My heart will solely beat for you (1)

I am called Mark. I specifically wrote my name here since I didn't have other people to tell this one.

As a sickly boy, I had to stay in the hospital. Its really tiring to see the plain white walls of my ward, there wasn't much of an entertainment I can look forward inside here. The television planted on the upper corner of the wall in front of my bed would sometimes relieve me of this boredom, but having watched the cartoon channel for many times, I realized that some episodes would repeat and having seen I already...It was not exciting as the first. 

I could only look outside from the windows that was located on the side of my room, watching those healed children play in the play ground not too far from here. I envy how they can freely run around, I want to be like them too, playing and busking on the bright gold sun. 

The nurse specially taking care of me once told me that these kids used to be sickly like me; however they were now healed after performing surgeries and taking the right amount of medicine. Due to this, I was motivated to go have my surgeries and drink my medicines but.. It has been two years since she told me that, and another two years of suffering had been added in my life instead of ending. 

I confronted my nurse yesterday and asked her,"Nurse Maria, how come I had to yet heal like them?" 

She looked at me with her brows furrowed and smiled faintly as her head lowered. "It's because your sickness is more strong than theirs, but I know that Mark would definitely survive through this!" 

I listened to the words she had to say, to be honest, I felt better upon hearing the later half of her words but some how..I felt much bitter than before.

"Oh, okay." I said grasping my tiny hand that was placed in my chest. I really wish that every suffering of mine would end...I really dont know how come this perfectly beating heart of mine ended up in a sick mess. 

"Aw, it'll be soon over, Mark." Nurse Maria raised her pale hand and I felt my hair being patted. Although I didn't like It, it pretty much calmed me Down. 

I raised my head and smiled at her. Nurse Maria dazedly removed her hand from my hair as she muttered, "Such a cute child." Before standing up and walking out of the room. 

Cute..? Ahh, I really could say that I, myself was a cute child. I have fluffy blonde hair and I am slightly paled, my eyes were a little large, occupying in it where blue eyes where lightings sparked like little stars. I have set of very long eyelashes too, it made me seem a bit feminine but it definitely made me pretty cute. 

I heard that this beauty of mine is very rare, my neighbors once told me that I must be a superstar in the near future. Although that profession sounded quite cool, I have no bit interest on it. 

..My mother visited me, I am quite happy seeing her visiting me. Just like me, she had blonde hair but she had black eyes, different from mine which I inherited from my father. Speaking of my father, that man never visits me ever since he and mother had divorced. I was only two at that time when they decided to break their marriage, it was a sad memory but it was  very long time ago, it has been ten years since, so the cause of their separation was very vague. 

 After divorcing my father, mother began working to ensure that I can be cured. So her visits were not very often, she rarely visits me so this is why happiness was felt. 

"How are you, Mark?" Mother opened the door and went inside my room, she placed her bag on the table as she walked near my bed. Placing her tanned hand on my forehead, she gave me a peck. 

"Im doing fine, mother. How about you?" I asked, tilting my head to the side.

"Mother has been doing quite well, Mark. And mother came here to tell you that..." Retrieving her hand, mother looked at me and then shifted her gaze slightly to the open windows, gazing outside. "...Will Mark be mad if mother remarries?" She turned her head back to me and asked worriedly. 

Remarry...that means I'll have a stepfather, right?

I gazed up and saw that there was a pleading tranquility inside my mother's black obsidian eyes, this meant that she really want to remarry. Thinking about the loneliness she got when she divorced and the helplessness she felt when she worked over time just to pay for my health...I owe her a lot, but she owes me a lot too. She gave birth to me by her own accord, she gave me life and I was born. How I am now is a bit of her fault, but cant I At least give her happiness, which she hoped? As I thought so, I opened my mouth and said, "I won't be mad, mother. Mark promises that I won't have any issues about your remarriage." 

"!!" Mother looked at me with her eyes widened in surprise, "Good child." She kissed me on my cheeks as she stood up going outside. 

I smiled, how wonderful, mother had praised me! 

...Mother did not return, I was kind of worried. It has been a few hours already, where is she?

Ring! 

I heard the telephone ring, hurriedly, I rushed out of my bed and ran towards the table where a wired telephone was located. 

"Hello?" I asked. 

"Mark?" 

A husky old voice spoke out from the line, this voice was very familiar, this one belonged...to Grandfather Wine. 

"Grandpa?" I asked, somewhat unsure. The line shook a little before the same husky old voice replied with a yes. 

"What is it grandpa? Wait, is mother with you?" 

Grandpa Wine seemed to pause for a bit before coughing forcefully, "Mark..I have a very sad news to tell you..." Grandpa said with a hint of sadness. 

"?" 

"What do you mean grandpa?" I asked. 

"Your mother....she ran away with a man and she gave you to us." He answered. 

What? Mother...gave me away?

"that's impossible grandpa! Mother wouldn't do that! She loves me a lot, she even came here a few hours ago!" 

I knew these were lies, I forced myself to believe what he spoke were lies. Mother really couldn't afford to give me away, she couldn't, right?

"If that's what you chose to believe." Grandpa wine said, depressed ,as he hanged up the call.

I smiled, ignorant about how tears began to fall into my cheeks like a waterfall. Mother...how could you?! I just gave you an answer regarding your remarriage but what's with tho elopement? Afraid of having your new husband find out you have a son from the past marriage?! 

Hahaha...

I never felt this angry before.

My chest..it really hurts. 

I rubbed my red rimmed eyes using the back of my hand while the other hand pressed on my chest. I gasped, panting, and exhaling in a uncoordinated manner, it really hurts! I even felt like blood began to surge into my mouth and blood about to splatter. 

Tap.

Quickly, I rushed up and pressed the red button not too far from the table. A series of ringing began to play and I found my vision blur a little. Then I heard a familiar female voice, a white clothed nurse, Maria, rushed to me, carrying me hurriedly and that's all as far as I could remember. 

While sinking into sleep, I had a dozen thoughts surge into my mind. Questions, where answers I hope to find. 

Father...Have you perhaps divorced mother because you fell in love with another? 

Why is human hearts fragile? Where a single wave of affection could make the rest emotions vibrate and end up in an explosion. I have heard a lot of stories saying that people who marry are in love, but a few people told me that marriage is a purgatory of love. 

Fights are frequent, have the two of you fought a lot before? 

How come everything turned like this? Do the two if you love no more?

Mother promised that she'll never leave my side. 

She even cried at that day, wishing to god to make me fine. 

Ah..

Mother, you've changed.

If i ever fell in love in the future, would I be the Same?

"...I felt as if my heart no longer beat faster, as silence surged into my whole person. What hurts more than a gunshot was a blow in the heart, she told me she'll never leave me, but love really changed her a lot."