Now, one must wonder how I, the amazing Clown, managed to get into the school that my target is in. The answer is quite simple. There is nothing more compelling than someone using a knife to threaten someone. Guns work too but, if you really want to threaten someone good, you should use a blade. That way they have less of a chance to fight back!
...Not like this bald skinny guy can even fight back if I held a gun to him at point blank range with my finger off the trigger, headphones on, and my attention entirely focused on something, putting me at a huge disadvantage. His arms were trembling and something told me that he knew, with my arms not even quivering in the slightest, that I meant business.
Which also led me to how I got into the school! Well, it was quite simple. I drove a large pink truck past the school at super high speed, jumped off of said truck, hit all the camera with throwing knives that were outside the school, and landed a couple of yards away from the police officer that was stationed outside the school.
I still remember it like it was yesterday...even though it was forty minutes ago.
....
"Tadaa!" I exclaim, doing a little twirl and bowing gracefully if I do say so myself at the woman in front of me. She was tall and black in color, not that it matters, though I do admit that she was on the big side of things. Yeah, I called her big. Sue me, a psycho mercenary who makes more money killing than you can ever hope of earning in the lottery.
The police officer, needless to say, was stunned into silence by my performance. Oh, don't worry. I already jammed all the radios here. No backup was coming...like they really could when they were stretched so thin after losing so many members all in one day. Ah, that was great.
The truck I "borrowed" finally swerved off the road and into a house-...no, that's definitely a church. Hell yeah! Bonus points on that one, as my Boss would say. Hmm, I feel like something just gave me the giant middle finger.
God, is that you?
Mara, you already know that Gods exist.
Why can't I fool around!?
Because you are compromising your mission. Your lucky I managed to get that projector Andrea Crossfold gave us or else the entire school would have known something was up.
See, I knew you got it. That's why I am fooling around.
....
Ehh? Just gonna remain silent?
If I had a body, I would flick you on that nose of yours.
Anger and threats! We're getting there. Don't worry, Sarah, I'll crack you yet.
My attention was brought out of my conversation when I noticed the cop slowly reaching for her gun. Before she got the chance I pulled out my pink uzi and aimed it at her. By the time she realized that I was pulling a weapon out, her gun wasn't out. She didn't get it past halfway out of its holster either when my finger went on the trigger, giving her the threat she needed to stop thinking she can handle the mighty me.
"Waho, my policy friend!" I greeted, giving the cop a wink through my mask, "I am here to talk to the principle, and by that I mean threaten him."
"And just what are you trying to do here," The woman asked, her voice shaking only slightly, "You don't expect me to just let you harm a bunch of kids now, do you?"
I was confused by her question and, like I normally do when I'm confused, I cock my head.
"I mean, if they get in my way or are a real annoyance, I might beat them up or kill them. I also might just do both."
"So you're holding them hostage now, are ya?" The police officer drilled, taking a bold but brash step forward.
"Listen here, officer," I snap, angry at thinking I needed money so bad that I will result to holding people hostage, "I make more money killing people than I will ever make holding a bunch of kids hostage, especially since, if I do so, that would put the entire thing I'm doing here in jeopardy. And, also, I am trying to enlist in the school. Why would I hold the school hostage if I want to blend in?"
The police officer opened her mouth but, after no words came out, she closed it, allowing me to continue my little important lesson.
You mean rant, right?
Fuck off, though I am proud of you.
"Listen, my target is inside that building, and I need to protect them," I explain, feeling a bit sweaty so I willed my mask to come off, which it did by splitting in half and folding up and disappearing behind my head, "You never know if a kid in there just so happens to either be a crazy cult, believe in propaganda, or need money badly enough to sneak a weapon in and kill them. But, with me around, no amount of kids will be able to kill my target. After all, they're less skilled than those coppers I killed."
I added the last part with a snicker and a toothy smile, knowing perfectly well that I may cause the cop to try and shoot me.
"Wait...Are you Ma-" The woman began but stopped when the last part of what I said sunk in, her eyes widening. I, however, was annoyed.
She was about to say my name, wasn't she?
The hand holding the gun flew up but, since I knew well in advance that it was coming, I already shot my uzi, nailing her wrist and making her drop her gun. Don't worry, my uzi is silenced. Her scream, however, was not. Luckily, that projector was still up so no one would be able to hear her, nor the truck crash from earlier. Why else do you think the school isn't in lockdown by now?
"Na ah huh, big copper," I chide, waving my finger in the air, "One lone cop ain't gonna do me in, and I am way too fast and skilled to not dodge a bullet aimed at me from behind."
As soon as I said that I swirled to my right and plucked a bullet out of the air with my free left hand and gave the three grim-looking kids, or high schoolers really, a amused look.
"Like that!" I say with a giggle, glad to have proved my point to the police officer.
"What the hell?" The kid who shot asked out loud. I guess the three depressed boys never expected that the person they decided to shoot first rather than ask questions later to not only dodge their bullet but catch it with her pink claws.
"Ello, boys!" I say, waving to them, "Planning to shoot up the school or something since most of the cops are dead!? Well, I'm the one who killed them, and I also kinda want in the school too so, if yer gonna shoot the kids up, I am going to have to kill ya and scatter your guts and body pieces everywhere to bring out any other school shooter so I can kill them and string them up...which I'm not sure would even work and slash or make my plan of entering this school worse since the parents might be even more afraid."
"Actually, if the parents do take most of their kids out of the school, since Maple can't afford to move, I have less threats to look out for...but there is a chance she might move or get angry at me since her friends will probably be gone. Hmmm...."
While I was in some very important deep thinking, the kid with the gun decided to aim at me again while the police officer made a beeline for her gun. Of course I wasn't just going to let that happen so I shot my uzi at the depressed shooter, destroying his bullet in the air, destroying his revolver, and then spraying him with some bullets, injuring him. Don't worry, though, as I didn't kill him. Then I flicked my wrist down, turning my uzi behind me and scoring the police officer in her left leg, causing her to yell out in pain and fall down on the ground, avoiding a bullet from one of the other depressed kids-
Boy, do I keep changing what I call people.
-which I shot his wrist and destroyed his gun before it hit the ground and then pointed my uzi, which still had ammo in its clip, at the last shooter, who has yet to take out his...no wait, is that female?
With a new distra-source of information that needed investigation, I stopped most of my deep thinking, though I still was in deep thought, and walked on over to the high schooler, ignoring the cries and groans of the two boys that were writhing in pain on the grass.
"You...are you female or male?" I asked, putting my left hand on my chin before realizing I already had my hand on my chin.
The kid in question had dirty blond hair tied into two pigtails, or twintails really since they are quite long. Their skin was pale and they had bags under their eyes, making them look unhealthy and sick. That combined with the weird mask on their face made it hard to pinpoint their gender and, since the rest are males, when I glanced over at them I assumed they were male as well. Now, though, I am not quite so sure. It probably had something to dull with how messy and dull their hair was, which made it hard to see that they were twintails when I glanced over them.
"Uhh..." The girl began, her voice clearly feminine, but was cut off when I knocked her out by hitting the top of her head with my uzi.
"I'll see what I can do about you later," I tell the passed out girl before teleporting her away into an apartment I was given after some nice "gentle" persuasion.
"Now that that is taken care of, are you guys gonna get in my way?" I asked, crouching down while smiling a closed-eyed smile at the two boys.
They both quickly shook their heads.
"Good!" I say, clapping my hands. How can I know they nodded with my eyes closed? Experience. Years of experience sharpens ones senses beyond belief. Trust me, I did this stuff before I got a computer shoved into my head.
"Now, off ya go," I tell the two, patting them down to make sure they had no other guns on them. The only weapon they had with them was a pocket knife, which was no threat to me. I can easily beat these fools in hand-to-hand combat. Twis would be easy.
"Now, why haven't you shot me?" I asked, turning my head to look at the police woman who, in my moment of distraction, crawled to her gun and now held it steady with both arms, aiming at me.
"B-because, I am a c-cop, and the law comes first!" The police officer declared in defiance, defiance that flew right over me since I understood nothing about what it means to be a cop.
"...You know, you really should take the shot," I say, shaking my head.
To my annoyance, the police officer didn't listen.
"Hands on your he-" She began but was stopped when I threw a grenade at her too fast for her to react. That was one of my special grenades and, it was not only pink and created an explosion hotter than normal grenades, it had a metal saw on it so, when I threw it, it would stick to my target. This time, it went right into her chest and...big blossoms.
"Big woman go boom boom," I tell her, my smile cheeky and victory in my eyes. I began to wave at her as she dropped her gun and let out a scream, trying to take the grenade out of her chest. However, the moment she touched it, it went off. Blood and guts went everywhere, with a big piece hitting me in the face much to my annoyance.
With a giddy sigh, I reached up to take the piece of her off only to realize that one of the metal teeth on the grenade had flown into my head. After feeling around and testing to see how deep it was, I used the piece of flesh that had hit me in the face to pull the tooth out. Once I did, I stood up and took out a handkerchief and wiped my face clean of blood.
"Well, time to go and talk to the principle!" I say to myself, striking a victory pose before I started skipping towards the school doors, ignoring the two shivering boys I have left alive.
....
After that, I kicked open the doors to the principal office, sneaking through the school and turning off any cameras I come across before I arrived. I didn't plan on sweet talking him per sae. I decided to do things the old fashioned way and lunged across his desk and landed behind his swivel chair. Once there, I promptly took out my knife and placed it on the principle's neck.
"Aeh there, baldy!" I greeted sweetly, smiling since I was in a good mood, "I'm gonna need you to make me a student at this here school in the classroom with someone named Maple Strart. You see, I have a job to protect her and, since I kinda killed all the cops in the area, including the one outside of the school, and that means she is more vulnerable to inside threats, if you get what I'm saying."
The principle only nodded in response, his breathing becoming funnier and funnier to the point where I wondered if it wasn't just the fear getting to him.
"Plus, look on the bright side! With the lovely Clown here, I'll protect the school and get rid of any problems! It's a plus-plus, a win-win, don't ya see?"
"B-Bu-but, y-you aren't C-Clown?" The principle whimpered, confused.
My body stiffened and I accidentally made a small cut on his neck, which made him whine like a dog. I had a very strong urge to cut this guy's throat open before I remembered that I didn't exist in this world.
"Let me get one thing straight, baldy," I leaned in, growling and admitting more bloodlust than I ought to, "I am the one and only, Clown. That green fucker is a faker, and one day I will gut him, and anyone else named Clown, just like I did before. All you need to know is that I, Mara, is the only one who has the right to be called Clown. Am I Clear?"
The last words appeared in the air in pink in front of the principle, causing my frown to deepen. When my emotions get out of check, sometimes my thoughts get out of my head and appear like that. It's a side affect of, well, the computer inside my head.
"Y-yes, Ma-C-Clown."
I felt my smile return, though it was still wasn't as big or sweet as I would like it to be. Clowns love to smile, after all.
"Good. Good good goody goodie good good!"
I move my knife and put it away before standing in front of the principle, giving him a clear look at my face.
"Now, I'll leave it up to you to get everything ready and fix the mess with the security cameras. I'll be waiting in here with a fresh clean outfit when you get back."
The principle nodded and quickly left his office, giving me some alone time to change my outfit. As I did so I gagged when I found a piece of the copper from earlier had somehow managed to make it into my dress.
