I was changed after taking Penemue. I was still myself in every way I knew, as I've been unchanged since the beginning. But, I was also Penemue. I had all the knowledge he had ever collected inside of me. Since we were not well acquainted before I consumed him, this was all a curious surprise. I found myself far more interested in humanity. I took my skill and interest in observing the very small and turned its focus onto people.

I found myself obsessed by the minutia of the day to day activities. I followed my 'lab rats' (as Azazel calls them) which are a few families of humans which survived the Black Death. Most of my 'lab rats' came from eastern Europe. As time went on, I watched as they immigrated to America, fleeing the war and looking for opportunities. Several of my families, simply by chance, found themselves in the American state of Michigan. It seemed like an odd coincidence that they ended up in one place. But then, there were likely unseen forces that threaded them together. I wonder if it is the draw of the massive amounts of fresh water, acting as a conduit. The state seemed to trap certain types of spirits in the same way sugar water caught flies.

Most of my brothers look at humans in groups, not as individuals. They see the big picture where I learned to take in the small. My families were strangers in a strange land, clinging to neighborhoods in Detroit where their native languages were spoken. I fed off their negative energy, feelings of depression, despair, addiction, and loneliness.

Many of my brothers work together but some, like me, choose to live in Hell in solitary. I have experiments in which I conduct-- all with one goal: to leave this dimension. I do not wish to gain entry into Heaven, as that is too extravagant a goal. Rather, I would like to enter a lesser dimension of Hell. A Low Place. An existence not free from pain, but less pain. Humans are threatened by this idea-- of us leaving Hell-- because they assume that all Devils are negative entities by nature and mean them harm. I have no desire to convince a human of anything. I know I cannot and it is useless. My very presence unnerves even the strongest will. No human can stand my presence without thoughts of darkness. God cannot see or hear me, so there is nothing and no one to convince of my goodness or worthiness. I can just act on my own sense of self perseverance. I eat as little energy as necessary, and attempt to remain small as possible as to minimize my own negative imprint upon the universe.

I even tried ending myself to no avail, and giving myself to be consumed by another only does the opposite of my intention. I would just become part of a greater, more wicked machine. As there is no other choice but to exist-- I must try to leave. I don't know exactly where I can go or how, but I have always seen it as a math problem. The dimensions are on a spectrum wave. I just needed to move from the lower, redder vibrations to the higher, ultraviolet worlds. Earth is somewhere between, and all I wanted was somewhere less painful. I would not be alone with the aid of my assistant.

A math problem is a riddle that needs cleverness to solve. I created an assistant, Vassago, who I-- yes, mirrored after my brother Azazel. It was both to mock him and mimic him. I wanted his best and worst qualities. Azazel is the first and shining light, the first thing the Lord created in all of time and space. At first there was light, and this was Lucifer. I admire Azazel and so this was as much a compliment as it was an insult. I wanted Vassago to be able to resist or outwit Azazel if I was not there to aid him. I needed Vassago to be a step above the average demon to come with me. I wanted Vassago to have Azazel's cleverness, humanity, and ability to adapt for this project.

After creating an assistant, I needed to collect data. I wanted to understand the structures that held the universe together. I could not manipulate time like Azazel could, but I felt very competent in the Void. I felt the first thing I would need to understand is something that no one yet in all of space and time has fully understood: the Veil.

The Veil is a living, breathing membrane between the dimensions. It specifically protects Earth's solid reality. It is not unlike the protection of the planet's magnetic shield. The Veil is the membrane that separates several lower dimensions from Earth, like the dream world or the fairy realm. All these worlds are thinly veiled on top of one another, bleeding over one another. When the Veil is thin, a human can literally cross over into someone's dream and never be seen again.

Lately, the Veil has been anemic and full of holes. We have seen the Veil through many incarnations. It is like a living organism in that it can heal and repair itself. No one is alarmed when the Veil is thin, rather, we devils see it as opportunity. When the Veil is thin it means information can be moved from one side to the other clearly. Humans can perceive our messages, vibrations and intentions, without it being scrambled. Part of the function of the Veil is to take information and filter it through a cipher. No angel or spirit has yet to decode this matrix.

For example, Azazel had a human he had been following. This human was young and foolish. The human was intoxicated and wandered into a construction site. Azazel could see that the human was in danger, as he was climbing up to a portion of the construction site that was unstable. Azazel wanted to impart some information-- do not go through the door.

As I am using this as a cautionary example, it is quite obvious as to what occurred. All the human heard in his head, in part due to the Veil and in part due to poor communication when one does not have a mouth, was –the door. Go to the door. Azazel wanted to inform the human to not enter the door, as he would fall to his death, but instead the human only heard-- door. The human fell to his doom. He thought his intuition was telling him to step through the door.

The human was moved to another timeline. Azazel felt it was a lot of time wasted. The Veil was invented to divide. However, not all information is scrambled or lost. Love rings through the Veil very clearly. It is never scrambled or unclear. When a family member passes, a message of love will not be inverted or misunderstood. This says to me that there is a key to the Veil's coding between what information gets scrambled and how. Love, as an emotional vibration when it passes through the Veil, never reads as anything other than love, no matter how thick or thin the Veil appears.

Though testing and observation, it is very clear to me that the Veil both mirrors and reflects. The human occultists even have a phrase in Arabic:

“إن الأعلى من الأسفل والأسفل من الأعلى.”

or simply,

“As above so below.”

This is all one world, enclosed like a glass globe. Hell and all of its many layers are superimposed on top of Earth. All of our negative interactions echo, but are not heard equally. Information will often just invert, but not always. The Veil is anything but consistent. Azazel had found that if he really focused a massive amount of energy on himself, he will appear to humans as he intended. He can make himself look almost completely passable as a person.

The Veil's algorithm seems to grow intelligently and change, which is why it is scarcely understood. It is as if the laws of physics evolve over time. I knew that if I were to break free, I would need to be very careful as to how I use the Veil as to not become lost in translation.

This is what I thought about as I watched them. What was the Veil, and what was it comprised of? How could I crack the code to move myself away from Hell? The options of having a body were limited, but if I were to have one, I would use one of the closest humans I had. I am not the type of entity that likes to possess a body. The effects of possession are always negative, and it causes the host to die prematurely-- usually from addiction complications. Rather, a medium would call me an entity of 'oppression,' where I just hang around and... hang around.

The current incarnation of the family, the I am following has their roots in eastern Europe. Their grandfather moved to Michigan in the 1950's, just after the war. Their surname had changed from marriage, as I was more interested in the humans with doorways-- typically seen as the matriarchal energies. If I were in desperate need to possess a body at any time, the humans with doorways were more open. They are an average family with a Catholic background, the Niccolos. Their negative energy is consistent and strong for my survival.

The most recent generation of the Niccolos has left the family broken and small. The mother is deceased and there is but two children and a father left. The father is not one of my 'lab rats,' and thus I am much less interested in him and encourage his negative behavior for my sustenance. The other two were the children, Poppy and Iris.

Of the two, I followed Poppy simply because he was the eldest. Very young children were largely beyond my influence or interest. Poppy Niccolo was always at a disadvantage, born to a family of poor immigrants. His mother married young in hopes of financial relief, not love. Since I followed them and studied them closely, my presence always resulted in a negative air around them. I tried to keep my influence at a minimum; and helped them when I could. However, my help was limited since I largely cause sickness and death in my wake.

In the tenth grade, Poppy started calling himself Noah. He always had a male energy since birth, despite the religious influences in attempts to tamper it down. Some spirits simply have a strong sense of identity. It makes possession much harder. Noah was strong in every way, spiritually, physically, mentally. I could see down to his molecule why the plague didn't work in eliminating the human race, when it should have. It was more than physical strength. The answer was found in people like Noah. After all this time in gathering data across all these families, I was beginning to see a pattern. It was the answer I was looking for, the small vibrational resonance that made humans what they are. Except, this answer was useless to me. People like Noah were impossible to possess and thus could not help me break free of Hell. All I could do was be an outsider looking in, never able to experience love but just able to witness it. Reality was a two way mirror in which I could never interact.

When Noah was in the fourth grade, he played on the playground at recess all by himself. He was slightly overweight and his plaid Catholic uniform did not fit him well, and thus he was subject to ridicule by his peers. In addition, the playground was segregated by gender. Noah was known as Poppy then, and spent much of his time drawing or reading, escaping into different dimensions where he could be more himself. When he was drawing, he was drawing different versions of himself in an ideal world.

It was in these times I was collecting data, fascinated by what a strong sense of identity could accomplish. In these rare moments of reflection from a child, I could find the Lord's handiwork in sequencing personalities. I wanted to encourage Noah, and thus I influenced a red kickball from the boy's half of the playground to roll towards Noah's feet. It broke his concentration and Noah was forced to see a new friend before him. I wasn't entirely sure what would happen and to be frank, it was a little unscientific of me to interfere as I did. However, I wanted to see what would happen if I could bring a certain playmate into Noah's life for the sake of encouraging identity.

The plan worked well. Days after, Noah and Joshua met at the dividing line between the girls and the boys. There were playground officers in sashes, enforcing the segregation about as effectively as children can. But, Josh and Noah were not breaking the arbitrary and pointless rules, merely exploiting them.

All bodies are different, unique, and on a spectrum. No body is strictly male or female, because there are too many variants in one body beyond genitalia, such as brain chemistry and hormones. Since I and other spirits only truly 'see' energy (we have different senses beyond the five) Noah always read as a male entity but carried within his body a doorway, a uterus. He was perceived as female since birth, but such is the human condition with only the limited ability to see.

“I hate my name,” said Noah, balancing himself along the dividing line on the playground. Joshua beamed. His energy indicated that he was having fun and enjoying the presence of his friend. Noah's energy read that he was depressed, though in my presence it always reads that way. He also felt creative and was enjoying his time outside the classroom. They were in the 6^th grade, and soon to be separated, as Joshua was going to be sent to a different school for junior high. Noah felt it was one of the last times they had a chance to hang out. It added to the melancholy of his mood.

“What would you rather go by?” Joshua naturally asked. The children in the background ran and play. Joshua and Noah were not the only children to use the middle of the playground loophole to play with their playmates of choice.

“I don't know. But Poppy is stupid and both my sister and I have flower names, and that's stupid. It's a theme instead of an actual name to be called by.”

“No individuality,” offered Joshua.

“Exactly,” said Noah.

“Have you come up with a character for D&D yet?”

“Yeah,” said Noah, “An elf barbarian. I am still stuck on the name, though, which is what got me thinking about how I hate being called Poppy.”

“Travis is playing a orc cleric and Jennifer has a human paladin, of course.”

“Who else is coming?” asked Noah.

“Probably Brandon, if he can ever get ungrounded,” said Josh.

“I drew my character,” offered Noah, handing his friend a folded paper.

Joshua unfolded the lined paper. It was folded tightly, as if Noah had attempted to hide it from the world. It was like how a squirrel buried a nut, saving it for a special moment.

I saw Joshua's energy light up like a birthday cake, excited and genuinely interested in the drawing. Noah felt modest and self conscious. Where Joshua was interested in Noah as a first romance, (as almost all humans have a penchant for romance,) Noah only sought friendship. The drawing was excellent for a pre-teenager, and this was due to my creative influence-- not only my depressive one. This impressed Joshua, and seemed to greatly influence his energy.

“Wow, uh, maybe you could draw my character, too?” asked Joshua.

Noah shrugged nonchalantly, soaking in the praise.

“Thanks,” he said, taking his artwork back. “Help me think of a name, I am so bad at it,” said Noah.

“I don't know, your character looks... she looks cool, I don't know. Sort of androgynous,” Josh smiled, truly intending it as a compliment by his tone.

“I like short hair,” said Noah. “and I like elves.”

“Me too,” said Josh.

I could sense something on Joshua's mind. He could feel something inside himself, and I was able to sense it in his energy. Joshua felt he was leaving Noah behind, as they were aware of their looming separation. Josh wanted to cling to the friendship, and cling to Noah. However, I felt that he served his purpose. I felt the spark of love- Joshua was the sort of character that truly loved all his friends. He came from a loving, high vibrational family. Joshua was to go to a different Catholic school to further his education, and he felt he was being severed from his best friend. Whether this was reality or only in his developing hormonal brain-- that was how he felt.

“Hey, Poppy? Uh, no matter what happens-- I want you to know, I'll always be your best friend,” said Joshua, clumsily but earnestly. “Oh!” and Josh exclaimed, as so Noah could not respond to the awkwardness, “I have tonight's dungeon map,” he said, digging into his dirty little pocket to reveal a grid gaming map. He unfolded the small paper square slowly, just as Noah had with his drawing.

“What about the uh—the uh new map?” Noah asked. “I'll draw the map if you give me the place names,” he offered.

I watched the exchange. The energy became interesting. They were building something together, Joshua and Noah. It was a small, imaginary world. I could see it clearly in Noah's mind, complete with forests, mountains and cities. It was something I had watched them work on over a period of some. It was a small, safe place built on the foundations of their harmonious, vibrational energies. It was what kept their friendship strong and unbreakable. It was a imaginary world made out of love.

The interruption of their friendship was inevitable. I wanted to see what would become of this test. The friendship continued, and they were reunited again in the 10^th grade. I watched as the map grew and grew, as if it were a shining guidebook leading Noah onward in the darkness of his depression.