Ten years It has been ten whole years. She’s moved, I still think about what would happen if I'd said yes and spent a little more time with her before the adults found us. I want to feel her hand again but no I’m stuck, stuck learning business. After she was gone I never stood back on the other side of that creek. On the side of the forest. Our once humble home is now a fascinating display of my dad’s vineyard. He covers labor while I help with financial decisions. Together we own an estate now one that stands highest in the village.
I get my ass right out of bed, and into the bathroom. Cleaned myself for the day then stopped at the mirror. I stared, again, nothing appeared when i stood in front of it. I haven’t seen myself for some reason. I try tapping the mirror, only a few times, a sharp line appears from where i tapped stretching out and growing. Its jagged sharp line creaked throughout the entire mirror. I stop tapping and stare at the mirror. Fixed but I still don't appear in front of the mirror.
Take care of the family estate for my parents then I can leave, Leave to go find her or so I thought. Paperwork upon paperwork stacked high on my desk, It's been three days since I’ve been outside. Inside is suffocating way too suffocating. Sign, drink coffee, sign drink coffee. That's the routine day in, day out. Often my back is hunched to fill out this accounting job. I look up at the clock, 12:43, past noon already. Ive been up for four hours and still haven’t been anywhere ‘cept my bed and this darn chair. Actually i dont think ive been anywhere but these two spots for a few days now. Well unless you count twenty minutes in the dining room at the morning and end of each day then I suppose we could make that three.
I stop and stare at my pen. I tried writing again but no ink came out. I take a long deep breath before standing up. I threw my pen into the trash can and felt a rushing relief pass through my body. I walked past the doorway and the hallway floors didn't greet my shoes. No, it was the grass all prickly, poking into my ankle but I couldn’t feel it at that time. I pranced around the entire field, hopping about like a gazelle far from society I jumped and jumped. The same feeling when I was with her. Someone stared at me I said to myself, but should I care? N-
My father standing in the field looking at me, that carefree feeling drops as he’s watching. More of a curious look, then he smiles as if he finally gets it.
“Don’t worry, take the day off or even week!” He hollered, the same father that’s worked harder than me for much longer.
“Then how about we go out and pick out some nice gifts for mom!” I hollered back with a boom. Yea, today is for the ones chained to work.
Walking back home holding a pair of white gloves and a nice looking white sun hat, I refused to get the yellow one that father wanted for mother. Though she might’ve looked nicer with the yellow sun hat. When i saw that hat I almost shed a tear, but that tear wasn't filled with anything. No emotions, I should move on.
I tie up a neat knot for the box holding the gloves and my father tied a crazily sloppy not.
“How can’t you make a proper knot?”
“Well there's a few things you should know son, first your mother doesn't know how to tie a knot. Second, I don’t know how to tie a knot.” He has an almost smug look on his face. “But it has never mattered in her eyes, because if she can't do it i probably can’t do it.”
“So what you’re saying is that she's better than you?”
“In everything, even farming. Only reason she hasn’t farmed is because I kept urging her to instead make the champagne’s recipes. And that I wouldn't like to see her hand’s dirty.”
My dad is killing himself willingly for the good of our family. Persistence in sacrifice, should I urge him to stop…
Mother wears her pristine white gloves and beautiful white hat everywhere she goes now. A she always delivers a kiss to me, feels wrong so i try and go outside whenever I can. The stacks of paper have been disappearing as I took care of myself. The sun is pretty wonderful, it sheds light on the world and helps grow these vineyards, ‘cept when its blasting right into my eyeballs. But what could I do? Become Icarus?
I get my ass right out of bed, and into the bathroom. Cleaned myself for the day then stopped at the mirror. I stopped myself in front of the mirror, Im smiling.
Sitting outside of a cafe, truth be told i'm not an avid coffee enthusiast. I used to only drink this when I couldn't find motivation to work but enjoying it without a care, is extremely nice. Today, I had also made myself look a little fancy dressed a little more proper. I eye all the girls around me, one is a little too open sharing facts about her ex I'm sure he wouldn’t like others to know.
Some others are listening to her, ‘cept one. She’s sitting alone with long hair, looking at a single piece of paper, she looks up as if she's trying to piece together where she is. Move on move on move on.
“Do you need something?” I look at myself, standing in front of her, oh shi oh shi oh shi. Okay everything will be alright just calm yourself down… “ello? Someone there?”
I took too long… I slowly walk back to my seat and sit back down. I take myself to look the opposite direction of the girl. The group of girls are now whispering about me I think. They've gone mute ever since I stood up so I’d just assumed so. I scooch a little closer to the window. The seat is comfortable and sinks to my weight, though if it gets dirty it stays dirty. Sitting on a coffee stain doesn’t feel any different. What does feel different is how the left of me has sunk along with my heart.
The girl is sitting next to me now with a map out, “hey! Are you alright? You seem just as lost as me.” The feeling of just being embarrassed doesn’t fully show the sink of my heart, the utter feeling of drowning in a red ocean burning throughout your body. As if i was caught committing a crime.
“Y'know i'm trying to look for an old friend who lives here so could you just help me out instead of ignoring me?”
Respond
“H-hello?” Oh cmon you can be stronger than this. “Ahem yea sorry.”
She has on a cloak of confidence, everything about her is nice… a natural scent emanating from her body. Long hair dripping down to her stomach, and weird dress that would make her unwomanly. It doesn’t matter though all that matters is that I get a word out.
“Finally speaking are we? Well I am looking for a guy who might be taller than me or may be shorter. He's got on a pair of glasses and is extremely bad at talking to girls. He’s kind of cute though maybe I should say handsome now. Supposedly he’s the heir of a big champagne company or something.”
The wave of red disappears, and all that's left is a calming sensation. “Ohph.”
“you suck at talking to girls you know that, like really really suck at it.” She’s now got on a little bit of a rude look at me. “And I thought I really thought that I taught you something about girls glasses but nope still a little pathetic aren't you.”
I just throw my arms around her, just when i thought I could forget, maybe i shouldn’t forget.
