=== Chapter 10 [Oasis]

 

We ended up on the other side of the cave finally, but the fun was just about to start… well at least the sight was nice. A huge desert with sand everywhere you looked and beyond the horizon even more scorching yellow dunes. There was no end to this barren land and even the sky itself was just a distraction from the hot sun… I’m sweating. Though, I wasn’t the only one to be visibly complaining about the heat. Avaria took out her parasol and small fan.

 

We still had some way until we reached our destination and Juger said we should make it before sundown. And he wasn’t wrong, because just as I decided I would go searching for some cooling pads, our goal became visible. It was an oasis, full of strange trees and with lot water inside. I thought at first that was a mirage but I was wrong.

 

Just as we stepped inside, my eyes reflected all the colours of the rainbow. There were so many trees and bushes, each in different shade and shape. It was something I couldn’t believe at first, but when I tried to touch one leaf, it was clearly not a dream… I sighed and released all the air from my tired lungs… finally we could have some rest.

 

[This is the place you were talking about, right my astute Juger? You have leaded us all this way,

and truly this is where all our goals lie, don’t they? This needful lady shall take her leave right away,

I am tired and exhausted so allow me some time to refresh. I’m sure that others wouldn’t mind either, yes?]

 

[Most certainly yes. Jeez… getting all sweaty like that makes me want to take a bath in real life,

but I wouldn’t mind if we found hot springs around here ihihi~ it’s way different here than in the snow.]

 

[Right guys… I don’t think anyone would mind so why don’t we split?

This place looks quite huge so… me might go ahead and start exploring.]

 

[If so are the wishes of my comrades than I shall abide. Be well and unrestrained to enjoy your rest,

for the next time we meet, we shall discuss how to fulfill our dark pack from this point onwards.]

 

He meant how we are going to end the world, sitting in a place that was safe from the AIs. Yes, this single garden that Wolf created in the past was the only safe zone they couldn’t enter, though the reason escapes me… I guess they don’t like pretty things or rather have no business here?

 

In any case as other girls suggested I wanted to find some nice spot to rest, though we all ended splitting up…I quickly found myself under huge foliage of various green, yellow, violet and orange leaves. Just right above, there were sets little plastic frames that gathered the wines and created a tunnel I was travelling though. I saw something like that before, there is that one shrine that does it with Torri or that thing called the tunnel of love…

 

Speaking about love, this place appears quite fitting for a romantic spot for a date so I hope someone at least is having fun…Anyway I found something amazing after I exited the tunnel, there was like a shrine surrounded by water, on a small island. There was also a bamboo tree with a lot of paper slips attached to them. I tried looking closer when…

 

[Well if it isn’t you, Pina? I’m sorry to scare you all of a sudden but I was just walking by.

How are you? We have not meet in ages and I was worried… because of that happening now.]

 

[Oh… wait are you really? Yes… sorry for not talking with you in a while…]

 

[Nonsense, personal messages are no longer available now, just like teleporting.

I should be thankful first and foremost that you are still alive okay? I was worried…]

 

[Yes I was also… all this time I was missing you Rose.]

 

From behind and before I could turn, I recognized the voice of someone from the past. It was a little girl wearing a white floral dress. Without any more words, we met for the first time after a long time. I saw my reflection in her green eyes which shed a tear. I started crying a little two, because I could no longer contain all those feelings I had from before. With our hands gravitating, we joined each our bodies with powerful hug that made the wind blew the leaves off the ground… WRose I’m happy you are okay…

 

[Do you know why I came here Pina? I visited this place with Wolf some time ago, that was after he became a hero.

We walked around the garden but he was still quite puzzled and confused after what happened during the fight with the dragon.

Then we found ourselves here, in this small shrine. I knew that whatever I would say wouldn’t change his downcast mood,

so at least I wanted to make a wish, so that we would create memories. Silly, I never knew what his wish was and I don’t want to.]

 

[So your wish is somewhere there… and his as well? That’s quite like Wolf now that I think about it…

But don’t you want to learn about it now? I mean you guys were close… so I know you trust him and all.]

 

[I do trust him enough not to search for it, though I would probably not be able to find it now.

Anyway, what I wished for was to carry on my wish to the other world… and somehow that was granted.

Whatever he wrote… even the most insignificant thing… I want to believe that his wish also came true.]

 

[It would be great right… but I do wonder about one thing all this time. I talked with my sister,

she said that you haven’t meet her in person but also that you didn’t want to. That was some time ago,

and I still haven’t a slightest idea what it was about. It’s somehow… related to your wish right?]

 

I wasn’t sure about that yet but I could read her expression. We were both standing in front of the main gate, and she was holding her hands in prayer all this time, looking at somewhere. I wanted to challenge that look, to make her realise that I was there, in front of her. Still, it was rather difficult to get her attention.

 

[Yes it is… it’s all related and such is the extend I plan to speak about it. In two years from now,

you shall know the truth, but for now I shall keep it a secret. I am deeply sorry for all of this but I’m not ready.]

 

[Ready for what? Well… forget it, if my sister said that it was really important I must trust her as well.

Remember when I confessed that I had my legs hurt in an accident? Somehow I think that connected us two…

I figured that asking you more about it directly now was okay, but I guess I was wrong. I’m sorry that I raised the subject…

I also met a girl who has told me that some things are better left unsaid. So Rose… for now let’s keep it at that okay?]

 

[You can’t mean Avaria right? That person told you it’s better to keep your secrets stashed away?

So what are you thinking right now must be due to her influence… don’t get me wrong I respect her,

but since she is a part of that group I’m worried she might be manipulated to follow them, just like you.]

 

[Wait that is not true… she is not under anyone’s effect, she is her own person, just like me.]

 

When I said those words I noticed that despite how I was trying to defend my lady, WRose made up her mind already. It was the distance that didn’t allow her to think freely, thus she assumed the position of the aggression. Honestly, my idea was not to challenge her, but to convince that my lady’s words had value, and that it is fine keeping a secret. But now I could feel a breath of hostility from her. Slowly her fists started to clench, one on her chest the other on her skirt.

 

===

 

I took a step back, only to be stopped midway by a temizuya . She didn’t even look at me and I was terrified. Knowing so I tried to apologize with my hands, trying to tell her to calm down, but she kept looking at the ground. With a loud click, followed by less gentle ones, she took a step and approached me… but then she stopped. Her firsts no longer wrathful and her expression have been calmed. Only by a little she raised her head saying…

 

[Well I can’t be mad about that, since you are a part of them now. I didn’t want to believe your sister at all,

when she said all those bad things about them and that you were her pet… but I see you have no regents.

You can wash your hands and be free from those accusations, because I want to trust that you made the right choice.]

 

[No I’m not really… What are you even saying? I’m your friend not just one of them…]

 

[You destroyed that wall right…? I can see in your eyes, you are lying.]

 

[But you are not looking at me directly! Please let me explain…]

 

The more she felt relaxed and buried into her point of view the more my gaze started looking for an answer. I didn’t want her to think that we did a bad thing, rather to understand that we were had a greater goal in mind. The group that wants end of the world… being a part of it makes even close friends think awful things about you. But they were nice people, though they had problems, and I wanted to believe that all in all they knew what they were doing.

 

[So what are you guys going to… end the world for no one’s sake and make everyone suffer? Ugh!

What is that plan exactly? Perhaps if we discuss it further we can figure out a better solution, right Pina?

As I said I want to trust to because I know you wouldn’t go against your sister if you didn’t have a good reason.]

 

[There is no better… or other way to fix the world. This is what Juger have said. If you could understand them as I do,

you would too think so. Sorry Rose, but explaining is pointless… I don’t even know how exactly he plans to do it!

Please listen, all those things that happen before, they were just to make things right for everyone. We really want to help…]

 

[Just stop...When that person died you wanted to help him as well? I have heard he committed suicide.

When the Everkeep’s gate was destroyed the AIs became unstoppable. I also heard a certain group was involved.

You were involved in all of this, right? Do you think it’s better not to consider the methods and simply…]

 

Just in this moment, she reached a hand towards my shoulder, though she aimed at my throat at first. Her grip was unusually strong, as if she wanted to hurt and put me into submission. I reached with my hand, and gently wanted to brush hers off, but I was unsuccessful. Her will was much stronger than mine.

 

[All of this is right, those things happened… but it’s not like that. I’m sure that guy just killed himself,

you can trust me because I was there. Also during the time with Avaria… she was really scared honestly,

and wanted to stop. But I wanted her to believe in others and me, since there was no one else there.

Both hands shared the sin together… and simply carrying the burden together with her was the least I could do.]

 

[So you have not disagreeing with me at all? Pina! Listen, there is still time we can stop them!]

 

She shouted at me with both of her hands on my shoulders, pushing me towards the basin of purified water.

 

[I’m not a bad person… they are not evil I swear! Why wouldn’t you believe me? We are friends right…]

 

[Yes but I know that you from the past would have never did it… you would rather challenge your doubts,

you would fight against that what is uncertain, just like you did when stepped up against your sister’s attitude back then.]

 

[But this is no different! I believe that they are doing the right thing and in the end we all shall…]

 

I tried as hard as I could, but only sadness was filling me. Little droplets fell down, but not onto the basin, but on my chest. Then I realised that I wasn’t fighting against her, but she was struggling against herself. With her grip slowly growing weaker, and her legs starting to shake, she was about to fall to the ground.

 

[Rose… why are you crying? Could you stop for a moment?]

 

[No… because you have changed! And you don’t understand that, don’t you? What it takes to change…

It’s not just simply trusting yourself but changing everyone’s opinion as well. Right now you are my enemy,

and that can’t change because we are friends. I have to accept that everyone who managed to escape to here,

is somewhere out planning your demise. This is a non combat zone of course, so don’t be scared, you’re safe.]

 

[So that’s why… you are mad because they blame us for everything that happened? That is not true, and you know it!

I mean… technically we helped a little, but we were not the ones to have caused it. It’s the real world that affected…]

 

[But that doesn’t change anything about what you did. You have to understand, I’m trying to make you see your mistakes,

even if I’m going to hurt you in the end… I want to help you turn back and repent. You simply had swept by the current,

and wanted to sympathise with others similar to you. I can understand that personally very well, that’s why I want you to…]

 

But her words didn’t escape her entirely. Rather she stopped talking suddenly with her eyes wide open and her face in sorrow.

 

[I want to… but that’s the same as with Wolf… It’s only okay to change yourself, not others…]

 

[No it’s okay! I mean really…]

 

Her tears, full of bitterness started falling onto my back as her hands hugged me and pushed towards her. Mine were just hanging in the air motionlessly, I did not return her embrace, nor did I start crying with her. Her tiny head and light pink hair found their place on my shoulder, rubbing against it and didn’t want to stop.

 

I had to push her a little, grabbing her shoulder, but I couldn’t gather my strength to do it properly. I was in a bind and I knew she would not listen to my words at all. This was of course not my fault, but rather hers for not giving me space to argue. But then… just by a glance of my eye, I noticed her worry.

 

[Rose, do you hold Wolf close to your heart? You have hope he would return and save the world right now?

That he will be once again by your side… and that you might both find a way to resolve everything, right?]

 

[Is it… Wolf? I gave up on him…]

 

But that was a lie, as she only gripped be harder and pressed her thighs against each other.

 

[Do you really? There is not a single day I wish… that my legs would have been healed. But that’s just a dream,

something that can’t happen no matter how you pray. I’m a part time shrine maiden so to tell you the truth…

wishes can only be granted if you forget that god exist. Only by looking at reality of things you can see,

just how people can be hurt by them. Nothing is perfect, so a desire is born… but in the end it’s just a fantasy.]

 

[Just like this garden… beautiful yet it is like a dream. With every step I could feel his smell… he is certainly here,

but when I turn my head he disappears… I want to forget, just like I wish I forget my own body each day…

alas the truth is different. You saw through me Pina, and even if I wanted to help you… It was you in the end…]

 

[It’s okay Rose… I don’t think it’s something you should be embarrassed about, because I was like you…

When you left my entire world was collapsed and I just wanted to… but then a sun appeared. If there is no other way,

please believe in something. I’m sure that alone will give you the strength for yourself to live through your rainy days…]

 

Her problem was… her body? I was kinda getting the idea but I didn’t want to speak it out loud. She calmed down as I started to pet her. It was my unconscious reaction so I couldn’t help it, though she was satisfied. Staying so in silence for a while, I washed the tears from her eyes, and took her for a walk by the river. The flowers on the surface gently danced to the wind—besides us white Arum flowers were growing.

 

All of this helped me realise how much I have changed myself really… if it wasn’t for my lady, Rose, or Juger I would not have believed in myself and chosen the path on my own. I wonder how others were doing...?

 

[Yawn... sorry I need to take a nap. I completely forgot!]

 

===

 

It is an eternal dilemma, whenever the heroes of their times would have succeeded if they followed their moral codes. In times of great strive is it simple to make wrong and irreversible decisions with the presumption that in the end, it will bring peace to all. This time the black knight shall face a new foe, which is his own demon that he kept for this long in check.

 

Before him there is a beauty to the eyes, the garden that hosts only the most alluring of the traps, the dream. Like a creature knowing not about satisfaction, it consumes the soul and strips the man down to speck of humanity. With conviction it can be stopped, but how strong is this heavy steel the hero is wearing? He is about to find out.

 

With a spin the wind is cut and with a jump it’s invited to play. I have been caught in that trap as well. For no reason at all Havah, my comrade for the past days, have been searching for a perfect grove. His display of magnificent dancing skills deserved the best scene this garden could provide. Truly a master, I could only clap for as he finished his performance, though it seems only I have been witnessing it all this time.

 

[It is a shame really, I was here thinking I would have gather a larger crowd, but nevertheless, I’m satisfied.

Say Juger, what you think? I have been trying to keep my practice but until today I have not stepped on the scene.]

 

[It is as the angels whispers, gentle and light as the clouds, and as beautiful as the sky. You truly did fly in my eyes.]

 

[Is that so? Then I’m glad I could have made you happy. The true beauty you see lies within things not from this world,

and so to get there, you heartily need to reach a higher attitude. All of this might be just an act but you have realised yes?

Something that can’t be seen without experiencing it. That is the true nature of dancing I brought to you and others.]

 

[Alas, it is a pity others did not show up. Say you, I have been discussing this matter with everyone thus you must know by now.

I ask the question of your conviction, why did you have decided to follow this knight’s crusade towards the depths of true chaos?]

 

Once again I dared to ask that question, not him but myself. I had to go against not just the morals, but the society and gods as well. Everyone spoke in unison—this is a great mistake you are making. And yet, I never heard one argument that would question the value of rebirth. They spoke as if they did agree, yet desired change without total destruction. Still, without any other possible solution, we are the only ones with the aptitude to act.

 

What have Avaria said worried me, she desired our plan to succeed simply because she cared not about the world. As for the little bird, Yuki, she has disconnected herself from society, thus affairs concerning others do not matter for her. Pina I do not consider, for she is only a supporter, not a member. Even with my acknowledgement I can’t speak for her. And finally there is me who sees no other solution for the problem I am facing. To this day no one has showed me a possible alternative.

 

This road of mine only leads towards one goal and I won’t stop now, not with the steps I have already taken. I think not of costs or consequences but the future that is within our hands. It is there only if we decide to reach for it.

 

[What beauty is in destruction you say? Well quite naturally it is a simple yet not easy matter to explain.

As you see, a bird’s life starts with the egg hatching, but if you crack it, the life ends. Such are too, the delicate people,

they need to rescue themselves from the prison of the dream. Life in an embryo must be fascinating don’t you think?]

 

[With wisdom you speak, Havah of colourful mind, for I agree with one thing. Bound to your mind you lose the soul,

and thus your dream degenerate and become a nightmare. There is no value in pursuing the destructive delusions!]

 

[And yet my lovely swan says otherwise, as she was the fruit of my labour. Yes, the very ugly duckling she was,

now outside of the egg and in an embryo… she continues to dream I hope. Just like for her solutions are limited,

our plans must too abide with certain reason. Beauty then is something in between, not perfect but the journey,

the effort and experience of the desire to dream. With that you would know now why I follow your plan.]

 

[Certainly, if that is true, if your words carry some substance, then only the hope for a better tomorrow is your reason.

Very well, I shall accept that as your conviction and consider your opinion. This knight shall take him leave now.]

 

Alas, I was pleaded to stay by his side a little while longer. His hand reaching towards me in a strange pose, both inviting and deep in thought. He appeared to want discuss other matters while my presence was there.

 

[You never would talk about yourself and your reasons. Speak to me freely for I am worried.

Have you not heard what the mirror said? Then allow me question, your parents, are they liars?]

 

[My parents are long dead and most certainly there is no way of knowing whenever they truly loved me in the end.

Though my conviction is true, my desire to forgive them is not yielding. I must persevere and have belief, which I lack of lately…]

 

[But do not despair any longer, as for my parents are still alive. Speak to me, what would you suggest?

I need to know whenever they spoke the truth, and truly want the better for me. As you know,

it came to my knowing recently that I was not the person who I thought I was. All this came quick,

and now I’m confused. Was it possible for them to say something that might have been too much?]

 

[Question not me but yourself. I am not the judge that can come to a verdict based on no evidence.

This knight will say just one thing, seek out those who you trust and follow the answer with your heart.]

 

===

 

Hey this is quite nice… I didn’t know a warm bath like that could be this enjoyable. All thanks to the flowers here, they smell amazing and furthermore add to the delicate nature of this garden. I do feel a little reinvigorated though, and that might not be the best sign, but I have Avaria to cover for me, so there should be no problems I hope.

 

I must say, it’s quite silly that she carries a whole wardrobe with her and had an outfit for every occasion. It’s not really that required in this game but I guess she just likes fashion this much? ihihi~ I could have teased her more, since she simply looked too adorable in that swimsuit. Anyway I should be going now, enough splashing in the pond.

 

[Hey Avaria, you say that you like bubble baths this much that you have to bring a whole box of those rubber ducks?

That’s really cute for a little lady like yourself ihihi~ next time you should bring an entire bath tub or something.]

 

[And for what reason my darling little swan? Aren’t you the most beautiful of my collection? ohoho~

You are right, I should be more acting more mature for my age, but this little lass simply can’t help her sweet part.

Times it is needed that the more pure side of a lady must be shown, as her gentle nature is by no means a thing to be embarrassed about.]

 

[So you mean you still play in bathtubs all the time? What a silly little habit, much different than mine ihihi~

I got to say you really know how to dress for every occasion and you have the biggest wardrobe I have seen.

I need to know your secret Avaria, do you murder people and bathe in their blood or simply have this much luck?]

 

[Don’t speak about such atrocities in my presence, what people would think? A fair lady would have never…

though miss Yuki is right, and I am to blame to my natural charm. It is inevitable, like moths to the light,

everyone is attracted and they fall prey to my beauty. Do not be jealous my darling, because it’s not as you think…]

 

Yea, most certainly not like I would ever know. All this time I have been doing things at my pace, and yet not even one guy said that I’m truly pretty. They were all close but nevertheless they were lairs. I know I shouldn’t be angry, but I am right now. If only I could erase that past and find myself someone…

 

[You look down darling, what is the matter? For times like these you must be stronger not only for yourself,

but for others. You see, not only you should appreciate your own charm, but others who adore you.

What is a lady without her status? And by status I mean every little accessory she wears, on her and around her.]

 

[Accessories you wear around, like Pina? What a wicked thought really, but I like that. I used to have a dirty mouth,

but only to strangers really. I wonder if that really changed to me now, will I be able to accept others…

and their germs… I mean surely I can, right? I wouldn’t want someone that said I’m beautiful to be disappointed.]

 

[So I know what is on your mind finally, and that is fine my dear. The distance and the closeness,

all that is a delicate matter I’m afraid. My suggestion for now would be to light a spark in his eyes,

and then make him follow you. You are the lady of the swan after all, and you should not have it any other way.]

 

Those are some powerful words from Avaria who was contemplating my situation. I was impressed. I thought that she really didn’t care about others, but I was wrong. There is something about her though…the fact that she is willing to put a leash on everyone and just have her way first, just like with Pina.

 

And when I pondered about her relation with that girl I noticed that she stopped moving. We here riding a boat, through the leaves that feel onto the river. She was on the opposite side, with her bare toes feeling the water. For the balance sale, I was also sitting on the other gunwale, but I don’t think it did matter for this game at all.

 

Clearly her face was saying, please don’t mind me for I am just a fair lady and I only mind my own business, I don’t want to hurt anyone. It’s not her goddam fault for being this pretty, just like I’m not responsible for my own sickness. At least about that I am able to relate to her. The current is slowly traced by her toe and not a sound is spoken.

 

[Say really, you seem a little under the weather. Tell me why you still insist on having Pina at your side.

If that is not a problem of course, I would like to know how you two came to be and everything.]

 

[Well our story is a simple one, so I will put it bluntly—she has gifted herself for me, her presence and her dedication.

I gave her a choice and she simply said yes, but I wonder now if this fair lady… would have been better without her.

For you see, I don’t want to keep her, yet just like with other decorations, it is difficult for me to throw her away.]

 

[No I understand, it’s just like me and Penkun. I miss him so much, but I know he is happy now.

He was a penguin I kept for a long time as my heater… though I guess you could say he was precious to me.]

 

[Precious to you… something you could not live without and yet he left you?]

 

Suddenly the atmosphere changed. We entered a tunnel made out of branches and leaves. There was barely light, and we had trouble seeing each other. Her and mine faces in sparkling shades, it was as if the fireflies danced in front of us. Without knowing of each other’s true intentions we both stared, not at our eyes by rather on this spectacle that was transpiring.

 

Precious things you need to discard in order to move on… I knew once I found myself in a bind because of that. My body was something I thought was my greatest weakness. Therefore, I tried to erase it as best as I could. But I was wrong then, because it is not the beauty of figure that was important, but how others saw me.

 

We exited the tunnel and our expression never changed even for a second. In this moment I saw…our faces on the surface of the water. What was different? I couldn’t figure that out, I simply watched…

 

[Precious things like my light that everyone is looking for… or darlings that I keep as my pets?

Which one is the true thing I can’t reject? Perhaps it is both, don’t you think my sweet Yuki?]

 

[I don’t know… I can only see my own face on the surface,

it looks the same no matter how I look at it… why?]

 

But that changed as I recalled something—the only person that give me the illusion of being pretty…If he was able to change the reflection, the he was my prince and I was his swan… that alone was precious enough.

 

[But I also see him… he is the answer of course! Thank you Avaria,

you might be someone on a whole different level, but you were still a big help!]

 

[Then this pitiful lady should too have her solution. I must thank you for your time.

For now I suggest... *Yawn* that we both reawaken our beauties with a tranquil siesta.]

 

[I’m gotta find him first though!]

 

===

 

I arrived where I finally wanted to be, this stage supposed the last place I would perform tonight. This little patch of grass, this very soil where only the gentlest of the flowers would caress my feet, it is here where I would find my long lost duckling, sleeping soundly in the middle of the foliage. It was only when I approached her, her eyes opened as if they thawed, shredding an unrest morning tear.

 

[Ugh... Havah...]

 

I took to her and with a few steps I performed my last act. The feeling of longing, falling to the ground with my arms on my heart, the struggle of desire, anguished walking towards her while still on my knees, and finally the act of forgetfulness, my hands on my forehead, bending my head towards the back. This is how I woke my only and greatest love from her dream.

 

[Havah… you surprise me again really. You know you could just have said hello normally.

Your dance is beautiful as always but you need to think about your room or something okay?]

 

[It is not a matter—I perform in an empty training room below my apartment after hours.

My beautiful swam should always wear a smile for I am here to invite her into a dance.]

 

[Quite to the point? I need to talk about something, so why do you sit down first okay?]

 

[If that is your desire I shall comply. Such is a way of splendor—it needs time and effort to shine.]

 

Yet she was quite fretted by my arrival. There were things she wanted to discuss with me, and so did I.

 

[What do you think about me in particular? You don’t just do shows for yourself—that would be really silly.

All those words for the sake of enchanting your audience, I like that, but I know now there is something else…

I can’t say for sure now but you are not just a simple person who enjoys ballet, right Havah? I’m sorry if…]

 

[That is absolutely true. Yes, I am a person who enjoys ballet the most and I do think it’s my entire life.

But things are more complicated from here on now, as I noticed just recently. This is why I want to…]

 

[Quit dancing and regret for the rest of your life? Are you sure this is the right thing? There are thing really,

some things that I can’t completely understand, but I try to at least. I can’t say I’m a capable person, but listen,

without your help I would have never believed in myself. Yet, stating that I’m not completely…but that is a different matter.

You and I are like two opposite, you are fire and I’m the snow… You are pretty and I’m not… nothing will change that.]

 

[So who will say that is not what can be accepted? Just like Juger said, no one can become truly perfect.

Accepting that there is a certain way to reach true beauty is also convicting yourself there is no world outside of you.]

 

In that moment, the swing bench we were sitting on raised into the air, as if the vines holding it reacted to what I have said. Now our vision was much wider and we could all see the forest as well as the sky. Even if we were high up, we started to swing. Gently and with care I straightened my legs and kept a steady rhythm to harmonise with the space that nature gave us. Yuki on the other hand was a little fretted, as she was holding onto the seat with her tiny hands. I smiled at her…

 

Just like I said previously to Juger, going out of your shell means facing the reality. I had to do that as well, when Karma helped me realise what I was missing. My family… they really did not lie about how I was born. This DID was something that I was the reason for my confusion all this time, but I rejected it when I noticed something scary.

 

All those memories I thought I had… were fakes ones that were created by my misunderstanding. What DID done to me was simply convince me that I needed strength to survive. Doing so I wanted to become stronger, just like my brother. I started to idolize him and created fake memories with me as him, in order to protect that desire. Then I mixed that yearning with my aspiration to dance… but in the end ballet was also something that helped me.

 

[Are you having fun like that? You act like a little kid sometimes you know? ihihi~

If you still enjoy being at the playground maybe we should go someone together?

Like a theme part or something… or this Mermaid City that I heard is opening soon.]

 

[I see, that is a suggestion yes, but for now I wish to speak. I was mistaken about many things,

and this childish joy was the only remain from my memories, after they got… unfortunately damaged.

If I were to speak freely, I must thank you for giving the freedom that I needed to escape from the egg.]

 

[Oh so you did ride that one where they trap you inside of a ball? That’s quite like you,

always rolling around and never staying in one place ihihi~ I can race you if later you wanna.]

 

[I’m serious here… look let’s change the subject a little and I will explain it to you.]

 

We stopped our swinging and moved our positions. We faced each other, sitting against the sides. On a certain height, her sight was directed at me and I returned it. Besides us various branches, and colourful leaves of gene I couldn’t name or recognise. The tree on her side was blue, and mine was red.

 

[You see, I always wanted to practice ballet as a young kid… but I also thought that was not enough.

I was bullied because I was weak and shy… unlike my twin brother. But he was a man so I guess…

my father forced him to become strong despite him wanting to be like me. In the end what we both lacked,

and what we wanted was to be like each other. That is why after my coma I wanted to carry on his wish and…]

 

[And you wanted to become strong? To be someone who is ready to kill at any point?

Jeez, that is quite drastic don’t you think? I’m sorry for your DID and everything but…]

 

[That’s not all, because I still had my original desires of becoming the most beautiful dancer.

That alone helped me realise… that there was something that was contradicting in my behaviour.

You know who was the person who helped me the most? It was you Yuki… the one I wanted to become beautiful for.]

 

[Wait really…? You are making me… oh come on! That’s just silly…]

 

But that’s the truth, without her I wouldn’t be able to see my own reflection in the mirror and face it. There are times in life where you would reject your own being, saying that you are not like that…but the truth is something that you will have to accept in the end, if you want to reach any goal at all. I wanted to know why… I’m doing this for her or my brother, and my answer was right beside me all along.

 

[You know what the connection between the two is? I wanted attention… from my brother, my family and you.]

 

I relaxed my legs a little, and stretched them all the way towards Yuki. She was in my eyes, and I couldn’t have asked for a more charming swan to exist for me. A lonely ballet… is a sad one. What is a prince without her princess? What is a dream without reality? All those pretty things…and yet it took me this long to find them in the grass. I don’t want to let them go… not now or ever.

 

[Like if normal solutions would work for us right? We are like twisted inversions of everyone else,

we can’t just accept when someone shoves us a “get well soon” or “don’t worry too much” and stuff.]

 

[That might be the truth you speak, as for those words place within my soul splendidly as well.

I remember being told by my parents something similar, yet it never resonated with what I desired.]

 

She brought her face closer to me as my mouth was shut by her gentle smile. My eyes and hers were drawn closer to each other, as if the world in our pupils was becoming one and the same.

 

[You just simply wanted to have everyone see you dance… and acted like a killer because that brought the attention to you?

Listen Havah, I don’t think I could explain the feelings I have right now, but allow me to reach deeper for you okay?]

 

And so, with her hands in the air and her legs holding her body, she started hanging from the swing. She looking at the world upside down now and I could only see how her blue and green horizon was inverted to mine.

 

[Talking about that problem with others is always difficult, because no matter what I say, they tend to make hasty assumptions about me.

Since Nymphomania isn’t regarded as a disorder, people recognize it as my addiction, and that’s the reason why I push them away.

And still the truth is that, though no matter how hard I try, I can’t control it, and at times my will loses to the heat of my body.

Therefore this facile imagine they put onto me becomes the truth—I’m not like a normal person that can overcome her weakness.]

 

[I don’t understand… what do you mean by that? Is this why you were acting so strangely that night?

Then I apologize for doubting your love. I must be looking like a fool now, the most disgraceful one…]

 

[In my eyes… that wouldn’t be so bad really. People are not perfect, and their beauty is often reflected by that.

For example I wouldn’t be in love if you were just a person that like dancing… you are far more than that.

You have passion and skill… and on top of that you know to express your feelings… unlike me really.

Why would we stop at your DID and my sickness if we both have other things? Normal or perfect doesn’t matter…]

 

Saying so, my body moved on its own to Yuki, since she started trembling. Just like that one time, I firmly secured her thighs and lowered myself, my foot holding against the ledge of the swing.

 

[Because it is not always the most beautiful of the answers, isn’t it? Like asymmetry, connecting fire and ice,

if we look just at the reflection of the mirror we shall not apprentice the true charm that lies in imperfectness.]

 

[That is why there is no point for us to discard our dreams. Even if our parents say otherwise, let us twist the truth.]

 

Soon we found each other’s heads upside down, with a mild yet sweet addition of red on our checks. I searched for her body but our hands meet in the middle, as she enveloped her tiny fingers between mine. She completely surrendered to me, giving me no choice but to share the feeling with her. As our lips connected…

 

“Instead looking at the mirror for an answer, wonder why others remark that you are beautiful when they really mean it.”

As our tongues exchanged their fluids and without using words, our thoughts enkindled the existence to this fairy tale.

 

Below two little birds were reflected by the pond. Everything was mimicked perfectly and yet…not a single movement was blemished or deformed, not even by a mischievous leaf or the wind. It was the truth of what was between us. Even so… the end of the world was about to come.

 

===

 

[So you are saying that nothing else really matter any more huh? You only fight for her now, and that’s lovely!

But being a killer is not only being strong, it is something you need to take responsibility for too.

You killed a person, and personally I can’t forgive that! I’m going to smack you some sense into you.]

 

[Oh yea, that was my past, and I can assure you I’m way ahead now. Can you please stop already?

You lack the strength to show that I walk on the wrong path. Tell you what, I fought with Albert. He’s good,

but could he handle my dancing style? Huh? You aren’t even going to dodge? Okay, you asked for it.]

 

[Naive! You need to learn the matchup first because you try something like that! And my pleasure,

I’m going to teach you how to fight for free, because Albert was clearly sloppy. Just so you know,

you will have no rest until you and all of your friends here stop thinking about performing your plan okay?]

 

Yawn...something woke me up? It was a voice...sounds actually. Oh right, I still had this thing on my head...In the distance I could hear some fighting noises… I wonder, didn’t Rose say that this was a non aggression zone? Anyway I should check it out because I think I heard Titania and Havan fighting, which is really worrying for me.

 

[Oh yea this is really fun isn’t it? You can run away all you want I don’t have a reason to stop shooting.

Besides aren’t you with the longer range? You should be more aggressive or you will never get a girlfriend ihihi~.]

 

[I feel a little threatened really, just a little bit. My bow certainly has more range but that’s not important.

I trust my friends not to make a mistake so I can’t act out the plan now. You know, you are not looking that bad,

maybe we could date after this is over? Oh my… I’m picking up girls in the middle of the combat again?]

 

[Yes you do sweetheart! ihihi~ but sorry you creepy dark elf girl, I’m already taken. Just stand still,

and I will show my pity by shooting you dead. That’s the least I can do, because you guys want to be “friends” right?]

 

[Ugh… that again.]

 

Yes certainly there were people there fighting! I could hear Yuki and Darku, but why and how? Did they duel? I needed to run there and stop as fast as I could… but I could barely find a way through this maze.

 

[You again? My dear, if one time was not enough, then surely the second time won’t be satisfactory.

A tip to the young mademoiselle, anger leads to a bad skin care, especially cause wrinkles on the forehead.]

 

[I’m not angry, just sad that all this time you could have been helping, you chose to side with them.

I understand your needs, they are the same as mine, but Pina already told you right? I trust that she did…

What you guys are doing is only going to destroy the world and nothing else. You really want that?]

 

[You see, this pathetic lady desires to be punished, for she is a bad and awful person, just like you say.

There is no way I would reconsider your offer, I’m afraid, because it lacks contents and volume.]

 

[You say so but you can easy just stop now! I don’t understand why you people can only say those stupid things!]

 

This was my sister again, arguing violently with my lady. If I were only able to teleport over this stupid hedge wall…Anyway it seems this might be the right path, though I dunno if I make it time… swimming is the only way now.

 

[So you must the leader of them, Juger right? I will give you no handicap because this is a serious fight.

Just be ready to give it all or this will be quick. I’m going to show you just how imba Rogues are!]

 

[You humour me young man, but I’m not as stupid as you might take me. This knight shall accept the challenge,

and crush his opponent as he deserves the punishment fitting of an adult. I show no mercy to those who oppose me.]

 

[Oh you think I’m scared? You only really have one skill that I should be worrying about. After you pop it,

I’m free to ride into your backside all day. You know I sparred with Tania a lot so I’m sure you can’t be that good.]

 

[What arrogant and pathetic whelp you are, black jacket of adolescence. Find not the opportunity to attack,

for you shall face the punishment before you will be allowed. Now see how well you speak against the hammer of justice!]

 

I was almost there I felt… it was Tania’s other boyfriend, but technically they were not dating, Albert who was fighting Juger. I knew that if everyone was involved it would be a fight to the death… and maybe even worse considering what could happen. Why was everyone so eager to defeat one another? Just like Rose tried to forcibly persuade me previously at the shrine…

 

I arrived at the location, it was a simple plain with a construction in the background… there was something strange about it. A lot of vines, or more like roots, have enveloped the gates and the fence of what appeared to be a hidden garden. I couldn’t see very well into it but I could tell there was a certain eerie air about it… and I could only imagine what could have been behind that door.

 

Besides me, all my comrades and my friends… were lying on the floor near the entrance to it. They were beaten and could no longer fight I assumed, but their faces would say otherwise. Full of anger and remorse, they ignored the pain and thought only about continuing the fight. And there was a little cat girl in the middle of all of it… unable to think or to make a decision.

 

[You see Pina, I did not lie saying others were planning to defeat your group all this time. This is how it is,

they couldn’t understand each other, and yet the only language they decided to mutually use was their fists.

A shame really, but I was also a part of it. It seems that due your absence I was the only one left in the end,

but don’t worry. The battle seems not over yet, far from it I’m afraid. What do you say that we also…]

 

[No… I didn’t came here to fight I came to stop all of you! Jeez, you really took from my sister, haven’t you Rose?

I told her to stop making up strange things about me… but it seems that wasn’t enough. Anyway, the answer is no,

I shall say that again if needed. I don’t desire to fight any more, so you can do whatever… go beat me up if you want.]

 

In all this mess, making us the bad guys and me not being in time, I felt the most wrong out of everyone. I was not fully one of them but also I wouldn’t want fight my friends for anyone’s sake. Rose knew that also, and she could have killed me on the spot there. But she didn’t… maybe because she never issued a duel with me?

 

[I can’t do that, because it’s not you who I need to beat. Answer me, why do you guys fight?

Why did you do all those bad things if the better way was to join with others and figure out…]

 

[They didn’t have an option… I mean they were not given a choice. Just like Schuld said, they were all special,

they are not normal like you Rose… They are not people like me either—I can’t even come close to relating to them.

But there is one thing we have in common, and that is our will to change the world into a better place.

I know discussing it is pointless now. We have no choice, no matter what we do, and I at least want to help them…]

 

[And you want to help them because that’s how you feel, you desire for someone to fix your loneliness, don’t you?

I can understand that, people are never fully developed, but you should look around you first because you take those steps.

What is a path that is filled with lies? Only a forest you get lost in. Just like in this garden, people get lost in its beauty.]

 

Rose was serious all this time, and though he raised a hand at me, it was a gesture pointing behind me. She wanted me to step away, to leave this place and never come back, but I knew that would lead to more fighting…

 

[So you want me to leave… so you can rethink my problems alone… to go against my nature of helping people?

That is the only way I can grow? But you are mistaken… I still need to push forward after all I have done. You see Rose…

all those people sleeping and whatnot… who is going to save them? You only think that there might be a way to solve this,

but the truth is not behind you, it’s somewhere where you haven’t yet look, hidden away in a locked and mysterious garden.]

 

[You speak of such things with no understanding. I’m sorry but I should have explained that from the beginning.

Here is where Wolf has appeared before us. This hidden garden hosts a very important tree, vital to his plan.

If we stay there here and wait, all of the affected AIs and players will return to normal, that is what he have told us.

However, Juger and his party have wondered here, wanting for destroy the gate. We could not allow that to…]

 

[And what about it? Perhaps it is for the best… that we seek the solution within our possibilities, rather than prayers.

We shall not know until we enter, thus rather than believing a god, or Wolf, you should believe in yourself, just like us.]

 

Avoiding confrontation, I tried to look at Rose’s expression. I couldn’t really read her all that well. She was not angry, nor sad, rather disappointed and uptight. She was still fighting against herself…

 

[This is really that simple for you, right? Some people say that it’s better not knowing the truth.

You want to find out, even if it’s going against the gods words, but wouldn’t that bring more disaster?]

 

[No, it will not. Juger have said that evil leads to the truth, and this is exactly like that.

If you believe me, you will also know that I’m serious about this… Is there a better way than…]

 

[That to believe in what Wolf have said? We all know there isn’t, but the hope is what we have left…]

 

[Then consider that your hope might lead to what happened before… when nothing was changed.]

 

And so we arrived both with our faces close to each other. Like before a boxing match, she looked at me…But she didn’t really want to slap me— I could see that in her eyes. They searched for a way to avoid fighting, just like mine all this time. It was strange but… even if I had the desire to embrace her I couldn’t move as she spoke.

 

[Dreams huh… you already convinced me again, that it is not worth locking yourself within a false world.

I can only see that as an encouragement to do what shouldn’t be done, and I did make that decision in my time.

Knowing so, we have no choice but to accept that our struggle will stop this world from reviving for eternity.]

 

[It’s not like that, I’m sure that eventually… things will get back to normal right?]

 

[But that is not what Lunar said. Our generation is stuck within a dream, a fantasy that keeps on repeating.

All those protests and terrorist attacks in the media only show that the problem exists in the other world.

I believe we can affect it by making our decision, but sitting idly won’t fix anything. Thus Pina, it is up to you.

I will trust that in the end. Despite whatever happens on the other side, you will make the right choice and wake us.]

 

I don’t know exactly what she was talking about, but rather than a stare, she was giving me a deep curtsy. Others also woken and they looked as if there were listening all the time. I saw their faces, Juger, Yuki, Havah and my lady…they were all looking at me as a traitor that didn’t show up for a fight… but they were also smiling through that. I also noticed… now that everything was said, they didn’t trust each other either… and that wasn’t good.

 

However it was the others, Titania, Darku, Albert and my sister who were giving me the creeps. They looked scary, as if they wanted to fight against me and Rose at the same time. At the same time, their looks plead that I would move towards the gate… so I walked with my attention little bit divided…

 

[In the end I was given a choice that no one wanted to decide on… because either way it would hurt everyone,

it would not be the way anyone wanted. I know it’s wrong but you have to trust me… and trust each other too! ]

 

Only I could have said the words, as Pina of grey, in the middle of this colourful forest.

 

The two groups, now at temporarily peace, awaited me to perform my duties, as the one who would be neutral. I sided with Juger and his group… because what they have said was something that only we could do. I sided with WRose and her team too… since they had the same goal as me and others, but a different method. I was in the middle… with my apple knife slicing open the roots. The gate was opened, and only our group went through it.