“Hi everyone,” Faye announced somberly. “It’s day fourteen here in the other world, and all I can think about is all the people back home. We know our families must be worried sick about us and the others taken across the portal.” She sighed. “Owen thinks we should make a video record of what’s been going on here. I don’t know if it’ll ever be seen by anyone but us, but in case the worst happens… at least there might be some kind of record.”

“We had a rough start. We lost Dillon and Dane. We almost died like five times before we sort of… made friends with some locals. Now here’s the surprising thing. They’re goblins.” She turned the phone’s camera toward the small group of goblins huddled together. Several of them were smiling wide. She’d shown them how the phones worked a few times over the past two weeks, and by then they were well used to it.”

“Now they’re not very communicative, but they seem to understand us to some level, and these ones, at least, are friendly. At one point, they had this big bastard about twice their size in charge, but… well, he’s not in charge anymore. But the best we’ve been able to figure out by trying to communicate with them is that he was a bit of a tyrant, and since we got rid of him, they’re sort of treating us like we’re in charge now.”

“This is Leonardo,” he said. “He’s sort of their leader.” She flipped the camera around to herself. “But he still takes his cues from us. He’s good at keeping the others in line.” She turned it back to the goblin with the blue bandanna. “Say hi, Leonardo!”

“Hi!” Leonardo said, grinning wildly and waving at the camera.

“Next is Yoda,” she said, moving the camera to the elder goblin, crouched on a rock next to Leonardo. “You can see why we named him that. Yoda here knows the most English out of any of them. He’s sort of like their shaman. He tells stories for the others, treats wounds and he’s generally the wise man of the group.” The old goblin leaned forward on his cane and flashed a grin with all of his four remaining teeth.

“Next is Shrek,” she said, moving the camera to the next goblin in line. “Shrek is strong. Like, surprisingly strong. He’s also the biggest of the bunch and sort of smells bad, hence the name.” She flipped the camera toward herself again. “They all sort of smell if I’m being honest, but considering it’s been two weeks since anyone here has seen a shower, we’re willing to overlook it.” She pointed it back to Shrek. “Shrek is really good at self-defense, heavy lifting, and hunting. Smile, Shrek!”

“Shrek! Shrek!” Shrek announced, then flashed a smile of his own.

“Over here we have our first lady of the group, Shego,” she said. Shego wasn’t the shortest of the goblins, but she was noticeably smaller than the rest. “Shego is sneaky and fast. Uncommonly so. Also, Shego gets a kick out of sneaking up behind Owen and scaring the living Bejesus out of him all the time. We’re pretty sure she’s in love with him.”

“That’s not funny,” Owen said from behind her.

“Matters of the heart are never funny, Owen,” Faye replied. “Shego acts like she’s not interested, but really she longs for his affection.”

“Stop it, Faye. Take this seriously,” Owen insisted.

“If you can’t have fun in a parallel universe, then when can you?” Faye asked the camera. “Say hi, Shego!”

Shego, rather than saying hello, merely folded her arms and looked away from the camera.

“Next up is this little guy,” she said, moving the camera to the most diminutive of the goblins. “Plankton might not look like much, but he’s got a big… personality. It also helps that he’s got a knack for making stuff. On day six, after we’d set up camp here on the hilltop, Plankton’s the one that set up our shelters in record time. Moreover, he’s been picking things up from Owen and Emma really fast. But he’s also the first to start bickering and fighting with the others.” Plankton beamed for the camera.

“Finally, out of the original seven, we have Poison Ivy,” she moved the camera to the last goblin from the main bunch. “We just call her Ivy, though. She’s… well… She’s the friendliest of all the goblins. Really… popular, if you catch my meaning.” She seemed to stammer. “But she’s really gifted at getting what she wants from the other goblins. On day nine the remnants of their old tribe tried to steal our food, but then Ivy… convinced them to be friendly. Then a group of five of them joined us. I’ll introduce them in the next update, they’re currently out hunting with Emma. Say hi, Ivy!”

Ivy made kisses toward the camera and fluttered her eyelashes.

She moved the camera toward the small huts made of wood and thatch nearby. Two of them had been caked with mud which had then been dried out by fire. It made the huts more sturdy and less likely to fall apart if a goblin happened to be thrown into it, which was definitely a hazard. When goblins fought, they tended to roll around and knock things over a lot.

“As you can see we’ve got the start of a near little village here,” she explained. “We decided our best chances for survival would be to fortify as best as we could and use it as a staging area until we figure out where we are, and how the hell we’re getting back home. We’ve decided to call it New Babylon. In part because it’s built just a stone’s throw from these crazy ruins we found on our second day here. There are a bunch of pictures on this memory card of the wall art. It’s not like anything we’ve really seen before.”

“Over the past couple of weeks, we’ve managed to get our bearings, but the plan to get home has a few setbacks. First of all, we have no idea where we’re going. We don’t know how we got here from the portal, and we don’t even know how far away it is. Best we can figure is that it’s within a hundred kilometers of here, but the road splits to the east past the bridge. We spent a day on that road, keeping out of sight, came across a few empty buildings, but then we found other forks. We don’t know enough about where we’re going to risk venturing off blindly. So our main focus right now is trying to figure out where we’re going.”

“To the east we came across a lot of farmland. Emma and Owen followed the road and came to a big human settlement, but we didn’t want to risk going any further, considering what happened the last time we ran into the people in this world.”

“As far as we can tell it’s nothing but wilderness and mountains to the north. Yoda seems to be suggesting there’s a big lake or ocean further south, but we haven’t verified any of that. So we’ve decided our first mission would be to find a map or something until we can figure out where the portal is.” She sighed. “Then our mission will be to find a safe way to cross back over. Problem is, we don’t know what to expect on either side of it.”

“Faye!” a voice called from the south side of the creek. She turned the camera to face Emma as she emerged from the trees.

“And there’s Emma, back from the hunt. She–”

“Grendel is dead,” she announced.

Faye suddenly turned the camera off. “What?” she asked. She looked to the other goblins. They only numbered four. One of them was cradling his shoulder. “What happened?”

“We were by the road,” Emma said.

“Jesus. I thought we talked about going near the road alone,” Owen said.

“He was chasing a rabbit,” Emma explained. “I didn’t realize the road was so close. He darted out into the road. We were about to go after him, but then… there was a carriage. It had a guard. He shot him through the throat with an arrow, then just threw him off to the side of the road like he was nothing.”

“Oh God,” Faye said. She looked back to the other goblins, who were chattering with each other in Goblinese.

“Did they see you?” Faye asked.

Emma shook her head. “No,” she replied. “But you’re going to want to see this,” she said, pulling out the second phone.

It had been agreed that they would charge the phones every day using the solar charger. It was a useful thing, and the goblins loved Dillon’s music collection. It was getting to the point where she could hear the goblins humming random songs when the music wasn’t playing. Dillon had an eclectic musical taste that ranged from the Beatles to Scandinavian Pirate Metal, but it was nice to have some sound of home.

It had also been agreed that whenever Emma went out hunting, she’d take it with her in case she needed to take a photo or video of something.

She opened the phone gallery and pressed play on a video, handing it over to Faye.

Faye could tell Emma was hiding behind a copse of trees, but the camera was clearly honed in on a carriage that had stopped alongside the road. A man in black was walking away from it, a thin sword drawn from his hand. He walked over to a small shape on the ground and then–

–then stabbed it. Faye felt the blood rush from her face when she realized it was Grendel. Grendel was one of the newcomer goblins from their growing settlement there. His was a face only a mother could love, but he was good at hunting, and seemed very attached to Emma. Emma liked the goblin.

“Jesus,” Faye commented as he reached over and picked up Grendel’s body by the neck. He shouted. An older man dressed in an ornate cloak stepped out of the side of the carriage and began to shout back. He then approached the first man, pulled out a knife and began to slice the ears off of Grendel’s head.

Faye began to feel sick.

“I don’t want to watch anymore,” she said.

“No, keep watching,” Emma said.

The camera panned down and away from the two men. She could hear their voices over the audio, but then the camera suddenly zoomed in on the side of the carriage, and into the open carriage door. It seemed… luxurious inside. It existed in stark contrast to the last carriage they had been in. White, ruffled cushions. Red upholstery. Ornate windows. This carriage belonged to someone important. But then the camera seemed to settle on a strange looking object sitting on a cushion inside.

“What am I looking at?” Faye asked. She turned her head to one side. It looked like a… her eyes popped open as she realized what it was.

“Jesus Christ, it’s a case of beer,” Owen said. “Bishop & Rook, isn’t it?”

Emma nodded. “I’d recognize that anywhere. They must have taken it from the brewery.”

“So what does that mean?” Faye asked.

Owen furrowed his brow. “Nothing,” he said. “It doesn’t mean anything.”

“But if they have that, that means they took it from the brewery. This guy doesn’t look like a soldier. Maybe a merchant or something?”

“They started looting the brewery before we even left Earth,” Owen said. “They could have taken it at any time, sold it to this guy for all we know. It doesn’t mean–” he paused for a moment. “All it means is that they took some beer. If they had a big screen TV in there, I’d be more worried.”

“The point is that however he got it, he must have come from the portal,” Emma explained.

“So what good does that do us?”

Emma sighed. “If he’s got it, then other merchants might have some as well. There was a lot of beer there. Enough to go around. Stuff from Earth has got to be some kind of novelty here. That means it’s going to be in high demand. That means the location of the portal probably isn’t some huge secret.” She pointed to the village. “We’ve been here two weeks and we have made next to no progress on getting home. But these merchants and farmers traveling the roads– they might know where it is.”

“So what are you suggesting?” Owen asked.

Emma took a deep breath. “If the people on that road might know where the portal is,” she began. “Then doesn’t that mean it’s worth trying to find out from them?”

“Whoa, whoa. That’s too dangerous,” Owen argued. “Isn’t it enough they haven’t come looking for us? We don’t even know the language!”

“Living here is dangerous, Owen,” Faye added. “And we don’t always have to speak the same language to communicate.”

“Holy shit. Faye, you’re a field reporter. I’m a producer. Emma, you’re a high school student. None of us are linguists.”

“Two weeks ago we didn’t live in a goblin village,” Faye countered. “Things change.”

“No. Hell, no. I’m not sticking my neck out for the guillotine. Let’s say we make contact with one of them– what happens when the figure out we’re not from around here? The fact that we can’t speak their language is going to be a dead giveaway that we don’t belong here. Say whoever we make contact with recognizes that right away and tells someone?”

Faye remained silent, thinking it through. Owen was right. It was dangerous. And perhaps stupid. It could cost them their lives– or worse. But it was better than merely surviving out in the woods, and it would bring them closer to answers.

“No matter what we do, it’s a risk,” Faye explained. “But at least this is a risk that might get us a little bit closer to home.” She looked to Owen. “We won’t be stupid about it. We’re not going to go into this half-cocked. We’ll have protection,” she said. “Shego’s good with a bow, and Shrek could easily overpower a grown man.”

“Except we see how they treat goblins here,” Owen pointed out.

Faye looked over to Emma, for a moment, then back to Owen. “That’s why we don’t let them see the goblins. We look as human as they do, I don’t think they’d just shoot us at first sight.”

“How many Asians have you seen here, Faye?” he asked. “This place isn’t exactly multicultural. And let’s say we do it. Let’s say we make contact. Grill him for answers in a language we don’t understand. What then? We can’t let him go to tell stories about the strange people he met in the woods that can’t speak a lick of the local language. He’s going to tell someone. So what then? Hold him hostage as another mouth to feed? Kill him?”

Faye and Emma looked to each other. That was something she hadn’t considered. She’d killed the hobgoblin, but that was due to a mixture of self-preservation and rage. Could she kill a human being, even an evil one?

Faye realized that no matter how distasteful the thought was, she could. She could and she would if it came down to it. But to kill anyone along that road would be stupid. But thankfully, Faye was starting to gestate an idea that would save them the trouble.

“Let’s be careful about this. Let’s watch the roads, at least for a day or two,” she suggested. “Figure out what kind of people come and go. How often. Once we have a better sense of that, we can talk about the next stage.” She looked to Owen. “I know you’re trying to be careful, but there comes a time when careful is setting us back. We’ve got a manageable setup here in New Babylon, but it’s not permanent. It never was. We need to get home, and we can’t lose sight of that. Some risks are going to have to be taken and yeah, blood may yet spill, but we have to do something.”

Owen grumbled under his breath. “Okay,” he said. “Okay, fine. But we can’t just jump out and introduce ourselves. For now let’s just watch and learn.”

“There’s that spot near the bridge,” Faye explaned. “That roadside camp. People rest there, I bet overnight. I think we should set up near there, keep an eye on people than come and go. Document it,” she gestured to the phone. “If we can get a sense of the different types of people who came and go, we might find the sort of person it’s safe to talk to. They’re not all going to be soldiers or merchants. Farmers, kids even. We know next to nothing about this world or what’s in it, other than goblins and bears and polecats and creepy old ruins. It’s time we start learning. At least so Grendel’s death means something more than just eliminating a nuisance.”

“We keep the goblins back,” Owen said. “We’ve got a good system with them for now. If the people on that road kill them on sight like that, it’s not worth the risk. And you too,” he said, pointing to Faye. “We don’t know if there’s anyone of the Asian persuasion in this world. I want you both staying out of sight until we can figure something out.”

Faye laughed at Owen. “Yes, boss.”

“The goblins are mourning for Grendel,” Emma said. “We should join them.”

Faye hadn’t forgotten. Grendel had kept to himself, but he was part of the group that joined due to Ivy being there and had pledged loyalty to the rest. Whether she knew him or not, he was a part of New Babylon, and for that he should be remembered.