signals from the brain. There I was, trying to escape all this time, but once it all happened, I was the one to lock the chains.

 

Without noticing it, my clothes were quite all over the place in disarray. I was missing all of my layers, save from the innermost, just like in the game. Furthermore, despite felling comfy I was shivering a little, but not from the cold.

 

It was the warmth that made my body react to every stimulation that Synapse was making me sense. Whenever I and Havah touched, our skin connected and ignited each other. His hands tracing my arms, up to my shoulders and down to my sensitive hips, while my uneasy ankles rubbed against his manly legs.

 

[He wait... don't you find me ugly? Now that you have saw it all,

you probably feel disguised by it. It's fine, I don't deserve you anyway.]

 

[I do not mind that, my special snowflake. I shall melt that ice that shrouds you,

reveal the gorgeous maiden hidden within, and show you the true beauty of the swan.]

 

As he enveloped me, we kissed again, and this time I was fully aware of his gentle lips, and answered with mine. His taste and saliva mixed with mine tasted most delicious. Then, our tongues connected in between our mouths, and with a delicate push, they tenderly caressed one another. His hair on my face, his arms and legs enveloping around me, his body pressing against mine, I was entirely constrained.

 

[Mmm... Mmm!]

 

It didn't matter that my words couldn't be released any more, for I was captivated not only by him. As I felt nearly defeated I tried to tie my legs and my arms to my bed, but it seems I was careless, and one of my hand escaped. Unchained to my mind, it traced my body in search for any liquid.

 

I was sweating and panting from the heat, while my body struggled to free itself from the binds, twitching and turning. My free hand reached my mouth and my tongue, which discharged saliva at an uncontrollable rate. It then spread it all over my body, erupting the heat over my skin even further than the safety levels that I would normally allow.

 

Even if I told my body to stop, it wouldn't listen. Even if I clenched my hand hard, the muscle stayed relaxed. Even if I kicked hard with both of my feet, the bed wouldn't allow me to escape. I was a prisoner to myself. But that was because I carried a sickness. It was because of that condition I tried to avoid all contacts with others.

 

[People always say I’m addicted to this, but I fight. I fight and I lose, I try and I fail. It is hopeless.

It is like the men are carrying the germs and filling my fever, the one that releases me from the cold.

Even if my mind says no, my body desires it. And so I have to ask you, do you find this disgusting?]

 

There is very little to hide any more, it was just my feeble body that was almost bare lying on the covers. Even if I was quite thin naturally, I wasn't like a skeleton before. Ever since my chances with boys lowered, I figured that I needed to become more beautiful for them, or then won't even look me any more.

 

For that sake I thought I was too fat, and started a diet with the notion to slim down. My curves were something I wished for, but eventually I didn't realise that I was dreaming. When I woke up I found that not eating left my body frail and bony. This was my anorexia.

 

On top of that, I felt disgusted how I looked and I wanted to make that look to disappear from my mind. I quickly find that I was easily addicted to sharp blades and that they helped the cold go away. But now, with my body full of fairly visible scars, I can't think of a person that would love me.

 

[I don't believe there is a single person that would say so.]

 

[You don't... I'm sorry.]

 

[Do not say sorry, for those are words of a person that is weak.]

 

Thus, saying those words, our bodies connected again and my brittle lips were sealed by his gentle kiss. It was as the ice shattered in my eyes, and made messy makeup disappear, in its place a white, yet icy glitter. I opened them wide and now I saw, not the prince, but Havah and his handsome sliver eyes.

 

[See how you changed with a single step? Just like dancing, you have to start somewhere.

If you listen to your body, the next step shall be obvious, just like I trace my memory during dancing.

You need strength, the confidence in yourself and in others. Your beauty lies within,

and should you wish to spread your wings and fly, you must first grow and accept your weaknesses.]

 

===

 

The ugly ducking... that was me once, but now I was a little different. Thanks to Havah and Pina, I finally understood that even with pushing others away, I end up hurting myself the most. Who cares if I'm not pretty or something like that, even though the scars do remain with me...

 

I mean, my parents always say I was normal, but I couldn't believe them. How could they know? How could they even be close to understand how a girl this sick desire for germs feels like every day? This was beyond me, and I shouted that in my mind there is no way. But what did really change in the end?

 

After I calmed down and dressed up again, I was walking through the snow with Havah. We were holding hands, although they were not as cold as I thought. He probably said those words...to make me feel better, but I vaguely even recall what did happen during that time. I didn't really care really.

 

[So huh... you say you like dancing and stuff, but you are pretty good.

You must be pro right? I wouldn't mind really if you gave me special lesson ihihi~]

 

[A special lesson? That's interesting but I am not really a pro or anything.

Anyway, do you remember what happened? I felt a little strange and had to stop.]

 

[Well I don't remember either honestly—you said you felt weird or something,

so I guess let's leave it at that? How do you feel, are you cold a little perhaps?

Hey, there is an ice cave there, let's check it out okay? Or do you have cold feet? ihihi~]

 

[Oh that looks quite interesting, let's go.]

 

He was pretty confident that there are going to be monsters inside so we took out his weapons. I on the other hand was not afraid in the slightest because I knew that finding beasts here, or rather their tracks, is quite rare. If anything, I also did not see any human tracks on the snow so we were definitely not going to be attacked.

 

Entering the cavern, the light itself slowly vanished and I had to take out my hidden flashlight. It was a special item that came with the sniper set I guess? I never actually got to use it until now. The light from it was quite fine, though you could only see this far in the cave. What a rip-off.

 

Looking at the cave’s interior we saw several formations of icy stalactites and stalagmites, I dunno which are which. With little droplets falling down from time to time, the cave echoed with a dim sound. The air was also quite damp, at least for me.

 

[So this is how it looks huh? I figured this place was a monster lair.]

 

[But it's not! Don't worry about the monsters and just relax okay? You can think of this as a date,

but don't get any weird ideas again or I will shot you okay? I mean... yea it's this romantic, right?]

 

I think I have said something too fast there, but it was fine in the end. He didn't look very motivated anyway, like perhaps there was something weird about him.

 

[Okay sure, I will lower down the weapons.

But tell me...are you here for the first time?]

 

[Ha, now that you say that I might have visited it in the past, but I don't remember.

This place looks old right, so who knows? If anything maybe someone left a message,

but I doubt it. There might be some rare resources like mineral veins further in though.]

 

[Might be worth the try but I dunno, I don't find mining all that interesting.

It's not like you can get any stronger just by upgrading weapons right?]

 

[You probably will get stronger... well at least to a certain point.

But whatever, fine, I will go alone if you are not going but I'm not sharing]

 

And those words somehow made him decide to go with me. When we arrived however, though I did have my pickaxe and he didn't, there were no minerals for us to mine. Someone was here I guess, but don't worry. There is always another day, or another cave we can visit.

 

[Disappointing isn't it? We came all this way and we found nothing in the end.]

 

[Hey at least this was fun I guess?]

 

[I won't lie to you, even if there are probably times when I should have said nothing,

but this was fun... I guess? ihihi~ I mean you are an interesting person when you dance,

but you are like a completely different person when you talk like that normally, don't you think?]

 

This was a date, as I said, and he was acting a little weird. Though this is something I would have said to my boyfriends, I had real doubts about him now, and it wasn't just my intuition...

 

[Yea my parents told me once that I had DID, you know Dissociative something something.

I had no idea, but I think they were lying, most definitely, and I don't really like lies.]

 

[I see, perhaps then maybe you could share something about your parents then?]

 

Well... Dissociative identity disorder is something I have read up one time on the net. It's when a person has two or more personalities within them and they switch or something. That would fit for Havah, but why would he say they lied? Only a single droplet broke the silence.

 

[My parents are awful really. All started with an accident that put my brother and me into a coma, only I awoke.

I was damaged too but I recovered, albeit losing something... well now that doesn't matter.

In the end they can't accept that I'm a guy so they use all those lies when I talk to them.]

 

[Accept that you are guy? How strange, I wouldn't think of you anything other than a guy. ihihi~]

 

I teased him a little, but it seems he was serious this time. I remained with my lips sealed, with a little blush hidden behind my mask.

 

[Yea I find it strange that I had to have a sex change operation due the damage after the accident.

On top of that, my parents and the doctors refuse to admit it...Well if my brother was still alive,

though his memory still lives on through my dancing, he would have say something  to them.]

 

[Right I don't think I understand this all, so maybe it's better to keep it to yourself for now?

I mean there is no harm in doing that right? I can tell you about my parents too if you want.]

 

[Well go ahead, I... just feel a little weird now.]

 

I see, perhaps this feelings are somehow all connected to the accident, to his dancing and his brother? But I rather not further confuse him, since his head looks like it’s about to explode. He is a nice guy and I wouldn't want to break his mind by mistake, though now that he mentioned his parents, I would probably benefit more from talking to them maybe?

 

[Right, so listen Havah, my parents are the most wonderful people in the world, you know?

Of course that is a lie because I hate my parents so much! They always care only about their image,

and totally ignore the fact that I can't function like everyone else. They say I'm normal but I'm not.

Deep down that only hurts me, but at least you were there to give me the strength which I'm thankful for.]

 

More droplets fell, one after the other. There were creating ripples on the surface of a little pond. As soon as the echo ceased, the water became silent as well. It was that bizarre scenery that reminded me...My past wasn't that great and I had my share of memories I wanted to erase. But nature does not forget easily.

 

[Hey what will you say if we simply forget about our parents completely and lived our own lives?

I don't find it beneficial, at least for me, to bare their presence ever again. They always annoy me,

so I figured I would ignore them, but that's impossible I think. In the end we have to live with it,

so don't be so cold and moody about it, and let's have so fun, shall we? That's the least I can do for you.]

 

[Oh okay, but I only like dancing and killing, so I'm fine with either okay?]

 

[Yea sure big guy, I'm going to have to snipe you if you try to kill me okay? ihihi~]

 

[How about we just follow Juger? He looks like he knows stuff, if you know what I mean.]

 

I see, I didn’t think I would be saying that, but Pina and Havah, they are people I’m comfortable having around. If I would be able to accept the others, due their help, I would be able to finally become a beautiful swan, right?

 

[Okay, I will be looking forward to that day then Havah, but for now, let’s have fun!]

 

Well he is a nice guy, albeit a little childish to the point of one might think he has some kind of disorder. What can I say, people aren't perfect—I'm a for example of that. Sometimes you can't fully connect to others, but as long as you can see their sincere smile, that's fine. I don't think I will feel cold for while too...though that could soon change depending on what will Juger or Schuld will do. That old man wanted to end the world, right?

 

===

 

[So a lot of things happened lately in the world, yes? I heard there was an increase in crime lately.

Things like terrorist attacks on major corporations or illegal riots on the streets become a common place.

It seems that this world is quite boiling up and the people desire a change, even if others still try to paint those actions negative.]

 

It’s always about public opinion this, people say that...in the end is the media’s portrait of events that decides what happens in the world. Are we dissatisfied about our current regime? No, those are organized crime and terrorist attacks...they are not normal, they are negative behaviours that need to be suppressed instead of understood.

 

[Are you saying about that thing which happened some time ago? Well I never would consider those things.

In history we had years of bad stuff and of good stuff. I am always positive so no matter who is the government,

no matter if there is a war in the world, all of this ends once the flame quiets down, thus I don't even care.]

 

[Ha, so when you are not involved in this, you basically see it as something that comes and goes?

Surely you do pay taxes and did at least once participate in voting so you probably know a thing or two.

Yet, being this obvious to everything isn't that healthy I'm afraid, you should consider at least listening.]

 

[There is never anything good when it comes to talking about politics. You must have seen that on the television right?

People are just going to replicate what their ears accepted, saying mechanically things that they don’t understand.

“President is bad”, “health care is bad”, “college debt is bad”, “taxes for individuals are bad”, I hear this everyday honestly...

Even if you were to convince someone, they would probably not even remember what you were talking about the next day.]

 

What a hard person to talk to, this co-worker of mine. I wanted to see if I could at least try, but it seems in the end I have to follow my father's plan for now. Everything always ends up as he says, so why bother even trying to convince people to wake up on their own? Okay, here he comes.

 

[Hi, I have an unfortunate piece of news to everyone. Today, during the morning hours of server two we had an accident.

I call it an accident but no one saw what happened expect from five people. You probably heard from the news,

there was an event of a player broadcasting their suicide online, through Unwritten, so we are on all the stations.]

 

[Wait what? That actually happened? I sure hope that we are not charged with anything yet.

They can't link the suicide to how our game works right? That should be against the law.]

 

[I'm not sure, we have to talk about that with our lawyer, but since we didn't get anything yet, we are fine.]

 

[Quite sure this is something that might just get us bad publicity, if anything.

I'm going to try to see if I can get an interview, but in the mean time, our usual stuff.]

 

This wasn't the very first broadcasted suicide either, so if anything I wonder if anyone remembers that Biggs kid. Anyway, I did read into what happened on the server this morning, for I had my duties during that time. His name was Schuld in the game, and even if we can get his name in real life, I don't think I can do something about it now.

 

Furthermore, there is an interesting story considering the circumstances of Schuld. Firstly, he planed that all. It seems he invited other players and asked them to do a dungeon together, then waited for them to come back, and did his act. All of that because he had a plan, and that plan is what worries me the most honestly.

 

By mere chance perhaps, he somehow got the address of Skull Mountain, the testing area for our upcoming event. He knew when we did the tests, so he logged in when we were offline. We didn't check any logs until now, but what's important is that he had to get the address from someone, meaning that there is a leak in company.

 

[So anyway, what about that event? We should put in on hold, because we encountered problems as you see.

If we launch it now, people are going to be displeased that we are trying to cash in on a suicide. That’s bad publicity for you.]

 

[That's interesting, but I get your point. People might indeed be disgusted that we are doing zombies,

when someone actually died. On top of that, we never had any influence over what he did in the first place.

For a person to kill himself like that… you have to set everything in your house, and in the game, which is not us.]

 

[Okay I get that, but even so he did all that in a testing zone, not a normal player zone.

How the hell are you going to explain that to the cops? We are most definitely involved now.]

 

[Hold on guys, I wanted to discuss the event today. Not because of our meeting plan for today,

but because of something else. If we leave things as they are, we will delay all other content.

However, we could instead use Schuld to our favour and I will tell how exactly I plan that.]

 

My father, as the genius developer he was, could change everything, even a person's suicide into a video game mechanic. Maybe for him it was exciting that something finally was happening in the world of his video game, but for me, I was wondering if that guy was insane sometimes. He didn't drink or smoke, but let's be honest, he was a pothead.

 

[I'm going to tell you what we have learned from the logs. It seems that Schuld had a greater plan than I imagined.

He knew about the Skull Mountain and had access to it, but also knew our reason of designing it so. Furthermore,

I investigated the logs which connected with the players he recruited, and it seems he also knew about their families.

A person with this much information would also surely know about our event, thus I think it might be one of us.]

 

[Wait, why would you think that? Is there even a connection?]

 

[Searching randomly through the players, looking for certain background and stuff...

Even if we can trace Synapse, we can't do that much. This guy might have not been working alone.

I say he would fit for some kind of terrorist organization, definitely the shady kind.]

 

[If the police will conclude that, then be it so, but I don’t think even matters. The thing I wanted to say was,

and please listen, that he told others to end the world. Now don't give them the cult option yet, I want to think for a second.

What we wanted to do was to release zombies upon the world, which does sound like an end of the world scenario right?

If he got insight information, then I'm sure his plan involved them. So what do you guys think about that interpretation?]

 

Given that my father already has decided on his next words, I don't think anyone planned to say anything. I wasn't for sure, I was getting really bored of his long speeches each and every meeting. Schuld or not, we simply didn't have the time to change anything about the event and how it supposed to play out.

 

[I see you guys are still thinking. Allow me to start. With Schuld being someone more or less of a prophet,

I think we should respect his decision and what he did in the game. I do think it's wrong to talk bad about the dead,

but for our event, apocalypse is a possibility, not only due the influence of the zombies, but because of the players as well.

I think that we should allow the players to choose what becomes of the world after the event is done, any questions?]

 

[But of course, we can do that even if that would be a little rushed and unpolished.

Still, the problem lies in what do we do actually? We can't literally give them that.]

 

[Why not? I think that enough is acceptable for a mechanism that makes for a good narration.

We can sort out what happens with the world afterwards, though it wouldn't be just a sudden change.

That should at least keep players playing, knowing that the world is alive and evolving with each day.]

 

[I will have to see your ideas before we do that. In the meantime, I'm going to ask our pr guys.

They probably already have their hands busy, but they should hear about the plan from us as soon as possible.]

 

So in the twist of fate, or simply due the influence of my father, the deus ex machina of his Unwritten, it was decided that Schuld is going to be somehow involved into everything that will be happening. Yes, it's probably something that would disgust me if not for that I had to play my part as well.

 

[We probably need to create a safe haven for the players that wish not to be affected,

but at the same time, to tie that location in with the story, I want you my son to do your part.]

 

[What is that you require, oh lord of heavens or whatever?]

 

[When I asked you if you were okay with playing Wolf, I only meant the GM things, right?

Therefore, if you remember, Wolf and his garden exist in this world, and together with Lunar,

they want to stop the invasion from spreading and inflecting every possible player...I mean every npc.

I think that it would be okay if they used the garden as a safe haven for the players, okay?]

 

[No need to worry, we didn't even decide on what happens if they die yet I think.

Maybe we should do that? Will I get pardoned if I make Lunar die or something?]

 

[I don't think she can die, but I would prefer using Wolf, because he was the hero in the end.

I only want for you to log in and tell other players to seek shelter within forest. Wait...

I'm going to write the exact message for you to relate, so that would be a button. Is that alone fine?]

 

Well I can't say my job was complicated thanks to the technology we got here but...Why does it feel like I was simply someone they pushed around all the time? How annoying, now he doesn't even give me a choice, though he never said that I had any other instructions...

 

===

 

[It’s interesting times we live in. I mean every generation said that during their time, probably. Like video games, movies or VR, all this was somewhere in the dream land of the previous generation, but now it’s a reality. So what do we get from all this?]

 

[Of course we have opened our minds to all. Like transgenderism, people with disabilities, problems of the minorities, all this is now more important that it was several years ago. You know, it’s our identity after all.]

 

[But don’t you think it’s going a little too far? Previously we had strict presumption about what was a deviation, thanks to our fathers, but nowadays no will say that being gay is bad, that playing video games too much is bad, that even being fat is bad...It’s all about your individual choice, rather than common sense.]

 

I was listening to a video...

 

[Even if you say so, aren’t people are like that? Even if people have faults, they can still be functional in the society. Where is the problem?]

 

[It’s the problem that the society now accepts those behaviours as normal. Even if you want to tell them otherwise, it’s their privilege that they are different, their free will.]

 

[To a certain degree I will agree. Instead of diminishing everyone, even people who are balanced in their conduct, we set up the bar higher for people who are real deviants, meaning that our society now accepts those behaviours to a certain level, instead of outright calling them wrong. That saying, we all have free will—we just have to understand to understand one another. Communication is the foundation for our society, so by understanding others...]

 

I was listening to a discussion on the internet on the side, in the middle of Maremoda’s beach. I was sitting next to my friends who were conversing as well, so my ears were full of noise.

 

Anyway, I have also seen that one other guy talking about two genders. He asked others to convince him otherwise, although he was kinda rude with his guests. The two major points he brought up was that gender was relatively a new concept in science and that sex change operation did not affect the suicide rates, which would mean that it wasn’t an effective way to deal with gender dystopia.

 

Now, even if some people had problems with the research he was referring to, showing results of different experiments, it didn’t really make me think less about transgender people and if they were happier after the operation. I have some friends who are in that situation so I have my own opinion about that. What that video made me really think about is that people can be easily influenced by random videos, and then lose their bearing, not knowing what is considered normal and what is wrong.

 

[In the end we will have a society that is accepting everything, even socially-damaging behaviours. We will have strong individuals, with clean idea of who they are, but they will do nothing but to focus on themselves.]

 

And this confusion caused by the overwhelming information is nothing new for me either...though it seems someone has called my name?

 

[Hey how's it going Darku? You probably missed having boobs for a very long time now huh?

I missed you too sweetheart! Now come here for a big and warm hug before I assault you, ehehe~]

 

Because my mind was still confused, it seems that I did in fact forget how tightly this girl actually squeezes. But I got to say I was glad seeing her again. A lot of things have happened since my last time here, though I rather discuss them later. Right now there was one thing which I wanted to know.

 

[Good morning Tania and Darku. It's been this long since we last met...

I'm terribly sorry for not replying to things because I had stuff I needed to do,

but I'm on a good and steady road from now. And... I'm glad to see you guys again.]

 

WRose was also here, with her usual self and flowery outfit, she bobbed her usual curtsy. That was really refreshing for me, even though I was still being embraced by Titania. Furthermore, albeit she a little shorted, she also joined in for the hug from my behind.

 

[Okay you guys... please come down a little. I know we all logged in because Wolf did,

but as you can see he is not in the game anymore, so I am not sure what should we do next,

I can ask around, maybe G1 knows anything about that, but I'm not really sure either.]

 

[Maybe we should look around his garden. You know...that one place where people planted trees to save the world.

I'm quite interested to see how well it was preserved, and well… if our memories are still there.]

 

[Oh come on Rosie, how can you be this sad just after logging in for one second? Aren't games supposed to be fun?

I tell you what, I have been playing this game from time and time and it was a blast really. You know,

that Albert guy who said like "Wolf's a lair, pants on fire", that guy is solid now, we were doing pvp tourneys.]

 

[That's interesting Tania, I'm sure of it. But I really wanted to meet Wolf again you know?

I realise that is rather impossible now... but still I'm fine knowing that he is alive somewhere.]

 

And as WRose said those words, I was reminded about something particular that I heard about recently. It seems that there was a suicide here in the game, but there were bizarre circumstances about it. For example, it took place in a location only available for the GMs, an area similar to Mermaid City.

 

Furthermore, it seems that the devs are planning an event that is more or less about dead people. Was this person also involved with that? Would they really connect someone’s death to an event? I would say no, though I am not sure... Because I don't know much about the event they are planning.

 

If anything, I'm sure they will just say that they were not involved and that would be it. As for later, I should definitely check on Xyl and G1, now that I have logged in finally. As for now, I probably want to stay with my old party and see how they were doing all there days. It really feels quite nice and nostalgic to me, though without Wolf, it also feels a little bit sad.

 

[So you see, I actually won the tournament, but merely in the Tank-only bracket. I think Rogue won overall?

But man, wasn't that a battle. If you guys could only see how I got top eight and then nearly won against the top 3 guy.

They were really tough, I admit, but at the same time no one plays Tanks competitively, though I wonder why?]

 

[That might be the time to try out new classes for you Tania. For example,

I used to play a Wizard, then a Priest, but now I basically play them both equally.

I mean I don't play them now, but I log in and level them via the AI training.

Before you ask me, I do still prefer playing Priest, just because no one does it.]

 

[I was thinking about getting back to this game too at some point, but I never got the time to do so.

You guys do remember when I talked about my Ex right? So I did meet with her in the end but a strange thing happened.

We arranged a dinner but she called me and said that she stuck me up on purpose. I tried to talk to her...

But in the end I don't think she did receive well my words. I... I'm at loss to what do to next.]

 

[Oh don't worry about that, with Titania baby, you can get a new girlfriend no problem!

Just leave it to me and I will ask around in class. I'm sure there someone...unless you want to try a boyfriend then... ehehe~]

 

Tania, that would be what they call compensated dating, it's nothing close to a real relationship. I could tell that she was joking, but at the same time her face was a little serious. Oh my...

 

[Wow it's really you Rose! I missed you sooo much! *Wiggle*]

 

Suddenly, WRose got jumped on by a fox girl. I forgot that when you log in, anyone can read your status, as long as they are friends with you.

 

[Hina! Stop it... you are tickling me with those ears...]

 

[Don't be so embarrassed when I haven't seen you in ages. Just accept the petting,

I need to stroke your head at least once for every day you had me waiting, you know?]

 

[For each day? Look I'm sorry everything was so sudden back then, but I didn't feel good.

I'm fine with playing now, even without Wolf, but I didn't have the time to log in at all.

I needed to fix the things with my family and myself, and now I'm on the straight again so there is that.]

 

[Oh I see, you missed me too right? I'm sorry from jump all of a sudden, but you know me.

Anyway, there is still something I should discuss with you guys, and it's about Pina.]

 

Strangely, she wasn't looking as happy as from before when she mentioned Pina. Usually those two are like twins who stay always together no matter now, but today...I felt like something terrible has happened to her sister. I had a bad feeling.

 

[So you guys know about the suicide here right? There is like that one group,

that Schuld managed to form, and somehow Pina got involved into all of this.]

 

[Wait what? What would your sister do that? Jeez, this is getting intense...]

 

[She was merely in the vicinity, okay? She was not the part of it or did become an official member or something.

I could say that she is a hostage but that wouldn't be accurate... but anyway let me speak first okay?]

 

Everyone was little deeper in the chair and leaned toward the middle. We were curious, much like a fox looking at its prey before they jump into the ground. The atmosphere was tense... kidnapping, that one group, this was still just a game, there was no way this was real.

 

[So let's say I have the insider’s info, though she would be mad if I told her that I eavesdropped on her.

This group, lead by the man Juger, was created from specifically picked crooks by Schuld. I guess that...

when he died Juger took control, or maybe all of this was a part of a greater plan or something.

Anyway, I think what’s most important is that those guys are planning on destroying the world!]

 

[Destroying the world? You must be joking, since that just sounds ridiculous.

Just like there are restrictions on certain things, would that be even allowed?]

 

[Beats me, Pina never said what... I mean I never learned what exactly that means but it sounds bad, right?

This is why, when I saw you guys log in, rushed towards you as fast as I could. If anyone could save the world,

it would be you guys right? Even without Wolf you can probably do something about them, so please... *wiggle*]

 

With a bow of a shrine maiden, she pleaded us for help. I could tell easily that there was more, that she perhaps wanted to save her sister above all else, though that would have to wait until we foiled their plan. Thanks to Wolf I did saw strange things in this game and between the two worlds, so perhaps they believe in that stuff as well? Anyone that would be planning something like ending the world must have greater motives behind it, I think.

 

[Hina, are you sure you are not making this up based on what you have misheard?

If Pina is in fact following that group, surely nothing bad should happen if you trust her.

By that I strongly suggest you talking with her first, or leaving the matter to me.]

 

[How about we all have a talk with them huh? I don't say in terms of smacking their faces,

just a nice little talk about what their intentions are and whatnot. Hey, how about that guys?]

 

[I could certainly use a walk, if you suggest so, but we probably need someone...]

 

[Don't worry girls, I'm going to get the info from Pina and be right back.]

 

[Wait! Is she actually...]

 

I could only imagine what was happening inside of their house, but her mic was silent. In the end we did acquire some info, but not all useful. It seems they were all hiding, in different locations on top of that, and meeting them all at once needed extra preparations.