“Where the FUCK am I?” Manny looked around. He was in a white void, naked and floating as if he were in a cup of off a store brand gelatin snack. He quickly crossed his legs and stretched his arms over his protruding gut to cover up his pee pee. A small creature floated towards him, coming in close enough for Manny to recognize the character.
“I know you!” Manny shouted. “You’re Fofo, the tutorial character from Idle Heralds.” He kept one hand obscuring his pee pee while the other pointed at the little purple creature adorned in silk robes. The creature pulled it’s hood off, revealing a large and toothy grin that showed off a pair of tiny fangs.
“That’s me!” Fofo said in a high-pitched voice as he spun around.
“So, uh, can you tell me what’s going on?” Manny began drifting upside down, still covering himself as the world inverted.
“You’re in queue to get summoned!” Fofo said as he spread his arms and started to fly around the bewildered man. “Just a few more Illuminous Tickets and you’ll be on your way to the land of Dynamica!
“What the FUCK?” Manny shouted. “Is this some kind of augmented reality BULLSHIT your game is pulling?”
“Game?” Fofo paused his flight, putting one paw over his mouth as he looked at the upside-down man in a confused manner. “Don’t know what you’re talking about.”
Manny rolled his eyes. “Don’t give me that FUCKING nonsense. I didn’t sign up for any FUCKING virtual reality, metaverse BULLSHIT. I don’t just wanted to play the game to kill time. You know, like a normal MOTHERFUCKER.”
“You’re funny!” Fofo chuckled and gave Manny a tap on the nose with his wand. “Not too many Champions talk when they’re in queue.”
“That’s crazy. You know why I talk and they don’t?”
“Why?” Fofo asked.
“Because I’m not a FUCKING Champion!”
“Then why are you here, Mister…” Fofo looked at the floating man, puzzled.
“Manny. My name is Manny Emanuel Mannfred.”
“That’s an ugly name.”
“I know.”
“Okay, Mister Manny,” Fofo replied. “So if you’re not a Champion then what are you?”
Manny let out a sigh. “I’m a FUCKING loser, that’s what I am. I’m thirty, stuck living with my parents and I spend the few dollars I get on this SHITTY mobile so I can skin actually playing the FUCKING thing.”
“What’s a ‘dollar?’”
“I think you’re focusing on the wrong thing, little guy.” Manny sighed. His floating now had him right side up. He scratched his head and took in a deep breath. “How much longer do I have to be here?”
Fofo shrugged his shoulders. “I don’t know. Could be a minute. Could be hours. Maybe months. Depends on someone depositing five tickets at a Champion Altar.”
“Will I go back… you know…” Manny looked down and then back at Fofo.
“Of course! If you didn’t want to be summoned naked then why did you come here with nothing in the first place?”
“How many times do I have to tell you? Something is seriously FUCKING wrong. I’m not supposed… FUCK IT. What’s the point. Obviously I’m the one that’s FUCKING insane here.”
“Yup!” Fofo chuckled.
“Uggh…”
Then a bright yellow light burst through the ceiling. Manny could feel his body adjust upright against his will as ominous force pulled him upwards.
“What the FUCK is happening? Am I getting summoned?” Manny shouted as he squirmed in the air, his arms flailing as he tried to maintain balance, letting go of his pee pee. Fofo nodded, only able to see Manny’s back and booty cheeks.
“Yup! You’re going into the real world now!”
Manny let out a sigh of relief. “Oh thank FUCK! I don’t know how much more I could take of this SHIT.”
