'Sonic booms, fireballs, flashes, smokescreens, roaring, blustering. All in all, an incredible scene to watch. Assuming, of course, that you were watching it on screen. If you were, say , watching this for real, it would mean one of two things. A, that you were thinking "Ruuuuun", and you would quite rightly belong to the 97.2345% of the population. Or B, you were thinking "I've seen better", and falling in the remaining percentile.
Anyway, no one was watching this particular battle except the participants. The first a emerald green dragon, about 100 feet long with a wingspan about double that, was darting in the sky at about mach 8-12 looking like a green blur, shooting fireballs, belching smoke, and roaring. He went high then low, ducked into a canyon so narrow he had to temporally fold his wings, flew atop a 50,000 foot mountain barely missing the peak, and then flew low again. Amazingly, this awesome killing machine, was running from a bird a 10th his size, with no powers to recommend it except it's flying abilities.
Okay, actually it was running from its rider. Riding on the nagdi hawk, was a average looking man in a black cloak, holding a contraption that looked similar to a megaphone, and had the effect of allowing the man to shout even above a sonic boom at mach 30 and could even increase the speed of the sound accordingly. Now if your average joe used this voiceblaster this was not such a big deal, at most you would get a punctured eardrum, but nothing compared to being barbequed by the dragon in retaliation, nothing for a dragon to worry about.
The problem was that the midget, was using the Voxsenius technique at the same time. This respected soul technique, had the effect of making the victim believe from the bottom of there heart anything, no matter how ridiculous, that was being said at that time.
The midget was blasting out, "become my beast or die stupid dragon".
Now the dragon was forced to realize it's one weakness, its soul. Try as he might, he had no way to stop himself from being affected.
Wretched cowardly human, using such a underhanded technique, how dare he force me, Karios the great to flee.
Belching a large quantity of smoke to hide his position, he turned to flee.
"Stupid dragon" shouted the human, "you might be able to hide your position, but there's no way to hide your soul from your master!"
Hmph, that's true, but mountains don't have souls! I'd like to see you try figure out where the ground is in the middle of a smoke cloud! Eventually, you'll smash into a cliffside!
"Hmph, you want me to crash?" said the human, "all I have to do is follow your path. I have techniques to let me know my position, a boosted short term memory and superior reflexes! Resistance is futile, submit to your master!"
The dragon estimated, that if the fight (he refused to think of it as flight) continued, even if he tried to pull off as many evasive maneuvers as possible, make noise to lessen the amount that he heard, and keep fighting against the mental compulsions, it would only take 15 minutes before he was completely brainwashed by that disgusting human.
"Never", he roared, "I will never let anyone enslave me, Karios the great."
The human was elated, the dragon was clearly weakening, he even let me gain on him.
As the human closed the gap, The dragon roared, "I will die before being some kind of pet, AND YOU SHALL DIE WITH ME"!! With that, the dragon flared his flamegon, putting all of his magic power into one last blast of fire.
The nagdi hawk sensed the danger, and tried to warn his master, but it was too late. The dragon exploded in a ball of flame, taking his pursuers with him, as night for a second turned into a crimson day.
Nice idea the megaphone
In my opinion there are a few grammatical errors.
For example this is how I would have made the first paragraph.
'Sonic booms, fireballs, flashes, smokescreens,roaring,blustering. All in all, an incredible scene to watch.
Assuming, of course, that you were watching it on screen.
If you were, say , watching this for real, it would mean two things. A, that you were thinking "Ruuuuun", and you would quite rightly belong to the 97.2345% of the population. Or B, you were thinking "I've seen better", and falling in the remaining percentile.'
I have also seen a few typos and repeated words. But nothing too bad.
I suggest you use https://www.grammarly.com/
It's a fast way to eliminate those mistakes.
That aside, nice chapter
Thanks.
Looks interesting with a great cliffhanger tho, definitely something to get people to click next. So the biggest thing I saw was you used numbers like this 50,000. Most write it out, and I believe just using a number is taboo. I could be wrong. You are missing the period or commas before the closing of your quotations, and your commas need to be at the end of your word. I saw a few that were after the space. Then finally, try reading it aloud to yourself or someone else, vise versa. It has a few points where the flow feels off.
THAT BEING SAID! I am clicking on next cause I wanna know what happened. GREAT START!
Thanks
Nice start!
Interesting start. I liked the idea for the megaphone with the soul technique
Noticed a couple of things, nothing major. Can point out if you want?
Hey, in the description, I mentioned that I welcome polite, constructive criticism. So be my guest.
@joeblow12 Cool, I did see. It's not really criticism just a couple of things, suggestions really.
Paragraphs/formatting - when the midget spoke, I would start a new paragraph at, the midget was blasting out and add speech marks to the dialogue.
I wasn't sure if the dragon was talking out loud or it was internal? If it was out loud I'd suggest the same as above.
The bit "If you say where watching" I thought it might be were not where and I'd probably phrase it "If you were say watching"
Also I think you meant the dragon belching fire not bleaching?
Other than that just noticed a couple of double spaces here and there.
@ohhdearme Thanks a lot, I edited the chapter.
"all I have to do is follow your path. I have techniques to let me know my position, a boosted short term memory and superior reflexes! Resistance is futile, submit to your master!
it is missing a " at the end
Thanks, I corrected the mistake.
Thanks