:: ARRICK ::

I’ve known about it for some time. I noticed it, way back, but chose to ignore it. The subtle hints and perfectly masked reactions, every measured move and carefully crafted word designed to hide the blasted truth.

I don’t know why I did it. Perhaps I don’t want it to be true. I didn’t want it to be possible because then I’d have to admit and face the fact that I made the wrong decision.

But the evidence is here, it’s clear. It cannot be denied any longer.

I.AM.A.FUCKING.MORON.

There’s no delicate way to put this. But how the situation would proceed from here depends on the man lying, unconscious and unmoving, in front of me.

My lifespan shortened ten, no, maybe twenty years when I felt Caron’s body collide against mine as he took the blow that was intended for me. And in those painful seconds, of taking in the knowledge that he’s willing to trade his life for mine, all I could think about was, why now?

I knew my cousin was an unprincipled, unscrupulous bastard. But I never thought Delaney would stoop this low and he did it willingly, in front of the pack no less.

Was he that set on being alpha, on beating me, that he’d do anything, even injuring an innocent just to get to me?

Being an alpha of the pack is not as great as it sounds. Most of the time it’s more of a problem than it's worth. Like this situation, when I’m wracked with guilt and remorse, and something else entirely I don’t even want to dwell on at the moment.

The pack doctor was frank and direct. Caron’s situation is grave. The wound is too deep and well placed, a major artery was touched. Caron lost a lot of blood from the bite itself, combine that with all the other injuries he sustained during the pack hunt…

To put it gently, Caron’s chances of survival are not looking good.

His wolf could only do so much to help him repair the damage to his body. The doctor said Caron would have had a better chance if he had a mate to help him heal. But since Caron is currently unmated, we all have to rely on his strength and will to survive.

Catrin is inconsolable and Donovan hasn’t spoken a word since we brought Caron to the pack infirmary. He’s probably wallowing in self blame for what happened. But he doesn’t need to, it’s not his fault because the blame is solely on me.

I did this.

I may not have bitten Caron or asked him to use his body as a shield to save my own skin but I was the reason he reacted that way. This is my fault. Caron is currently fighting for his life because of me.

And me… Well, I haven’t felt this impotent, this fucking helpless in my whole damned life!

From the moment they wheeled him in the room after his surgery, I haven’t moved from my spot. I’ve been sitting by Caron’s bedside for two days now. Forty-eight fucking hours of doing nothing but stare at his inert form, wishing I could turn back time.

I had to call my parents to take Devon away from the pack house. My son has been asking for Caron since the conclusion of the pack hunt. I gave specific instructions to everyone not to tell the young ones anything that happened during the hunt but the atmosphere in the pack house is not good. It’s only a matter of time before someone breaks and blurts the truth out.

From the moment they first met, Devon has been attached to Caron. If Devon learns that Caron is currently in the fringe of life and death, that he might lose him, I don't know how my son would react to it. I’m afraid. No, shit, scratch that. I’m not afraid. I’m fucking terrified!

I’m terrified for Caron’s parents. How would they take this latest blow? Their family just weathered the storm that Catriona wreaked. How would they survive this if Caron doesn't make it?

I’m terrified for my son. Yes, in the beginning Devon was following Caron around because he smelled like his mother. But Caron is a natural when it comes to coaxing children. It didn’t take Deven long to develop a genuine and deep affection for his uncle.

Caron has been attentive and indulgent but he doesn’t allow Devon to get away with bad or rude behavior. He keeps reminding him that being an alpha’s son is a privilege not a right. That Devon has to learn how to temper himself and it would only get harder as he grows older. To be honest, Caron has been a better parental figure to Devon in the short time that he’s been here than Catriona ever was. She did nothing but spoil to the point that Devon developed bad habits that I needed to work hard to replace.

I’m terrified for Eoin. My brother and Caron are very close friends. Darach informed me that Eoin locked himself in his room and is currently refusing food and drink. Eoin doesn't talk or interact with anyone and the last thing he told my beta, before he slammed the door in front of his face, was he’d only come out and eat once Caron is awake and out of danger.

Is this the price I have to pay for denying the obvious?

“Are you punishing me, Caron?” I whispered, staring at his still form. Willing him to wake up and castigate me, to hit me, to throw things at me. I wanted Caron to wake up, curse and condemn me for being a coward. But the only sound that answered me was his silent breathing, marked with the incessant beeping of the machines connected to his dying body.

Bite him! Mark him! Something inside me was screaming to perform such insanity.

I’m no longer mated to Catriona. When she chose to leave me and the pack for her true mate, the fragile bond between us had been stretched close to breaking. And when the truth of her deception and cunning machinations came to light, it was completely and irrevocably severed.

I am free to claim another. I could bite and mark Caron. I could take him as my mat and my wolf could help his. I could help him heal faster. I could ensure his survival.

But every time I tried to make a move, deciding that it’s time, something would hold me back. I could almost hear Caron’s stern voice, screaming inside my head, begging me not to do it. Not this way, never under these circumstances. Somehow, something inside me knows that if I bite and mark him, if I claim him as my own with the pretext of saving his life, Caron would never forgive me. And even if I manage to save his life he would not be thankful. Perhaps it’ll be more unforgivable if I did it for that reason.

But I’m terrified. If Caron doesn't live through this, how will I be able to bear it? The knowledge that he sacrificed himself for me would, most definitely, break me.

Caron succeeded in doing something that no one else ever could. A lot have tried; Catriona, Delaney, my enemies… But none of them could render me useless and drive me to the sorry state I’m currently in except for him. Caron brought me to my knees, begging and pleading. Worse, he wasn’t even trying. How pathetic is that?

I leaned forward to stare at Caron’s battered face. The minor injuries are starting to fade but the deeper cuts and angry bruises still remain prominent, marring his once flawless skin.

I took his hand in between mine and lightly squeezed it, hoping for a squeeze back. I was waiting for a reaction, no matter how small. A twitch, a slight movement, anything that would tell me he knows I’m here. But there was nothing. There was no movement, almost no life in his slightly cold hands. Even the pulse beating by his wrist was too faint I could hardly feel it.

“How long are you going to make me worry until you’re satisfied?” I murmured, clutching at his hand desperately, covering my face with our joined hands and leaning forward so I could rest my weary head by his pillow. “What do I have to do so you’d open your eyes and tell me you’re going to be alright?”

I’m willing to give anything to see him wake up. I’d barter my soul to hear him speak, to see him smile. To feel him moving and know that he’ll live a long and happy life.

I could feel my spirit trying to touch his but nothing was stirring inside of Caron. Everything within him was quiet and still, like there’s nothing but emptiness. I tried to concentrate harder but the spaces I could reach in his psyche are limited. And unless we have a stronger and more definite bond, the things I could do for him are inadequate, if not worthless.

A knock from the door snapped me into attention. I straightened on my seat but refused to let Caron’s hand go. Darach came in and raised a questioning brow at me but thankfully he didn’t voice out his confusion.

“Dela…” before he could finish saying my cousin’s damned name I was out of my chair and was pushing him out of the room and closing the door softly behind me.

I would not have Delaney near Caron ever again. If I have any say on it, and not even his name would be mentioned in his presence from this day forward.

Darach knows better than to argue but he came for a purpose. No matter how unsavory, it had to be said and he’s the one who had to do it.

“We’ve been keeping Delaney locked up for two days, Arrick.” He started. “His parents came forward to ask when you’re going to pass your judgment and what it might be. Considering this is…”

“Exile.” I stated flatly.

My beta stared at me for a long moment. Nothing showed on his face. Whether he approved or not of my decision, Darach wouldn’t voice out his stand unless I ask his opinion, directly. If I don’t ask him, he would wait until this situation is done and dealt with before sharing his thoughts. As beta, it’s not his place to influence my judgment and question my decisions.

But Darach surprised me by saying, “Are you sure? Delaney is your cousin. Your aunt and uncle would not be happy about this.”

“Delaney willfully disregarded a sacred rule of a very sacred tradition of our pack. I’ve been lenient with his insubordination and marked disrespect to me and my family. I turned the other cheek for a long time because I regard and defer to his parents like they were my own.” I said bluntly. “But it’s over now. I want Delaney Munroe off my pack and off my land by sundown or I will execute him. If anyone has a problem with my verdict, have them come and talk to me, personally. I’d be more than willing and obliged to explain to them what pushed me to come to such a decision.”

I moved to open the door and re-enter the room but Darach put a hand on my shoulder to stop me.

“You’re my friend Arrick, before you’re my alpha. I would have thought less of you if you’d given him a lighter punishment.” Darach said, his steady gaze meeting mine. “But as your beta, I want to caution you. The pack understands, you are more than within your rights with this punishment. But there are some who would think you’re biased regarding this issue. Are you prepared for the consequences? This is not the last we would hear of Delaney and the next time he comes, you know as well as I, he’d be more dangerous.”

“I would not have him near me or mine any longer.” I answered, meeting Darach assessing gaze. “And if Delaney dares to come back, I’d be ready. I would make sure nothing like what happened to Caron would ever happen again!”

Darach paused and thought for a moment before he nodded his assent and turned to leave. I watched him head down the hall and walk out of the infirmary. He’d make sure the verdict is carried out in full. Before the sun sets today, I wouldn't have to look at Delaney’s fucking face again.

I entered the room and continued my vigil by Caron’s bedside. But I celebrated  my small victory prematurely. In less than an hour, after I sent Darach with my decision about Delaney’s fate, the man himself burst into the infirmary demanding to see Caron.

I walked out to the corridor when I heard the commotion. It was hard to miss or ignore. Feral growls and animalistic snarls filled the once silent air. In the middle of the fray is my cousin, surrounded by Darach and a handful of the pack’s warriors.

“Fuck you, Arrick Colson!” Delaney screamed once he caught sight of me. “I know you’ve been waiting for an opportunity to get rid of me. But before you drive me away from my home and my land, I want to see Caron!”

Something inside me froze when I heard him say Caron’s name. It’s been nagging at me since the hunt but considering all the things that happened until this moment, I decided to put it on the back of my mind. But now, Delaney handed me the perfect opportunity to confirm my suspicions.

I wordlessly signaled the others to back off. I don't want anyone caught in between us. This matter is between him and me.

“I should have banished you a long time ago, Del.” I answered frankly. “The only reason I tolerated your unsavory presence was because, by some stroke of bad luck, we are connected by blood. But I would not have another member of my pack hurt by your obsessions. My only regret is I didn't do this before Caron got hurt!”

“I never meant to hurt him!” He snapped, advancing towards me.

“Liar!” I snapped back. “You wanted to hurt him to get to me! You implied as much when…”

“Yes, I implied but I only did so to rile you up!” He spat. “Caron is the last person I would hurt.”

So it was true. My suspicions are spot on.

“And yet here we are...” I answered sarcastically, anger lacing my tone. How dare he! “Standing outside of Caron’s hospital room where he’s currently fighting for his life because of your thoughtless actions!”

“It was an accident! I didn't think he would shield you.” Delaney said slowly. His voice was full of remorse and indescribable pain. I almost believed the sincerity of his sentiment if he didn’t follow the statement with, “But I could help him heal if I…”

My body moved so fast I didn’t even register what I intended to do until I'd already done it. 

My fist connected to his jaw with a satisfying crunch. Delaney slumped on the floor, blood dribbling down his chin, and I hauled him back up only to shove him hard on a nearby wall, cracking its surface from the force.

“The only way you’re going to see Caron is if I am dead. I urge you not to come looking for him and not to come back here again.” I snarled, tightening my hold on him and hiking him higher so that his feet barely touched the ground. “There’s nothing for you here, Delaney. Leave!”

Delaney looked darkly at me until realization dawned on him. His eyes grew round as he took in the meaning of my words. I remained unmoved as I shoved him off the wall towards the pack warriors who would escort him out of the premise and away from the pack lands.

“You bastard! Isn’t it enough that you had Catriona? Now you want Caron too?” Delaney hissed as he struggled against their hold. “You took everything from me but you cannot have him. Never. Caron is mine!”

Delaney broke free and immediately phased to his ash colored wolf.

Maybe a part of me wanted it to happen. Perhaps I was waiting for it so I’d have an excuse to make a move. I’m tired of feeling useless, of feeling worthless and unable to help. I’m tired of not taking action.

Or maybe I just wanted to see Delaney bleed…

I understand that killing Delaney would not make the situation better. But I need to release the pent up frustration inside of me. I need to do something or I’d go insane knowing it was my mistake, my failure to cope, that led to all this.

The warriors moved to fight it out with Delaney but I ordered them to stand down and back away. This is my fight and I don’t want any interference.

Delaney’s wolf is huge and he’s blocking off most of the corridor. More pack members gathered around due to the commotion. I know this is what he wanted, a show. If it’d been a regular day I wouldn’t be goaded into this. But today is special. I think a brawl is what I need to cap it off.

I could feel everyone’s eyes on me. Perhaps they couldn’t believe I’d fall for this silly scheme. But I don’t care what everyone else thinks. My eyes were locked on target, on my prey. Whatever comes after, would be dealt with later. Right now, I need to let the animal in me out.

Intense rage filled my insides as I recalled who and what this ash colored wolf did. How it viciously lunged and locked it's jaws around Caron’s fragile neck. How it looked after with Caron’s blood dripping from its sinful maw.

“You’re mine now, Delaney.” I could feel the sides of my lips tilt in anticipation of the upcoming fight. I’m looking forward to thrashing his sorry ass and this time I’m not going to hold back. Nothing is going to stop me from shredding him to pieces. “And I’m going to make you suffer...”

I phased to my black-coated wolf and the fight immediately commenced.