I found myself back in the current times, 2012, with less answers than before. I went to a coffee shop in southern France where the weather was reflecting exactly what I was feeling. A cold drizzle dusted the streets in gray. It was a coffee shop I had been to before, so I knew the waitresses and the faces. I even ordered things in person, in the flesh, allowing the waitresses to see me and speak to me a little. I'm not a human, so I know that I gave them the 'uncanny valley' creeps-- I could feel it. Yet, they were always polite. I never asked for anything extra, just a black coffee with a little milk and honey.

It was the comfort of the coffee shop that was making me feel restless. I wanted somewhere new, somewhere I hadn't been to. I wanted a new age. The coffee shop was inside of a historic hotel in Aix-en-Provance. I could feel the imprints of history vibrating through the walls. I have been to just about everywhere on Earth, in every timeline, up unto and including the present. What did my brother mean when he said he was going to quit? How was there something new? How did he just make this decision like that? Even though I myself have quit being Prince of Hell, I still envied him a little. I do not know why.

The voice of God had no answers. My brothers had no answers. No one is omnipotent. He's just thinking about quitting.

I couldn't think. I couldn't concentrate. I felt pulled in thousands of directions. There was a part of me that obsessed with what my brother meant. Other parts of me were facilitating functions-- escorting humans to the other side. Answering questions. Answering prayers. Most people prayed to the Devil for things, and I mostly handled issues dealing with love and desire. Yet, no human thought to ask me what I desired.

I care about my brother as we are all we have. On a bad day where lots of people die, I feel shredded. I cannot concentrate as I have to usher people over. I only have so much time in an infinity. I downed my coffee and tried to make a decision. The only thing that felt close to my brother was the human closest to my brother's human. Maybe something will come to me if I do what angels do best: watch people.

The rain was beginning to to taper away. I sat at the window and watched as the gray mist began to burn away. A few yellow rays of sunshine sliced across the sky, one after another. Water settled in between the cracks in the brick streets. I really enjoy providential France. It had certain smells and colors not found anywhere else after a rainstorm. The waitress avoided asking if I needed a refill, so I left a hefty tip.

Without anyone seeing me, I left and went back to Michigan.

Like humans, what angels discover we discover on our own. We aren't told what we are the angel “of” when we are created. We discover our names on our own. Our special 'powers' are no more powerful than a human talent. Something we are good at, a thing that makes us feel who we are. I am a time traveler and technically the angel of death-- which are sort of the same thing if you think about it. Other angels can be 'the angel of death,' too. It just depends on being in the right place at the right time when a human is crossing over. My brother Meresin has a lot of talents, they are just a lot different than mine.

I reached out my senses into the universe. A tangle of vibrations threaded through the air like webbing. I could tell that Meresin was with his human project, Noah, so I decided to go back to haunting Noah's best friend, Joshua.

One of the biggest differences between Meresin and I since the beginning-- was I was always a big picture guy and Meresin was found in the details. It has always been very literal. When the universe was new and creation was just starting, my brothers and I were fascinated with the humans while Meresin was still soaking up the background. He wouldn't stop until he understood every vein of leaf down to its molecule, while the rest of us were discovering things like fornication and seeing what things tasted like. It is no wonder he cracked the code on manipulating viruses. Almost as impressive as operating time.

He's obsessive, which is why he has so few connections-- even with his brothers. Only I take an interest in his whereabouts. I found Joshua again easily enough, and I could sense he was near Noah. I wanted to get to know Joshua-- really know him. I wound up my magic watch and rewind the clock two years ago, when his uncle died. The click-clack mechanics of the watch snapped into place. The stars spun around and the music swelled. Every vibration was humming around me perfectly, harmoniously. I knew my way around time like the back of my hand. I can go back in time, sometimes very far. I just could not go forward in time any further than what the consensus of the universe agreed to pull into reality past the veil.

The best way to know someone is to interact with them. It was hard to transubstantiate a body when you don't naturally have one. The material has to come from somewhere and I didn't want to expend the energy. There is another, simpler way to interact with a human. It still requires a monumental amount of force, but still easier. I would visit Joshua in his dreams.

To get even closer, I intended to visit his dreams the day his uncle died. It wasn't hard to pinpoint on his timeline, since it really affected him. Joshua wasn't terribly close with his uncle, but his family is a close-knit, loving family and every person counted. Dream worlds are interesting pockets that exist in my world-- the spirit world. They are largely safe, though dangers can penetrate if the human allows them. Dream worlds are a feature also only unique to humans. Angels can't dream. Demons can't dream. They live in dreams.

The veil is very thin when something dies, especially if that thing is a human. By visiting Josh's dream world the day his uncle passes, I knew I could talk to him at his most lucid. Humans have three components to their consciousness. Angels only have one (well, angels that were once human have two or so. Things get very complicated, and every rule has exceptions. Life is varied and complex spectrum in this universe.) Just humans have three-- one of the many features that make them powerful. Three consciousnesses verses our one.

While a human is in dreaming, they are only walking around with partial consciousness, meaning they are very stupid to talk to. Humans can barely coherently string sentences when they are awake. While dreaming, they are ten times as useless. Since the veil is so thin around a death (which is why people talk to grandma either before or after she passes so often) Joshua would be at his most clear for me to interact with. Plus, I didn't mind the added job of helping his uncle Pete cross over. I just didn't care.

It was October and Josh was nineteen years old. The humming around me began to stop, putting the setting into focus. The first thing I felt was the vibe, and then the weather. It was a lot colder than I expected. I smushed his uncle's funeral with his dream world, colliding them together into one place. One reality. It was very funeral-like outside, chilly and wet. A hint of fog. Joshua was sad, I could tell, his heart ached.

Joshua comes from an Irish family so everything was very Catholic. I stood in the background and encouraged Joshua's consciousness to do the same. He would find out Pete died and go to the real, physical funeral in the next week or so. But, something inside him knew his uncle was gone. Plus, Pete wanted to say goodbye in the dream, I could feel his intention.

“So, I'm really dead?” someone asked. I almost winced at the voice. It was a human's voice. It was uncle Pete. I didn't want to be bothered. I had a lot on my mind and I wanted to get Joshua's attention. Joshua was standing near me, but his consciousness wasn't totally into the dream quite yet. It takes time for a human to fully download themselves into sleep. Joshua wasn't a particularly heavy sleeper so it was difficult for me to pull him where I wanted him to go. I hate doing my job.

“Well, yes, no, kinda,” I snipped, turning to face Pete. To him, I looked human-ish. He knew I was death. He wasn't afraid of me, since I often come off as mostly human to humans. I try not to seem scary, anyway. More flies with honey ect. “You're dead when you want to be. That's what free wills all about, buddy--”

“I have so many questions,” Pete exhaled excitedly, wide-eyed.

“Oh, good,” I said, dead inside. The angel of death is ultimate customer service, except I have it for eternity and I don't get paid.

“Just, I just, I just want to see what they say about me. Can I watch my funeral?” he wondered, looking around. “There's my body... God... I look so... fat.”

“Yeah, well, take your time,” I said, waving him off like a fart. “You're just a ghost so you're not really here or anything. They are about to read all the Bible-y parts and play Tears in Heaven. You can't hurt stuff, so... knock yourself out,” I said as I approached Joshua, still falling into the dreaming. Uncle Pete was going to do what humans do, which was bumble around and act like everything was made only for them. “Whenever you want to know the secrets to the universe or whatever, I'll be over here,” I said to myself so Pete couldn't hear me. I didn't actually want to explain shit for the millionth time.

Joshua's dreaming body was just himself, honest and plain. He wore a blue t-shirt and jeans and a large bushy beard. He stood in the back of his uncle's funeral, staring forward and feeling sad. It was a simple sadness, filled with the childhood memories he had of his uncle. I didn't care about any of that, so I had to direct his mind away. I wanted to know about his relationship with Noah.

I sat down in a rusty folding chair beside him. Since the dream was partly real everything felt solid. I didn't have a plan, exactly, since I don't really know Joshua or his family-- but I was going to.

“So, hey,” I said, trying to capture his attention. I snapped my fingers in front of Joshua's face. I put in more effort in how he perceived me. I wanted to be perceived. I wanted to be seen. Since we were in his dream, I didn't have to conjure up flesh-- but I made sure I appeared to have two eyes and a face, hair and limbs and clothing. I chose a black modern cut suit for the funeral. I put my copper colored hair back in a pony tail. Clean shaven, nails polished to shine. “Hey! Hey, hey buddy...” I said as I saw the lights turn on behind his eyes. He was becoming more lucid, waking up into his dream. He was now able to see me and talk to me.

“Oh, hey...” Joshua said, as if his mind were still foggy. I knew he did and didn't recognized me. Sometimes, but not very often, I get called out by humans in their dream. They realize that I am the Devil and then often want nothing to do with me. I didn't want to get called out and ejected-- I just wanted a word or two.

“Hey, Joshua,” I said simply. “Tell me about your friend, Noah.”

“Who?” Joshua wearily asked. “Oh, oh! Yeah he goes by Noah, now. Yeah, Noah... I love him and I'm happy for him, I guess. Is this a funeral?” he asked, becoming more and more coherent. I caught him looking around, trying to figure out just whose funeral this was, so I tried to keep it fast and quick before he either ejected me or woke up from the dream enough to move somewhere else.

“Oh, really? You love him? He's your best friend since childhood?” I asked, trying to keep him on track.

“Yeah, he-- she, she's always been my best friend. I've been in love with her since childhood, yes. I just knew I was going to marry her.”

This was interesting in that I felt like he kept talking about Noah, but he also wasn't. I couldn't get a grasp on his emotional vibration. Was he talking about Noah? It felt like he was. Yet the words weren't matching up. Angels talking to humans is like how humans feel talking to ghosts. It makes sense but without clear context it is just piecing together fragments to make a picture you cannot see.

“Who?” I asked, crossing my leg and looking interested. I was interested. I am interested.

“Noah,” replied Joshua.

“And are you still in love with him?” I asked.

“Love keeps going,” Joshua said. I could feel his vibrations and intentions-- they were true. Joshua had strong love for Noah that shined through even in the dream. Most people don't or can't lie when they're in the dreaming.

“Explain it to me,” I said as I settled in and looked for a beverage. He could be talking entire gibberish, because some humans are bad at lucid dreaming.

“I'm in love with Noah and I feel he is also my brother,” Josh replied. His affect was flat and every word of it rang true. I just couldn't understand it.

“Well, that's a predicament,” I replied as I conjured myself an orange ice drink and a pad of paper. I didn't really need the objects to take notes, I just wanted the appearance of them. It then occurred to me I needed a pencil and some glasses. If it weren't a funeral, I'd also make myself a leather psychiatrists couch for him to lie on. “You're in the seminary, aren't you? Catholic?”

“I've searched my heart with God and gave my soul to serve the Lord. He forgives me. To serve God is to serve love, and I best serve Noah as a friend. I love Noah, and I know his burden.”

“What's his burden?” I wondered.

“It's a secret,” said Josh.

At this point I knew to take it more delicately. I was hitting on something and I did not know what it was. I just knew I didn't want to push it to far and make him too lucid. Unfortunately, I was running out of time. I can only manipulate a fixed point so much before it becomes unstable. I couldn't just rewind it and smash the dimensions again. Uncle Pete had to go. He had to cross over. I glanced up and noticed him coming over, ruining everything I had worked hard for. I felt I had touched on something. It caused an electric zing through my entire being. I could feel the love Joshua had for Noah. It felt impenetrable, sealed by God herself, a white light of energy inside Joshua that I could not touch.

It wasn't just a crush. It was love, real love. It had all the components. Joshua was attracted to Noah. This was not uncommon. All humans love each other and because they are part animal, are attracted to each other. They call it gay or straight or whatever. Stupid labels that shouldn't exist because the truth is they would all fuck each other if given the opportunity or circumstance. However, Josh being a Catholic priest in training adds a slight complication.

I will give him this credit though, Joshua was a saintly human and I saw no indication that he was being unfaithful to his religion. His love rang as pure and true as a bell. Romantic love. Bro love. Family love. He was a true friend to Noah and all I saw was he had Noah's best interest in mind when I read his energy.

“I—uh,” uncle Pete stammered as he approached me. He was ready to cross over into the light to walk with the Lord or whatever (he had no outstanding contracts with any brother or they would have come looking for him) “I think I'm ready to go now.”

“Shh, shut up,” I said as I waved my recently buffed fingernails at him. I sipped on my orange crush and peered at uncle Pete from above my smart-person's glasses. “Do you know who Noah is? Your nephew Joshua's friend Noah?”

“I, uh, well, no? Am I supposed to know who that is?” uncle Pete said uselessly.

“Ugh, Pete...” I moaned, mostly to myself so he couldn't perceive it. “See, see there, Pete?” I said, pointing to a door I opened. It was his time, and he had no outstanding debts worth collecting. He would have a life review. After that, he would likely return his spirit to the Lord where they decide where to put him on the timeline to learn, grow, and collect information based on his life's performance. To him, it looked like a big bright light set to collect moths. Or maybe the light of oncoming traffic.“You got to go and move on,” I said ghostilly. I knew I likely looked something like a skeleton with a hood and scythe to him since my mask was beginning to slip.

“But, but wait,” uncle Pete's ghost trembled. “What will happen next? Can I say good-bye to--”

“Yeah, you can totally do that,” I said as I stood up and shoved him in between the shoulder-blades. A good, hard push. It was very unprofessional, but I didn't have time for it. With Pete leaving, the dream would come crashing down very rapidly. The door through the Veil was closing like a wound. Joshua would get sucked out of the dreaming like an unclogged drain. I didn't gain a lot, but I did take good notes.