The trial was set for two weeks from the day we’d been found. It was a quick turnaround as far as the legal system was concerned, but then again there wasn’t much to Ayamin’s case. 

They had to decide whether she would be allowed to stay in England and claim refugee status, or whether she’d be sent ‘back’ to where she came from – although no one was entirely sure where that was. 

While having a roof over my head was great at first, I got progressively lonelier and more bored over the first two days in my cell. My guard only spoke in two-word bursts, but sadly these short conversations were the highlight of my day. 

The guard pulled open a screen on my door.

‘Visitor’s coming.’

I sat up on my bed, saw his face and dull eyes peering at me from behind the screen, ‘What?’

He sighed as if the extra words were a burden, ‘A visitor – wants to – see you.’ 

‘Is it Ayamin?’ I asked. 

The man just shrugged, ‘Can’t say.’

‘When’s she coming?’

‘Midday tomorrow.’

As I went to ask another question the screen slid back into place. I shrugged and lay back on my bed, it had to be Ayamin, who else would want to see me? 

That night I dreamt about a rural English road, complete with hedgerows, and little robins flying about. I imagined the two of us walking along it, the pack sitting high on my back. We picked dark blackberries and raspberries and ate them and talked. 

 It’s funny the things you miss, there had been so many times where I’d wished that we could at least stay somewhere warm for a night. 

Yet there I was dreaming about the road once more. 

****

I woke early – a big mistake. After a yawn, I did some push ups, some squats and was able to get five lunges in across my cell. I thought that maybe when I was out, I’d start a petition for border security offices to get board games or a weights machine. 

Midday came around slowly. I waited on the floor with my legs crossed like I was back in school. Eventually, my guard knocked on the door and uttered a solemn, ‘Stand up.’

I followed him down the corridor. A grin swept my face. The guard pulled open the door of a meeting room and held it open.

‘Don’t be – too long,’ he said.

I walked into the room. The door closed with a metallic squeak behind me and the smile fell from my face. 

There, sitting on the opposite chair was Judge Streisand – the same woman who had decided I should go to Syria. 

 

I stared at her, not quite believing what I was seeing.

She gave a courtroom smile, ‘Hello Danny.’

There was a seat in front of me, I fumbled my way into it and breathed out a sigh, ‘You’re the last person I was expecting.’

Streisand grinned for a moment, then her face took on a business-like look. 

‘From what I hear you’ve had quite an adventure.’

‘You can say that again.’

‘And look where it’s left you now.’ She gestured to the metal walls around her, ‘Was it worth it Danny? All that trouble you’ve caused, the money that’s been spent trying to find you, the hundreds of newspapers and television screens with your face on them. Does it feel like it’s worth it?’

I stared at her face; it was older than I remembered it. I could see wrinkles there, or maybe it was just that the light in court was less intense. I nodded my head. 

‘It was worth it.’

‘Explain that to me….’

I leant back and ran a hand through my hair

‘From as far back as I can remember I’ve sort of wandered through life. You saw me. I had no purpose.’

I took a sip of water from the cup beside me. 

‘With Ayamin I suddenly had a direction for my energy and my thoughts. I was helping this girl reach her dream, even if part of that dream was the shitty London suburbs I grew up in.’ I held out my hands, ‘So what if I go to jail, I was heading there anyway. At least now I have a good reason for being locked up.’

Streisand stared at me in silence. My throat was feeling raspy again and I took another sip of the water.

‘I spoke to Donna before I came over,’ Streisand said, ‘She’s doing okay, but it’s hard finding another job.’ 

I went to speak but Streisand held up her hand, ‘She lost her job because of your little stunt… These things you’ve done have a wider reach than you could possibly imagine.’

I lowered my head a little, imagining the sweet woman who’d looked after us standing in line for an unemployment cheque. The thought wasn’t a nice one.

Streisand took a deep breath, ‘Still, I think if it was her sitting in front of you right now instead of me, she’d forgive you if she heard what you’d said.’

The judge’s face lightened, ‘It doesn’t make much sense to me, but Donna said she cried when she listened to your radio interview – and I imagine she wasn’t the only one.’

I cocked my head as Streisand continued.

‘You may not realise it just yet, but both you and Ayamin have attained celebrity status. In just under two weeks her fate is to be decided in court,’ she pulled up a list of names on her phone, ‘I called in there on my way to see you and all of the media spots have been booked out. Whatever happens to Ayamin the world will be watching.’

‘They have to let her stay then, don’t they?’ I asked, ‘She just wants to live here.’

Streisand shook her head, ‘Not all publicity is good publicity. This trial’s got very political.’

I scrolled through the list – there were big names. The BBC, Guardian, CNN.

‘There are people saying it’s a good lesson on why we should have open borders, while others argue that the public interest shouldn’t sway the result and that she’s been known to associate with criminals, namely yourself.’

I blinked, ‘What can I do?’

‘You can’t do a thing – at least not in this cell… but speaking with you today I can see your heart is in the right place Danny,’ she nodded to me, ‘I will not help you with your own trial, as far as I’m concerned you deserve what you get – but I will help you with Ayamin.’

She glanced at the door of the interview room and back at me, ‘Do you pray Danny?’

‘What? Oh… no, not really.’ 

‘Well, maybe it’s time you start… There’s a chapel here. Inmates can use it on Sundays at around midday…’ she winked, ‘Maybe you should give it a go.’ 

‘I will.’

I reached over the table to hug her. Streisand went rigid, but eventually, she wrapped her arms around me. 

‘Why?’ I asked, ‘Why are you helping her?’

Streisand stepped back, straightened her jacket, then held up her finger, ‘This is not to be repeated to anyone, ever.’

She looked into my eyes and sighed, ‘Because maybe I was one of the people who cried during your radio interview.’

****

It was another four days before I saw anyone. In that time, I had twelve meals, did 384 push ups, countless lunges, and worried like crazy.  

Sunday arrived, and sure enough, I was able to visit the chapel.

Kneeling in front of the cross reminded me of Graeme and Briancon. I thought about waiting at the church there and how I always seemed to be waiting for Ayamin. 

I felt a faint breeze on the back of my neck as the chapel door opened. It’s my guard, I thought and kept staring up at the cross, trying to prolong my time away from the cell.

The footsteps stopped beside me… They didn’t sound like the guard’s boots. 

‘I’ve been looking for you.’

The familiar voice shocked me to my feet. When I spun it was Donna.

The former Red Cross leader seemed to have shrunk since I’d seen her last. She had dark patches around her eyes, and her skin seemed pale. 

‘So…’ she said, her tone hard, bordering on bitter, ‘You were coming back to England all along.’

‘I’m sorry,’ I backed away a step, ‘I shouldn’t have left – at least not the way I did.’

‘We looked for you for months Danny, the police forces of five countries helped search for you.’

‘I’m sorry,’ I repeated, ‘I wish it had been different.’

‘You left for some girl,’ she held her hands in the air, ‘For love??’

I watched as her mouth moved into a smile.

‘I was more worried than angry Danny.’  She shook her head, ‘You’re young. You did something stupid for a good reason.’

From her pocket, she pulled out a small black box and flipped it open. Inside was a diamond ring that seemed to shine in the chapel light. 

I shifted my gaze from the ring to Donna, and back to the ring again.

‘It’s mine,’ Donna whispered, ‘It’s been ten years since my hubby passed away,’ she pulled the ring from its box, and studied it, ‘This lump of metal hasn’t seen the light very much since then… but in ten minutes we’re going to use it to help save Ayamin.’ 

Donna looked at me and held out the ring.

‘This is your choice Danny – but the judge for Ayamin’s case is hard on migrants. Her being married to a citizen could be the best shot we have of keeping her in the country.’

The diamond flashed in the light.

‘Woah… that’s the plan?’

She nodded, ‘We’re not certain it can save her. But it’s all we’ve got.’

 ‘I wish I could’ve proposed properly,’ I said, ‘She deserves better.’ 

I reached out and took the ring. The moment it was in my hand Donna wrapped me up in a bear hug.

‘You both do,’ she said, ‘You both deserve so much more.’

The emotion in her voice made my throat go dry. Her hands were warm on my back and I felt like other kids must feel when they hug their mum. All sense of toughness disappeared. My legs felt weak. 

The doors to the chapel flew open, and Judge Streisand’s voice cut through the space, ‘We are running behind schedule.’

I stepped back from Donna and looked to Streisand, next to her stood Ayamin.

Ayamin looked like a pale crying angel. 

I ran. She met me in the middle. Our arms locked around each other. Her face felt just right as it brushed mine. My hands clung to her. 

‘Alright… alright…’ Judge Streisand said with just a hint of a smile, ‘If we hang around too long the guards will start to think we’re up to something.’

She marched to the front of the chapel and pulled out two pieces of paper from the book under her arm. Ayamin took one, I got the other.

‘Sign these – they’re supposed to be done after the marriage, but I’ve got a feeling we won’t have time.’

As I scrawled my details across the form, I snuck a glance at Ayamin. 

‘How are you doing?’

She shrugged, kept her pen in motion. 

‘I miss you Danny, god I’m lonely.’

‘Me too,’ I breathed in… ‘I really wish we could do this properly.’

She nodded and lifted her eyes to mine. 

‘This might not be enough to let me stay. By next week I could be sent to another country. It’s not the way most marriages go, but Danny I’m going to try make the most of it.’ 

She reached out and held my hand. Her arm shook slightly. 

‘I love you Danny.’ 

‘I love you Ayamin.’

Streisand took our signed sheets and flipped open her book. 

‘Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today…’

Judge Streisand moved through the wedding like a steamroller. Her court skills seemed to come to the forefront. Half an hour later and Ayamin was kissing me as we left the chapel. She was crying, I was crying, Donna was crying. 

I swear Streisand wiped away a tear as she reminded everyone that unless we stopped blabbering the plan would be discovered. 

‘Keep your hands in your pockets when you’re walking to court, and for goodness sake try not to give the guards any indication.’

We all nodded, and still Ayamin clung to me. Her grip was so strong and yet so frail all at the same time. As we held each other I ran my thumb along her cheek, wiping away the tears that sat there. 

‘We’re going to be okay Ayamin,’ I said, ‘And when all of this is done. We’ll be free.’

She pushed her forehead into my chest and cried some more. I kissed the top of her head as my throat turned dry and tears slid down my cheeks.

Then the guards were there, splitting us apart, and telling Judge Streisand and Donna that their time was up and they needed to leave, NOW. 

‘I love you Danny,’ Ayamin called as we were walked our separate ways. 

****

The rest of the week was hell. The moment my guards left I began to cry. At first, I cried because of Ayamin and the fact I’d been able to touch and hold her, then I cried because I wouldn’t see her until the trial. 

Days passed slowly, by the fourth I’d walked 12,000 paces, done 253 push ups and 706 squats. I was bored, and I was worrying. 

In my life I’d never been depressed before. But in those three days leading up to the trial, I stopped eating, I couldn’t sleep. All I could think about was Ayamin’s face. What it would look like if her dreams were crushed. I thought about never seeing her again. I had no idea where they’d take her if she was barred entry. 

It seemed everything we’d been working to achieve over the past few months had been for nothing. All that walking, fighting, and surviving. 

I wanted to die. But also, I wanted to see Ayamin again. Our plan gave me one sliver of hope. It wasn’t much, but it was enough. 

****

On the day of Ayamin’s trial, I woke up beside the toilet. Bits of spew flecked the toilet bowl from where I’d thrown up the night before. 

‘English food,’ I groaned, ‘Oh how I’ve missed you.’

As wrinkled pieces of potato disappeared down the drain, I rested my hands on my knees and took a good look at myself in the bathroom tiles. 

I’ve broken the law and almost been to juvie, I’ve travelled far, worked in a hospital, and fallen in love. I’ve crossed the Aegean on a life-raft, stolen lemoni in Greece, snuck into Macedonia, and ridden freight trains through the night. 

I’ll probably never finish high school, I can work well with my hands, and after this, I’ll have at least half a year in jail to decide what sort of job I want when I get out.

I’d lived a bloody good life over the last couple months and after everything I’d been through the thought of jail didn’t scare me the way it once had. I knew who I was and what I believed in. 

The only thing that matters to me at this moment is whether Ayamin is allowed into the country – that’s what I’m going to tell the judge today.