We slept until the sun was well up. Ayamin wouldn’t let me leave the tent. She clung to me. 

‘Just stay here.’ she said, hugging herself to my body.

‘But… aren’t you hungry?’ I asked.

She shook her head, ‘I feel sort of sick. Besides… you’re always hungry.’

I touched Aya’s forehead. It wasn’t particularly hot. But I decided my stomach could wait. I leant my head back on the pillow. Ayamin half smiled, but it looked a little sad. She squeezed up to me and kissed me on the mouth.

‘I love you.’

It wasn’t long until she was asleep again.

As hard as I tried to shut my eyes, I couldn’t join her. Instead I lay awake and stared at the seams of our tent. I decided they needed repairing. They were fine in the sun, but there were small tears where rain would leak through. 

My stomach growled and I tried to focus on the tent. We had no food left in our packs – we’d been meaning to buy some when we hit North Macedonia. 

A tap on the side of our tent interrupted my thought train. 

I checked Ayamin, saw she was still asleep and slipped my arm out from under her. Gently I unzipped the front door of our tent. There stood a wrinkled Syrian woman with a child squirming in her arms. 

‘Hello,’ she said in Arabic.

‘Hello.’

She nodded, and then said a sentence too fast for me to get the whole of it.

The two words I did manage to understand were ‘food’ and ‘want?’ and my stomach was rumbling and that was all I needed to know. 

‘Yes! Akeed.’ 

The woman grinned and pointed in the direction of a tent just opposite us. I spun around and shook Ayamin slightly. 

‘Aya, food.’ 

When she didn’t move, I shook her a little more urgently.

She let out a moan, ‘I’m okay. Danny, you go and eat something.’

I peered out of the tent, ‘It’s not far…’

But Ayamin just pulled the blanket over her head, ‘I’m fine. Go!’

I slipped out of our tent and went to join the woman. She gestured to her daughter who was mixing flour and water together. Around us sat a group of excited skinny kids, they all had sticks and were talking and laughing over top of each other. 

The woman smiled at me then grabbed one of her grandsons by his collar, spoke in his ear, then pushed him in my direction. 

The little boy glanced up at me then lowered his eyes, ‘Hello good sirs,’ he said in a very English accent, ‘Grandma wants to know what you is doing here.’

I nodded to the little boy, ‘I’m walking to England.’

The boy turned and told the old lady who seemed to take it as a fair reason. She pointed to where the flour and water were being rolled into a sticky dough and began speaking in Arabic. 

The boy looked up at me, ‘Grandma says you must eat with us, but first you must find a stick.’

I thanked the little boy and his grandma with a smile and a bow. The group of boys who’d gathered around the tent pulled me towards the woods for a ‘stick hunt’.

We ended up climbing a smooth tree so high that we could see the whole camp. 

While the view from above was no less brown, I could see slightly over the Macedonian border and the green, green trees and fields over there gave me hope.  

I also spotted a small stream near our camp, refugees in boots were drawing water from it into pots for their campfires. 

As the boys ran back to their tent, I stopped by Winnie the Pooh and checked up on Aya. As I unzipped the door, I heard her roll over. She lay on her side with her eyes shut. 

‘Ayamin?’ I said, ‘Hey Aya.’ She didn’t move so I poked her with my stick, ‘Hey lazy bones.’

She groaned and stretched as she looked at me, ‘What is it?’

‘Are you doubly, triply sure you don’t want any? They’re mixing up dough and we’re going to roast it over a fire with sticks – it’s like camping.’

Aya groaned, ‘I’m good – I feel like I’m already getting the full camping experience.’

I laughed, then crawled over and kissed her cheek, ‘I won’t be long.’

She shook her head, ‘Be long. Enjoy yourself.’

I raced out of our tent and back to the fire. Even Ayamin couldn’t keep my stomach away from that baked dough. I stood in line with the little boys, each of us groaning and drooling in anticipation. 

The woman who’d kneaded the dough wrapped some around the stick I’d found, then the grandma walked up to her and said something in Arabic, the woman loaded it up a little more. 

It was starting to get dark by the time we toasted our dough over the fire. I realised that I hadn’t eaten all day and had to fight my stomach not to eat the raw dough there and then. 

When it was cooked the wait was more than worth it though. The hot substance filled my stomach and brought a smile to each of our faces. The grandma sat back, eating her portion with a content smile.

She turned to the boy who’d spoken to me before and said something. 

He stuffed the last piece of his bread in his mouth and spoke through it, ‘Grandma says the family is fed, her job today is finished.’

I gazed into the woman’s eyes, ‘Thank you.’

Grandma smiled, she spoke to the boy again.

‘Grandma is worried about the girl who shares tent with you. The mud gets to people – makes them sleepy all the time.’

I frowned, ‘How long have you been here?’ 

The boy counted on his fingers, ‘Maybe two months… We get cold sometimes and sick sometimes… but Grandma keeps us going.’

I nodded and looked up at the woman, ‘Thanks for your food.’

The bread was still warm in my hands as I walked back to our tent. I could’ve eaten the whole thing ten times over, but I held myself back, I’d saved half for Ayamin. 

I unzipped the door and crawled into our tent. Ayamin lay on her back staring up at the ceiling. She smiled at me, ‘Hey Danny.’

I held the bread in my palms. Presenting it to her like it was a golden ring. 

‘We cooked it on sticks over the fire,’ I said. 

Aya smiled again and broke off just a small piece, she put it between her lips and gently chewed, she nodded, then wrapped her arms around me, ‘Thanks Danny.’

‘You want more?’ I asked, staring at the lump still in my hand. 

She shook her head.

‘But… are you sure?’ I whispered, my stomach was already beginning to growl. 

‘I’m sure,’ she laughed, ‘Go on, eat it Danny.’

‘Don’t do this to me,’ I held it out to her and shut my eyes, ‘Please, eat it Ayamin.’

‘Danny…’ she broke off a piece of bread and put it in my mouth, ‘I can’t eat any more. It’s yours.’

That was all the encouragement I needed, that bread was gone in half a minute and I lay back, already feeling guilty. 

‘Are you sure you don’t want anything?’ I asked, ‘You haven’t really eaten.’

Ayamin shook her head, then stopped, ‘Actually there is something I need,’ she said, a grin touching on her face. 

‘What’s that?’

She nibbled at my ear, ‘I need you to love me Danny.’

‘But I do!’

She laughed, then kissed my mouth, she tasted sweet, ‘But not enough.’ 

Ayamin slowly pushed up my t-shirt and began to kiss my chest. I groaned and grinned all in one, Ayamin lay flat on my chest.

‘Do you think we could stay like this forever?’ she said

I kissed her again, ‘Mmmh… I don’t know I think I’d get hungry.’

She giggled, ‘We’ve got everything we need right here.’

I laughed. 

I thought she was joking.

****

The next morning, I woke with Ayamin’s arms wrapped around me, and my stomach groaning like sailors about to mutiny.

I yawned and peered out the door of the tent, there was a thick wall of rain clouds approaching us. 

‘Aya,’ I said, touching her face. 

Her warm body shifted and her arms clung to me a little tighter, ‘I’m sleeping.’

‘Come on Aya, if you stay in bed much longer, you’ll never leave.’ 

She groaned, ‘That’s the plan.’

I laughed, then I remembered the stream running alongside the camp I’d seen yesterday. 

With Ayamin protesting I slipped myself out of her arms, and half stood – which is about all you could do in the Winnie the Pooh tent. 

I reached down and lifted Ayamin like a bride. 

‘What are you doing?’ she said as I lifted her through the door and walked with her down the rows of tents.

I just gave a little smile, then as we neared the stream, she began to scream, ‘No, no Danny, no please…’

I held her over it and she clung to my chest, ‘Please… I’ll come out of the tent, I’ll make you fresh omelettes every morning, I’ll love you until the day I die…’

I cocked my head to the side, ‘Hmmm… very appealing… but…’

I opened my arms and Ayamin fell into the stream, it wasn’t particularly cold, but it was rather wet, I stood on the side laughing, and waited for her to drag me in. 

But when she surfaced Ayamin was quiet, she didn’t yell, just heaved herself onto the bank and began to cry.