Edited by: Kuro and Lille

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After Jaden cleaned himself up, he went downstairs to find something to eat. It was early morning and his parents were eating breakfast at the dining table.

"L******, it's rare to see you up for breakfast. The food is on the stove." Jaden's mother said as she drank some water.

Hearing his legal name, he felt his body cringe. There was a stabbing feeling in his chest every time he heard that name. Hearing that name was really burdensome on his heart. Was this dysphoria? He already wanted to cry. His emotions were really out of whack. System 225 warned him but this was too much.

"Thanks," Jaden mumbled as he went into the kitchen. He threw the basic breakfast food like eggs and bacon on his plate and sat down at the table. He didn't say much else and kept his head down as he ate. He already wasn't feeling good, and so he didn't have to worry about going OOC so quickly and could slowly integrate himself as Jaden. Plus, Jaden wasn't too close with his parents as his gender identity made him want to distance himself from them.

"L******, how is school going?" Jaden's father asked. He hated how Jaden was more into music and dancing than he was in schooling. He wished his child would become a doctor or something like that, like their other siblings. A more secure career was better than one where there were so many uncertainties. But Jaden compromised, so Jaden's father had to tolerate him. If only Jaden was like his other two daughters who were successful and already with kids.

"It's okay, I guess." The original Jaden wasn't good nor bad in school. Perfectly average. He excelled more in the arts than academics. He also did online schooling, so he could go at his own pace.

"You should really focus on school more. It could help you get better careers like doctors or lawyers. Even being a nurse would be fine. As long as you have a stable job, you will be able to live a lot better."

From Jaden's memories, it was the usual lectures. The original Jaden thought at first his parents meant well and that they weren't good at expressing it, as time went by, he realized that wasn't the case. The Host also knew how they really were, so he didn't take anything they said into consideration. He just nodded and continued to eat.

The food wasn't good nor bad. It was just really basic food with a little seasoning. Jaden couldn't wait to get his own place so that he could cook his meals on his own. If Jaden started to randomly know how to cook, his parents would probably be suspicious.

Being a Host was all about acting. At least he could act well.

"Are you going to dance practice today?" His mother asked as she washed the dishes.

Jaden nodded as he chewed his food.

"Dinner will be on the table for when you come back."

The original Jaden always came home around 9 or 10 P.M. His parents ate dinner around 6 P.M.

This was the usual conversation they had. They didn't say much to each other. They seemed indifferent to Jaden. Most people would think that it was just his parents' way of showing love, but Jaden, the original, knew deep down that if he said anything to them, all hell would break loose. Honestly, the original felt his parents wouldn't care if he died. He was right though. When the police found his body some years later, they expressionlessly looked over his grave before living their lives once more. Didn't cry, didn't grieve. One wouldn't have expected parents to do that. They didn't even try to help him when he was in trouble. Actually, they didn't care that he ran away. They didn't even try to find Jaden.

The original Jaden was almost truly alone in this world...

After breakfast, Jaden went back to his room to get accustomed to everything. He needed a plan. He couldn't live in this house any longer and the original felt the same way.

His clothes were too feminine. He didn't mind being feminine, but Jaden needed to be more comfortable in his body before he could even think of exploring more clothing options and he was not comfortable. He liked the idea of feminine clothing, but on his usual male body. This was too much for him.

'System, how do people survive in bodies their souls reject? I already want to die and just find a different world. My emotions are always out of whack. I feel so uncomfortable and tired all the time. It's overwhelming.'

[Host, the suicide and murder rate is really high for trans folks in this world. 70% of Trans women are more likely to die due to hate crimes and trans men are 60% more likely to die by suicide. Non-binary folks have a bit more freedom as a lot don't medically transition. But because of misgendering and feeling as if no one understands them, 30% of Non-binary folks are more likely to die by suicide. The laws do not protect trans people though and they don't have as many rights. There aren't any trans individuals who have lived to the age of 60 in this world. The average age of death for trans women is 35 and for trans men, it is 45. A lot of transfolk also die due to hospitals refusing treatment.]

'Wow, this world is disgusting. Wait a moment. Don't I have to be known as a trans man to basically the whole world? What happens if I die due to a hate crime? Or lack of medical treatment?'

[Usually, when you die prematurely in a world, you will go into one that is similar in ranking and story until you complete it. But if you have already completed your missions before dying, that’s another story.]

Jaden immediately took out his idea of dying. He didn't want to go through this ever again.

This world was indeed a lot more difficult than the other worlds. He didn't care about fighting or getting revenge on people. The worst battles were the ones you had to fight with yourself. If you can't win against yourself, there is a possibility that you will lose yourself completely. He didn't like this at all.

[Host, as long as you complete those missions, you can choose to leave immediately.]

'But how about God System?'

[He is capable of healing himself. It may not be as fast as when I'm there to help speed up the process, but he will heal.]

Jaden did not want to leave him behind though. It was a lot to think about.

'Let's worry about this later...'

Jaden needed to get adjusted, mentally and physically. He hadn't played an instrument or danced in a long time. He wanted to go through Jaden's memory and make sure that he knew what he was doing.

****

By the time he had to leave for the dance studio, he was somewhat up to par with the original. Jaden, the Host, had a bit of his own dance style, so it somewhat changed the original's style. He had to readjust it to make it so they were working well with one another, which was why it took so long.

It was 5 PM by the time he arrived at the dance studio. There were a few people there who were stretching and doing warm-up dances.

When the instructor saw Jaden walking through the door, she went over to greet him, "L******, we are learning a new style of dancing today, so I want you to get warmed up."

The dance instructor, Kelly, thought Jaden was her best student. He wasn't one to show his emotions normally, but when he was dancing, all his emotions leaked out. It was one of the fascinating ways Jaden expressed himself.

Jaden was getting really tired of hearing his legal name. It was only day one but he already wanted to stab every single person who used the wrong name and pronouns. He hated all these emotions that were attacking him.

He couldn't imagine how the original was able to live 19 years of this ongoing annoyance. He wanted to come out to the world as soon as possible but knew that he couldn't do that. He had to come out one person at a time. He had to be patient or he could get himself killed.

As he was thinking that, Sumia, the female protagonist, walked in.

She was greeted by a lot of her peers. She had blonde hair, blue eyes, and pale skin. Her body was quite voluptuous considering she worked hard for her body. She was beautiful, tall, cheerful, but she was a scheming bitch on the inside. She saw the androgynous Jaden as a threat to her career. She even got rid of him early on. Every person who was seen as a threat to her career and achievements was schemed against. Sumia had no mercy for those "standing" in her way.

Jaden wanted to groan internally about Sumia's bitch personality. He was so used to the protagonists being nice, he was getting increasingly annoyed with the 2D bitch in front of him.

It was frustrating that he couldn’t control the inner turmoil he felt. The number of times he wanted to stab a... He needed to take some breaths. He hated this "dysphoria" and "emotions out of whack" state of mind he was in.

It was driving him nuts!

Sumia ignored Jaden, which he honestly preferred, and walked past him. Jaden was alone as he stretched and warmed up. He wondered what kind of style they were learning.

They already covered hip hop and jazz, and more cultural dances like salsa. They even learned a bit of break dancing. They learned all sorts of dances to be able to adjust to needs and demands. Also, it would help people be able to find their style. After this dance class, some people found their passion and took style-specific classes or they became an idol.

After all the students entered the class, Kelly got the class started.

"Okay class, we are going to dabble into a bit of contemporary dancing today."

Contemporary dance was a mixture of lyrical, modern, ballet, and jazz. It was a lot more fluid and smooth, not even a hint of sharpness that some hip-hop styles had. A person had to connect the body and mind through dance movements.

Jaden's usual style was a bit more on the contemporary side while the original had a sharp hip hop style. He was always angry and depressed which showed a lot in his dancing. It was like he was locked in a cage. Jaden, the Host, was freer as he had already broken through his prison and was soaring through the sky. Two conflicting styles made it hard to come together, but Jaden was determined to make it work.

"Let's get started, everyone!" Kelly clapped her hands and looked at the wall mirror. She was going to show off the dance routine she made up for everyone.

Kelly, shockingly enough, was a famous choreographer who had created and taught her dance routines. It was seen as an honor to be taught by her, so many people signed up for her classes even if it was a bit more introductory. Many idol groups had her create the dances for their songs and she taught them. She was living her dream and was quite happy.

It took all of Jaden's money he made at his small jobs, which was doing gigs at restaurants and bars, to be able to learn from Kelly. He took the class very seriously.

Jaden only needed a moment of moving around before he was able to keep up with Kelly. His every move followed every flow, every transition, and every beat. His body was smooth like silk as if he was a soft curtain rustling with the wind at an open window. His hair that was put up in a ponytail, moved as if it was an accessory to his body.

His radiance blinded everyone and made Sumia jealous to the core. She hated how Jaden seemed better than her at everything.

They practiced for a while before taking breaks. Once everyone got into the rhythm of the routine, it was self-practice. Jaden didn't practice with anyone, he just thought of a song in his head that would go well with the dance routine and kept going. Thinking of every drop in beat, every rhythm, every instrument, he had a whole story playing in his head. He was in a world of his own.

Kelly was looking at everyone dancing but for some reason, she had a hard time taking her eyes off of Jaden. He was wearing sweats and a loose, thin hoodie. He had his hair up, but shorter hair that couldn't fit into the ponytail was stuck to his face because of his sweat. He looked a lot more masculine than usual, or his aura was screaming male. It was odd because she only knew his deadname. She couldn't help but think, 'if they were male, they would be handsome.'

When 9 PM hit, everyone started to leave the dance studio one by one until Jaden and Kelly were the only ones left. It was closer to 10 PM when Jaden finally got out of his muse.

"Sorry for staying so long again." Jaden apologized as he knew she couldn't leave her studio until he was out.

"It's okay. Seeing someone so focused and so passionate about dancing makes me very happy." Kelly replied, handing him a towel to wipe his face.

Kelly was someone the original Jaden really looked up to. She was also the only person who felt heartbroken when he couldn't dance anymore. She did everything she could, even offering a place for Jaden to stay at, but Jaden had refused. She regretted every day of her life when she found out he had died such a cruel death.

Jaden smiled as he wiped his face. Kelly was one of the few people he could rely on, even when he came out. So, he thought it was best that she would be the first person he would come out to. The sooner the better... Hmm, he decided to do it ASAP.

"Kelly, can I tell you something?"

"Sure, what is it?"

"I'm a man. Well, a trans man, but still a man... I don't want to be called L****** anymore. If you could call me Jaden, I would be really happy." Jaden, the Host, never had to come out this way. He didn't even know if there was a proper way to come out, but he knew he had to do something. It was frustrating that there was no guide to coming out as a transgender person. Even in this world, there were probably so many people just like the original Jaden who had no idea how to come out, who to come out to, or if it was safe to come out. At least the original Jaden had Kelly.

When the original Jaden came out to Kelly, it was even more depressing and full of tears. He could barely utter the words out. The Host, though, was a bit more composed. It was probably because it wasn't his original body.

"Jaden, no matter if you are a guy, a girl, or otherwise, I don't mind because you are you. I will never look at you any different from how you want people to look at you. You see, I have an older brother who is also a trans man. He is one of the strongest people I know and someone I really look up to."

Jaden felt emotions swirling up inside him. They were the original’s and his coming together. His tears fell without even him noticing.

After crying and being consoled by Kelly, the two closed up the studio and went to their homes. Jaden felt a part of the weight lifted off his shoulders. He knew it was just the first step in his journey and it would be a long one...

---

Grandpa Marky: I put down statistics for transgender people and their life expectancy, etc., but just know those are just exaggerations but they aren't far off from the stats in the U.S. The trans individuals who die every year are mostly trans women of color. That's why we have Transgender Day of Remembrance. It's sad to see how many trans women are on that list every year  😭😭 I hope that there will be better days for my trans brothers and sisters…

Also, coming out is really difficult to do. Never feel pressured to come out and only come out when you know you are safe. After your first coming out, you realize that you will probably have to keep "coming out" for the rest of your life. I've lost count of how many times I've had to explain to people that I am a transgender man, especially in health care. It's tough. You never know when people are going to be accepting and understanding, and there's this fear of being discriminated against. I've gotten used to it, but it's never fun.

kuro_kama: Sometimes I really wish that there wasn’t this word ‘Normal’ in the dictionary. If there wasn’t such a word then there wouldn’t have been the division/discrimination of what people call the so-called normals and those who are pushed out of the so-called normal circle.

Lille: Awww, Miss Kelly’s so supportive. Good for you, Jaden! (＞ｍ＜)