A/N: You don't have to read this if you aren't a big fan of poems. This is pretty long as there are 6 poems that I mentioned in the chapter, some longer than others... I just thought it would be nice to put it here as I love to write poems. If you do read it, hope you like it! Thank you <3 Arc 3 will be posted right after this!

---

Searching

Walking along the narrow road was a treacherous journey.
You can fall.
You can trip.
You can get dragged.
Meet a dead end.
Caught up in a storm.
Hang off the edge of a cliff.

There were many obstacles.
Too many twists.
Too many pits
Too many.
Step by step
Feet on the ground

You run into people.
They can be your friend
or your worst enemy.
You can get betrayed.
Hurt.
Bruised.
Ridiculed.
Mocked.
Shunned.

But there could be love.

Friendships and relationships,
family and chosen families,
partners and comrades.

You could also be alone.

Just like this man.
He stood alone on his road.
Countless people had passed by,
but none stopped to accompany the man.

He didn't mind that.

His journey was a bit different from those around him.
He didn't care about his fate,
but cared only about one thing.

Happiness.

This man had an obsession for looking for this "happiness"
A treasure that many cherished and kept close.
Treasure because everyone kept it in a box to preserve it,
to remember it
like if they let go, it would disappear
Treasure because it would shine and glitter,
like expensive vases and silverware that were only meant to be admired and never used
Treasure because it was warm and filled with emotions,
like sitting by the fire during a blizzard, bundled up in blankets with family and friends
Treasure because those emotions were out of his reach,
it was like he was trying to get fruits off the tree,
but everyone beat him to it and he could only see the fruits at the top

He felt like he was the only one who didn't have this "treasure".
Could it even be called a treasure when everyone else had one?
But to the man who didn't have this "happiness", it was a treasure.

Even with a map,
he couldn't find anything in his heart.

There was nothing there
He had nothing
He felt nothing
He was nothing
But he didn't want to be nothing.

So he went on a search.

This man was searching for his happiness.

---

Childhood

The sounds of yelling and screaming
Echoed throughout the room
A young child crouched
He was terrified of their voices
They were never ending

Fists and hands being thrown
back and forth as they grabbed at each other’s throats
As though they didn’t feel the pain
Or his pain

He didn’t understand
Why couldn’t anyone save him
He felt so lost

Every time he reach his hand out
there was no one there
He didn’t understand his pain
He felt it was normal

Normal

He wanted to be normal

---

Family

In the first roadblock, he stared at the landslide that covered his road
It was a huge mountain standing on top of the road
Towering over him,
Looking down at him

He pulled up his sleeves and got to work

At first, he tried to climb
He didn't have the proper equipment,
Flimsy arms
Didn't know how to hold on tightly
He was slow
The edges were too far apart
It was steep
The dirt from the mountain got stuck in his nails,
Fell on his head,
Got in his eyes

As he climbed and climbed,
he eventually fell to the ground with a bump on his head
The bump gave him a headache
He swore up and down like a sailor
But he couldn't figure out how to go up
Leaving him with only anger and twisted feelings
A mood he tried to cover and calm
but it took a long time before he realized
that the pile that stood on his road grew and grew

It grew almost as tall as the mountain next to him
Like the owner of the other mountain was shoveling it all on to his
Passing the baton to someone in the crowd instead of someone who was willing
There were landslides that slid on to his mountain
so he tried to dig his way out

He dug and dug until a hole formed
He could smell the earth,
surrounding him like a blanket,
trapping him in its embrace
Dirt in his eyes,
Into his nose,
Falling into his hair,
Crumbling under his feet,
Stuck between the cracks of his fingers

He dug and dug
He could feel he was going somewhere at first,
but his hands started to bleed,
his bones started to show,
the flesh covered in dirt

Realizing the state of his hands,
it stung to even look at them
He looked around and found that he was still in the hole
He wanted to continue but felt that he couldn't dig any longer

He crawled his way out of the hole he dug
The hole almost collapsed,
Almost crushed,
His lungs filled with dirt,
Clogged his nose,
Blurred his eyes,
Almost embraced him

The hole he dug was like a killer,
Following his every step
Waiting for him to trip,
but he made it out

Standing once again in front of the mountain,
he decided to walk around
He walked,
Tripped on a rock,
Almost crushed by another landslide,
Had dirt and stone shoveled,
almost burying him,
Had to jump over steep rocks,
And had to worry about being crushed by boulders

It was an endless road,
Like going around the world on its equator,
It took too long
Where was the end?
He realized he couldn't go around
The more he walked,
the more the mountain expanded

If he tried to climb,
he would keep falling down and bumping his head
If he dug,
the hole would go deeper into the mountain but never letting him leave
If he tried to walk around the mountain,
other things tried to kill him along the way

He turned to the other roads,
seeing what they had done
The man's eyes filled with fury as he watched people climb,
watched people crawl,
watched people dig
and make it out

Why was his mountain growing
and growing
and growing?
Why?

He looked at the roads next to him
And the other roads surrounding him
The people he called parents and siblings were piling their dirt,
rocks, and stones onto his mountain

Piling it higher
and higher
and higher
Letting his mountain grow
and grow
and grow
Along with the resentments within his heart, it all grew
and grew
and grew.

Until the towering mountain was so tall,
it toppled over
and covered him
Buried him
Embraced him

Eventually,
Taking him

---

Flying

Happiness was like migrating birds
Fleeting,
staying in some place,
but only to come and go again
Even if one wanted to hold the beautiful bird in one place,
it was impossible
They must fly
And maybe one day come back again

They came and went
They stopped and moved
They visit and then left
But the birds always came back

It was like a cycle

With darkness there was light,
With light there was darkness
With happiness there was sadness
With sadness there was happiness

A balance that could not be broken
A balance that kept the world upon its shoulders

He knew that if he wanted to find happiness,
he needed to find sadness
But he didn't realize that there were more than just two sides
The world was not just black and white
But there were an array of colors
like how there were an array of emotions

On his way he found anger
He found fear
Anxiety
Shame
Envy
Guilt
Pride
Hope
Boredom

The world wasn't just happy or sad

He found that there were lots of colors
Blues
Greens
Oranges
Reds
Yellows
Pinks
Purples

It wasn't just black and white

So many colors
So many emotions
So many

But where was his happiness?

---

Journey

It was a long and perilous journey

The man roamed the world

Mountains
Oceans
Forests
Deserts
Towns
Cities
States
Countries

He experienced a lot of hardships
A lot of heartaches
A lot of everything that makes
And then breaks
In shatters and in tatters.

But happiness seemed out of reach

People preached
People wrote speeches
Guides on happiness
With sides of experiences
With all the seriousness of life
That it all amounts to the achievement of happiness

But he couldn't find his

Was he immune to happiness?

He knew his feelings weren't stagnant, but the ripple of waves didn't move like others
Sometimes, it just swallowed him whole
Leaving him empty
And confused

He met a lot of people
With different pasts
and experiences
With different backgrounds
and identities

No one could tell him how to find happiness
No one gave him a clear answer

"You will know."
"It will come to you."
"It's a feeling like no other."

But what was this feeling
that he was supposed to feel
Was there something that he was missing?

They say it was supposed to heal
And real in
And steal his heart
To show him a world
Full of bright light
And colors
So charming
and so delight
It was like an assortment of fine jewelry and clothes
Different and vibrant

How far and long did he have to search?

Then one day he came across a man
A man who didn't tell him what his own happiness was
Didn't tell him how the man found his happiness
But he shook the way he thought

"Your happiness is yours.
You can't have people tell you what happiness is
because only you know what is yours.
You are the man walking in your shoes,
I am not.
So to find your happiness you need to find yourself
and what is yours, not others."

It seemed simple
It seemed easy
Effortless even

But when he closed his eyes, what he didn't see was himself,
but a stagnant lake,
frozen to the core.

Not a single soul around him
Not a breath of life in reach
Only he stood alone
On his frozen
Cold
And empty lake

---

Empty

Emptiness

Not in the way that he wasn't there
No,
he wasn't emotionless,
He felt
He knew he did

But it made sense

He traveled the world to meet new people
To see their life experiences
To see their views
and beliefs

But he forgot about himself

The journey he walked on wasn't to find what others had done
It was for what he had done
It's for what he had to do for himself
He neglected himself
Starved himself from feeling

He yearned for what others had
Not for what he had
He learned of others
But not himself

Which was why
he was left with nothing

Because he didn't try to find himself to begin with