Day 0

The moment Matt Kelmer’s boot hit the sand, he knew what had to be done.

“There’s already room for improvement,” he murmured, surveying the tropical landscape with a hand shading his eyes. “I’ll fix it.”

“Hey!” a voice sounded to his left. A brown-haired maiden in a deep blue one-piece swimsuit waved an arm and jogged up to his side. Fluffy ears flicked forward atop her head, and a long tail trailed from behind. “Are you—” her golden pools widened, and she gasped. “You’re a man!”

A smile tugged at the corner of his mouth. A catgirl. Just like Leiana had promised. “That I am. You have a name?”

She tipped her head to the side. “It’s Keke.”

“I’m Matt.” He nodded, then felt a sudden, heavy weight in his back pocket. Curious, he pulled it free. It was a slim, rectangular device with cat ears poking from the cover. “What’s this?”

“An iPaw. All men get one.” Keke furrowed her brow and poked at it. “I’ve never seen one before.”

That explained it. “Will this keep track of my Levels?”

“I… believe so, yes.”

Matt pressed the square button on the bottom of the screen. “What’s the fastest way to Level up here in Nyarlea?”

“By killing Encroachers, I think. Some girls offer Bells for Quests, but there isn’t a Guild Hall in Junonia, so that’s a bit harder.” Keke crossed her arms over her chest. “Where did you come from?”

“Not now.” Matt raised a hand and listened as a pixelated, monotone catgirl introduced herself as ‘Ai.’ She offered a tutorial, and he selected ‘Yes,’ skimming quickly and skipping through her dialogue as he would in any of the thousands of games he’d played before. “Is there a Class system?”

“System?” Keke’s tail ticked back and forth behind her while she studied him.

“Yes. For fighting to gain Levels. Encroachers, you said. Those are the monsters here, right?”

 “Ah. Yeah. Right. You can choose a Class. I just never looked at it as a ‘system.’” She touched her chin and narrowed her eyes. “Aren’t you hungry? Tired?”

“Of course not.” Matt had trained long and hard for this day. His body was in impeccable shape, his mind was razor sharp, and he was going to usher this world into a new era. 

Ai finished her tutorial, and Matt quickly thumbed through the menus to find [Class Selection]. He scanned his options in a matter of heartbeats, memorizing every Class’s pros and cons with his photographic memory. At last, he chose Fighter. If his expansive experience with games was anything to go by, a powerhouse tank would be the easiest way to min-max in Nyarlea.

New Notifications!

Matt has successfully changed to [Fighter]!

Matt swept the notification window away, then frowned when he couldn’t find a way to access his inventory. Every world had an inventory. “How do I access my equipment?”

“What do you mean?”

Matt sighed. Time was ticking. “I just chose [Fighter]. Do I start with a weapon, or do I have to buy one?”

“Oh! You start with one. Just say [Combat Mode]. Like this.” Keke thrust her arm forward and repeated, “[Combat Mode].”

A warm yellow light enveloped her, and her swimsuit melded into a green leather top and pants. A longbow extended from her outstretched hand, and a quiver of arrows appeared at her hip.

“Right. [Combat Mode].” A similar light wrapped around Matt, but he wasn’t interested in his starter gear. That would change later. He shoved the blade of his sword into the sand and returned his attention to the iPaw. 

The [Skills] screen was next. If this world was at all fair, he’d at least get one Skill to start with.

[Sword Mastery]. That would work.

He spent the point when a movement caught the corner of his eye. A small, crablike crustacean danced near his ankles. 

“Encroacher?” he asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Yes, but—”

Matt raised his sword and swung down hard. The crab split in half, and green blood sputtered onto the sand. Another notification window appeared on the iPaw, and Keke blinked her surprise.

Matt has gained a Level!

He wiped the green blood on his pant leg and grinned up at Keke. “So, want to be in my harem?”

Keke gaped. “Your what?”

 

Day 1

As it turned out, Keke did want to be in his harem. By the time Matt slept with the seventh catgirl in Junonia, Keke caved and agreed to join his Party. Well, ‘Party’ was her word, it was definitely a harem.

The best part was with Keke came Cannoli. A healer. Though, it wasn’t like Matt needed a healer. The Quest from the iPaw to sleep with catgirls was worth so much Experience and Bells that Espada had already upgraded his armor and weapon.

Just a few cleaved minotaurs, a few more bedded catgirls, and he was already Level 5.

“You said I could change Class at Level 10, right?” Matt asked at Keke’s dining table.

Cannoli hummed while she stirred a pot of something that smelled delicious.

“That’s right,” Keke said. “But, Matt, maybe you should slow down. You’ve only been here for a day.”

“Nah. My [Energy] is still full. Says so right here.” He pointed at the iPaw, then sniffed the air. “Cannoli, your soup could use more pepper.”

Cannoli’s tail shot straight up into the air, and she froze. An angry squeak preluded her coughing into her hand, then nodded. “Of course, Matt. More pepper.”

Why were these girls so sensitive? It was soup meant to feed a champion. It had to be perfect, just like everything else.

 

Day 10

“Alright, I’m ready to change to Third Class,” Matt announced proudly.

Keke and Cannoli were sprawled across the couch. Keke had one arm thrown over her face, and Cannoli was curled on her side with her eyes closed. Neither of them responded.

“Mou ii. Great. You rushed us to Third Class.” Ravyn awarded him with a slow clap. She sat in one of Cannoli’s dining chairs with her foot flat against the table leg, rocking her back to just two limbs of her chair. “Now would you let us fucking rest?”

Matt laughed. “Your [Energy] is fine. C’mon, I slept with ten girls today already. We can work on our [Fishing] or [Crafting].”

Ravyn made a gagging noise and let her foot drop. The chair fell forward with a slam!

“Defiled!” Cannoli squealed, wildly waving her arms as she shot up from her nap.

Keke remained asleep, seemingly unfazed.

“That’s a great idea, Cannoli,” Matt replied.

“Baka!”

“Matt’s a fucking idiot! Squaawk!” Ravyn’s blue hellkite, Ball Gag, screamed from the window.

“Let’s go. I want to test out [Paladin].” Matt rolled his sculpted arms and marched out of the house.

 

Day 30

Matt was ashamed to admit that it had taken him a full month to reach the Level Cap. But in that time, he’d single-handedly discovered and implemented a way to solve San Island’s economic crises, defeated that bastard Cailu for the Queen of Nyarlea’s hand, cleaned the Defiled from Shi Island, and forced Magni to change his ways on Ichi Island.

That still didn’t excuse his delay.

However, as he stood inside the highest tower of the castle and looked over the city of Ronona, he couldn’t help but wonder…

…Just what exactly was left for him to do?

Happy April Fools' Day