Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha nor do I make any money from this.
Warning: It may be triggering for some. Topics of miscarriage, grief, and guilt.
Even with Sesshōmaru's revelation last night, he was still unsettled by his mate's despondent behavior the next morning. It was clear she needed not just his stepmother to talk to but also her best friend. "Hello, Kagome." Chirped the feminine voice through the receiver. "I was wondering when you would be calling."
"Sango," He said, an anxious breath escaping before he corrected the teen. "This is Sesshōmaru."
"Um. Hey… Is everything okay?" She asked, the amusement now gone from her tone.
"Last night…" The inuyōkai paused for a second, debating how he wanted to go about discussing the delicate subject. He was quite sure his mate had informed her best friend about the pregnancy. "Kagome suffered a miscarriage." He finally admitted before growing quiet.
"Shit." She hissed through the receiver. "Is she okay?"
"No." Sesshōmaru sadly remarked with another sigh. "She is having a difficult time, though that is to be expected." He explained while pouring some chamomile tea to bring to his room-bound mate.
"Is there anything that I can do?" asked the teen, obviously trying to find a way to help.
"Yes," he said, thankful that she had been the one to bring it up. "would you mind coming over? I think it would do her good to see you."
"Yeah." Sango didn't even hesitate, and the sound of hurried rustling could now be heard over the line. "I'll be right over. Just give me a couple of minutes."
"No problem. See you then." Remarked the yōkai before hanging up the phone. He then carefully picked up the tray to see if he could get his mate to drink something. If he couldn't, hopefully, her best friend could.
Taking in a deep cleansing breath, Sesshōmaru straightened his shoulders and steeled himself for the sight of the crumpled and sobbing lump in the middle of their bed.
Sometime later, a quick knock resounded against the heavy wood of the front door before it opened, and a brunette stepped inside. "Hello?" She called out while slipping off her shoes and hanging up her coat. When the woman was met with silence, she stepped further into the open room and called out yet again. "Anyone home?" The stillness was met with an ear-piercing squeal echoing from one of the rooms.
Suddenly a door burst open, and a grinning Malakai scrambled into the room. "Go-go!" the black mass cried as the young child flew across the room and smacked into her legs.
"Hey, KaiKai." softly greeted Sango, while tenderly running her fingers through his dark locks before addressing the despondent older yōkai approaching. "Sesshōmaru." Sango reached down to pick up the tiny tot and adjust him comfortably on her hip. "Where's Kagome?" She asked, more concerned now that she couldn't find her best friend out in the open.
A ragged sigh spilled from the dog demon, and his golden gaze drifted to the only closed door. "In our room."
"Has she been up at all?" asked the teen, her worried gaze flicking towards the room then back to the yōkai.
"Just to use the restroom, but that is it." He admitted, his golden eyes softening at the mention of his distressed mate.
"I see." She paused long enough to pass the young pup to his father, ruffling his soft hair before turning to Sesshōmaru with a sad frown. "I'll go talk to her."
He acknowledged her words with a quick nod, then proceeded to adjust the toddler on his hip before speaking yet again. "The pup and I will be leaving to pick some things up at the store. We shouldn't be gone long. Would you mind staying until we return? We don't want to leave her alone right now."
"Understandable." Sango softly mused. "I have no plans, so it's no problem to stay." She said, smiling reassuringly at her friend's mate.
"Thank you."
"Of course," She reached over to give him a comforting pat on the shoulder, then tickled the tot's belly causing him to giggle happily. "your family."
Sesshōmaru flashed her a grateful smile and slightly bowed before he stepped away and walked across the room to the entry to get him and the tiny toddler ready for their outing.
Sango returned the bow, waving to the grinning pup, then turned away from the duo and quietly approached the closed bedroom door. Giving it a gentle knock, Sango then slowly slid it open and softly called into the darkened room. "Kagome?"
"Sango?" A tired voice sounded from the large bed, causing the other teen to step inside before shutting it quietly. "Yeah, it's me." She confirmed as she crossed the room and carefully crawled in next to her best friend, leaning against the headboard.
Kagome struggled to get out of the tangle of covers for a second before sitting up, head falling gentle onto Sango's shoulder. "I lost the baby." She whispered sadly, a sob quickly escaping the mourning teen.
The brunette quickly wrapped the sobbing woman into a warm embrace, rubbing her back in soothing motions. "I know, Sweetheart."
"It happened so fast," Kagome explained through the tears. "One minute I was pregnant, and the next, it was gone." Another round of excruciating sobs echoed off the walls and shook the teen's tiny form. "What did I do wrong?" she beseechingly asked her friend.
"Nothing, Honey," Sango said, hugging tighter and resting her cheek against matted locks. "You did nothing wrong."
"It doesn't feel that way." She admitted mournfully through sobs.
Her best friend gave her another comforting squeeze and whispered into the dim room. "I know."
"It hurts so much." The grief-stricken teen revealed as another round of tears came forth.
Sango remained silent, not sure what she could say to stem her friend's pain, so instead, she just cradled the wounded woman and let the teen continue to wash away the sorrow one teardrop at a time.
It was days later that found the saddened teen reluctantly entering the office of her mother-in-law. She hadn't wanted to be there, much less out of bed, but her mate would not let her be. As a last-ditch effort, he had sent their son in, and here she was.
There was no one else in the waiting room other than the receptionist and herself. She approached the front desk, attempting a weak smile when the older lady flashed her a cheerful grin and greeted her with the same enthusiasm. "Hello there!"
Kagome tried not to winch at the woman's gusto. Right now, there was nothing to be happy about. Not in her world anyway. She fought the urge to scream and cry at the women, but that would do no good. Alas, the urge was still there as she steeled herself and shook off the gloomy thoughts, forcing that weak smile before speaking. "Hi. I have a five o'clock appointment."
The sound of the keyboard echoed off the decorated walls while the receptionist looked at her screen. "Higurashi Kagome?" she asked, her enthusiasm dimmed considerably as her gaze left the computer, and a sad sympathetic smile flashed her way.
The change in the woman's bubbly demeanor had Kagome biting her razor tongue. She didn't want this stranger gazing at her as if she were some damaged goods. "Yes," Kagome confirmed through gritted teeth, her ponytail swishing about like a cat's tail flicking in agitation.
Either the receptionist didn't notice the teen's reaction, or she was so used to it by now because she just flashed her another sad smile and motioned to the empty seats. "Have a seat, and I will let her know you are here." She said before her attention shifted to the ringing phone.
Kagome moved to sit in one of the stiff chairs as she waited to be called into the office. It wasn't long before the receptionist announced that the therapist was ready to see her and that she could go in.
Once inside, Kagome was immediately greeted by her mother-in-law. "Hello, Kagome." The older woman motioned towards the empty couch with a kind and familiar smile. "Come have a seat."
Moving rather reluctantly into the room, the young mother sat nervously on the edge of the seat. "Hi, Izayoi." She returned, smoothing out the skirt she had thrown on in haste.
"It's been a couple of days since we last spoke. How have you been feeling?" Izayoi asked, pulling out what looked to be a pen and a notepad and moving to the empty chair across the way.
How had she been feeling? Not much of anything other than the overwhelming amount of grief. "Tired. Sad." She admitted, cheeks puffing with the heavy exhale. "Times where all I want to do is stay in bed and bury within the covers." Her gaze slightly pooled before she blinked them away.
"I see." Her mother-in-law commented as she jotted the information down. "But you don't?" Izayoi asked, glancing up from the page.
Gently shrugging, Kagome's voice wavered for a second before she reigned it in. "I have my moments. Sesshōmaru and Malakai help keep me moving, though."
"How have your mate and son been since the loss?" questioned the older woman.
"We've been trying to keep it as normal as we can around Malakai. He seems to be doing okay." The teen divulged, her blue eyes drifting to the open window then back. "As for Sesshōmaru, I'm not sure how he is feeling about it. His focus has been on me and how I've been dealing with the loss."
"Yes, Sesshōmaru tends to keep certain emotions to himself and slowly process them." Izayoi agreed. "Give him time, and I'm sure he will speak with you about it. He might be afraid to bring it up to you."
That very well may be true. With her emotions being so unstable, it was no wonder he hadn't brought it up. "I don't blame him. I have been rather emotional." She confessed, suddenly feeling terrible for how she had been treating her mate. This was all her fault, just like everything else. Swiftly as the tears prior had gone away, they returned with an overwhelming vengeance.
Izayoi held out a box of tissues while she soothingly agreed. "That is understandable. You have been through a lot. Like we have talked about, it is going to take time."
"I know, but it just really hurts." Kagome cried into her tissue-clad hands. The rest of the appointment was filled with fragmented sentences and mournful sobs.
After the emotional and exhausting appointment, Kagome popped into the restroom to splash some cool water on her face and make herself as presentable as she could be at the moment. Dapping her damp cheek gently with a paper towel, she took a few deep breaths before tossing the now balled-up paper in the wastebasket and hurrying out the door.
"How was your appointment?" asked Sesshōmaru as soon as she got settled into the car.
"It was okay." She said with a slow shrug and a tired sigh. "She said that eventually, she would like you to join us." Her teeth digging anxiously into her bottom lip as she waited for his response.
His answer shouldn't have surprised her, but it did nonetheless. "When the time comes that she calls for me, then I will do so." He reached out to wrap her hand in his and gave it a gentle squeeze. The action brought tears to her eyes, and Kagome had to blink them away before she started another round of crying.
Hankering to get the emotional experience out of her mind, Kagome quickly changed the subject. "How was the visit with your father? What did he want?" This morning Sesshōmaru had gotten a call from his dad wanting him to come in and talk.
Sesshōmaru followed the flow of traffic and snorted loudly. "It was tolerable. He wanted to discuss setting up a trust fund for Malakai. I told him it wasn't necessary, but he would not hear of it."
"They are just both excited to be grandparents. I'm sure he meant well, love." She tried to reason with her stubborn mate, squeezing his hand as he had done for her.
Another snort emanated from the yōkai, his fingers tapped against the steering wheel. "Father always means well." He drily stated as he turned down a street.
A witty retort hung on the tip of her tongue before she bit it back when she noticed the change in scenery. "Hey, this isn't the way home. Where are you taking us?" She asked, her brow crinkling in confusion.
He flashed her one of those cheeky grins he saves just for her and their son. "You will see," quipped the inuyōkai mysteriously.
They drove through the concrete jungle, stopping by a drive-thru tea station to get drinks and some melon pan for Kagome, then began to travel up winding roads. It took a few minutes before Kagome recognized where they were going. "We're going to that spot, right?. The one where we talked months ago."
"Yes. It is a place that brings me some peace." He admitted, not bothering to take his eyes off the road and missing the bittersweet expression from his mate.
Peace. It was not something Kagome had felt since the night of the miscarriage. Just the thought caused her vision to blur with unshed tears, and her chest felt like it had been ripped wide open to ooze for all the world to see. She pushed back the tears and silently began to pick at her melon pan as they drove to the secluded lookout.
Soon they approached the landing, pulling into a space to park. Sesshōmaru said nothing as they watched the city below.
Kagome eyed the skyline taking in the smell of the foliage around them. The scent reminded her of the yōkai sitting next to her. It was comforting and relaxing all at the same time. She realized just what her mate had meant about this place bringing peace. The second the thought surfaced, she instantly felt a large amount of guilt. Izayoi had told her that this would happen, and it was completely normal. Even so, Kagome's heart warred with her mind. How could she feel at peace after losing a part of herself that night?
The teen fell back against the seat; a tired sigh tumbled from her lips. "How can I feel so much at peace one minute and terribly heartbroken the next?" She softly asked, her eyes closing to keep the sudden rush of tears at bay.
"Grief is different for everyone." Her mate's voice echoed in the enclosed space cause the teen's eyes to spring open and gaze over at the yōkai while he continued to speak. "I won't lie. The wound of loss eventually heals over, but it is never truly gone. It leaves a scar."
"What happens should the wound run deep?" She softly questioned, her blue eyes trailing back to the scene below.
Silence filled the cab for a few beats as the yōkai thought over what his mate had said. "It takes longer to heal, and you will have moments when it will bleed." He finally revealed being unusually open with his emotional scars.
Her gaze left the concrete jungle and traveled back to her mate. "I cannot imagine how you dealt with the loss of your mother at such a young age." The words spilled forth before she could stop them.
He said nothing for a few minutes, and Kagome wondered if she had crossed the line. She knew his mother, and her death was a touchy subject.
"It was difficult at first, especially since it had just been my mother and me for years. One minute she was here, then the next, I was in a whole new environment with a father I barely had seen, a woman calling herself my stepmother when the only mother I wanted was no longer around, and a sibling I most positively did not want. The transition was jarring, to say the least, and slowed down my grieving process considerably. Eventually, though, I adjusted, and it helped that my stepmother was a grief therapist." He admitted, a small smile curling at the thought of the woman who had stepped into his mother's steed and taken care of him like he was her own.
A smile graced the small teen as her mind drifted to the woman who wrapped her mate in motherly love, even when he didn't seem to want it. "She is something else, isn't she?" Kagome stated, giggling some as her gaze drifted to the sky to watch the birds fly back and forth for a few seconds before turning back to her yōkai.
"That she is." He said, reaching out to grab her hand and weave their fingers together.
"I love you." She whispered, giving his large hand a gentle squeeze and a dopey grin.
Sesshōmaru pulled their enclosed hands up so that he could kiss hers tenderly before he spoke. "As do I, Love."
They sat there in the comfortable silence for some time, taking in the view of concrete and the dense forestry around them. When the sun began to sink, Sesshōmaru gave a stretch, then reached for the keys and started the car. "We should be going. You have all that makeup homework to finish, and I have to start supper."
Kagome blew a raspberry, her pink tongue appearing quickly then dipping back passed her rosy lips. "Ugh." She cried. "Why don't I just help you instead?"
He sent her a look that she recognized as of late; the one where he wasn't giving in no matter how much she grumbled. "I do not require any assistance. You will rest and start on your homework before you are too far behind."
Her mate wasn't wrong. She did need to dive into the mound of makeup work no matter how much she wanted to crawl into bed and sleep away the sadness. Unfortunately, life doesn't freeze when something terrible happens, and it would do no good to fall behind. That would only add to loads of stress already around. Kagome heaved loudly and caved to reason. "Fine. I'll work on homework." Her face twisted unpleasantly at the thought. "What about Malakai?" she asked seconds later.
"That is why I require no assistance." He said with a flash of pearly whites. "The pup and I will be making tonight's meal."
Awe. Her demons were taking care of her yet again. Now she couldn't possibly argue with her mate on the matter. "Okay." Replied the teen, smiling when something came to mind. "Do you think we can have Kuri Gohan and grilled Sanma?" The yummy chestnut rice and grilled swordfish sounded so good right now.
"Of course. As long as you don't care if we run to the store to pick up the ingredients." He said, backing carefully out of the overlook.
"Heck yeah." She cheered, practically bouncing with excitement. "It beats doing homework."
The inuyōkai barked loudly and shook his silver head. "You still have to do homework once we return." He pointed out while driving slowly down the bluff side.
"You are such a killjoy. You know that, don't you?" sniffed the young mother, crossing her arms over her chest and huffed and puffed in annoyance.
"So I have been told," quipped the yōkai, his lips twitching with amusement at the sight of his mate pouting in her seat. She sent him a glare which only caused the demon to laugh aloud. Sesshōmaru chuckled some more but was secretly glad that his mate was feeling something other than sorrow. He would rather have his mate annoyed with him than sad about the loss of their pup. They would survive this. They just
