Cannoli sat beside Matt the next afternoon when the caravan had stopped for lunch. Keke sat Matt’s opposite—barely a tail’s length away. But despite their close proximity, Cannoli felt alone. Again.

Ceres took her meal with a blue-haired catgirl away from the main body of the group. The way they spoke and laughed with one another seemed warm. Intimate. Cannoli didn’t know the girl’s name. However, a pang of jealousy at their easy way with one another struck Cannoli’s heart.

What’s happening to me?

Very rarely had Cannoli ever experienced such negative emotions before joining Matt’s Party. Perhaps once or twice when she’d caught him and Keke sneaking away together. Or a few times when he preferred to sleep next to Keke instead of her. But now Cannoli felt the same sour disposition toward Ceres. Like none of them deserved their happiness.

The throbbing she’d experienced on the boat ride over had subsided to a dull ache, but in times like these, it grew loud and incessant. Like a needling reminder of her inadequacies. Ceres’s mention of the hymns had shown just how little Cannoli knew about her ‘unwavering’ faith. She needed to know more. And at the same time, she couldn’t seem to let go of her unrelenting bias.

Kirti caught the corner of her eye and smiled. Cannoli suppressed a growl. Buttons appeared on Cannoli’s shoulder and then rubbed his cheek against hers.

 “—excited?” Matt asked.

Cannoli blinked and turned to face Matt. He and Keke were looking at her expectantly. When had they started speaking to her?

“I’m sorry. I didn’t hear you,” Cannoli admitted. She picked up Buttons and moved him to her lap. “What did you say?”

“Oh. We’re almost to Irisil. I was just asking if you’re excited,” Matt repeated. 

“I…I suppose so.” Really, she felt numb. To this whole ordeal. I wish I could turn time backward.

“Keke was saying that there’s only one church on Ni Island and that it’s hard to get to,” Matt continued. “Have you ever been?”

Cannoli shook her head. “It’s in Lyncina, which is quite a ways from Junonia.”

“Lyncina’s up in the mountains. It’s best to visit if you have a guide that can take you,” Keke added.

“Pretty steep hike then, I take it?” Matt asked.

“Yes. And there are many dangerous Encroachers that live in the forests surrounding the town. It isn’t safe to go by yourself,” Cannoli replied. “My…my mother made the journey a few times when I was a kitten. But I never went with her.”

At this, Keke chewed her lower lip as if she was holding back something she wanted to say.

Normally, Cannoli would have let it go. But for some reason, the expression on Keke’s face rubbed her tail the wrong way. “What is it, Keke?” Her words were sharper than she intended. Go ahead, Keke. Speak ill of my mother, as you always have.

Keke flinched. “I-I was just thinking about how Mom went with Aurora on those trips. They’d bring back hart meat and cook it for us both.” Her mouth relaxed into a sad smile.

Cannoli blinked. When had she begun to expect the worst of her dearest friend? “A-ah. I see.”

“Wait. Hearts? From what?” Matt furrowed his brow. “You just tear it from their chests and cook it?”

“No, Matt. Not hearts. Harts.” Cannoli giggled, and it eased the tension in her chest a little. “H-A-R-T,” she spelled the word out loud for him. “It’s a type of Encroacher.”

Keke grinned. “It’s like a goat. A really, really mean goat.”

“Why mean? Nasty horns? Something else?” Matt pressed.

“Very nasty horns and sharp teeth. They travel in packs, and they’ll attack anything that gets in their way,” Keke explained. “But, sometimes, you can find precious gems in their horns. And their meat is delicious.”

“It’s too stringy for me.” Cannoli poked her tongue through her lips, then laughed. A sudden memory washed over her like a warm summer rain. “I remember once, Elona and Mom brought back a whole satchel filled with hart gems. They were so sparkly! Keke and I stole them from the kitchen and fashioned ourselves crowns and earrings and necklaces.”

Keke gasped and covered her mouth with one hand. “I forgot about that!”

“We scavenged for all kinds of things to use. Flowers, twine, wire from Espada’s shop, adhesive from Granny Nauka—while they weren’t looking, of course,” Cannoli continued. The images felt perfectly encapsulated with her retelling. “We even, erm, borrowed some of our mothers’ clothing and used the gems to decorate them.”

“We thought we looked like queens!” Keke said. “There had to have been over a hundred tiny gems in that pack, and we used every one of them.”

Matt was grinning, chuckling as they recounted the tale. “I’m assuming you were caught.”

“Goodness, yes,” Cannoli replied. “If the sun struck us the right way, I’m sure you could see us from San Island.”

“It was blinding. We used all the blue ones for our crowns, like Saoirse’s mask. The looks on our moms’ faces when they found us—” Keke sputtered into giggles.

“Did you get in trouble?”

“They were so mad. Elona had to bring what was left of the adhesive back to Granny Nauka and pay for what we’d used. Then buy an oil that would let us take all of the gems off of what we’d stuck them to,” Cannoli said. “It was, erm, slow-going.”

“It took us a full week,” Keke supplied. “We had to use little pads that soaked the gems in oil until we could start wriggling them off. Then, we had to use our nails and a file to pick away whatever remained of the adhesive on the gems. Otherwise, no one would buy them.”

Matt barked a laugh. “Well, there’s only one important question that needs to be answered. Was it worth it?”

“Yes,” Keke and Cannoli said in unison. They exchanged mischievous looks, then giggled. 

For just a moment, Cannoli felt like a kitten again. In the middle of another clever idea that one of them had contrived. Buttons ran circles in Cannoli’s lap, excited by the sudden conversation. Cannoli fished him out a peanut from her [Cat Pack].

Keke squeezed Matt’s hand and nodded. Cannoli watched as they shared a short, silent conversation, her ears tipping forward with curiosity.

“I’ll be right back,” Matt announced.

“Oh. Okay,” Cannoli nodded.

As he moved across the way to join Ceres and her new companion, Keke inched closer to Cannoli.

Keke lowered her voice. “I wanted to talk with you.” Her words were slow and measured. “If that’s alright with you.”

Cannoli’s first instinct was to run. But that would only prove Keke’s previous accusations—that she was isolating herself—to be correct. So instead, she nodded.

“I know that we haven’t had a lot of chances to spend time together. Just the two of us, like before,” Keke began. “But I wanted you to know that it doesn’t mean I don’t care about you anymore.”

Cannoli blinked and searched for her reply. The pulsing in her head quieted, and something stirred in her chest.

Keke laid a hand over her heart, and her tail rocked back and forth behind her. “Honestly, I really admire you.”

“Really?”

“Absolutely.” Keke nodded. “You’ve constantly stood up for what you believe is the right thing to do. To Jazz, to Kirti, to Matt. Cannoli, you’re incredibly brave, and I can only hope I’ve shown even a fraction of your courage.”

Cannoli didn’t feel very brave. In every one of those instances, she’d been terrified of what would happen next. That she’d made the wrong decision and put everyone’s lives at risk for it. “Keke…”

Keke reached forward and gently touched her hand. “I’ll miss you, Cannoli. I really hope you won’t stay away forever.” Her golden eyes glossed over and she blinked hard. “I can’t stand the thought of never seeing my sister again.”

The stirring in Cannoli’s chest erupted into a hurricane of emotions. Keke never cried. Tears built in her eyes as she clasped Keke’s hand. “I couldn’t stay away forever, Keke. I just… I don’t know what’s wrong with me,” she admitted, a sob catching her words. “I’ve never felt like this. Like my entire life is one big question.”

“We’ve never been through this, either,” Keke said softly. “But that’s why we’re doing this, right? To find our answers?”

Cannoli nodded. “I suppose so, yes.” She sniffed back her tears. “I can’t help thinking that I should just have a kitten and go back to Ni. That I’m no good to anyone like this.” Her ears flattened against her head, and she closed her eyes.

Buttons scampered up her arm and retook his place on her shoulder, curling himself around her neck.

“Even if I disagree with you, in the end, that’s your choice to make.” Keke squeezed her hand. “One day at a time, though. You don’t have to make any decisions like that right now.”

Cannoli blinked, and Keke wiped away the tears that escaped down her cheeks.

“Neither of us have to face this alone,” Keke murmured. “So let’s not force ourselves to, okay?”

“Okay.” Cannoli wrapped her arms around Keke’s arms and buried her face against her shoulder. “I promise.”

Keke returned the embrace and stroked her hair—something their mothers did when they were still kittens. “I promise, too.”

As Cannoli cried into Keke’s shoulder, the throbbing stopped.