“You can smell magic from my uncle? At this distance?”

They were far enough away for the figures at the farmhouse to be the size of Lego figures.

“Yes. And it’s...at least second level. Maybe third.”

“That’s... odd,” Gary commented.

“We’re trained to smell magic,” Rain said, “It’s useful.”

“No, I meant my uncle having levelled up so fast I don’t know how that could have happened.”

Rain shrugged. “Maybe he killed a lot of zombies?”

“I doubt it. He’s not the action-man type, if you know what I mean.”

“Action-man type? No, not really.”

“Never mind. I think to be on the safe side you better head back to the McPearson’s farm. It’s going to be tough enough explaining my situation without adding you into the mix. The soldiers look calm enough, but I wouldn’t blame them if they had itchy trigger fingers right now.”

“You’re going to go down there?”

“Well, I mean, yeah. It’s my uncle.”

Rain nodded.

“Be careful.”

“Concerned for my safety again?”

Rain frowned.

“I would prefer you not to die.”

Gary didn’t know if that was a sign that Rain was displaying some affection for him, or because she didn’t want to risk another part of the prophecy coming true. He opted for the former and glanced backwards at her as she retraced their steps.

Possibly punching a little above your weight there, Gary, but what’s new?

He shook the thoughts from his head. He approached as close as he dared to the farmhouse and called out.

“Uncle David! It’s me! It’s Gary! Nobody shoot, okay? I AM NOT A ZOMBIE!”

I really need a better catchphrase, he thought.

*

The farmhouse was buzzing with activity, questions, and excitement. Jonathan explained to David and the soldiers about Gary.

“It’s a bit like a, uh, condition, I guess. There was a mistake, so even though he’s registered as a zombie, he’s not one.”

“Well,” David nodded with understanding, “There’re all kinds of crazy stuff going on.”

He’d walked out towards Gary and given him a bear-hug of an embrace.

“Gary, my lad, it’s so good to see you.”

“Uncle David, yeah, likewise. Look, I need to ask, Oxford. The last I heard from mum you were going to pick her up, and dad…?”

Uncle David pursed his lips. “Gary, I’m sorry but... there was just no way I could get to them. It was chaos in Oxford, absolute bloody mayhem. I was lucky I met these soldiers, and they got me out of there.”

Gary’s face fell. “Right.”

“I’m sorry, son, I am. You know I loved your mum. I mean, she’s family like you. There was just no way.”

Gary felt any hope he had of his parents being alive dashed. As uncle David answered the barrage of questions from the other survivors, he stood to one side.

Everyone was eager to hear any news of the outside world, no matter how grim the details might be, and within minutes Gary’s uncle was smiling and holding court.

“It’s a fucking shitshow out there,” he began, once he’d quietened everyone else down, “I won’t lie to you. The stuff I saw... brrrr...”

David mimed an exaggerated shiver. Gary recalled that he’d always enjoyed being the centre of attention and spinning a story when he could. However, he didn’t appear to be in the mood to embellish with gratuitous details and left the rest up to his listener’s imaginations.

“So this is your place, is it? Are you going to evict us, then?” Fran asked.

“Now, why would I want to throw out someone as lovely as you?” David asked, with a wink at Fran. Then his eyes flickered over to Chantelle as he spoke, and he beamed a warm smile.

Fran blushed. Chantelle rolled her eyes.

“No, I think it’s important that we all stick together right now, don’t you?” David continued, which was met with a chorus of agreements. Jonathan looked disconcerted. Gary’s uncle had been in the farmhouse for ten minutes and he was already taking over.

“Now, what’s all the digging about?” Uncle David asked. “I don’t mind you taking up residence here whilst we get things sorted out, but is it the time for a bit of gardening? I could have the lot of you for property vandalism, I’m sure.”

His broad smile made it clear he was joking, and the others laughed.

“Kill-pits,” Peter said, “It was Gary’s idea.”

Gary explained.

“Hmm, well, I think we can stop all of that nonsense. It would be better to put up some barbed wire fencing around the property and stop the zombies that way. Yes, we’ll do that instead. Never mind about all the digging for now.”

Jonathan attempted to over-ride David’s decision. Captain Vaughn stepped in.

“I need to make it clear to you all that as long as we’re here, then David is in charge,” Captain Vaughn cut in. “We’re here because we were ordered to escort him to a safe place, and keep him secure, so what he says goes.”

Jonathan glanced across at Gary with a raised eyebrow. Gary understood his thought.

That’s any leadership questions answered, then.

“We also owe a lot to David here,” Captain Vaughn continued. “He helped us get out of Oxford. He can do things. Magic things.”

“What do you mean, like a magician?” Fran asked, puzzled.

“He means exactly like a magician.” David nodded with a smile. He held up a hand and said “Dancing Lights”

Within a second, the living room was filled with multi-coloured will-o’-the-wisps that danced this way and that. The group ‘oohed’ and ‘ahhed’ at the sudden display of lights, as if they were kids in a fairground. David snapped his fingers at just the right time to keep his enraptured audience fascinated and hungry for more.

Despite everything, even Gary smiled, recognising his uncle’s knack for storytelling and holding an audience once more.

Some things never change, he thought.

There was something charmingly innocent about the sudden light show as the will-o’-the-wisps danced this way and that. Even Chantelle smiled as a purple one landed on her nose and poofed away.

So it’s not all horror and darkness, Gary thought. There is still... beauty, I guess. Or at least a temporary respite from everything going on.

“That was amazing!” Fran said with a smile, “Can you do another one? Something else? Can you, I don’t know, saw me in half or something?”

Gary’s uncle laughed congenially. “I don’t think me trying to cut you in half would work out very well – Fran, was it? This is real magic, not stage magic. Unless you fancy being cut in half for real?”

Fran guffawed, “No thanks!”

David grinned and continued to answer her question.

“But, yes, I have a handful of spells that I got when I chose the magician class, and they’ve been very useful indeed.”

“Sorry,” Jonathan cut in sharply, “But can I ask how you levelled up? And what level are you exactly?”

“Well now, I don’t normally answer questions like that on a first date. My goodness young man, you are forward...”

More laughter from the crowd at David’s disarming faux-camp reply. Even Goremaster, who had spent most of the speech looking sour, chuckled.

“No seriously though, I’m buggered if I know how it happened. When all this began, those slug things, the system just informed me I was level 3 and needed to choose a class. I mean, fuck me, I thought! What the bloody hell is this all about, right?”

No-one minded that his language had turned blue. It was ‘real talk’ time now and a bit of colourful language helped bring things back down to earth.

“What, just like that?” Goremaster asked. “You got two levels in a row, right off the bat?”

“Just like that,” David said, his shoulders raised and his palms facing outwards, “I mean, if I had to guess now, after what you told me about Gary here, I’d say there was some kind of error, right? The same as with Gary here, as you told me. I don’t know, maybe it’s genetic and we’re both... predisposed to being glitches or something? I have had no time to think about it because everything was going to hell around me. I took a snap decision and chose magician class because I thought, fuck it, if things are going tits up I want to be able to cast a spell or two.”

“Just like Harry Potter,” Fran nodded approvingly.

“Or Gandalf,” Peter added.

“Yeah, like that I guess,” David mused. “I wasn’t thinking about it. To be honest, I was just scared stupid like everyone else I imagine. So I got a few spells to choose from, called starter spells and picked four and three cantrips – that’s what the dancing lights are, like a minor little spell, nothing outrageous in terms of mana cost. And then I ran into Captain Vaughn here at the hospital, explained what I could do and they got orders to get me out of there. On account of my special abilities, see?”

“What spells did you choose?” Fran asked.

David tapped the side of his nose. “Now come on, young lady. You know a magician never reveals his secrets.”

Fran blushed again at being called a ‘young lady.’

“Besides which, it all costs mana. Right then. To business. First off, like I said, there’ll be no more of that digging nonsense. I can’t believe my nephew talked you lot into that. What were you thinking, Gary?”

Gary started to talk, but his uncle waved at him to be quiet.

“I mean, let’s be real. Digging is hardly much of a job, is it? I swear, if anyone was going to mess up and become an accidental zombie, it’d be Gary, wouldn’t it?”

More laughter. David winked at Gary to let him know it was all well meaning, all in good fun.

“Next thing, I think we should check out the McPearson’s farm, Captain Vaughn, if you agree? I’d like to have a look around my next property, if you know what I mean?”

Gary had explained about the McPearson’s farm in the meantime, and David was keen to put a claim on it.

“Blimey, prices have come down in the last twenty-four hours, haven’t they? You can pick things up for nothing at all, or so I hear…”

Some smiles, though the joke hadn’t quite landed.

“Yes, sir. I’ll accompany you with two of my men and the other three can remain here.”

“Very good.”

“What do you want us to do?” Fran asked.

“Hm, well, for now, I think filling in that mess you made in the fields would be a good idea. After that, maybe give the place a bit of a clean. That would be a good start.”

Fran nodded and made a mock salute. “Yes, sir!”

The group split up, most of them heading back to fill in the holes they’d been digging. There were a few minor gripes, but overall, the group felt better for the arrival of Gary’s uncle and the extra protection afforded by himself and the soldiers.

David took Gary to one side.

“Come on, let’s get out of here and head over to the McPearson’s place.”

“Yeah, right.”

As they walked out the front door and onto the fields, uncle David lowered his voice.

“Seriously, though, Gary, how the fuck did you manage to pick up such a sorry-ass bunch of absolute fucking losers?”

 

---

 

Rob's note: 

Is anyone else feeling things have slowed down a *little* bit too much on the murder and mayhem front?

Heh. We're at the top of the rollercoaster now, folks...

You can read ahead via Patreon here

Cheers!