Back in middle school, I was invited to play tag with a group of classmates once during recess. Tag was not a game I enjoyed, since I was slow and less-than-graceful, making me an easy target, but for whatever reason I had agreed. The game progressed as it always does, lots of running around with only the occasional pause to argue about “tag backs” until I was tagged. To make up for my slow speed, I tried to play strategically, cornering people in the boundaries of our play area. It worked, and I managed to get close enough to one of the girls to tag her. As she tried to dash around me, I reached out and just managed to touch her chest.

I didn’t understand why, but I immediately regretted this decision. She didn’t seem bothered, and the game proceeded as if nothing had happened, but somehow I knew I had touched her in a way I wasn’t supposed to.

In time I came to realize that men were, by nature, a threat to women. No man believed himself to be one. If you asked any random man, he would insist that of course he would never hurt a woman and that he always listens to women just as intently as he does men. Yet women are still constantly hurt, abused, and ignored by men. Therefore men hurt women without even realizing it. And, I realized, it would be arrogant to believe that I was any different. I needed to be constantly vigilant of how I behaved around women. Always listen to them, never touch them, never impose my presence on them. 

In Bliss’ house, being the only man living with three women was a harsh reintroduction to this aspect of Earth life. The Queen’s people had four sexes which were so alien to me that my own hadn’t mattered at all. With their large size and my lack of social power on the Regency Monitor, I could never be a threat to even the smallest of them. I had nearly forgotten the way I needed to constantly police my behavior on Earth.

After the freedom that harmlessness had brought me, I felt painfully restricted by needing to avert my eyes to avoid staring at my housemates’ breasts or silence myself whenever one of them spoke to avoid talking over them. I longed for the comfort that they felt around each other. Anise and Celeste could casually cuddle on the couch, but if I so much as touched one of their legs it would be an unforgivable violation. 

I wanted to be made harmless again.