Caw Caw.

 

Have you ever wondered, while making a decision, where you’d end up because of it? The choices of meals in your daily life, the women you choose to make love to, and the men you decide to kill. Decisions, even minute, keep stacking up slowly and gradually without any noise as they take the form of a sword that stabs you from behind. Have you ever wondered?

 

Caw Caw.

 

I never did. And yet in this moment, where I was dragging my broken body with its guts spilling out, wondering was all I could do. With the support of my spear, every step I took reminded me of the choices I could have made. 

“Haah haah.”

 

Every breath that left my body reminded me of my arrogant self looking down on others, exactly like the crows gawking at me in this moment. I walked, weakly, through the river of blood I had shed and the corpses that laid there. Their faces seemed blurry and the surroundings seemed hazier than before. I kept on walking through the shallow forest marked by the smell of blood and decay as I took in the sight of the destruction I had created. The legs, on which I had walked my whole life, felt incomparably weak at this moment. I wanted to walk a little further but my journey needed to end here. So I sat down, with my back to a tree that seemed to be mocking me as it stood straight with arrogance.

 

“Haah Haah.”

 

I looked at the corpses, scattered throughout the forest, and their eyes seemed to be looking back at me. In this deafening silence and the chill that had spread through my bones, a few memories helped to keep me warm. My cheeks felt wet and I wondered if I, of all people, had managed to shed some tears. It seemed unlikely though. A person like me didn’t even deserve sympathy from myself. Blood kept leaving my body and yet I felt warmer as the blanket of memories shrouded my consciousness.

 

“General! Everyone is ready!” Memories kept coming back to me. 

 

“General Mehr! Orders from His Majesty have arrived.” Memories that I wanted to forget.

 

“Mehr, keep this pendant with you and promise me. Promise me that you'll be happy.” Memories that still tear my heart apart.

 

“Oye Genius. Have you thought about what you wanna do when we are done with this war?” Memories of people that I was most regretful about.

 

My cheeks felt a bit more wet as the memories kept rushing to my mind. Neither pain attacked my body nor despair of death assaulted my mind. I wanted to rest now. Everything was over. Once I was lost in arrogance and rage, and now I had lost in life. The silence of the forest had slowly started encroaching on my consciousness, and I was ready to embrace it, when I heard the footsteps approaching me.

 

“Let the sun shine in darkness. Isn’t that your House Words? And here we are, to see the death of the sun that shined the brightest. The world always told me that people who are capable of killing you, could be counted on one hand. And yet I, the person you called a failure, was the one who succeeded.” Two men, with several Imperial Guards behind them, walked towards me. The man on the left, the one with glasses who spoke in a contemptuous tone, seemed familiar somehow. I called him a failure, he said; I didn’t even remember who he was. The man on the right, however….

 

“Iwan….” I uttered the words weakly. His expression changed as he heard me call his name. From rage to sadness and finally guilt settled on his face. 

 

“Mehr Augustus.” Iwan spoke my full name as if he wanted to make distance between us. 

 

The memories regarding Iwan rushed in my mind. The bright young boy, full of innocence and vigor, who used to tail behind me all day and wanted to be as strong as I was. “Brother Mehr, teach me how to use mana as efficiently as you!” His chirpy voice, that felt like a cool breeze in the pit of fire, was exhilarating every time I heard it. 

 

And yet, because of me…..

 

“It is all thanks to Iwan here that we were able to defeat you, General Mehr. You really are a tricky opponent.” The man with glasses spoke while looking at Iwan. His words were muffled as they entered my ears. I kept looking at Iwan while he looked at the ground, his eyes burning with guilt.

 

The man with glasses kept on rambling but I could only hear some incoherent sounds. My lips were trembling as I struggled to speak.

 

“Cough Cough.” I slowly raised my hand toward Iwan and tried to call him closer. I knew I didn't have much time and I had something extremely important to do. 

 

Iwan looked at me with a guilt ridden face.

 

“He’s still alive? Hahaha. What a monster. The nickname of Amon suits you really well.” The man with glasses walked towards me and stood in front of my dying self, looking down while cherishing the moment that seemed to highlight his life.

 

“Do you know the losses the Empire has taken just to kill you? Why don’t you just die quietly?”

 

His ramblings were irritating me but I decided not to answer back. I wanted to save my last words for Iwan as I called him with a gesture again.

 

Iwan slowly came forward and proceeded to stand beside me, to take a moment before crouching down. I raised my trembling hand and put it on his shoulder. The desperation in my heart was increasing overtime as I knew I didn’t have much strength remaining. 

 

I craned my neck to reach Iwan’s ears and with my trembling lips, I uttered the words I needed someone else to say to me all those years ago.

 

“Hey Iwan…. It's fine… I forgive you.” Iwan looked at me with a horrified look in his eyes that had started getting teary. I looked at him with smiling eyes as I used my remaining strength to push Iwan back to safety and pick up my spear. I wanted to leave Iwan with a positive image of myself. Putting force into my hands, I got ready to swing it horizontally. The mana in the forest screeched as it rushed to aid me in my final strike. The trees that stood straight with arrogance were now bowing in the raging wind. The silence of the forest scuttled away like a lie as I raised my spear like a wrathful storm hell bent on destruction. 

 

“Heh” A laugh left my mouth as I swung the spear with all my remaining force. The wind raged and mana screeched around me. Trees were ripped apart as my strike travelled far into the forest. The man with the glasses and the Imperial Guards created mana barriers to defend themselves, and a remark left my mouth unwittingly.

 

“Who the fuck do you think you are? I can piss on the Empire and the Emperor will happily drink every last drop of it.”

 

Ah shit. I wanted to leave the world with my statement of forgiveness being my last words. And yet my arrogance took control over me again. Oh well, not like the world will remember me with honor. For them, I was simply a monster. 

 

The world around me became silent yet again as a few more corpses were added in the forest. The wind calmed down and the mana settled back as if nothing had ever happened. 

 

A friend had asked me a long time ago what I would do once this war was over. So much has happened ever since then but my answer still seems to be the same. 

 

“After the war is over, huh? I…. want to rest.” 

 

Heh. Looks like I’ll finally get to rest now. My heart feels so light suddenly. At last, for me at least, the war is over. 

 

I could feel my mind slowly fading as I cherished the memories of my past. I could feel the darkness engulfing me slowly and I waited to be freed from this life. 

 

The light in the distance spread its warmth as it called me towards it. My body floated, towards the warmth and the darkness around me subsided. I wondered if I would end up in hell after crossing through. Many of my ‘old friends’ would welcome me there. The thought of killing them again sent my mind into a rush but I controlled my emotions as I struggled to let go of the horrid emotions. I wondered if I would get another life, in which I would enjoy the mundane and boring days that don’t lead me anywhere. A life away from struggle and full of calmness.

 

Well, the idea was amusing at the very least. 

 

I had reached the light before my ears started ringing. Muffled noises and screams rang in my ears. Words that didn’t mean anything were being said in a language I couldn’t understand. Light shone on my eyes as they gradually opened on their own. I tried to move my neck to see my surroundings but it felt strange moving around. While struggling within a body that I felt trapped in, I turned to my right and a shocking view came to my vision. 

 

Corpses. A lot of them.

 

Did I not die? No, this place is not where I was dying. The way these men are dressed is also odd. I have never seen this type of clothing before. 

 

I heard a scream to my left as I struggled to move my body in its direction. Several men were being killed and women were being captured as they screamed and tried to retaliate. The muffled incoherent mumblings had started to take shape in my mind, and slowly, I could understand the language being spoken. I saw a burly man, with a scar that started from his head and went all the way down to his abdomen, walking towards me. He came close to me and crouched down while looking intently.

 

“Hahaha, oye look. The newborn is alive. Keep him. We can fetch a good price for him.” The burly man extended his hand towards me and the world around me shifted. I was hung upside down as the burly man got hold of my leg.

 

That's when I noticed. What the fuck. The reason why my body felt strange was not because I was injured or tired.

 

What? How is this possible?

 

It was because I was in the body of a newborn child. 

 

Haha.. looks like I’m actually in hell.