Darren was pretty sure he lived a good life. He stayed away from drugs and the such, helped out others, and got a good job. Things were looking up for him. Well, if there was one thing he regretted so far it would be the fact that he didn't get himself a girlfriend until he was twenty-three. Their life was good and, even though they never had any children, Darren was pretty sure that he could live without them. From what he heard, they were annoying to deal with. 

Okay, Darren's actual biggest regret was how much pent-up rage he had. He was the "good guy". The guy everyone turns to for help and pushes their work on. They ask him for money or push around and whatnot. But, because Darren grew up learning to hold in his anger, he never snapped. So, frankly speaking, when he died because he let some of his pent-up anger loose, it kinda pissed him off. Still, he saved those children from an abusive household. He knew his wife would miss him but, at least she'll be famous.

'Okay, can something happen now?' Darren thought, having gathered his thoughts. He has been drifting in the blackness for a while now and it was starting to get on his nerves. A couple of things happen after death. One, you get reincarnated with no memory back to Earth. Two, you go to heaven, hell, or purgatory. Three, you meet one of those Gods and they offer you a chance to be reincarnated into a fantasy world. 

Then again, maybe this is purgatory. Well, if it is, Darren figures there is nothing he can do about it. So, he'll just have to wait.

And so, he did. He waited...

....and waited...

....and waited...

..and-

"Okay, is something going to Fuckin happen!" Darren snarled, his supposed infinite patience snapping. However, instead of worrying about the lack of response or the fact that he became angry, Darren was worried about a much more pressing manner. At least to him, it was.

"W-what happened to my voice?" Darren asked and, immediately after he asked that he covered his mouth, or tried to anyway. He had noticed this before but he really didn't have a body.

His voice was of a much higher pitch and, if Darren didn't know any better, he sounded like those chipmunks from those movies.

Well, there was something else to his new voice. It was very subtle but it was there. Darren decided to ignore that subtle tone his voice had and chalked it up to how high his voice was currently.

'You know what? I think I'll wait a bit longer before asking.' Darren decided.

Just as Darren thought that Darren heard the sound of someone giggling. The voice was beautiful and had a nice bell-like chime to it. Darren looked to see where the voice came from but saw nothing. Just as Darren was going to strike it off as a delusion, Darren heard whispers coming from behind him. He turned around to where he heard them but saw nothing but the same darkness.

Darren tried squinting his eyes but to no avail. Actually, did he even have eyes? Darren knows that he clearly doesn't have a body but, since he can see, does that mean he has eyes? 

'You know what? Right now, that is the least of my problems. Right now, I have to find out where those voices came from.'

Darren looked around but, like he expected, he saw nothing. Darren let out an irritated sigh and crossed his arms...though he doesn't know if he actually did cross his arms. His whole sense are messed up right now.

As he crossed his arms, he heard the sound of laughter coming from behind him where the whispers came. He turned around and-

"...Am I interrupting something?" Darren asked, staring at the whole bunch of people sitting at a simple round light tan wooden table in front of him. 

If he could best described the people at the table, it would be a typical fantasy God hangout. There is a blond haired gorgeous woman with massive...weapons....and blue and purplish eyes. Next there was a large old guy wearing a toga who looked ripped yet wrinkly and old. Darren decided to call him Past-Prime in his head. The next was a pale very light grey woman who looks like a typical old queeny succubus. Her name is going to be Stereotypical Edgy Dark Queen.mp3. The next is if those statues from that island had a baby with a massive red furry demon and forgot the fur. Blockhead shall be his name.

Oh! This one looks kinda cute. Like a bookworm or librarian but without those glasses they always wear for whatever reason. A purple jacket that looks like those jean-designed jackets, black shirt and sweatpants, dark grey skin and bright red eyes as well as light red long hair with spikes in it. Miss...no, she must have anxiety. Miss Anxiety it is. And the last one is Edgy Small Confusing Gender.

'And these six are probably all Gods too! Hmm, how come five seats are empty? Missing? Dead? Actually, why do I care? Let's just see what they want and get me away from those...weapons.'

Darren glares at the weapons the one Goddess has before quickly looking away.

'I-it's not like I'm jealous or anything! I mean, I'm a guy. Actually, she must have a lot of back pain. Those must weight at least a ton!' 

The Weapon Goddess suddenly giggled again, confirming Darren's suspicions that she was the one with the beautiful voice.

"Still calls them weapons," She said quietly to herself. It was at this point that Darren had a heart attack, or felt like he should have one, and did what he normally does when he realized just how screwed he is. Freeze on the spot.

'They can read my mind, can't they? Ahh, I am so screwed. You know what? Since I am screwed anyways, let me curse one last time. FUCK! Okay, that's good.'

As Darren was mentally preparing himself to die, Stereotypical Edgy Dark Queen.mp3 spoke.

"Tonic, did you say something?" The Goddess asked, her voice cold and emotionless just like Darren predicted. 

'Got the name right. Wait! Does that mean that only the Weapon God-I meant the pretty nice Goddess who most definitely doesn't want to punish me for calling her weap-assets weapons can read minds?'

Darren's silent plea must have gotten to Tonic as she flashed him a silly wink before answering.

"Just talking to myself about another unfortunate soul," Tonic replied, sounding worried.

'You're a God. There is no possible way you are worried about things like this.' Darren pointed out the problem almost every isekai story has. 

'The fact that you're sitting at a small wooden table with one of you asleep proves that you really don't care about a soul dying, even if it is not there time yet.'

Said God or Goddess sleeping was Edgy Small Confusing Gender who had looked like they were about to fall asleep when Darren arrived.

"Hey, Pixel. It's not time for sleeping," Tonic said, poking Edgy Small Confusing Gender. They didn't stir.

"Well, since this entire thing is a disaster, allow me to do the talking," Past Prime God said, standing up and floating over to Darren. Darren's eyes were drawn to where Past-Prime's women cryer would be and flinched, looking away.

'I can tell how big yet wrinkled it is even with that thick white toga covering it.'

'Hmmm? Was it just me or did his eyebrow twitch a little? Nah, just me. I would most definitely notice if it did.'

Ah yes, Darren does have another flaw. He has a big ego on the inside which only got worse, as well as his attitude inside his head now that he is dead.

"You, Zloy Loli, or Auola, are here after dying because you have done a great deed," Past-Prime told Darren, his voice loud and booming all of a sudden.

'...Yeah, fuck that. Shi-...Shoot, I'm cursing too much.'

"Whether you believe it or not, we have been watching you. You are, in all honesty, either the most patient human or the most pathetic human ever...Actually, you're both."

Darren nodded once, feeling pain inside him despite not having a body.

'Is that my soul hurting? You know, I guess I can see why Gods just say you did a good deed to some people. The truth is that they are just a laughing stock and the truth hurts.'

"So, since we have a butt-load of worlds under our rule, we decided to see what you do in a new world. One full of magic and fantasy stuff where everyone for some reason thinks it's fun to make a harem or whatever," Past-Prime said with a flick of his hand, though there was a flash of annoyance in his eyes.

"W-wait. I'm not really religious but-" Darren started, blushing? because of his voice.

'Ah shucks! I can't find a good way to say this without sounding bad.'

"If they are Chrastos, you mean? Then yes, they get sent to Hell for cheating on their wife. I must admit, I do love seeing their crestfallen faces when they get their sentence though," Past-Prime said, shuddering a little.

'...Da fuck? Past-Prime is a sadist?'

Darren looked where Past-Prime's crouch would be and shuddered himself out of disgust.

'That must be a really thick one then.'

Tonic let out a chuckle before she could stop herself. Past-Prime ignored it.

"Don't worry, or do worry. We shall make you what pretty much everyone we offer this too wants. You'll be overpowered and receive our blessings. Now, are you ready?"

'Getting right to the point now, are we?' Darren thought, raising an eyebrow. 

"Sure...but, I have a question. Am I retaining my memories or not?" Darren asked, secretly adding if his voice is going to be fixed as well, though not out loud. He didn't want Past-Prime to get any ideas that would make his women screamer get hard.

Past-Prime was silent for a bit before he opened his mouth and-

"Should have asked that before you agreed. Bye bye!"

"Huh?" Darren got out, confused by the blush on Past-Prime's face and how his voice suddenly became a lot less "godly" sounding and more of your teasing uncle sounding.

Before Darren could process what that meant, an even whiter light engulfed him, taking white supremacist to a whole other level, before all went black. Darren's last thoughts before he woke up in another world were about the comment he made.

'Holy shit! Heaven's white light means something entirely different now! Does that mean that darkness is anti-white?'

 

. . . .

 

Darren woke up feeling very very weird. First thing first, he felt dust on him yet he didn't feel the need to sneeze. Next, his arms felt weird, especially his hands. Next, he felt trapped. Not because he was trapped in something, which he currently was, but his legs seemed much shorter than before.

'What the-' Darren began before stopping his train of thought.

'W-why does my thinking voice sound like how I was earlier, just without that weird helium affect?'

A creeping feeling of dread went down Darren's spine. He opened his mouth to speak but stopped himself, too afraid of what might happen. The his new inner monologue sounded like the voice he had when he met the Gods but there was something off with it. That tone from before was much stronger. Darren really didn't want to believe it but, with quick breath in, Darren prepped himself and let out a nervous laugh before he could stop himself.

"Heh heh."

"...."

Darren went still for a couple of seconds before he exploded up, knocking whatever lid was covering him off. He sat up, using the rims of what looks to be a coffin as support, and saw long white slightly silver hair come into view. His breathing grew irregular and he started hyperventilating. Then, silence. 

Darren took a deep breath in, closing his eyes and putting his hands together, and let it all out.

 

 

 

 

"FUUUUUUUUUCK YOU PERVERT SADISTIC PAST YOUR PRIME FUCKIN PIMP DADDY!!!!!"

 

Some local tourists that night heard the sound of an adorable young girl with a slight accent yelling some very weird and very not cute words.