Now then , what should i write . I was diagnosed long term depression with psychotic delusions. my dad is supportive and quiet. my mom is heartbroken and angry and sad and has no filter. my sister is frustated and slightly insomniac. I became overly sensitive to everything.

Few days ago , i ran away from home. this is the truth. i have to face it. no matter what i think i am at fault for all these things. i know that. i think i have a gift of assessing peoples emotions. so , basically increased empathy. so i tend to find out their emotions and talk carefully . for close people , i can assume their feelings , thought process, and reactions. atleast half the times. 

the reason i became depressive and suicidal. well. i thought for many days . even tought there was no reason. just some chemical imbalance. but no . i found out the reason. i just don't like it. my interest in anything basically is rapidly plummeting . but no , this time i wont attempt . i promised myself. i wont break it.

my thoughts are very disordered. just like how i am writing , it comes randomly , and i cant complete it. i just forget about that and move o to next this. this is very very tough to maintain. i cant maintain my attention on any thing. what can i do.....

so about attempts , did many times , almost came close to death 2 times. left a scar too. although i say it in a casual manner , it  ain't easy .very traumatising. i think that venting out here is moving towards a good process.

i have  everything . excellent family which dosen't have any in adequacies. only i am the anomaly. out of compensation i have to keep a cheerful facade , so that my family will be calmed down. i know this isn't healthy but they have got their problems, and i shouldn't add more.

seeing cheerful facade , they think that i am feeling better and keep on mentioning the runaway story, how i lied to them saying that i was ok, how should i progress going forward , etc. i can't bear this. i am not ok. i am getting even more depressive. i thought i already reached the lowest point, ohhhh boy, its still going.

thats all for this chapter.