137 – Weak Mind

“Ah, Lina isn’t feeling well. I had to put her to sleep.”

Scrappy wasn’t stupid, of course. “Why was she attacking you? I saw her, that I did. Is she ill in the head?”

Albert nodded. The girl was quite smart, and she must have had balls of steel not to have succumbed to utter panic by now, with all that happened in a short amount of time.

“That’s what I’m trying to see.” Albert said. “Good job dodging earlier, by the way. Perfect use of the Evasive buff as well. Good girl!”

Scrappy squealed when Albert ruffled her hair. He made a mental note to upgrade her Defense Handbook as soon as possible.

“I need to do something to the bodies now. Don’t look, might not be pretty.” He said afterwards. “In fact, go fetch the Gambler’s Die and then watch over Lina, will you? She won’t attack you, she’s out cold.”

Scrappy went, and Albert crouched down to examine the ranker’s corpse.

He had to brace himself against a rock not to fall over as he squatted over the body of the man. The headache had hit all at once as soon as the fight ended, and then he had had to incapacitate Lina as well. At least he had been smart about it, setting the condition that he could only do it if he managed to land a hand on her. Which he did, by pure stroke of luck.

Do we have juice to analyze the corpse?

You should recuperate for a few minutes first.

“Scrappy. We are resting for a while. Lina is not well, and I need to recover some strength if we want to heal her. Will you watch over her? Yell if she stirs.”

Scrappy nodded. Albert didn’t waste time, propping himself against a stone, sitting on the icy surface of the lake, and he began to meditate and think.

How are we doing Power-wise?

You grew to 70 Power in this fight. Quite a lot.

Yeah, I’m feeling it. Not much in the grand scheme of things, is it? How much was the guy you reckon?

150, give or take.

Not much…

Yet he was a B-ranker. Perhaps this part of the world is weaker?

Where would you put Kainen? He was S-rank, right?

It becomes hard to tell past a certain point. I continuously revise your Power score for a reason. Your Power is too flexible.

How much would I need to defeat him?

With what I have seen you do now, a few hundred.

Oh. Not much, then.

“No time.” Albert had to cut his conversation with Jeff short. Before his very eyes a large cloud of mana and Doom was lifting itself off of the ranker’s body, expanding into the air above. It merged with the miasma already present, and Albert smacked his forehead when he finally realized what he was seeing. Two more people had died here, after all.

The cloud grew, wide enough to make Albert step back, without sign of stopping.

Three whole B-rankers’ worth of power. I need to deal with this.

Albert stumbled.

Power?

70, Albert. Jeff said, ever patient. His tone was almost like that of a tired teacher, watching his pupil stumble through life, unwilling to step up for fear of his pupil missing a crucial lesson.

Of course. Albert said. It had not changed in the last few seconds. But Jeff did not comment, and Albert was grateful for that.

With great effort, Albert raised his hand and plunged it into the cloud of rioting energies. Pain immediately seized it, and he grit his teeth as new beads of sweat appeared on his already damp forehead, and he felt the hair on his back stick to his skin in wet locks, the shirt glued to his damp back, the air cold. He shivered.

“Just like in Dune.” He said, half-laughing. The pain coursed through his nerves into his brain, but he couldn’t let go. “It’s a movie. Both old and new,” he said to a curious Scrappy, who was in turn staring at him blankly. She had stopped asking him what he was doing whenever he did strange things a while ago, at least since the obstacle course. Perhaps longer. “Weird stuff, remakes and remasters. But no matter. The whole idea is that this guy sticks his hand into the box, and if he removes his hand he dies.”

“Is that what will happen to you if you remove your hand, Sir?” Scrappy sounded concerned.

Albert nodded. “Had to make it hard, or else how would I… nngh… how would I—”

But he cut his words short, for the pain redoubled. What felt like molten lava before, now felt like an open, gaping wound being covered in salt, acid and then dipped into lava once more. His jaw popped with how hard he clenched it, yet he knew he could not cheat his way out of this ordeal or he would really die. He could not ask Jeff to cut off the pain either. He could only weather it.

It was your choice. Jeff said, patronizing. In the split-second Albert took to define how to use his Power, Jeff had voiced his concerns but had been silenced. Now, he was more than happy to watch his master suffer.

“Albert?” Scrappy’s voice was far, far away. Through the pain, he forced a smile.

But it took his whole concentration not to tear his hand away. And in this very moment Albert finally realized one truth about himself that he had overlooked for a long time. He wasn’t used to pain. Not like this. His mental fortitude was low. Too low.

He moaned in pain, panting as the air itself felt hot in his lungs.

Training. Persevering here was training, the terrible stakes only an incentive. For yes, he had endured pain and suffering, but never had it been a sheer battle of will and his will was almost lacking. He wanted to let go so badly.

Weak mind. He told himself, like a mantra. Weak mind. He had to do better.

Pain like liquid lightning. Yet his hand did not move. When it subsided, it was almost underwhelming: the sheer lack of it taking a second or two to register.

Power +3

Total Power: 73

Jeff’s logs shook Albert back to the present. In his open palm two small pebbles glinted and shone with their own inner light. One a deep blue sapphire, another a blood red ruby. Mana and Doom.

“I did it.” He said, smiling to Scrappy who smiled back in turn. “See?”

“What are those, Sir?”

“Mana and Doom cores.” Albert said. “Don’t ask me what to do with them, because I don’t know!” He chuckled. “It’s not like they are any use to me… yet! Let’s hope they were worth the pain. One thing I know: I need to train my willpower more.”

Scrappy frowned. “What do you mean, that I don’t understand? More?”

Albert grunted. “More. I almost removed the hand. I would have died. It was a ‘Gom Jabbar’ of mine and I almost got needled.”

“But you didn’t, that you didn’t do.” She said, cocking her head to the side. “Why are you not happy?”

“Because barely doing something is good but not good enough.” He said, shaking his head. “I thought I had it in me. I learned to meditate, and in the void island I learned to handle the pain. I thought this would have been the same, that I was in control, you know? I went into this… trial, if you want to call it that, I went into it willingly and I was shown just how wrong I was in my assumptions.” He paused. “But it’s a start. It’s training, but I might be more cautious with the stakes that I set next time.”

He laughed.

“You know, it’s hard. In this new world, it’s not easy to reconcile struggle and overwhelming power. On one hand, we have the tyranny of power. Someone beneath me? I could crush them with almost no effort. Someone above me? They could crush me with no effort. But then there’s this golden line of everything in-between. Where struggle, real struggle matters. But then again you tear your gaze away from the line, back to the larger world and you realize that all your struggle was for mere shavings of power, nothing substantial. Not when taken singularly, at least. What’s a few million dollars compared to a billionaire? What’s a few thousands compared to a million? So on. They do make your life better, yes, but when you look at them from far enough… I don’t know Scrappy. Is this world really worth saving? It was a shitty hellhole before magic, and it’s all the same now that magic is real.”

The fact that he had never even planned to save this world stung. Ever since he learned that this place was actually future-Earth, his whole plan had been to literally go back to the past and erase its existence. The fact that Doom energy now ran rampant and would soon destroy this version of the Earth for good was almost a relief.

Scrappy shook her head firmly. “That is not true, Sir, and you know it, that you do. You have increased in Power so much in mere days, that I have seen. Myself, I have grown by leaps and bounds, scratching and clawing to reach something more every time. You must see it better than even I do, because it was you who gave me this power. That you do.”

Albert exhaled. A thin hint of a smile.

But Scrappy wasn’t done.

“So yes, we struggle for miser prey. Small mice, every time, to fill our bellies. That we do because we must, or we starve. But day after day we grow ever stronger, and even the tall obstacles that seemed insurmountable before now are suddenly small enough for us to leap onto them. That’s what we did. Sir. You don’t need to save the world, just make it so you can be happy in it. Well…”

She paused, looking at him with big, round eyes.

“Perhaps you and a couple more people, Sir. I would like to also be happy, if you would allow.”

“Of course you will. You’re like family to me.” Albert smiled fully at the sight of a worked up Scrappy baring her canines at him while at the same time trying to act all cute. He wondered if she even noticed.

“Of course,” he said warmly, “I lose sight of the bigger picture sometimes. It all comes back to weak mind, my dear Scrappy. To lose oneself in pursuit of fast, quantifiable power means to lose sight of the sum total of small, incremental gains. Thank you for grounding me. Having the System for so long has made me… unappreciative of what I have now.”

“I can’t begin to understand, Sir.” She said. And for a moment, she sounded like Samwise Gamgee to his ears, and Albert’s smile redoubled. “But I’m happy to help, that I am. However small.”

Albert pocketed the cores in a swift motion, tucking them away in his least tattered pocket for later use.

He spun around. “Well, then—” The world swirled, everything moving on its own. But it wasn’t the world that was moving, as much as Albert’s brain wanted to be sure of it. No, the cavern was still, the ground was not receding, the drops of sweat were falling in a vertical line down Albert’s furrowed brow.

Power +1. Total is 74.

“Perhaps I shouldn’t have moved so quickly.” He slurred, steadying himself. Stumbling, he felt Scrappy’s reassuring presence keeping him from falling. “Get me…” he said, but his tongue felt like it was made of sand, scraping against a mouth that was all razors and pain. “To Lina, please.”

Scrappy seemed to understand. She looked worried, but said nothing about his condition and sudden loss of clarity, instead simply helping him drag his feet towards the unconscious woman. Albert crouched, fell on his ass, crawled.

He pushed himself up with his hands, close to Lina’s body. Her chest was moving up and down with rhythmic breathing, but he knew that if he waited too long she would wake up in an even worse condition.

The Doom is invading her mind and body. If you want to do something, you have to do it now.

We need to… Albert paused. They needed to what, exactly? He was out of juice. Utterly spent. Condensing the twin energies into the two cores resting his pocket had pushed him beyond the edge. And it had been a useless, if necessary, action because he could not tap into those energies.

Unless?

Focus status?

We crossed into dangerously low levels only a few minutes ago, Albert.

Source of the problem? Body or mind?

I believe it’s her mind that needs tending first.

We could use a mana core to mimic one of my old skills. Mind skills, to be precise.

It would require more than just that. You would need to use the Power.

It’s feasible, then.

At great cost. You need to expend as little Focus as you can—

Which comes at a cost. Yes. But you are not telling me not to do it.

I know you won’t listen. I am attempting to find a viable way.

How about making it super abstract?

It might work. We would have to borrow most of the structure from the Universe, however. You simply lack the resources to make it all up.

We also need to bring Scrappy. As much as I loathe the idea.

She could die.

Not much of a choice.

No. Bringing her will lower the cost to acceptable, if risky, levels. I see no other way.

It’s decided then.

With his decision made, Albert urged Scrappy to sit beside him. “Listen: Lina isn’t well. The Doom energy is contaminating her, somehow, changing her from the inside. It’s already affected her mind, and her magic. Soon, she won’t even be herself anymore.”

“You can do something, can you Sir? That you can? Save her?”

Albert nodded. “There might be a way. But it won’t be easy. Not with the little power I have left. You will need to come with me.”  

He didn’t say that she would end up being an added risk, an improbability that only existed as to make the use of his Power easier. At the cost of her own safety. But it was the only way.

Scrappy nodded immediately. “Of course. That I will do.”

“It’s dangerous. You could die. All this for a stranger?”

Scrappy nodded solemnly. “You did this and more for me, was I not a stranger back then? That I was.”

“Well then.” Albert said, but found no more words to say. Perhaps he should have said more, but he didn’t. Instead he placed a hand on Lina’s body, one on Scrappy’s head, and in a flash the world became white.

Jeff, talk to me. Did it work?