A few years after taking in Princess, Mahnu had saved her from being taken away from some thugs. The girl was thankful and while Mahnu had treated to her wounds, Princess had said that life is too short to be sad.

Life is short?

Is that why humans act the way they do? Mahnu had thought it over in her mind and found herself accepting that to make a lot of sense.

I am sure that I would be different if I knew I would die one day, she had thought...A lot different…

And to finally know of this, Mahnu remembered thoughts of others close by during times that the humans had panicked. They panicked if they didn’t eat enough, if they were not warm enough, if they weren’t getting in money or if their family members went missing…Was it because their life was short?

They wanted the best of things like…Well, like tomorrow would never come! So…Is that how they think?

That thought had saddened Mahnu so many times already, she had tried to end her existence and here this little girl was, trying so desperately hard to live and be happy.

…The want to live was something she had not felt for a very long time…

And, she was far from being a human, as she didn’t have to worry about food to live or being warm enough. She had her own money and no family members. Having thought that through, Mahnu might have understood something, but at the same time she didn’t understand, because…There was such a difference between them…

 

Mahnu then had wondered if that was why humans feel that it's okay to murder another? Because they are just going to die one day anyway?

She had known humans did have a conscience, she felt it all the time. They worried and regretted just like she did, so if they had killed someone, they would feel bad...Right?

Then, wouldn't it be better just not to kill that person?

Using the reason that they are going to die anyway, is a shallow excuse for killing someone else...Making Mahnu wonder if her opinion of that was too harsh for humans...But it was confusing to her why they still murdered each other…

Through the sufferings, some of the murderers would be smiling, some looking like they would never regret it. Was this the reason?

No! She had thought, I know humans value their lives...But when it comes to other people's lives they do tend to get rather thoughtless. But then, there were plenty of humans that value others life’s above their own, so how could that be it! There must be another reason!

Even with her being able to read thoughts, most of them were clouded with feelings, and Mahnu was even more confused and conflicted. Because…How can emotions led someone’s life like that?

Sure, she had been angry and depressed, but she had never killed anyone because of it…Was it that humans felt like they could though?

It was all…So strange…

 

Mahnu had known that she had not quite understood humans all this time, finding this out with King Maximus. He had indeed scolded her on what their difference of ‘freedom’ was. Remembering that her definition of ‘freedom’ was becoming nothing and to stop the sufferings, yet, he had stated that ‘freedom’ was that of having choice and being able to accomplish an obtainable dream…Mahnu had been sure there was more to it then that, but she had no longer wanted to think about it. It seemed…There was just too much difference between herself and humans and that she may never understand in her entire existence…

…Getting back to thinking of why humans wanted to kill another, she still wondered why they did it…

Was there even a valid reason at all? Perhaps…It’s just something that they did, and that you can’t have one without the other…Yet…

Even if people had killed someone first? Doesn't that just breed an endless cycle of hate through revenge?

I still can't understand the idea of humans killing others at all, Mahnu had thought. Am I being closed minded because I don't want them to suffer like me, or is it so that I can sleep? Is that what selfish desires do, close your mind on other possibilities?

It would make a lot of sense, she thought…That the reason I don’t want them to kill and that I don’t understand why they do it, is because I selfishly don’t want them too…Was that it?

Always, always, questions without answers.

 

Mahnu had sighed then, she had never actually asked any of the humans how they felt about killing other people. Is it even worth asking them, she questioned…

Mahnu had thoughts of a human's death, to another prospect. Especially to how Princess acted.

Humans seemed to want things impatiently, as though tomorrow would never come. They feared being hurt and worried about not getting things done before dying. They don't like being alone and have that natural want to be with someone and reproduce.

Mahnu had been finally opened to these new things and could understand humans just a tiny bit more.

…Even though it made no sense to her…

 

Mahnu had silently wanted to ask Princess what it was that she had desired, seeking to fulfil it.

In which, after some time, the girl answered by herself and that was to grow old with a loved one and have a family. It seemed futile to Mahnu, but she came to the conclusion that she should have expected that kind of response. After understanding that little bit more of humans, she felt silly for not having thought of doing this without being told!

So, after this, Mahnu kept the same distance between them but attempted, through observation, to find a good young man for her. It wasn't easy because Mahnu still refused to use her voice, but she found someone good enough, in her opinion, and introduced them to one another through silent means.

…Then the girl was gone...Married and had two kids.

Mahnu had returned a few times, to see Princess from a far, refusing to admit that she had missed her. She had told herself that she was checking on the husband, to make sure she had chosen correctly, and she had been relieved about her choice. To a certain degree, that was also the truth, because it was through herself that they had met and Mahnu didn’t want something bad happen because of that…But, seeing the Princess smiling and being so…Happy…Mahnu couldn’t help but reminisce over the small times that Princess would smile at her instead.

Was she really happy? Was she better with that man instead of her?

 

As much as she wanted to find fault in the man she had chosen, she couldn’t! He had a job and looked after Princess well, having made Mahnu feel ill at ease for some reason that she couldn’t understand!

She had questioned love and wondered if it was that amazing? To live with someone for the rest of your human life and smile every day? Was it really something that could be gained or were they just acting?

But as much as she tried to find that they were acting…Mahnu found no evidence and saw that it seemed to be true! They were happy!

How could they do it?

Mahnu found it weird, yet for the first time, she knew it was something very common with humans…They wanted to spend their life with someone else…

Not me, she had thought, I'm immortal! A betrayer like me doesn't deserve happiness and...I highly doubt anyone would stay with me for eternity. What could I possibly give someone? I can't have children and with my unchanging look...It just sounds so unrealistic!

 

 

Travelling alone, near a hundred years after Princess had died, Mahnu had met a young boy with angry eyes full of malice. Hearing and feeling the continued thoughts of the boy, his parents were killed in front of him and they had protected him. Mahnu, this time, travelled behind him, whereas with Princess she had travelled alongside. Following the boy silently, which she knew he was heading for revenge, Mahnu left food and stood guard while he slept. Protecting more than nurturing. Mahnu saw the obvious difference between the happy, enduring girl, to the angry, rage filled boy. Princess had seen a lot more of her surroundings, whereas the boy was focused on his one goal.

Mahnu had felt very strange when she found that she could understand the boy more than Princess...Was it because being alone and thinking about ‘death’ was nothing new to her? But is that not normal? She had wondered. Was Princess the strange one, being able to live happily, even through what she had endured...?

The boy had asked once what Mahnu was doing, saying he knew about the food and her staying close by. But Mahnu hadn't spoken and stepped away, out of the boy's sight.

Why am I keeping a distance? she had asked herself. Is it because of the girl? Was I...Lonely after she had left me? That's wrong, she didn't leave me, I left her! And so, even if I am lonely, isn't that what I deserve?

Questions must seize, she had thought, slamming the door shut to her heart once again.

 

The boys anger subsided as he had continued to see Mahnu's sweet, unhindered gestures. They had stayed in an area longer, as he was questioning himself.

Mahnu had understood him the most at that very moment and she knew that the boy was still getting ready to achieve his revenge, nonetheless.

The questions he asked himself where similar to her own. Why did it happen? Have I done something so terribly wrong? Did they deserve that kind of end? Did they have to die?

Mahnu had wanted to ask what he desired to do after he achieved his goal. Would his answer be like mine? She had wondered.

Before long, the boy had stood near the known aggressor's place and said, "I know your here, so come out."

He had said that he was going to get revenge on his family and asked Mahnu if she was going to follow. Mahnu breathed out, closed her eyes and shook her head.

Not stopping him, and his purpose, Mahnu had felt useless to be unable to change it. Was there something else she could have done? There had been already so many regrets in her existence, she didn't want to regret yet another thing.

But yes…This was one of Mahnu’s regrets…

She had let him go, she had not helped him.

Having watched as the boy went into the aggressor’s house ready to feel retribution and accepting death, Mahnu still wished to this day that this past could have been changed…

 

The boy had gotten caught and Mahnu had continued to help him through the bars of his cell, dropping in blankets, water and food.

The boy grew slightly and had talked to Mahnu through the walls, "I know you didn't want me to do it...But you didn't stop me either. I was angry at you at first...But now, that they are going to end my life...I thought about it...You did try to stop me. All your actions till now...It was like you understood my revenge at the same time, so you didn't follow me in. And for that, for the look I sometimes see in your eyes...I think you may have gone through even more then I have...Don't feel bad that I didn't listen to you. I made my choice and I had felt like I had nothing else to live for anyway..."

Silence came through the bars towards Mahnu, who was on the other side, and she had heard every word. She felt strange that he, a young boy, seemed to have figured some things out so quickly! She herself didn’t even know that she was attempting to stop him, just by doing as she had done! She didn’t even know that she let on that she had a past full of suffering! How had he known!?

"Thank-You."

Just two words...And she was holding back tears, she had put her hand over her mouth, so that no noise would escape.

"Life was still worth living all this time, just because you had stayed by my side."

I did nothing to help you! Why are you thanking me!? Mahnu had screamed at him in her head. Why are you like this? Weren't you angry? Didn't you say that you had nothing to live for anyway? Don't think you meant anything to me...Don't...

"I'm positive that the next person you will try to help...You will save them…Putting them on another path…"

His words had hurt her heart. He wanted her to help someone else again, after all this! Wasn't he scared right now? Why was he thinking about her and someone that neither of them had met? Why does he think she would help anyone at all?

…Did humans get sentimental when they knew death was right in front of them? Mahnu had put her head in her hands, trying to come to terms with what he was saying to her.

None of her questions were ever heard and the only words the boy had said from then onwards, was, "Thank you".

 

 

The boy was beheaded a month later.

Finally, tears had streamed down Mahnu's face as the young boy's life had ended. His last words repeating through her, tearing her apart. His last wish just seemed so hard to overcome at that time.

What justice was this?

She had felt herself getting angry for him. More questions had filled Mahnu's heart. Human's and their feelings! Getting close, meant being hurt! Questioning their own loneliness and dying with regrets.

…It wasn't fair!

It's a vicious cycle of humans killing other humans because of their loved ones.

That boy's life would most likely travel the same path, if time had been reversed to his birth, making Mahnu get even more depressed…

Where is the hope for mankind to travel another path without revenge and find a peaceful life!?

...I can't abolish this cycle, Mahnu had taken a deep breath in.

…The future had never looked so bleak.

She hadn't even known his name from he himself, only knowing it through his thoughts and memories. All she had known, was that he was gone, and she had wished that she had stopped him because then he would have still been alive then…

 

Her tears had continued for hours or days, time had slipped by her, and she had tried to stop them so many times but couldn't.

She hadn't cried like that ever before in her entire existence and the feeling had totally overwhelmed her.

When she had become a betrayer, she had felt different to this. That time, it was more of a rage, an anger at both the God's and Human's. This time, with the human boy, it was a sadness threatening her soul to break into little, tiny pieces.

Did human's feel this too? She had wondered, blurred eyed and looking towards the horizon. How can they live through all of this? These emotions fill you up and break you apart!

Mahnu had tried to control herself again and this time, when the door to her heart was firmly shut, she had built a solid wall in front of it.

After the boy had died, Mahnu accepted loneliness, for then, she won't get hurt. Not only that, but she had wanted to kill those people herself…She had wanted justice! Her emotions had gone completely out of control and she had gotten away from there quickly, so that she wouldn’t do such a thing…

So, not only was Mahnu staying away from people because of being hurt when they pass away, but that too of not wanting to feel those emotions that would lead her to do something drastic and crazy…Like the humans did…

Coming back to the present, looking into the distance where a few people were still venturing towards Conrella, Mahnu sighed. Feeling the loss of those two young souls and how they inscribed themselves into my heart...Isn't that why I'm afraid to be close to King Richard? She asked herself.

 

***