Aiden

So the next day I bring my sketchbook along. I spread the blanket and sit down. Jack puts down the tools he brought and looks at them meticulously.

“Forgot something?” I ask.

“Yes,” Jack nods thoughtfully.

“What?”

Instead of answering, he kisses me.

“This,” he smiles. And we're kissing for several minutes. Then Jack pulls himself back and gets up from the rug. It irritates me a little. Since Jack and I have been sharing these feelings, I discovered another side of me I didn't know before. I like seeing Jack's desire, and I want to tease him a little more to make sure once again that the feeling is mutual.

I take off my shirt. I'm certainly not as cut as Jack, but I'm younger. Although I can't bare my torso as casually as he did. Instantly feeling uncomfortable, I quickly turn away. Jack asks me to give him a wrench.

“This one?” I poke my finger at the nearest one.

“Yes,” Jack replies. I suspect a catch, but I still come closer. Of course Jack does not need the wrench, he grabs me in his arms and leaves traces of hands on me. He puts me on the blanket and unbuttons my pants. I do the same with his pants, but again with much less certainty.

Yes, naturally, I have masturbated, but I have never done it to anyone else, and no one has done it to me. This is something new in my life again. And again it happens with Jack.

Jack opens his hand, though I needed a little more. He kisses me on the stomach, and then sinks lower.

This is also the first time.

It feels like I'm losing one virginity after another with Jack.

I haven't even really thought about such things...

I don't know how to do it right...

I can not think…

I can not…

I…

I'm trying to catch my breath. I'm trying to come to my senses. Jack is still above me, he takes my hand in his.

“Sit on top,” he says. I will burn with shame. He sees me from head to toe.

“Won't it be easier like this?”Jack smiles. Is he kidding? But I want him to feel as good as I do. So I bend over and kiss him, continuing to move my hand. When Jack reaches orgasm, I have a strange feeling of pleasure that it's because of me.

And yet... I'm not at ease, I'm nervous. Quickly pull on my T-shirt and pants. But Jack is in no hurry. It looks like he dozed off. I watch as he breathes in and out, and I can't believe that I can touch him all over. His neck, collarbone, arms...

That I can easily slide my fingers from his chin along his entire body just like that.

Oh no... I can't...

I try to cover him with his T-shirt, and Jack opens his eyes.

Why is everything so simple for him?

Jack gets dressed and walks to the car, his smile and glance convince me that he is not offended by anything. And I'm glad.

I get down to my sketches.

But I'm somehow ashamed to show them to Jack...

I draw people mainly. I love the beauty of the human body. And I haven't seen that many bodies. No wonder that now all my thoughts are hovering around Jack's body...

Working with Jack doesn't even seem hard to me, we spend every day together, and it seems to me that we are getting closer and closer. In his presence, I do not feel that social awkwardness when there is nothing to talk about with a person. My awkwardness is different. It is because I have too much to talk or keep quiet about. And, well, because I can't look at him calmly.

In my opinion, this is officially my first love...

Well, I have good taste for sure...

We work late in the stable. Then Jack goes to his house and returns from there with a pack of beer. Together we go behind the barn.

“But I'm underage,” I try to argue.

“First of all, we are at home, and there is no police here, and secondly, if you don't want – don't drink. I'm not going to force you or anything.” Jack smiles and opens the bottle. I also take one.

I haven't drunk before. Tried beer a couple of times, I didn't like it. But with Jack, things work out differently.

I absentmindedly watch the ladybug crawling up my leg, and I say to Jack:

“You see, for it my leg is the whole world. If I crush it now or throw it somewhere, it will practically see the will of God. And this does not happen in our life.”

Jack nods back.

My thoughts are getting blurred, turning into spots of color. I want to tell him so much...

“You're very handsome, Jack,” I say. I thought alcohol strips me off the embarrassment, but no... “I never thought that someone like you could like someone like me.”

Jack place a kiss on my temple.

“You are very handsome yourself, Aiden.”

“You really think so?”

“Of course. Can't you see you're driving me crazy?”

It’s his answer that drives me crazy. But I feel bitter. Memories feel freer in a drunken head.

“Well... My father... said I was a filthy brat. And... my mother said that no one could love someone like me.”

Why am I saying this? I thought that I no longer have this pain inside. But it's there. Always was. And I can’t hold back the tears.

“Hey, hey,” Jack tries to turn my face. “Look at me, Aiden. Come on. Look at me.”

He wipes my tears away.

"Are you listening to me, Aiden? You're driving me crazy. I am not kidding. Every day I can hardly control myself, so much I want you.”

How can he say that?

Now he seems to be a perfect person... With a perfect face, body, heart and soul. How he cares about me, how he supports me, how... he loves...

I fall asleep on his shoulder. And I had no idea how much I wanted it. Because at that moment I felt the most boundless trust.

Jack is trying to wake me up. And I can't understand whether my eyes are open or not, pitch darkness stands around.

“I had such a strange dream,” I say as Jack leads me God knows where. “You sang me a song... um...”

Yeah, it was "Dreamer", I start humming it in a discordant voice, and, oddly enough, Jack sings along with me.

As I said, the perfect person.