I'm a sadomasochist. Bleed me,
Don't leave my wounds unopened,
they fester beneath my skin
spoiling the fruits of my labour.

Male socialization
You can't comprehend what that means
From the outside looking in.
Society turns us against ourselves first.
We learn to disregard and abuse women
There isn't any closer than the one under our skins.
We fight a war of attrition in our own minds
Lashing out at anyone more vulnerable.

I've been harmful to women.
In ways I can't forgive.
It's entirely my fault
yet
No one else should live the scenario.
We weren't socialized male
Just forcibly indoctrinated
Submerged and held down
In this masculinity so toxic.

Maybe good men exist,
I wasn't one of them
Only two paths for me
Transition or death
I won't go back to being that man.

Bleed me. Pull these wounds open
By hand if needed.
Help me rid this venom from my veins
Help bring me to Hemeostasis.