The rest of the trip to the bazaar seemed rather tamed especially after meeting with my now ex-fiancé. It was a strange feeling, and I was very far gone after that little encounter. Terhe flexed his newly formed speech skills and took charge in purchasing the raw metals required to construct the arm. At the end of our shopping trip, we had ended up using all the gold pieces we had set aside for this purpose. At the end of the day, the trip wasn’t that much of a wash for us though, being able to get our hands on gold and silver, which would be used to create electrum which would serve as the alloy for the joints, and chromium and cobalt for the rest of the prosthetic. Frankly, Terhe did most of the purchasing and decision making when it came to selecting the metals, and while it was somewhat comforting knowing I could trust their judgment, it was also unnerving how simple contact with the princess had upset and derailed me. It really made me question if I had the conviction required to undertake the tasks required of me on my journey.
Returning home, I was greeted by Salome right at the front entrance. Waiting for me in the doorway with her arms crossed, I didn’t need to check our connection to see she was upset about something. Her scowl was so deeply etched onto her face I was worried it would become permanent; it would really be an odd contrast seeing a grumpy scowling face paired with such a sweet as honey voice.
Oh, she’s smiling now
Signaling Terhe to place the metals inside, I remained at the entrance of the house, Salome let Terhe pass into the house without so much as a glance, but it looks like I wasn’t afforded the same luxury. Clearly blocking my entrance into the building, all I could really do was stand outside awkwardly waiting for her to say something.
“So, anything interesting happen while you were on your fun trip? Nice of you for telling me you were leaving by the way”
That was intentional, but I wasn’t going to go and tell her that.
[I just needed something quick from the bazaar, it wasn’t anything special?]
“Either you’re an idiot, or you think I’m an idiot you do realize that I can see and hear what you’re thinking, especially when you get yourself worked up as you did earlier. I was as if you were screaming ‘hello something is going on pay attention to me please’ at the top of your lungs”
[Well…]
“Well? How was the princess? Since you’re here I’m assuming that she didn’t figure out who you were, now the only question is are you going to get over this?”
[What is there to get over?]
“Well, that is just plainly untrue, I mean just for starters I can feel how much you missed her. Now isn’t that just absolutely twisted, I mean for all you know she was behind everything—I’ve seen how calculating she can be, and you envy her for it. Are you sick in the head? For all this big talk about how great you are, maybe you need to do some self-reflection about where you really stand in relation to whatever you’re doing at this point.”
Her smile now turned back into a deep-set scowl, she turned around with a huff and disappeared deeper into the house leaving me standing in the doorway dumbly. Not sure if I was meant to follow her in or what, I simply elected to enter a little while after her. I could feel her conspicuously station herself as far away from my room as was physically possible like just being around me pained her.
My first gut reaction was to chase after her and try to smooth things over, but I ignored that feeling. Instead, I decided to take her for her word—to try and figure out how I really stood.
That’s how I spent the next sixth months. In the morning I would go for a walk around the city with one of my guards, or other times I would just do some simple exercises in the yard, but either way in the afternoon I would go to my room and meditate. Because of this my control and understanding of the Void had increased immensely. My skill alloying and transmuting the metal with the Void had progressed alongside this, and I had even designed a technique which allowed me to shape the metal with the Void, meaning I wouldn’t need to shape the prosthetic with traditional blacksmithing.
Yet, with all this improvement I still couldn’t exactly clear up my feelings. In the first month I thought I was simply adjusting, stuck in the past without realizing I had already moved past whatever this was, but then nothing changed even as time moved.
Maybe it was because I hadn’t really finished my business in the capital before I had left, so I went out to visit my parents, to see how they were doing. When I got there all I found was an unfamiliar family living in our home. When I asked where the family in this house had moved to, I was met with odd looks. After finally finding someone who was willing to answer me, they explained the family had moved into the royal palace once now that the engagement had been officially recognized. Now it was my turn to wear the confused face, as I was an only child and I doubt either of my parents would remarry seeing as they were both still alive… right? The person, seeing my confusion kindly elaborated further, saying that the couple living there had a son and their son was engaged to the princess. I asked them how recent this news was, and they said it was only a couple weeks ago that the ceremony had taken place.
Sitting in my room and reflecting on what I had just learned was truly a depressing cycle alternating between self-pitying and self-loathing. I had been completely replaced, while it was true that man looked nothing like me, but he had assumed my identity just like that with no fanfare whatsoever. Did I really have such little impact in my previous life that someone could become me so easily? More than that, why did I still care? Why was it that this was bothering me so much? Wasn’t I devoted to what the Void wanted, wasn’t that the whole reason for me coming here and doing this? Or maybe this was just my excuse, and I was simply motivated by revenge.
Just like that, a large hole seemed to have been carved in my chest, deflating all the self-importance and assurance I had cultivated in the past couple of days. I couldn’t even muster the necessary energy to feel angry or disappointed in myself. It really was a self-defeat of the mind.
Probably the worst part of it all was the general discomfort I felt when I was around my ‘roommates’ I couldn’t tell if this was something that I myself was creating or whether they were looking down upon me. Either way this only proceeded to drag me down even further.
Seven months after having arrived here, five months before exams, I find myself here. Currently locked in my room, it was less the feeling of misery and more of a feeling of self-sabotage and overall helplessness. As of right now most stops in my journey have always just been stomped through, yet the instance I ran into a simple mental block I came to a hard stop. What was the point of doing all this if I lacked the will to let go?
Three months into my self-imposed exile I had found my answer. After significant thinking on the matter, I realized I was simply overthinking things. What did it matter what my motivation was for? In the grand scheme of things did intent matter if the results stayed the same. The fact that all this while my connection to the Void had only gotten stronger led me to believe that the Void agreed with me. If I was reborn when I first passed through the portal, then this was where I was baptized. I could feel it coursing through my veins, unending power. This was true and absolute power, not some deceitful power that claimed to allow me to change my destiny. No this was absolute power, the power to change the world, to finally be the vehicle for change in this God forsaken world.
I doubled down on my work with the Void, soon my ability to control the Void increased to the level where I no longer needed to be in contact with the Void I was manipulating. This helped me with the creation of the prosthetic, I had finally found a way to reliably create an alloy with the Void. Using the Void to disintegrate the metals I collected the dregs and mixed them together. At this point I wasn’t sure if this strictly met the requirements for an alloy, but I found that the original properties of the alloys were enhanced. The electrum Void mixture was extremely malleable, flexible, and corrosive resistant.
The Cobalt-Chrome mixture was durable, extremely hard and with the added properties of the Void seemed to conduct the Void just fine. With most normal metals, if someone attempted to infuse the metal with the Void the metal would just simply decompose, but with the Cobalt-Chrome-Void mixture it seemed to transfer the Void energies just fine. It truly was a strange and beautiful thing. And soon, with only a month until the entrance exams I had finished creating the prosthetic.
The prosthetic was a bright silver, with a gold streak running down the side of the prosthetic. The core and the shell were made from the Cobalt-Chrome mix, with the electrum mixture making up parts of the siding and the joints, to capitalize on the flexibility of the alloy. Probably the strangest thing about the looks of the prosthetics, was if one looked at the silver portion long enough it almost appeared to have a purplish sheen, something that almost looked like a trick of the light, but I knew this was just the Void racing throughout it.
The prosthetic was meant to attach directly with the shoulder, and while it seemed that the Void’s healing powers couldn’t fix our most prevalent wounds (her missing arm and my damaged larynx) this seemed less of a ‘cannot’ and more of a ‘will not’. Trying to coax the wound to heal seemed impossible, but with testing with my larynx it seemed possible to stimulate it to grow. While this didn’t seem to truly fix anything except on an aesthetic level, I was going to attempt to get Salome’s arm to grow around the prosthetic to hide it, and it would eventually grow into her shoulder stump eventually becoming indistinguishable from a real arm.
Stepping outside of my room for the first time in over three months was a cathartic experience. It felt like a piece of me was left behind somewhere along the way, but that no longer mattered. At some point Salome had moved into the room next to mine, but I had ignored this, as it really didn’t matter. Knocking on her door, I could sense her hesitation—she wasn’t sure what to say to me once she opened the door. I found this odd, but it wasn’t strange enough for me to go snooping around, so instead I obediently decided to play dumb and simply wait outside the door for her to let me in.
Only a couple moments later she opened the door and
“I’m sor…”
[Sorry it took so long, I brought you a present! Let me in so I can show it to you]
Like a sketchy salesman I pushed my way into her room and onto a chair that propped up in one corner of the room. Beckoning for her to close the door and to come over and sit on the bed I could feel her smiling wryly back at me as she closed the door and sat on the bed.
“So… what kind of present is it?”
[Something you’ll probably like, well maybe. It is shiny but you’re not going to see it once I install it]
Raising her eyebrows at that, I could sense a certain amount of apprehension coming from her.
Maybe mentioning the phrase “installing” wasn’t the best idea
Placing her new prosthetic arm softly on the bed beside her I quietly whisper,
[What do you think about it?]
————————————————————————————————————————————
The Smiling Man
The Smiling man is a quasi-deity that is closely related to the martyred god. While the church only allows members to pray to one God, the ‘true one’ or better known to cults as the martyred god, the Smiling Man holds somewhat of a special place within the church. Probably a full-blown deity in his own right, the Smiling Man is believed to be the right-hand man of the martyred God, and as such is considered not a deity per say and more of an angel, the steward of God.
It is believed that millennia ago when the martyred God sacrificed himself and gave humanity a fighting chance again the encroaching darkness, he directed the Smiling Man to stay behind and act as more of a steward until his return upon to the world. In a similar manner, a steward is never hailed as a king, yet is still shown respect and due deference, the Smiling Man is never hailed as a god, but is considered the foremost patron saint. Some church doctrine even hints to the fact that the Smiling Man was once human himself, and was one of the first humans to start worshipping the martyred God and as such ascended to godhood upon the martyred God’s sacrifice…